So I have been asking my boyfriend for a cat for 5 years and because of use moving so often we couldn't. Now that we have a house he gave me one for my birthday. Hes a kitten, almost two and a half months and two weeks into me owning him, he got really sick. My sister is a vet tech and she said it was because of the worms. I brought him back to the place i adopted him at to get him help. I called them every day for 4 days to check on him and all i got was "hes fine doing good, hes fine..."

When i went to go pick him up, he was covered in poo and skinny as ****. I was horrified. I took him home and as soon as he got to the house and came out of the carrier, hes walking funny like his back legs aren't working.

I call my sister and she said he either had a seizure at the vets place or they hut him holding him down to give him meds.

Its been almost four days since I had him home and hes getting worse, so much so he doesn't even want to walk. He no longer comes when I call him...

So i say this is the last straw for a few reasons. A lot of **** has happened to me over the last six months

1. i was hit by a car on my bicycle
2. i had to move while injured
3. been fighting my weight for YEARS and gained more after the accident.
4. i moved from seattle home to ny while injured and had to load the moving truck, 5 ****ing time (long story)
5. cant find a job here in ny that will take me while im still healing.
6. dealing with the lawyers
7. the holidays and holiday weight
8. FINALLY getting a kitten and having a ****ing idiot at a cat shelter hurt him that he could now possibly die
9. my boyfriend of 7 years (of which we have been living together for 6) told he we would get engaged when we got back to Ny... NOTHING i have had conversations with him about it and he keeps saying not yet.

Im so depressed and have been crying all day and if I cant take care of a kitten how can i ever expect to have kids??

Im so tired and have been thinking horrible things all day. I just need a win.... one win.... thats all.... please

I don't think I have any words that could bring you much comfort at a crappy time like this... I'm really sorry that the past 6 months have been so unfortunate. I can relate, somewhat, to the problem with your kitten. My boyfriend and I finally decided to adopt ourselves a kitten on Halloween 2011. She seemed really healthy at first, and then she slowly stopped eating (despite our best efforts), and we took her to the vet several times. She died on New Year's Eve. We grieved, and then got another kitten in February 2012. The new kitten also seemed quite healthy at first, but developed the typical "kennel cough" after the first couple of weeks. We gave her medicine, and tried to nurse her back to health, but we only had her for a month before she died.
I felt like I was cursed, like I could only attract despair and sickness and death into my life. I still have nightmares about the lost kittens.

I know that little story isn't very uplifting, but I just wanted to tell you that you aren't completely alone. Kittens can be very fragile little creatures, and it's hard to get GOOD help with them sometimes. You've been doing the best you could with your little guy, and you've given him love and care that he might not have known otherwise. In no way does his sickness reflect on your abilities as a potential mother.

My heart goes out to you and your kitten.

Dear BleuMaus, you have had a tough year and it sounds very overwhelming, you have had alot of change and different things going on and so give yourself some time to recover and adjust to your new environment. You need to take care of yourself and really look at what is important in your life right now. Meditation is a great way to stop all those negative thoughts from running you into a state, deep breathing and positive thoughts or affirmations do help to centre you. Dieting won't work when you are stressed or depressed, so keep to a general healthy eating and exercise plan for now. Find things that uplift you and make that a plan of action when you have a down day - maybe it is listening to inspirational music or dancing in your living room or walking in a beautiful park. A vision board is a great motivational tool. If you can't find work why not volunteer with a charity group or an animal shelter - even if it's 2 hours a fortnight. When you come against hurdles in life and have alot of uncertainty surrounding you it sometimes brings to light things you may have overlooked or you have not wanted to look at. Now is the time to go deep within your heart and have a good hard look and make changes and dream BIG. The more you think positive thoughts the more life will deliver the positive outcomes. Take care and good luck!!!

Hi BleuMaus,

I can feel your suffering after reading your story..It's really hard to deal to that all situation please do not give up. Be strong and stay positive. You must win this battle.

No advice just hugs!

I'd bring him to a vet. Not just your sisters word, not the place you got him. make an appointment at a certified vetrinarian. They are the ones who know whats best for the animal. A vet tech only has so much knowledge. Would you want a dental assistant extracting a tooth ? or giving you a filling ?

As far as the rest fo your story goes, I'm so sorry to hear all of that. It's hard to find faith or hope when we feel we hit rock bottom. You want to know a win that you've already accomplished ? If you're at the bottom, you can only go UP. Find something that makes you happy, find something you can pour yourself into. Whether thats knitting, writing a song, painting, cooking. Anything small that will give you a sense of achievement. One step closer is one step closer. If you stand still, life will pass by.

I'm not the preachy type nor do I have any issue or tainted thoughts on those who have their own beliefs, but talk to God. He's always listening.

Oh no! I'm sorry Bleu! Gentle for you and kitty.

My heart goes to you, I know how it feels to be in a situation like that. In times like this its really hard for you to even imagine that things will get back normal one day. But believe me sooner than you know things will be ok.

When things are not okey I always stick to this affirmation
I am well
I am happy
I am free from suffering
I keep speaking this to myself and it has seen me through during my darkest hour.

I sincerely hope that things workout for you soonest.