Ups & Downs Support Group: March 2015
 

Hello?!?!?!?!?
 

Kathleen— I'll go post at the end of the February thread and tell everyone to get their act together, the thread is for March. I hope you are feeling as upbeat as you can be. Your faith should be helping you: if you haven't done so already, maybe you should set aside half an hour every day for Bible reading and spiritual reflection. A long time ago I read a study comparing surgery outcomes for people in Group A, with strong religious convictions, and Group B, for those without. The Group A folks scored better on almost everything you can think of having to do with a major operation: pre-surgery anxiety, tolerance of anesthesia, length of recovery time, post-op swelling, post-op bleeding, and on and on.

Vanessa— Welcome to the Ups and Downs support group. We may be a little flakier than other threads, but this is the place where anyone with even just a trace of mental illness will get support. Post as often as you can: it really helps! I'm bipolar, by the way, and lately I've beem feeling the full force of that diagnosis, flipping back and forth between moderate to severe depression (which I experience as physical pain, in my chest) and mild dysphoric (i.e., unpleasant) mania. I keep a chart of my moods, not my calories or carbo grams. I wish I could settle into a long period of 0/0/0 days (0 for no depression or mania, divided into three time periods: morning, afternoon, evening) and focus more on my weight loss, but if wishes were fishes...

Nicolas (or should that be Nicola?)— Have you got a copy of Kathryn Hansen's Brain Over Binge? I don't just recommend it: I'm telling you, I found it to be essential. If you want to know more about Hansen's technique before buying the book, put "brain over binge blog" into a search field and go read her blog. I wrote to her with a short piece that was too long for the comments section, so she made it into a blog posting and appended it to the one for beginners. =smile= My posting is the one about the yappy dog: that should pique your curiosity!

nicolas89
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by nicolas89
Hey Everyone! I have been working through my purging and binging challenges day by day... this past weekend was really rough though- I got close to my mini goal of being in ONEderland, and for some reason (gotta do some soul searching to find that one) I ate nothing but bad foods all weekend. It was like I couldn't fill my stomach fast enough with all the things I had been craving. My intense cravings take control of my life. At this point, I think the struggle I face is with the loss of routine on the weekends. DUring the week I pack lunches and work out in the evenings as well as taking my puppy for hikes, but on the weekend I sleep in and wake up ravenous for junk! I am hoping I get to ONEderland later this week (the healthy way... no starving for this girl). I am trying my best to stay positive!


nicolas89: I pulled this quote over from the February 2015 thread so I can reply to you in the March 2015 thread. It is good to hear from you again! So sorry you had a rough weekend. :( Congratulations on being SO CLOSE to ONEderland! Do you think you were (consciously or subconsciously) sabotaging yourself by overeating because you were so close to your mini goal? Good for you for exploring the reason(s) for this. Some questions you might consider are: Do you feel as though you are worthy to lose the weight and feel good? What is it that you really need ~ other than food? What are you trying to get from the food ~ comfort, love, distraction, numbness? Keep trying your best to stay positive and not beat yourself up for any mistakes or slip-ups with food. Try to just be curious (in a non-judgmental way) and learn from them. And keep exploring the reasons you are eating ~ other than physical hunger. It will shed a lot of light on things that you need to deal with as you move forward in your weight loss journey. Good luck! We are here for you! :hug:

Vanessa
 

Vanessa: :welcome: to the Ups & Downs support group! Congratulations on being so close to your ideal weight! That is awesome! :carrot: Just wondering if you are dealing with depression and/or on meds for it, since that is the category this support forum is listed under. If so, you would really be an inspiration to all of us in the group who are dealing with these issues and would LOVE to be only 10 pounds from our goal weight! :D
Please share a little more about yourself when you get a chance. We are here to support you in any way that we can. :)

Fi
 

Fi: Great to hear from you! Thanks for attempting to get the other folks over to the March thread. I am feeling as upbeat as possible given the situation, I think. Oh, yes, my faith is making all the difference! And, while I have been reading lots of Christian devotionals and surrounding myself with positive messages, I love your idea of setting aside a specific time each day for scripture reading and spiritual reflection. I really intended to do that from the beginning, but I have been bogged down with too many details while trying to learn as much as possible about breast cancer and my diagnosis, going for appointments prior to surgery, attempting to keep up with my to do list, making tons of phone calls, and setting up a website for keeping family and close friends updated throughout this journey ~ along with plain old LIFE ~ that I have somewhat lost my focus the past week. I will make a conscious effort to carve out some time each day until the surgery to refocus on getting my mind prepared for the journey ahead. While I remain faith-filled and positive, I am scared to death of the actual surgery and those first few days of recovery! :fr: I am realizing from talking with others who have gone through this that my arms and upper body will be out of commission for some time. I don't know exactly how I am going to manage that ~ with all of the running around I usually do ~ but I will just have to rely on my hubby (who can literally "do it all") and family and friends to help me with the things I need to do. The rest can wait!

How have you been feeling? I hope all is well in your little corner of the world! :)

Pause here for a moment to send healing thoughts to Kathleen...

____________________________

The main thing that's going on in my life is that I fell down and hit concrete with my knees. On the 21st of February. And I'm still having trouble with my legs and my knees giving me pain when I use them, plus my balance is shot, so it could happen again if I'm not super-careful. But my mood is good: I know my knees will recover, if I'm patient.

My diet is mostly on plan, so I have time to to lose the little bit I put on during my period of off-plan eating right around my 60th birthday. It was dumb to do that, to eat some cookies and some donuts, but it's over now.

Gratitude Check-In: I feel grateful that my mood has been very good for a few days now: 0/0/0 is the way to go! Hurrah!

Oh Lisa, so sorry to hear about your kitty having stones. Are those as painful for kitty cats as they are for humans? Do they know? And to add the cone of shame on top of that... Leo's needing lots of attention from his mom, I would expect.

Good luck with your weigh-in!

I don't want to hear you say that you "can't draw a lick." Everybody can draw. It's just a matter of how much practice you've had. Now if you hadn't written any English since first grade, wouldn't your writing have lots of misspellings and grammar errors? Right! Same deal with drawing: you need to pick up where you left off in learning to draw, and get better at it. Get yourself a sketchbook and take it to a local park. Or draw things around your house. Make a still life out of whatever objects appeal to you, and draw that. Or take a photo and draw from that. 'Sounds doable, right? Here's the catch: you have to do it every day, at least 20-30 minutes. You don't have to aim to get really good at drawing: just get better at it, and that will lift your spirits. Drawing is fun!

If it would help you to get a book, I highly recommend Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. If that paperback is too pricey for you, explore the different editions: I think I saw the 2nd edition available for $4.50.

Pause here for thinking about Kathleen. That's great you had a loss, Lisa!

______________________________

Just checkin' in and givin' y'all a new picture: Nénu on Bob's shoulder. I wanted cats who would be shoulder cats, but I didn't anticipate the fact that they would spontaneously climb us whenever we are standing next to something—like the bookcase you can see there—they want to jump over to. Neither of our previous pairs did that!

Very snowy here today, so my get-together w/ Grace will be early: her street has not been plowed yet, so Bob will go get her in his Toyota Land Cruiser. 'Talk to you again later, probably tomorrow. I hope y'all are having a good day, snowy or otherwise. =smile=

Hi Guys... sorry I didn't mean to disappear completely. I hit a bump on my happiness road.... I got laid off. Since then it's been a bit of a struggle, most days I'm ok but there are days when I am quite down. Today is probably one of them as it's 11:30 and I'm still in my PJ's. Usually I'm up, showered and presentable by now but the thought of staying in bed all day keeps crossing my mind. Earlier this week I didn't leave the house for 3 days straight. But, I am trying to talk myself into going for a short run on the treadmill.. it would be my third one this week so that's one win. And I've had my dogs out to the off leash area a lot so they're nice and tired.

Holly - Nice to hear from you sweetie, winter up here has been odd... not as cold as some we've had previously, we've actually had a lot of issues with freezing rain and ice from melting this year. Right now it's unseasonably warm, no one is complaining. We still have snow, but not nearly as much as we usually do. How are things in your world?

Surgery Date and Time
 

I'm really frustrated about my knees—my whole legs, for that matter. The main two problems are that my hamstrings are sore, even when I'm sitting or lying down, and the severe pain in my knees, every time I get up. It doesn't matter what I'm going to do, every physical activity—it could be as simple as taking my coffee cup back into the kitchen—starts out, once I'm standing, with about a minute of serious pain. My trekking poles haven't changed that fact, but I am using them around the house, basically like crutches.

I'm hoping that I'll have the energy, and more importantly, the courage, to put my boots on and go out to the lake trail tomorrow and walk a little ways with the poles. My motivation is strong: I want to be able to get to two app'ts this coming week: Tuesday with my Qigong (chee-gung) instructor, then Wednesday with my regular psychiatrist (whom I see once a month).

Meanwhile, I have plans for two collages that are under time pressure: 'need to finish them by Wednesday at the latest. I didn't get much art done when Grace was here on Tuesday—just too freaked out by my failing-knees experience last Tuesday, and too exhausted by the pain in my knees.

Given how immobilized I am, I'm not very tempted to eat stuff that is off-plan. I'll use that as my dose of gratitude for today: I really appreciate being on track with my modified Atkins diet, because I desperately need to get a bunch more weight off my unhappy knees. =sad but determined face=

Kathleen - you have been on my mind and tomorrow I will be thinking of you all day!!

I will say hi more thoroughly and to everyone when i get my day off, Wednesday.

Kathleen, good luck tomorrow - - I will be praying for you.

Thinking of you Kathleen. *hug*


Hope everyone had a good Sunday. It was in the 50's here in Ohio.


Fi, sorry your knees are bothering you so much. I am glad, however, that you are so determined to lose some more weight. Good for you!!!!

Hello everyone, I'm new around here I wanted to see if I could join in.

I'm 36 years old, married, with 7 and 5 year old daughters. I've dealt with depression and anxiety pretty much since I was a teenager. I would get on antidepressants, feel over the moon, and then eventually come crashing down. I also had a lot of mood swings and irritability. It wasn't until I was 30 that I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder, Type II, and suddenly all of the experiences I had up to that point fit. My problem is that I have a hard time accepting that I'm bipolar, I don't like to think about it, which means a lot of time I don't take my medicine. I've been overweight all of my life, and unfortunately about 2 years ago I had a full on complete manic episode - none of this hypomania I was used to. I engaged in some impulsive and dangerous behaviors, but was able to get myself back on track. Only problem is that I got back on track by taking Depakote, which caused me to gain 30 pounds. :( I was already significantly overweight, so an extra 30 pounds was devastating, and even after I stopped Depakote I couldn't seem to get the weight off and continued to put on weight even more easily. But I'm trying to get myself back on track, with both my physical and mental health. I know when I take my meds I can do well (I'm on Lamictal, Abilify, and Klonopin) but it's just so hard to force myself to remember to do it, since I'm so scattered most of the time. But I know I can't lose weight until I get myself in better mental shape and organize my life and my mind.

Thanks for listening!

Thinking about you, Kathleen....

Welcome to the thread, Minerva!

Fiona W and IBelieveInMe2

Thank you for your replies! I am still figuring out how to work the forum properly! Thank you all for your patience :) First off, thanks for the book recommendation, I slipped on to amazon and looked it up! I do feel that I am sabotaging myself with my mini goal of getting to ONEderland! I am so close but keep letting it slip away! I am hoping this week is the week I allow it to happen! I am my own worst enemy!

Kathleen, my thoughts are with you, hopin' your post-surgical recovery goes well....

I just did my 600 leg raises with my left leg, which is the one I do on odd-numbered days. Tomorrow will be the 12th, so I'll do 600 with my right leg then. That's what I'm doing to get my legs in better shape. I thought about you—you who's reading this posting—with every single leg raise. And I thought about all the rest of the wonderful people on this thread: you help me be strong! And it's not just my upper legs, either: in between each of the five sets of leg raises, I work on my lower legs.

And it sure does take a lot of strength to do all 600 leg lifts, y'all, but they'll get easier day by day. And they worked before to stabilize my left knee, all the way back in February 2012, when I fell on my own stairs and injured that knee.

Soft tissue injury, huh? Well, I ate on plan on Monday, Tuesday, and today, Wednesday, so I'm on a roll here... just watch out! I want to drop some 50 pounds more to get this awful weight off. And then I don't know how many pounds more to get to my good stable weight.

I'm on it. I'm a-workin' on it.

And, lest I forget, today I'm grateful for my two marvelous kittens—orange tabby oriental shorthairs. That's Oscar on the left and Nénu (nay-noo) on the right. They make me laugh, and that sure is a good thing, these days...

Aww Fiona, your kitties are adorable! I love cats, I can understand how they make you feel better.

It's so inspiring to realize how the support you have received can help you through those tough times, and tough exercises! I need to use you for inspiration because I have had such a bad week with my emotional state, which has led to a bad eating week.

My job has been stressing me out so much, I have all of these new responsibilities, having to do a job I'm really not trained to do, and it's overwhelming. I've been trying to find another job but nothing has worked out. Yesterday I just lost it, kept crying for no real reason, and it just wouldn't stop. What ticks me off is that since I've started trying to lose weight I've actually been taking my meds! For about 3 weeks, which is a major milestone for me. Yet I still have a major depressive episode starting, which has been building for a while.

I took tomorrow off work, since I didn't have any appointments on my schedule, to just try to clear my head and get back on track. The goal is to do some serious meal planning and prepping this weekend because we've ended up getting fast food TWICE this week since neither me nor my husband had felt like cooking. I don't even care if it's exactly what I told myself I should be eating, just prepping some meals so we get no fast food again is at least a start.

Thinkin' about: all of y'all
Food: low-carb
Exercise: 600 leg raises
Grateful for: journal of letters (Bonnie Jeanne)

Thanks so much for the comments about my kittens! I always have a hard time figuring out how to thank them for posing for me, because by the time I get your messages, the kittens have wandered on to a new location. Gotta remember to give them extra petting right after I take the shot. And petting kittens is obviously a treat for me, too! =smile=

nicolas— I'm very impressed with you for being so close to 199. I've been plateaued on 275 for nearly a year, and I'm getting sick of it. But I've been so very stressed out (don't worry: I won't go into details) for about 11 months (ever since the kittens were born), it's actually an achievement to have more or less stayed on a plateau. Do you guys know that positive stresses—like getting new kittens, a new job, a new spouse, weight loss, and so on—are just as hard on your body as the negative ones we more commonly think of as "stress"? So try to view your current weight as a kind of positive stress, because it sure seems to be stressing you in the weeks before you actually cross that magic line.

nicolas (and others)— Here's something I find very helpful: Lie down at least one a day and take sloooow belly breaths, as if your belly were a balloon filling up with air, then hold your very full breath for a couple of seconds, then sloooowly let the air out of that balloon. Imagine the slow increase and slow decrease as if they were a slowly trickling stream. And repeat, at least 20 times. It'll take a few sessions of that before you get good at the slowness part of it, but it's worth the effort, because breathing that way has been shown to activate the "executive" part of your brain (right behind your forehead bone), the part that is responsible for rational decision making—not only in your eating behavior, but also in all those other "will do" and "will not do" decisions we make every day.

Minerva— Please remember: when you're about to order fast food, there are fast food options that help you lose weight—salad bar, burger without a bun, Chinese food in the dietetic secion of the menu (think: no sauce, no rice). Get good at identifying carbs, and you'll be less tempted. Carbs are the bad guys in anyone's diet! And there's no reason you have to cook to go on a low-carb diet: I can't stand cooking, so I like the fact that my lunch is sliced turkey already in its useful package, and my salad is a fast-food salad. I love the Greek salad I order from our local pizza delivery. I've bee surprised by how easy it is to eat just that salad (feta! black olives! yummm... ) while other folks are eating pizza.

nicolas - That's wonderful to be so close to your mini goal! I wish you much success in getting there what an accomplishment.

Fiona - You are so right about finding the right fast foods, I need to think more like that. Because I can make better choices even if we do end up with fast food. I wanted to eliminate it completely, but that might be too lofty of a goal for right now.

I was so close to getting some serious meal prep done this weekend, but it didn't happen. Yet I've managed to lose several pounds in just a few days, although I don't recommend this method: I have strep throat! I have felt bad since late Friday evening, and with having a fever and it hurting so much to swallow, I haven't eaten much in four days. I made it into the doctor yesterday and tested positive for strep. After two doses of antibiotics, my fever is gone and I can swallow liquids, but still not much food yet. I know whatever weight I've lost will just come back on quickly once I start eating again though. I have been trying to lose weight, but catching strep was not the way I had planned on doing it, lol.

First off - WOW> I love this thread/forum. I am new so here's a bit about me: I am a 41 year old teacher, single mother of 3 boys. I have been married and divorced twice. In a nutshell, I have come to realize that depression and anxiety have really messed me up in many facets of my life. This includes my weight getting to 175 where it is now. I understand that for some, that may not seem bad but for me it isn't healthy. I used to have issues with bulimia, etc. I have been successful using South Beach in the past ... kind of adapting that this time.

As for my meds, etc. I too (Minerva) was diagnosed with BiPolar II. I can't take Lamictal so I take Lithium, Lexapro and Gabupentin. The Gabs help the most. I love to self-medicate with alcohol but a) it is bad overall, b) probably a huge reason in my chubbiness, and c) had a little legal mishap that says no more of that for a few months. SOOOOO, I am learning to change my life- to be a better mom, a better person. SIGHHHH.

This site looks so amazing for support. I can't wait to "chat" with you more. Thanks for all you do - for the lurkers you are helping and don't even know it! :hug:

I have read threads in this section many times, but don't post much. I think I may need it now, though.

I was doing well on Wellbutrin for a while, then its effectiveness kind of dwindled. The doctor added Lexapro, but it doesn't seem to be helping and I found myself in quite a downward spiral. Drank a bottle of wine every night, stopped exercising, wearing only yoga pants out on weekends. Anyway, I gained about 25 lbs in two months through that destructive behavior and inactivity and am just starting to pull myself back out.

I have an appointment with my doctor next Wednesday, so hopefully I can get the meds straightened out.

I have cut out all booze and have not had anything since Saturday night.

I started running with my dogs again and it didn't kill me.

I brought my breakfast and lunch to work every day so far this week (I was getting Starbucks pastries for breakfast and sandwiches and chips for lunch far too often).

Hoping to get out for a walk in a bit - the sunshine is teasing me through the office's skylight.

Looking forward to making some new buddies here!

Thanks for the nice comments, Lisa and others! I'm afraid I'm not doing very well: the pain in my knees, thighs, and even ankles has become too intense for me to do my leg raises. I can't help but think that I worsened the original injury on the day I fell down three times on the way to my app't for Qigong. And I completely forgot, when I was at my primary care doc's, to talk about pain control. Gotta do that before the weekend—before Grace comes! I don't have anything stronger than ibuprofen, which helps a teeny little bit, but not enough to keep me in good spirits through all of this. I don't see the orthopedic surgeon until April 1st—and I don't even find that funny. It's too far away, is all I can think.

Welcome to the Ups and Downs thread, Betty!

I am back!
 

WELCOME to All New Group Members!!!
 

Thank you for the welcome. Kathleen I hope your recovery goes well!!

Well, it finally happened. After four years of being her oncologist's "miracle patient"—four years is a long time to remain alive with COPD, inoperable lung cancer, and metastases—Laura, Bob's oldest sister, died right before midnight on Wednesday. She's got a lot of busted-up survivors: ex-husband, mother, two siblings, four children, four grand-children, and a bunch of nieces, nephews, grand-nieces, and grand-nephews. Her second daughter literally just graduated from medical school. Her eldest daughter, plus grand-child of the 9-yr-old-boy variety, live very close to us in Greenbelt. On the day the news came through, Thursday, Bob washed (by hand) all of that daughter's dirty dishes, cooked dinner for her and her son, and then washed the new pile of dirty dishes. Maybe he is doin' try-outs for bein' a saint.

Bob's been irritated with me today for not being able to do anything because my hip and knees and whole leg hurt SO MUCH. I cannot find a position in which I am comfortable. I don't even know which of the several falls I've had put me in this agony. I have to use a wheelchair to get to the bathroom. But even if I were fully mobile, what would I do? Get flowers delivered? I certainly wouldn't be able to bake cookies: I won't be doin' that for at least a couple of years. Does that make me selfish?

I need to lie back down, NOW. My right thigh is killing me.

Kathleen, I am happy to see you posting; best of luck with your recovery. Stay strong.

Fi, I use ice-grippers from LLBean over my boots in icy weather. They dig into the ice and snow.

Lisa, good luck with the class. I think you should go out with your friend's friend. She would not fix you up with someone she did not think was a nice guy. The worst that can happen is you don't "click" together.

Have a great day everyone.

Fi, I just read your last post - I am so sorry to hear about your sister-in-law. Take care.