[pointspluspioneer]

I suffer from depression, have for a long time now. My therapist also diagnosed me with body dysmorphic disorder a couple years ago which i though i had but wasn't sure. So over the past several years i've had alot going on in my life. Bad break ups which first one caused a 70 lb weight loss. I got down to 170 lbs and felt HUGE Then beyond that gained, got happier, had another break up at same time my father was diagnosed with lung disease. Lost some weight/gained back again. I"m in weight watchers now (for the 12th time lol). Moving forward, my dad had a lung transplant, had a good year after that then was diagnosed with lung cancer and passed day after Christmas 2010.

SO moving forward, met the love of my life (now with) and things are great between us. I had hernia surgery last May and gained 20 lbs so now i'm up from a year ago and feel worse than ever about my body. I'm really following ww and have dropped only 8 since end of Feb. But i'll take it.

So after my ramble....my question is, will i ever be happy at any weight? I am on Wellbutrin which helps. I was feeling HUGE at 170, and now looking back at pics, was so small looking because i was also exercising. There is NEVER time i look in the mirror and say hey I look good, never mind decent My bf is annoyed because my life revolves around my weight 24/7 and even with working with my therapist, want to know if i will overcome this feeling of other's seeing me as HUGE. I"m wasting my life away like this. Doesn't help that a girl at work got gastric bypass and is flaunting all over the office!!!

Anyone else feel this way? I just want to be happy once and for all and not sure how to shut off that negative talk in my head!!

[QueenofThorn]

I have your same issues with feeling huge and never pretty--what I try to do is focus on things I have/can do that are good. Your boyfriend isn't annoyed with your weight focus because he thinks you're fat--he's annoyed because you keep harping on yourself. Guys can love fat women as well as thin, but it's a turnoff to them when we put ourselves down. Do you have any talents? The next time you look in the mirror and feel awful, try thinking about a talent of yours and how you like being able to do it.

[gonnadoitthistime]

Happiness is not a number on a scale. Look at all the unhappy skinny people! Count up your good points and strengths, appreciate all of you, maybe a little therapy to get things in perspective? It helped me. Good luck to you!

[allforHisglory]

Oh honey, I thought I was alone! You are NOT alone... I am never happy with myself and ever since I got serious about losing weight, it seems like my life revolves around it and it's starting to take a mental toll on me because obviously it doesn't happen overnight right? I just want to offer some support &

[pointspluspioneer]

Thank you! mrsdocrocks look like we have similar stats! I do get therapy bi-weekly but it's still hard. I'm sitting here as we speak thinking how "thick" my arms are I saw a pick of me a few weeks ago and omg, i'm disgusted with myself!

[allforHisglory]

I do that all the time, and normally it is what gets me motivated to head to the gym but lately my depression & anxiety has actually been keeping me away from there *sigh*

[elleohelle]

I had very serious BDD when I was living abroad for about a year in Japan. I am not ill like I once was, but I think lots of free time at my job and loneliness exacerbated my issues. I was also not taking a strong enough dose of anti depressants. I had gone years on a lower dose and getting therapy and I think sometimes I was going in circles. I am now on a higher dose of zoloft and it has helped me dramatically. @pioneer Have you thought about adjusting your dosage while continuing therapy? I am not in your shoes so I have no idea- but I hope you get better! Its really hard dealing with BDD.