To start this is probably going to be a long story, I've tried journaling as well as turning to a close friend, but neither have provided the outlet I need. My friend has been very judgemental, informing me how divorce is Satan's will... Not the advice I need right now.

Anywho, my life feels like it is in a downward spiral. About 6 months ago I decided it was time to go to a psychiatrist to seek help for my issues with anxiety after experiencing a particularly low moment of fear and hopelessness. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, depression, and a panic disorder. I have been seeking treatment and attempting to get my mood stabilized since. Unfortunately, with that treatment has come issues with extreme depression and suicidal idealities. I continue with my treatment, but there has been an increased strain on my marriage.

My husband and I got married nearly a year ago, since then he has been becoming increasingly more distant. Recently telling me he not only resents me for my issues with depression, making it seem as if I am making it worse continually. I have tried to do anything to improve my mood; medication, hobbies, joining a gym, etc... But it hasn't helped. He has told me many hurtful things, but the worst came when a "friend" of his sent a card to our home expressing her love for him and how she hopes to make him happy. He denies any involvement stating they were just talking as friends and he had no clue what she was planning when he gave her our address. He feels I am overreacting about the situation. He has told me that he is miserable with every area of his life, including me. He has given me a list of improvements I need to make. He feels I can't help him though with any of his problems. He has stated he wants a divorce several times, the next day saying he doesn't. Yesterday I broke down and told him all of my hurt and what I needed from him. He ignored all of it instead choosing to walk out. This was the most hurtful thing. I tried to talk to him after and he still said he had nothing to say, no plans to say anything to me.

A couple of weeks ago I randomly started talking with a friend from high school. We were going through a similar situation and found we had a lot in common. We developed an extremely close friendship; I have never felt as close with someone as I was with him. We met up for a movie and he said no matter that he felt I was perfect for him in every way there just wasn't a spark there. I know this whole situation was wrong, but I am heartbroken about this.

I know I am in no position to be in a relationship as I'm struggling with myself. I just feel completely lost, desperate to get back to a happier place when I was healthy and smiling. I have gained 40 pounds in this time, become extremely depressed and suicidal, and have become starved for attention (my husband ignores me as he feels I don't do enough to deserve his attention). I feel worthless, hopeless, and just wanting to be done. I have been still trying to workout and eat healthy through this, but Obviously I haven't lost any.

Part of me still has hope that something could work out, but I just feel like nothing will. As I said, I tried to discuss this with my friend, but she feels divorce is the ultimate sin so I can't have a discussion concerning all options. I don't know what to do about myself anymore.

Sorry again this is so long, I just needed to vent

I don't have any concrete advice. I just want to give you a hug because I'm currently struggling with social anxiety and mental health issues are extremely painful.

We are here to vent to, anytime. Hope you find peace and good health.

WVUFan86, Ask your friend that thinks divorce is a sin if she has every heard of the wives who have stayed in an abusive relationship, not getting a divorce and paying with her life for this decision. Sadly , it is not a rare occurance.

Life is TOO short to stay with someone that doesn't adore you! You need to make YOU a priority!!!! Your husband sounds like he is miserable and wants to make you miserable too. I've suffered with depression my entire life so I know how it is. If you want, you can private message me and we can "talk" via email. You are worth it!!!!!

Yeah, there's dissatisfaction with your partner, and then there's unforgivable heartlessness and immaturity. Reads like he's not a good man for you period. He's behaved like a downright adolescent and been quite callous and mean and selfish in a way that doesn't seem redeemable. I don't think you should be with him any longer. My vote is for divorce.

It reads like your depression is due to an unfortunate imbalance of chemicals in your brain that you can't control with happy thoughts or enjoyable activities. I think you should seek help from more professionals. It seems like you'd benefit greatly from the right antidepressant. Of course I'm just an internet random and not at all part of that relationship between you and your husband or any kind of MD, no. But from the story you tell, this is is how I gauge your situation and that is my advice. 1, he's not good enough for you, and 2, you need to, with the aid of a medical professional, find the pill/s that work to correct your brain's (ostensible) inability to hold onto (or perhaps even produce enough) serotonin.

I think you should leave your husband he is cheating and blaming you!! Its clear him and that woman who sent him the card got it on.. He is lying!! He wants you to feel guilty for all the bad he has done.. From what you have written you seem like a caring person who was pushed into a situation you want to get out. I think your weight has to deal with your self esteem issues.. You need to know you are beautiful know matter what your husband or others say.. Maybe you should give this other guy a chance once you are happy with your self.. In order for the new relationship to work you half to be happy with who you are..

I'm so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this much crap in your life. You seem like you are a great person - one who is caring and kind and thoughtlful of others. HE IS A JERK! It sounds just like my ex husband! Your "friend (enemy!)" is a jerk too! Right now, you are in a verbally abusive relationship. No matter how hard you try, you will not be able to please this man. Please talk to your primary care doctor about your depression and your suicidal thoughts. There are combinatins of medicines that can help and you are too precious a person for the world to lose!

When i was going through my divorce and very nasty child support, I somehow found the courage to see a mental health specialist, who had me do the following exercise: Each week (pick a day), you date the page, set the timer for 5-10 minutes and write down every single thing you like about yourself or that you are go at or that people compliment you on. You do this exercise until yoiu have filled 2 pages (and by then, you don't want to stop!) and you make copies and hang it everywhere - car, work, house, etc. It took me almost 7 months to do anything excpet put my name and date on it. Also, a punching bag is a very useful stress reliever!

Please understand that verbal abuse is just as dangerous and damaging as physical abuse. The longer you allow him to put you down and treat you like dog doo, the easier it will become for him to hurt you in a worse way. Marriage counseling will help - but only if HE is also willing to change.

If I can help in any way, please let me know. My blog is "da mamma is getting skinny" (sorry I don't know how to do it the other way yet!). Remember that you are fabulous, wonderful, awesome, and beautiful and WE believe in you!

I am very sorry that you are experience such a difficult period in your life, WVUFan.

Please speak with your psychiatrist about the things you have talked about here. In fact, please, print out the post you've written here and read it to your doctor, word-for-word to see if he/she can help you start addressing some of the issues you're facing. Your doctor might even be able to recommend someone for couples counseling.

Your husband, high school friend, or any man or relationship is not going to "fix" what is wrong. These things only provide a distraction. Since you are feeling suicidal, I encourage you to speak with your doctor sooner rather than later and make it clear that you are experiencing suicidal thoughts. He/she may be able to make some adjustments to your medication that will help.

You are a special person. You are an important person. You have a lot to offer the world. Please, remember that YOU ARE worth the effort to find help for the feelings you're experiencing. YOU ARE worth the effort to get well. YOU ARE worth the effort to slog through the darkness in order to rediscover the light.

If you need someone to talk to, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255. You matter and we all care.

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult time. Definitely continue seeing a specialist and do not let your husband drag you down; he sounds like he is going through similar issues with depression and trying to blame YOU - which is not right. Giving you a list of things to change in order to make him happy? Ugh. So much wrong with that. You can only control yourself and your own happiness. You can only make change for yourself, he has to take responsibility for himself. That's the only way it works.

Take this time to focus on you - how you can get better mentally and physically.

Your husband seems like a real d*ck. He is no good for you.

I was married to my first husband for nearly 8 years. In that time, I was suicidal, depressed, given diagnosis of bi-polar, OCD and major depression. Guess what? When I kicked him out, it turns out that he was MAKING me feel that way. The pills never fixed what ailed me because there wasn't anything wrong with my mental health that a pill could fix...the relationship I was so miserable in was causing all the problems.

Since your problems started 6 months ago and you've been married a year, I would be more inclined to think he is the problem. I would hate for you to spend nearly a decade trying to fix yourself like I did.

I know it's easier to stay. It's easier to accept what is comfortable than jump out into uncharted change... but for me, it was the very best solution in the world. I am happy in a way I NEVER could have been with my abusive ex.

Whatever you decide to do, do it for you. You are valuable and you are important. Make sure your decision is what will make you happiest.

It's not your husband's job to fix your problems anymore than it's your problem to fix his, but it IS his job to support you and not bring you down. He's doing a really crappy job! Are you involved with counseling? I've found that counseling (with the right therapist) has been way more effective than medication. I also have to remind myself that feelings of hopelessness DON'T last forever, even though at the time it feels that way. Sometimes I just have to ride it out. Definitely you need to make changes, whether that's pursuing marriage counseling, or separating from your husband.. But for sure you don't deserve what's happening to you right now.

STOP. This deserves attention right NOW. Some medications can promote suicidal thoughts and further depression despite being supposed to do the opposite. That's why they are not recommended to be prescribed to kids or people in their early 20's. I don't know how you are, but why take the chance.

You have got to talk to your doctor who is doing your treatment and tell them about your suicidal thoughts. Don't wait.

Here is the suicide hotline page with phone numbers for your state, VA in case you get to that point.

http://www.suicidehotlines.com/virginia.html

Walk away from the marriage, Uhm, no wait! RUN!

Pack you stuff and RUN!

It is not a sin to leave a relationship that is not good for you. Crazy people can make you crazy and you don't even know it!

Get out of the marriage and take a year off of intimate relationships and do what you need to do for YOU!

It will surprise you the good things you will find!

THIS!!!

Thank you so much for calling out the 800lb gorilla in the room... Suicidal ideation requires immediate intervention... I know everyone here means well... but PLEASE talk to a professional NOW... There are people out there who care and can help you with what you are going through.... You can get through this... I wish you all the best, I truly do... Please take care of yourself....