Today wasn't too bad of a day. I cleaned for about an hour, and organized my herbal teas so that I can get to them easier since I've been drinking them more. We got the heater I bought off amazon (with the money I made through mturk doing surveys) today and it works pretty well. It's a quartz infrared space-heater, and people said it actually can take your electric bill down, plus the heat is supposed to absorb into your joints and promote less aches and pains. I've noticed that our main heat hasn't come on much at all since it's been on, and I'm fairly warm. If this takes our electric bill down it will free up some money for other things we need. :)

I'm hoping to go with my mom to town Friday and get some more groceries and dump off some trash.

Awesome to hear you've heard about it!!

I also only buy organic greens, my husband and our kids also eat raw so I could NEVER afford to buy organic.

Dr Graham once said in a lecture that avoiding fruit because it isn't organic is like stepping in front of a bus to avoid a bee.

I buy in bulk at costco and you can buy wholesale.
Also talking to your local produce providers and asking to buy by the case, this has saved us a lot of money.

Another book you may be interested in reading is the four agreements, it will really help putting life into perspective and moving forward.

This is the best advice here by far. Anyone under your circumstances is bound to feel down, no need to rush to get some antidepressants for that. It is merely your smart, correctly-functioning brain telling you that you need to change the situation ASAP.

You know what drug you need? EMPOWERMENT

Do like mnemosyne said and get out of that sad situation and empower yourself. Find a place with public transportation and realistic job outlook.

After you have overcome the situation and are empowered, you will feel sorry for your mother.

I already feel sorry for my mother, happynottsgirl. She's in constant pain. The pain makes her brain foggy and makes her want to smoke cigarettes. She just relapsed back into smoking even though she was trying to quit. She's tried to quit for a very long time, but to no avail. The brain-fog is one of the more annoying things about her, though. I can see her glaze over a bit when I talk about something that she either doesn't understand or has no interest in. When I'm done talking about said topic, she will reach into herself and pull out a vague, one-word reply, or something, and go onto another subject. Also, she forgets things a lot when it comes to me. I'll say something to her, and the next day she'll forget (A symptom of the fibromalgia). She also tells the same stories over and over again. I figure it's because she hasn't made any new stories in a while.

Moving to a city sounds horrible, though. I like the area I live in now, because it's rural. Every time I go to town, I get congested from all the fumes and smoking smells around the buildings. I also have misophonia (undiagnosed, but I've had 'trigger-noises' since before I started elementary school), which makes me highly aggravated by normal every day sounds to the point that I have an almost fight or flight feeling. If I could just learn to drive, and not be afraid of driving, I'd been fine. I just wish it didn't feel so scary.

Melissamixedup, thanks for the book suggestions. At this moment, I'm trying to incorporate more fruit and vegetables into my diet. I bought a huge bag of bananas and a small box of clementines yesterday in town, plus some organic spinach and organic carrots. I actually didn't buy any sweets at all. I'm very proud of myself. I'm trying to only eat sweets on special occasions, like Holidays and birthdays, or church dinners or something. As long as I don't buy it, I'm usually okay. I've also been eating a banana when I have a sugar craving. I'm still drinking soda, but I'm limiting it. I think it will be the last thing I give up, just because if I have a glass of soda, it makes a healthy meal not seem so boring (bad, I know).

I understand, I'm also scared of driving!

For online work you can try being a google rater for Lionbridge or Leapforce. Just google it and apply, you take two tests (they give you a guide which you should study very well). If you are going to try this pm if you need help or other information.

I've been in a similar situation before and this online gigs really help.

Thanks! I'll check that out. I'm always interested in doing online work for money. I tried publishing short stories, but only succeeded with one (the link on my signature). I'm more of a novella-novel length writer, though, so it didn't work out so well. lol. I've also tried writing articles, but I have to be interested in the topic to actually do it, so that interferes with a lot of article-writing turks on amazon mechanical turk, because the articles they usually want are boring topics to me.

Yeah, driving is horrifying to me. The main road out here is so narrow, that in order to let someone pass, you need to practically pull into the ditch. I've only ever driven on the driveway. Also, farther up the road, you have to watch out because the neighbors just let their children and pets run rampant around the road (and sometimes in the road). I would HATE to accidentally kill someone's dog, or worse. It's one of my phobias.

Another idea, if it's feasible for you: check out the Americorps program. It's a national service program through the government to place people in human service positions (usually at a non-profit). You work 1,700 hours in a year, get a small monthly stipend, super basic health insurance and at the end of your completed year - you get around 5,000 in an educational stipend to use for tuition, books or to repay student loans. You can do two years of this program, so $ for college, you'll gain work experience and this service looks great on a resume! Sometimes getting out of your own headspace and helping others is a good thing. I hope you can figure a way out to improve your situation. Good luck.

I totally agree with this and everything mnemosyne said. You need to empower yourself. Thinking about antidepressants should be your last resort, not your first. And I can completely empathize with your situation. I grew up in Hawaii, which isn't considered rural, but what a lot of people don't realize is that it's an island, separated from everything, and the majority of locals (my family included) live in poverty. I left home when I was 18, but being on an island, you can't really go far, and I ended up moving in with my boyfriend into this Section 8 squalor of an apartment. It was filthy, riddled with mold and cockroaches, and smelled. I couldn't drive, either, and I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was a child--I couldn't stand the sound of car engines. I had to walk or take the bus to my minimum wage job. It sucked. My whole life sucked. I was depressed all the time. I seriously thought that that was just my lot in life. My entire family was poor, no one did anything with their lives, and I'd just be another one. No money, no education, no independence.... I can't tell you what triggered my epiphany, but I had one when I was 20---I didn't wanna be a burden anymore. I went from being a burden to my mom to a burden to my boyfriend. I completely depended on them for everything. And I knew the only way I'd get out of my rut and change my life was if I left everything. I had to completely remove myself from the situation. I left Hawaii, and my entire family (boyfriend included) for the first time in my life, and I never looked back. I'm now completely independent, I'm in complete control of my own life, and my relationship with my mother is 100X better than it ever was. You need to remove yourself from your situation. As long as you stay there and cling to your comfort zone, you'll never change. mnemosyne gave you valuable advice. It's so easy to be scared and to make excuses not to change, but I think if you took the plunge and did it, you'd see a total change in your outlook and mindset. Or you could be like my sister who stayed and was too scared to leave home.... 37 years old, unemployed on welfare, living with the parents, and still hating life. Goodluck!!! :hug: