I have read threads in this section many times, but don't post much. I think I may need it now, though.

I was doing well on Wellbutrin for a while, then its effectiveness kind of dwindled. The doctor added Lexapro, but it doesn't seem to be helping and I found myself in quite a downward spiral. Drank a bottle of wine every night, stopped exercising, wearing only yoga pants out on weekends. Anyway, I gained about 25 lbs in two months through that destructive behavior and inactivity and am just starting to pull myself back out.

I have an appointment with my doctor next Wednesday, so hopefully I can get the meds straightened out.

I have cut out all booze and have not had anything since Saturday night.

I started running with my dogs again and it didn't kill me.

I brought my breakfast and lunch to work every day so far this week (I was getting Starbucks pastries for breakfast and sandwiches and chips for lunch far too often).

Hoping to get out for a walk in a bit - the sunshine is teasing me through the office's skylight.

Looking forward to making some new buddies here!

Thanks for the nice comments, Lisa and others! I'm afraid I'm not doing very well: the pain in my knees, thighs, and even ankles has become too intense for me to do my leg raises. I can't help but think that I worsened the original injury on the day I fell down three times on the way to my app't for Qigong. And I completely forgot, when I was at my primary care doc's, to talk about pain control. Gotta do that before the weekend—before Grace comes! I don't have anything stronger than ibuprofen, which helps a teeny little bit, but not enough to keep me in good spirits through all of this. I don't see the orthopedic surgeon until April 1st—and I don't even find that funny. It's too far away, is all I can think.

Welcome to the Ups and Downs thread, Betty!

Thank you for the welcome. Kathleen I hope your recovery goes well!!

Well, it finally happened. After four years of being her oncologist's "miracle patient"—four years is a long time to remain alive with COPD, inoperable lung cancer, and metastases—Laura, Bob's oldest sister, died right before midnight on Wednesday. She's got a lot of busted-up survivors: ex-husband, mother, two siblings, four children, four grand-children, and a bunch of nieces, nephews, grand-nieces, and grand-nephews. Her second daughter literally just graduated from medical school. Her eldest daughter, plus grand-child of the 9-yr-old-boy variety, live very close to us in Greenbelt. On the day the news came through, Thursday, Bob washed (by hand) all of that daughter's dirty dishes, cooked dinner for her and her son, and then washed the new pile of dirty dishes. Maybe he is doin' try-outs for bein' a saint.

Bob's been irritated with me today for not being able to do anything because my hip and knees and whole leg hurt SO MUCH. I cannot find a position in which I am comfortable. I don't even know which of the several falls I've had put me in this agony. I have to use a wheelchair to get to the bathroom. But even if I were fully mobile, what would I do? Get flowers delivered? I certainly wouldn't be able to bake cookies: I won't be doin' that for at least a couple of years. Does that make me selfish?

I need to lie back down, NOW. My right thigh is killing me.

Kathleen, I am happy to see you posting; best of luck with your recovery. Stay strong.

Fi, I use ice-grippers from LLBean over my boots in icy weather. They dig into the ice and snow.

Lisa, good luck with the class. I think you should go out with your friend's friend. She would not fix you up with someone she did not think was a nice guy. The worst that can happen is you don't "click" together.

Have a great day everyone.

Fi, I just read your last post - I am so sorry to hear about your sister-in-law. Take care.

Lisa— Good uck on your weigh-in!

I apologizae for not being able to do more personals than that. My health is really wacko. I have seen my primary care doc twice (he's very good), had some x-rays of my leg and a CT of my head. So far nothing is jumping out at us as the correct diagnosis, but it's definitely not just knee pain from the fall on 2/21. I am suffering from spasms up and down both legs—so bad that I cannot walk without severe pain and a big risk of falling. (I fell 3 times the last time I went to see ny Qigong instructor.) We are beginning to wonder if I have serotonin syndrome, which happens when you're taking too many psych drugs of the serotonin-enhancing variety. Anyway, the bottom line is that I cannot walk! We had to rent a wheelchair—it's a serious and exceedingly painful problem. And I have no idea when it will be over. Grrrr.... And poor Bob, of course, is grieving for his sister while ferrying me around to all these doctors' appointments. Maybe the distraction is helpful. I don't know because he really dosn't want to talk about it—not now. I don't blame him.

At least we have the kitties: they are everything you could wish for in cats (well, except for the sneezes). They are just awesomely cute and affectionate! And as the spring birds arrive, they are glued to their perch in front of our big window and making that funny teeth-clicking noise cats make when they watch birds.

Thanks Fi,


I'm not sure I've lost any weight. I weighed myself at a client's house this morning and it said I weighed 2 pounds more than I did 3 weeks ago. Now it was a different scale so I'll just have to wait and see what I weigh tomorrow. I don't think I've made any more progress.



Fi, I hope you get better soon!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, the entire month of March only has 3 pages on the thread so far. Not good folks!!! I hope ~ now that I am back and will hopefully be posting much more often ~ that others will do more sharing in the days and months ahead also so that we can keep this group alive and well! Many of us have benefitted from the support here (me included), so I hope and pray that ALL OF US can and will pitch in to do our part to keep the support flowing as much as possible.

I had my first outing yesterday since my March 9th surgery. Wow, did that feel great but surreal!!! I had a morning doctor's appointment with the breast reconstructionist, then hubby and I went out to lunch together; then shopping for some presents I'd been wanting to get; then we delivered the presents; then I went out to dinner with my sister and daughter later. I was exhausted by the end of the day, but it did my emotional health a ton of good to feel somewhat like a "normal" person once again! I felt like everyone I passed could tell that I had had my breasts removed and was wearing a camisole with padded breasts; that I was in pain underneath all of the clothes and contraptions (drains from surgery; bra; camisole with padded breasts over that; etc.). I really felt as though I stuck out like a sore thumb! But my hubby and sister both assured me (separately) that no one would ever know what I'd been through! Kind of crazy!!! The funny thing (but NOT to my hubby) was that I felt so much like Mrs. Doubtfire (from the movie with Robin Williams) the whole day after "putting on my breasts" that morning. Prior to my surgery, I used to really sag from age and being so large (sorry if too much info), but these "breasts" were so high (it seemed to me) that it felt like they were darn near hitting my chin! I asked the doctor if that's how high my "new" reconstructed breasts will be.... to which he replied, "We will put the breasts where they are supposed to be." (Clearly, that would NOT be where my natural breasts were prior to surgery!) Anyway, I had 4 drains hanging out of my body after surgery (a real pain in the butt and such a nuisance, but necessary). Thankfully, the doctor allowed me to get 2 of them removed because the quantity coming out of them was very minimal. I follow up with him again next Tuesday and I am really hoping and praying that at least 1 more will be pulled prior to our spring break getaway (that has been planned for months..... prior to my diagnosis) to Florida on the 3rd. Not sure about the 4th one because it continues to pull a lot of fluid from my body. That one is located where they took 19 lymph nodes during surgery. Just late tonight, I noticed after a shower that I have some lymphedema in that (left) arm. I was REALLY hoping to avoid that!!! Fortunately, I have another follow-up appointment (with my surgical oncologist) tomorrow (Thursday) morning, so hopefully he will be able to give me some relief! I read in one of my many breast cancer books that he can prescribe a compression sleeve that should help with the swelling. (Unfortunately, lymphedema CAN lead to infection, which leads to more lymphedema; and it can become a vicious cycle if not interrupted; it CAN also become permanent. I pray that mine is NOT!) I definitely need a compression sleeve prior to getting on the plane to Florida. I guess the change in air pressure can cause you to swell up like an elephant (as one book described)! YIKES!!! For any of you who have said any prayers for me and my family, PLEASE continue to do so! I still have a long road of treatment and recovery ahead of me. One step at a time. One day at a time. I can do this!!!


***** Quick personals because I need some sleep!!! *****

Fi: So sorry about the death of your sister-in-law. Sounds like she had a long haul "Home." I have been keeping you and Bob and her family in my prayers since reading that the other day. Sorry I am just now posting my condolences. How is Bob handling it? And I cannot tell you how very sorry I am to hear about the terrible pain you have been experiencing. Praying that you will get SOME kind of relief VERY SOON!!! You just deserve SO MUCH BETTER!!! Please keep us posted on your progress. We care about you, dearest Fi!

Lisa: So sorry to hear that things aren't going well with your class. That is SUCH a BUMMER!!! I have thought about you lots and said many prayers for you. Hope and pray that things turn around for you SOON!!! Hang in there!!! I bet you will perk up when Jennifer is home (SOON) for Easter/spring break! Remember to find the "silver linings" whenever and wherever possible..... even for the TINIEST things!!! It can help to change your mood and perspective pretty quickly. Best of luck to you with your doctor's appointment tomorrow (Thursday)! Crossing my fingers for a good weigh-in! However, please remember that YOU are so much more than any number on that scale!!! It is only information and NOT a reflection on YOU as a person! Please let us know how things go.

EasySpirit and Tauxania: Thank you both for your kind words of encouragement!!! I truly appreciate it! Please keep on posting! We value your input!

I am frothing at the mouth because I had a long post ALL with personals to you all and with one button of this a-holey computer it is all gone suffice that sorry I haven't been here, just a meh mood that I didn't want to pass along to any of you. will be back when I 'm not so freakin irritated.