Hi Everyone

I'm new to this forum and just wanted to introduce myself. I fit into so many of the groups here, that I wasn't sure where to start. I have suffered from severe chronic depression most of my life (I'm now 48). My first suicide attempt was at age 6. I have been through years of therapy addressing various issues of childhood abuse, etc...and feel that the major issues are under control, but the depression is always there just under the surface (and sometimes right out in the open). I take medication, which helps, but it also slows me down and doesn't help with the weight issues. After 25 wonderful years of marriage (and 5 years of dating him before that), my husband asked for a divorce on January 13th...totally out of the blue. I am now living in an apartment with my youngest son (17-years-old) and trying to figure out what happened. I have never lived on my own before, paid bills, etc. I was a stay at home mom with our 2 boys for 14 years, then went back and got my BA, and started working about 2 1/2 years ago. I thought everything was going great. I joined Curves to at least get me moving, and I really like it, but I find myself doing lots of late night pity eating. I need to lose about 100 pounds for my health and self-esteem. I have suffered from anorexia and bulimia, and tend to go back to those behaviors when I'm really stressed. I weighed only 80 pounds 8 years ago, and spent several years in and out of hospitals and tube fed. Then my weight tripled in one year, and here I am. I find I will not eat all day, or really restrict...then eat at night when I'm lonely and feeling sorry for myself. I've decided it's time to get out of this rut, so hope I can find some support here, and also lend some support.

"Once You've Walked Through Fire and Survived, Nothing Else Can Burn You"

Hello and welcome!

I post here mostly because some ol my old pals do, but I know well what depression is. I spent a month in a mental health hospital many years ago. The depression lurks right arund the corner.

You already know what you have to do~lose weight by sensible eating. Okay, quit feeling sorry for yourself! The ex-husband is gone and good riddance. Food isn't going to change that! Start building a new life, one step at a time. If you're busy, you won't be so depressed.

Come here often. I've known Leens, Linda, CIN, Cathy and Liz for over four years(through the Internet) and they give great positive, sensible advice.

Welcome Keatherwood *s

This is a great board. Kinda quiet these days, but with it being summer, I think a lot of people are away.

Sorry to hear what you've been thru, but you must be quite a fighter to be here!!! Stick with us, girl *hug*

Looking forward to getting to know you! Come post on the daily's and we can get to know one another.

I was on an antidepressant for 6 months ago about 7 years ago but feel as though I am prone to depression. I don't feel a lot of joy and some days I just have to get through.....

I have lost weight in the past but currently need to get busy and get some weight off again.

Take care and be in touch!

Eliz

Darn, darn, darn! I just posted again and it disappeared. I don't have time to repost everything I said, but I wanted to say that I didn't mean to sound crabby. I tend to be straight and to the point sometimes. Today WASN'T good for me. Will post again later.

Thanks for the welcome. I'm trying to just take one day at a time. It's really hard to put the divorce behind me as we are still in the midst of it, and I still love my husband very much.

What are the daily's? I still have to find my way around here!

I'm taking one step right now...I'm forcing myself to get up (it's 4PM) and get some groceries, etc. I haven't left the apartment since I got home from work on Thursday, so need to get out. My husband is out of the country right now, so I should go to the house and collect more of my things, but keep putting it off. At least I haven't eaten much today as there isn't much food around here, but need to stock up for my son!

Hi Keatherwood,

Welcome to the nutty board as we like to call ourselves (just to lighten the mood and smile).

The daily boards is the thread that is titled with that day's date on it. Like example... this weekends I just posted, its called Saturday & Sunday, July 5th and 6th...something along those lines...... Monday's will be Monday, July 7th. We post about our daily doings there, check it out.

I'm glad you found us, and I hope we can help you and vice verse, but more so, I hope we can become friends.

Hugs, Leenie

Thanks for the nice welcome. I'm hoping to make some friends here, also...and to find some support. I'll check out the daily boards and try to familiarize myself with everything that is here

I just was telling DD about this thread and she reminded me "to round off my sharp edges". That's her way of telling me to try a bit of diplomacy. (Oddly enough, the older she gets, the more alike we are!)

Anyway, am sorry that husband decided that he no longer wants to be married to you. Perhaps that is a failing in him and not you. Try to see as little of him as possible. Keep busy. Get out of the house as much as possible.

There is a big beautiful life out there waiting for you to find it!

Hello Keather and welcome,

Glad you found the boards here. I also have been diagnosed with clinical depression. I was diagnosed in 1994 and probably dealt with it for several years undiagnosed. I also am on medication and I think I probably always will be.

I am sorry to hear your husband decided he wanted out of the marriage. This has to be a very stressful time for you. This also can be a very exciting time as you have a new beginning. The late night eating is a killer for me as well. When I just can't stand it anymore, I go to bed!! Or I come here and read the boards. There are lots of inspirational stories here and you too can be one.

I noticed you mention in a post that you need to stock up for your son. Well don't forget about you. You have to start thinking about yourself and your needs and what is best for you. Not that you should forget about your son, but this is a time to remember that you are important. You are important enough to plan healthy meals for and you are important enough to take time out every day to exercise.

You have taken the first step to get out of your self described "rut". Good for you!! Every day is a chance to take a step towards a healthier happier you.

I think this week has been especially hard for me because my husband is in Singapore, and I suspect he has a woman there. I know he has a "woman friend" who he talks to nightly on the Internet, but I suspect it's more...and now that we are legally separated, nothing is stopping him from doing what he wants. I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that he may be with another woman. He will be back tomorrow, and then we are going to get the house ready to sell.

I had my boys over for dinner tonight and actually used the stove and oven for the first time since January 13th. All I've used is the microwave. I made a lowfat spinach lasagna and a salad...it was nice having both boys here for dinner. I had brought tons of work home, so gave them some money to go see a movie.

Tomorrow is back to work. I'm finding it really hard to get up in the morning as I can't sleep well at night, plus I have severe aneamia. My job is very stressful, so some days are almost more than I can take. I have a bunch of doctors appointments this week, which makes it harder, as I have to make up all the time I miss.

I am trying to get back to exercising 3x's a week, after several weeks of injuries and illness. I will try this week, but don't know if I can make it to Curves with all my appointments. I'm definately going to start working on my eating habits, and exercise when I can. The following week I want to get back to 3-4 x's a week exercising, and eat about 1400 calories a day.

Thanks for the support.

Keatherwood,
I don't have any special words of wisdom but already sense in my heart you are very BRAVE & STRONG.perhaps more than you realize! Most of us are stronger than we know!

We look forward to daily postings from you!

Take it one day at a time.................you are going to be fine!

Sincerely
Cin

Keatherwood, You need to attack life with passion and spunk! For your own sake, you need to forget the past and focus on your bright and shining future! You have so much more life to live that you cannot waste another day feeling blue!!!

If I were in your shoes, this is what I would do....

1. Stock up on healthy foods and plan your daily food. I use www.FitDay.com and love it! It helps soooo much with planning what you're going to eat. And, if I'm tempted to eat something I know I shouldn't, I add it to my food log before I eat it so I can actually see how it will sabotage my day's worth of careful eating. 9 times out of 10 that alone is enough to stop me from putting it in my mouth.

2. Continue with Curves 3X per week.

3. Get the rest of your belongings from your former home and mentally leave that part of your life in the past. Try to focus on your bright future and don't try to figure out what your kooky hubby was thinking when he left such a beautiful, vibrant woman who has so much to give to the world.

4. Don't take life too seriously. I just started a new thread called "Life is Just a Game" and I recommend you read my initial post. Have fun with life, relax and enjoy!

5. Dance naked in your bedroom to your favorite music at least every other day

Good Luck!

Thanks Genesis...and everyone else. I know I have to try to put the past behind me, but it's really hard when you still love somebody...and also when he's been my best (and only for years now) friend since I was 16. I really don't have any kind of life without him, although my therapist is urging me to start back at church and do some things to meet people. I think I use my weight as an excuse not to do it..."if I were thin everything would be okay"...which I know isn't true. I was 80 pounds about 6 years ago, and things weren't fine then. I'm going to look into that site for keeping track of exercise and food...it's a good idea. I do have my 17-year-old son living with me (and his many friends seem to live here too) so I need to keep food around for them, although I'm trying to buy stuff that I don't like. I'm thinking of buying a small chest freezer for his stuff, and just giving him the key! I think when the divorce is finally final it will be easier...as I'm still not sure how much money I'll have to live on. Getting the house emptied is a huge project as we've lived there 17 years and accumulated lots of stuff. At least we aren't arguing over who gets what...we seem to do okay with that.