I just found something, and it really brightened my day and helped me to think about my weight differently. I can't post links yet, but if you have a second look up A Year Without Mirrors.

"Interesting women lead interesting lives, period, no matter what they look like. "

Thank you, everyone for your thoughtful and compassionate replies. The past few days have been so tough, but I know that Cashmere is resting in peace now. I was so impressed by the emergency vet and their staff. I sent them a gift basket, it should arrive by Friday, and I'll pick up Cashmere's ashes at the end of the week. I think I want to spread her ashes at a local lake. This has been a very tough last few days, the pet store tried to get out of reimbursing me, but I talked to a district manager who said they will give me back the vet bill cost, minus cremation which is about $135. I dread going to the pet store tomorrow to go through this. I won't go back to this pet store again or the local vet, there were a lot of lies and some very untrue parts here.

Take care.

Amy

Howdy folks! I just wanted to check in and let y'all know I haven't disappeared. I went through a very rough week in my relationship with my Belgian friend (I'll spare you the gory details), which resulted on my eating some of the evil c-word*, plus a whole jar of peanut butter, plus rather more muesli than I should have for a couple days in a row. But as of today, the storm seems to be over: I fasted until the evening, and then had some smoked turkey for dinner. I feel back on track, and that's a good feeling!

I think I taught myself something: when I'm in a rough place, emotionally speaking, eating the wrong foods does not help me feel better, and ends up making me feel worse because of how much I castigate myself in the aftermath. Why is it that such a blatantly obvious lesson is so difficult for me to learn?

*my evil c-word = cookies

Seabiscuit - what a nice thing for you to do, to send that gift basket! I agree though that it feels right to let people know when they have performed 'above and beyond' and wth compassion. Rest in peace little Cashmere.


I don't know!! I do the same!! Eating a handful of chocolate chips while thinking how much I want to lose 15 pounds?!

Hi to everyone else

I'm doing pretty good mentally, just can't stick to a calorie or carb restricted diet for even one day , ack!!!

I hear you Fiona. It does the same to me.

Tomorrow is weigh in and I am scared. What if I only lost 5 lbs or something? What if it is even less. I tried hard over the holidays but I wasn't perfect. I'm worried about disappointing a person who is supporting me. I don't want to have not done well and they give up. I have been struggling with a lot. I really am doing my best eating wise.

Holly: Thank you for the encouragement! I appreciate it! Unfortunately, I don't think I've worked out since I last wrote and my eating has been poor. We were busy all day Saturday and Sunday at my daughter's sled hockey tournament, so ate out and on the go. I didn't always make the best choices. I think I might be throwing a little temper tantrum about not losing any weight. Makes a bunch of sense, right..... to eat crappy and NOT work out since I haven't lost weight?!? Yeah, THAT will help! Oh well, I can't go back, so I will start over THIS MOMENT and walk on the treadmill tonight. We just got back from getting my daughter new AFO braces in Cleveland (small road trip) and I also ate an unhealthy lunch on the road. I will eat a healthy dinner. Oh, how I hate relapses, but I thank God for the ability to START OVER right where I am!!! I just need to DO IT! I work out with my trainer in the morning, too, so that will help get me back on board. I just hope I haven't done too much damage over the weekend. I can't afford to GAIN any more weight!!!

Trish: I am sorry you are so nervous about getting on the scale tomorrow. If you have been doing your best eating-wise, that is all you can do (other than exercise, too). Remember that you cannot control someone else (i.e., the person who has been supporting you). You can only control YOURSELF and your reactions. If the person is a TRUE source of support, they will be there for you through both your ups and your downs (weight and otherwise)! I sure hope that you have a good result, but maybe spend your "time in waiting" preparing your mind for ANY possible result. Ask yourself the questions you posed to us. What if you haven't lost any weight? What if you "only" lost 5 pounds? (I'd kill for 5 pounds right now!!!) Promise yourself that, no matter what, you will continue to try to make positive changes, because it is healthy for your body and YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! Remember that the goal is PROGRESS and not perfection! We both need to trust that the weight WILL come off sooner or later if we are doing the right things for our bodies!!! Good luck with your weigh-in! Please let us know how things go. I will be thinking of you! BREATHE through your anxiety! HUGS!!!

Chelsea: I haven't had a chance to check out A Year Without Mirrors, but I will check it out as soon as I finish this post. Glad to hear it brightened your day and anxious to see if it will help me to look at my weight differently, too.

Amy: Hope you are doing okay as you grieve the loss of Cashmere. Nice of you to send the gift basket to the ER vet and staff! Hang in there!

Fi!!!: I am SO HAPPY to finally hear from you!!! So sorry you had a bout with storm eating, but glad to hear that it seems to be over. Get right back on track.....NOW!!! You have been doing so well and I don't want you to sabotage yourself. Easy for me to SAY to someone else, but so difficult to PRACTICE myself! But I know you can do it! Glad the incident taught you a lesson. I know what you mean about these blatantly obvious lessons being so darn DIFFICULT to learn!!! It is frustrating, but each time we learn from our "mistakes" it is PROGRESS and that's what this is all about! HUGS to you, my friend!

Trish - so sorry you're struggling and feeling so apprehensive about the weigh-in.

also to Kathleen, go ahead and throw a tantrum girl but don't give up!! I want to give up all the time, I say to myself 'oh you don't look that bad' but I also keep foremost in mind my body, my flexibility, my strength to do daily things, being at the mid-point of my life (53) and I have GOT to keep at least trying.

Hey I just absorbed that you're in Ohio; are you in a southern part of Ohio? we have gone to a big biker rally in Chillicothe 4 times, and to this New England chick, you all sound so Southern and I love that! Love being called 'baby' by other women; or "miss" or "ma'am" .

Hello to everyone else here! Have to tell ya that this is the most active I think I've ever seen a Depression forum thread, good job!!!

Well my appointment was cancelled because of the snow so now I get to wait even longer for my weigh in. My last appointment was cancelled too because of weather. I am very frustrated.

Hey everyone Remember me? There are a few names here that I still recognize.

I'm not sure how often I'll be on, but I'm going to make more of an effort than I have before. I've mentioned that I find this place over whelming sometimes and that's the reason I've distanced myself from it. Honestly I'd love to rejoin the depression form but I've found that I have a hard time not letting negative thoughts influence me. I'm in a really good place... my depressions are mild and short! Mentally I'm a lot stronger and much more positive then I think I have ever been in my life! I don't know if the welbutrin made that much difference or what, but I had an epiphany of sorts and kind of snapped out of it. Odd isn't it? In any case it's great!

Thought I'd go ahead and do a quick vent. I'm getting very anxious about money. Yes, there's more to life than just money, but it's stressing me out on how much things cost. I've lived with my parents since graduating college back in December 2012. A year has passed and I really REALLY want to move out, but after calculating expenses, I'm so nervous about paying for EVERYTHING. I come off my parents' insurance plan in October so I really will be all on my own very soon.

I'm good at saving, but I am only making $10 an hour right now so not too much is being put away.

I know I can always stay at my parents' house longer, but there are things I just can't progress with when I'm there (i.e meeting a guy, leaving whenever I like without an explanation).

I'm here I swear! Reading your posts on my phone but have been crazy busy with no chance to sit down and respond. Hoping to check in with everyone tonight!! Thanks for the birthday wishes!!!

Your story reads very closely to mine. I graduated college in spring 2012 and well I still have the same part time job and had to move back with parents. I haven't dated since I've been back at home and quite frankly, I have a lot of other things like getting a better job and my own place n my mind. Most of all, I feel a lot of interpersonal loneliness which stays a lot on my mind. I don't have much of a consistent emotional support network outside of myself so I'm feeling alone in the struggle but it's when I read posts like yours and everyone else's, I know I'm not truly alone. I feel for your situation. It's perfectly fine to be nervous about moving out and worrying about covering expenses. Your day will come when you'll be able to move out and feel confident to provide for yourself.

Good Mornafternoon,

Lil' Turtle: I am sorry that you are struggling right now. I know that your weigh in will be ok. You may(MAY) not have lost as much as you were hoping, but you could have lost more than you think! Every pound is a victory, and every moment is another chance. If someone is supporting you in your efforts to improve and make progress(weight and otherwise), they will see that also. Don't forget to support yourself too, all changes start within. Don't let your frustration take you down, you are much stronger than it is. Kathleen is so right about breathing! Mindful breathing can be so helpful with anxiety and fear or any kind of stress. A simple pattern is: breath in 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds, breathe out 6 seconds, wait 4 seconds, repeat. Remember to pull in with your diaphragm. Breathing into the bottom of your lungs(the belly part) helps to balance the oxygen levels in the blood stream and causes a physiological change in brain chemistry. If it makes you light headed, take a couple of normal breaths between and start over. If it helps you, counting "one" with each breath may help you to focus your thoughts away from the negative and keep you on track. This is a good thing to practice when you are feeling good also, so that if you need to do it when you are feeling bad it will be easier. Anywho, I hope that the weather will calm down and work with you very soon, and I am sending good calm thoughts to you.

Kathleen, Hang in there! You are kicking some major butt and it will show soon. Have patience with yourself, and it will be sooner than you expect that the numbers will start dropping. Staying focused on the process and not the results will help keep your attitude positive! And just think how EXCITING it will be the first time you see that drop on the scale!

Fi: I am sorry to hear about troubles with your friend, and the c-word incident that followed. You are such a strong woman and an inspiration, and every single one of us takes a nosedive sometimes(not just the group, but humanity). I am glad that you are feeling back on track

Seabiscuit, Sending you support and healing thoughts and encouragement. Time will help but losing a pet(a friend) is so painful. You are a truly good person and can take comfort knowing that you did everything possible to give Cashmere everything she needed right to the end. I know she would love to be laid to rest near a lake, and it will be nice to be able to go there to remember her. Good for you that you are following up with the pet store, they need to know that it is not ok to treat the animals or the people who are looking to find a furry friend in that manner. Your kindness to the emergency staff will not go unappreciated I know, and your willingness to go above and beyond is a testament to your kind heart. All my best wishes!

LilDazed: It is ok to stay with your parents a little longer! Many times I have wished for that option. It is not ideal forever, I know, but in the interim while you are trying to save a little it is very nice to have a safe place. I had to move out before I was even done with high school, so if it helps to have a different perspective this is a really great opportunity for you to get a good savings base under you before you move out to your own place. At the same time, you could have plenty of money if you follow a budget. It might be a good idea to work out several potential budgets, and see what your realistic options are. Would your parents be amenable to you moving back in later if you had the need, or would they help you out getting started on your own? On another note though, don't let money scare you out of doing what you want! While it plays a part in living, it doesn't control your life and shouldn't hold you back. If you want it there is a way to make it work as long as you are cautious and plan well. How exciting and best of luck!

Well, I had a Dr. appt this morning and it went ok. meds are making some changes, and my doctor is recommending me to the psychiatric program at the clinic, which I haven't been able to get into before since I haven't been enough "at risk" (I have insurance, but use the county clinic since I always have. The programs aren't always roomy). I'm not more at risk now, but my new dr. is really great. The last few days have actually been steady and good, and though I feel it has been a bit to the hypomanic side it has not been detrimental to my health and has in fact helped me to function on a "normal" level; ie, I got through my chores AND some of the stuff on my to do list instead of barely getting through my chores and then going to bed before the sun sets because I am mentally exhausted. In other news, I lost 3 lbs!!!!! What a nice surprise. Even with my boots on, so it could be more but I'm not going to be particular about it. I swear I thought I was gaining(bad eating), but I guess my increased activity level has done more than I thought. I am going to a farming conference in CA this week, and am sooo excited to get some learnin'. I will be attending a couple of different sessions on financing, and one about FLOWERS!!! I love flowers and part of my future business plan involves a greenhouse

Anyway, sorry for the novel I guess I am overcompensating for not being on very much.

All my best wishes, good thoughts, and encouragement,
Chelsea

good evening and HI and a huge HI to Aunty Jam!!! we're buds from way back. got my new computer tonight and Oh how I miss my good ol' mac book. This is an Asus, I don't even like that name too close to ... well you know but it's hard to get used to and weird and ugh.

It's great to hear from everyone, thank you all so much for the support.

Hi Aunty Jam!!! It's so wonderful to see you here

Cubsgotgoats, Aww thank you so much for your lovely heartfelt reply about my little Cashmere. She was a fighter and she tried to bite the emergency vet! I admire that feisty spirit! I miss her tons but I know her soul is in Heaven, I get her ashes back next week. The emergency vets office sent a lovely card to me, it is so sweet and thoughtful. Thank you.

Holly, it's awesome to see you and you are funny! . I hope you're doing well.

I'm going to bed. We had a bit of a snowstorm here today, I hope it doesn't ice. I hope to go look at guinea pigs soon!

Good night