Hi Fi, I am so sorry you are still struggling. I am too so we are both in the same boat. I hope you get to feeling better very soon. I probably won't until I get my classes caught up and am not feeling so much pressure to preform.


Kathleen, how are you doing, sweetie? You are in my thoughts. We all love you so much around here, you are always so positive and happy for everyone. I wish you peace and calm during this time.

Much love to all.

Thanks for welcoming me everybody :)
I think I have either a mild depression or an episodic depression. The weeks where I have felt depressed have become more frequent over the years, but there are months where I am completely ok. My sister and mother have a full depression and are on meds.

Fi: So sorry to hear that you've been experiencing depression pain since Sunday! :( That stinks!!! :( Have you been able to do your Qigong or talk to your instructor? I know that has helped you in the past. Or do you just feel too lousy to do it? Thank God you have those adorable kitties to keep you company! Hoping to hear that your pain has lifted soon!!! :^: Sending you a big hug! :hug: Thank you for keeping me in your prayers! I am doing a little better now; not ruminating on bad outcomes so often. I will just be glad to know what I am dealing with next Tuesday.

Lisa: Thank you for wishing me peace and calm. I sure need it! I am doing my best to avoid negative thinking about things until I get more information. Did you get any help for that particular math problem that was giving you trouble? How is school going for you this quarter/semester?

Amygdala: Good to hear from you again! Lisa had a great idea to journal about things to help express and release your feelings. I avoid doing it sometimes, but it always helps me when I take the time to write out my thoughts and feelings. It frees up my mind to focus on other things and live more in the present. If you just think about things and keep all of your feelings inside, they can drive you crazy! :dizzy: Hope you find what works for you soon, so that you can get some relief! :hug:

Hello everyone!
I hope you're all feeling well!

I forgot about Lisa's suggestion to journal. I actually have been keeping a journal since I was a 12 year old! It does help a lot. And it is so interesting to read about what I thought and worried and cared about when I was so young. I am 26 now.

Hello everyone,


I did a very sad but necessary thing today. I withdrew from school. My anxiety and depression was becoming all consuming, it was starting to interfere with my life. I am getting sicker.

Oh, Ms OhioFreeSpirit! :hug: I am sorry, but at the same time, YOU'RE FREE!!!! As the days become longer and the birds start their happy chirping, you'll find ways to break free from the grasp of depression that is squeezing the wind out of your lungs. You now have the gift of more time! And, school will always be there if you choose to go back.

I hope you can break free from the pain soon, Fiona :hug:

Amygdala, have you thought about light therapy? Maybe that could help perk you up during the winter time. Your university should be able to help you find an interesting internship after the semester has finished. It would be good for you to have something to look forward to, and to have an opportunity to make new friends.

IBelieve: I had an MRI to look for a brain tumor a few months ago. My father died of a brain tumor before I was born, and I could have completely wigged out, but I decided that if the future held bad news for me, worrying about it was robbing me of happiness in the present. I somehow managed not to worry and convinced myself that it was all just a silly waste of time. Thankfully, it was. I hope your tests are also just a silly waste of time. One step at a time. One step at a time.

VermontMom--weight loss...oh yeah...That...I'm eating within calorie range for weight loss, and sticking with healthful foods, but stress just kills the weight loss for me.

EasySpirit--I'm new to this thread, too, so not sure I'm an official member of the welcome wagon parade, but Welcome! anyway!


So, I survived my third major eye surgery in 6 months. The last month and a half have been pretty scary, but it looks like we've stemmed the tide on this one. For now. I'm seeing a wee bit of improvement after only one day post-op. Just can't wait to have the stitches removed. Oh joy! Inhale/Exhale. One step at a time.

Lisa: Oh, I am so sorry you had to withdraw from school, but hopefully that will provide some much needed relief for you! I hate to hear you say you are getting sicker! :( Did your nurse practitioner or doctor give you any new meds in addition to the Clonazepam? You had said you were going to ask for something else to help with anxiety. Are you on anything for depression? Have you let them know you feel worse/sicker? I just so want you to get some relief from the depression and anxiety. Please make sure that you ask for help, so that you don't have to weather this storm alone or without the assistance of meds. What about therapy? Would that help? Do you feel any relief since you withdrew from school? Sorry to bombard you with questions. I just want you to feel better! Please keep posting in the meantime! We are here for you and will support you in any way that we can. Hang in there! :hug:

Invincible1: Thank you for sharing your experience with worry and how it can rob me of the present. Good reminder! I actually have been so darn busy with so much stuff going on in my life (all pretty stressful) that I haven't had too much time to ruminate on the 2nd mammogram the past several days. I have put it on the backburner.

I feel like my family life is falling apart. I have posted some stuff about it recently and don't want to rehash everything. But, for the most part, I have remained pretty calm and confident (for once) in my ability to handle whatever comes my way. We are going to get marital and family counseling. I also have both of my kids talking to counselors right now. We all just need some professional intervention to assist us with communication and getting through the rough times. I found out the other day that my (young adult) niece tried to cut her wrists early this week. :cry: Breaks my heart and reminds me once again how critical it is to get help when you need it. So I am not messing around and that's why I have my kids in therapy. They actually kind of like having someone neutral to talk to and who listens well to them. I see it as a good resource and support to them and all of us. Lots of unresolved and long-standing issues between hubby and me that have been resurfacing lately. I think part of the reason is that I have started to make some healthy changes in MY life and (consciously or subconsciously) my hubby is trying to put me back into my "place" (even though these changes are for the best for me AND for our family in the long run). "They" say that this is what happens in a dysfunctional family when it is "threatened" with change. Anyway, I am hanging in there and keeping VERY busy. My faith keeps me going and keeps me hopeful that things will turn around soon. I would be SUNK without my faith!!!

ohiofreespirit: I hope you'll be better soon! I'm sure it was a tough decision, but if school was making your depression worse, it was the right one!

Invincible1: Good to hear the sugery went well! After the semester is over, I'll start a year of rotations in surgery, internal medicine and ENT. We already have our placements. Unfortunately, it's nothing I look forward to.
Medical school was tough, but fun with friends around and now we all have placements in different cities and won't be seeing each other again. At least not very often. That final year of German medical school is just very exhausting :(

IbelieveInme2: I'm sorry to hear what is going on in your life at the moment. My parents had a lot of fights when I was growing up and therapy would definitely have helped me and my siblings.. and my parents. They didn't try to get any help, though.

Today was exhausting. I woke up with a headache, but still went to the library to study. I need to go there to study, I can't concentrate at home. But when I sit there in the silence, the sadness just kind of floods in. I went to the gym tonight and it made me feel better. Still, not a good day.

Thanks for the welcomes.

Holly, are you in northern or southern Vermont? I taught in southern Vermont for two years when I first got out of college; I liked everything but the dark, cold winters and the low pay.

Kathleen, I have had to have two mammograms redone; I was lucky that neither was anything - most aren't. BUT, one way or the other, try to keep yourself upbeat. There is nothing you can do about it at this time. Of course, this is the same advice I try to tell myself on a daily basis. It is not easy; praying helps calm me sometimes, exercise always helps, but unfortunately, so does ice cream and chocolate.

Lisa, I hope you are feeling better.

I have my annual physical next week, and I am thinking of asking my doctor for a mild anti-anxiety medication. I find I am at a point with family issues that I need more than exercise to relax. Does anyone know of one that does NOT cause weight gain?

Do any of you do yoga? Fi, I know you use Qigong (sp?)

Take care everyone.

EasySpirit: I strongly recommend asking for a med to help with anxiety if you think you need it and it would benefit you. I take Buspar for ongoing general daily anxiety and then Klonopin as needed for isolated cases of extreme anxiety. Klonopin really helps to take the edge off, but it can be habit-forming, so that is why I only take it occasionally. Good luck with your physical! Thanks for sharing your experience with a 2nd mammogram and for the tips and reminders about staying calm and upbeat. Prayer and God are my lifelines! Gotta run! So happy you are posting in the group now!!! It still cracks me up that you have been lurking since I started the group!!! :lol:

Oh, and I am editing this to say that I do not think the Buspar or Klonopin cause weight gain, but it is hard to tell because I was also on Abilify (until recently), which does cause weight gain.

Just a quick check-in for me. I'm pleased to report that my great niece Grace and I had a great time last night: playing with the kittens, making embellishments for future collages, working on vocabulary words, and reading some of To Kill a Mockingbird back and forth to each other. It was a sleety night with treacherous sections on the roads, so I was happy when her father called and offered to come pick her up. Our curfew is now back to 10-10:30, like it should be, and the emotional weather between her parents and me is clear skies.

As for my mood, I'm just barely at zero, but I feel pretty labile and easily stressed. Last night with Grace I was a bit scattered and forgetful. Bob feels worse than I do: dealing with all of his mother's possessions back in her old apartment was an emotionally challenging job for him and his sister. I'm sure it brought back memories of when they had to do the same with his father's stuff, after he died.

Grace is so good for me. We're slowly building a longterm friendship. She's also getting to know Oscar and Nénu, an important experience for her because she wants to be a vet.

I don't feel up to writing personals, but y'all are in my thoughts—especially Kathleen and Lisa.

Amygdala - - Hi :wave: and :welcome: ! wow you are a med student? congrats, you must be a smart cookie :D and a noble profession!! may I ask, are you a German citizen? you write/communicate in English flawlessly. Though I guess most Europeans are taught English as a second language...BUT the major thought here is that I am sorry you are feeling such sadness! and hope the friendship here helps :) I think it's great that you are able to work out for some relief. very nice to have you here!

KATHLEEN - - OH my gosh my dear!!!! :( I am so sorry this is a few days after your initial posting of your scary news. so tomorrow you get the results? we will ALL be thinking and praying for the best possible news for you! and on the family problems, well it is certainly a step towards trying to make things work with the counseling. I have seen it work wonders for some couples. It is a wonder that you can function at all with these two life-changing issues..but your faith is keeping you functioning! :hug:

Lisa - - I'm so sorry that you had to withdraw from school...how are you feeling now?? better I hope! and I still think you're a SuperWoman :) because you weren't scared to take classes...whereas i am.

InvinceabOne - congrats on the successful surgery!!! but stitches, EEK like not ON your eyeball?? I am dumb I don't know but that makes me cringe!! I hope the results are healthy vision for a long time for you!

EasySpirit - I am in Northern Vermont, Lamoille County, about 20 miles north of Montpelier. I love the spring, summer and fall seasons here; I love the scarcity of people, low crime rate, BUT the winters/dark season (November to April) are awful for me and yes, it is hard to find a job that allows you to make a living.

and I take Wellbutrin, and have been able to lose on it...but I guess that's for depression, and maybe not anxiety? I don't do yoga, not because I have anything against it :rofl: just that I'm not familiar with it. I do workouts from Gilad, The Firm, Jillian.

Fi - writing with a lap of kitties sounds warm and fun :)

So I did end up with an awful cold for 2 days, I don't usually succumb to colds but this one put me in bed for 1 1/2 days. Then had to work overtime hours because it's ski racing season and we were slammed..I took alot of cold medicine and made myself dizzy :faint: but at least I didn't cough my head off in front of customers. I am tons better now :) and back to working out. Though still have a bunch of gunk inside me but am slowly getting it out. BTW buying Puffs with Lotion/aloe is the only SAVE when you have a cold..my nose got a little red but not sore. HOwever I did buy 7 boxes of them :rofl:

So who is in the path of the EPIC snowstorm that is coming? I am superbly glad that we are just above the path, we are only going to get 6".

I have been doing terribly on even thinking about committing to weight loss tactics!! Just in so much denial. But I do like to work out..that is my only saving grace from being larger.

January is almost over..then February is a short month..then I have to endure March..then it's April and I will be soooo glad :devil:

Update
 

Hello Support Buddies! I had my 2nd mammogram this morning and they cannot say for sure that the calcifications are benign, so I have to have a biopsy of the tissue to determine if there is breast cancer or not. I am waiting on a call from Solis Mammography, who is waiting on a consultation with my gynecologist, to see what he recommends for the next step. I would like to schedule the biopsy ASAP, and I will let you know when I have a date. Soooooo....... more waiting and more trying to remain calm and positive no matter what! :dizzy: Please keep me and my family in your prayers! I would really appreciate it! :)

Holly: So sorry to hear that you had an awful cold. :( But glad it didn't last long. Mine always seem to linger. "Only" 6 inches of snow is enough, don't you think?!? :lol: Good for you for getting your workouts in! That sure counts for something! :D

Fi: Glad to hear that you had a great time with Grace last Friday and that the tension between you and her parents has faded. So did Bob have to move his mom to a nursing home? Or did she go to the farm? Sounds like that would be a huge emotional challenge and stressor for him, as you said. Has he been open to talking about it at all with you? Does he get along well with his sister?

Waving HELLO to everyone else!!! Please post whenever possible with an update on yourself! Gotta run now to pick up my daughter from school. :wave: