Depression, Eating Disorder, Gym anger
 

I struggled with an eating disorder for years...i was able to help myself and managed to beat it back except for the binging part..Ive stopped throwing up or starving myself but i still struggle with binge eating , which is why i weigh so much now...But lately ive noticed that any time i watch a tv show or a movie where there is a character who has an eating disorder, im triggered by it. It makes me want to go back to starving myself and it makes me depressed. Right now i would love nothing more to feel like i have that sense of control over my body and control what i put in my mouth and how much..and how much exercise.. I used to run when i was angry.. i used to work out at the gym sometimes 3 hours at a time..i would run, swim and do weights..I felt so good after..and it felt like i could get my anger out and it gave me almost a sense of relief...but now i dont feel that relief. Any time i get happy again, i stop going to the gym because its like i dont need to go if im not angry..I have no motivation if im happy...only when im angry..

I just want to feel a sense of control right now...i feel so out of control..

Perhaps the key could be scheduling exercise classes? THat way you can't "exercise binge" either. Just a set-class a couple of times a week. Something uplifting, like Zumba, or any class that just makes you feel good.

I haven't had an ED but I HAVE done binges. For me, the key is to only ever have healthy things in the house. That way, if you do binge, you only have healthy options so the consequences will be less.

When I read your message it was as if I was reading my own story. I too suffered from an ED for years in my early 20s. I was anorexic frequently eating between 600 to 100 calories a day unless I was going to exercise a lot then I’d eat 800-1000 calories. Once I was able to overcome it I just gained so much weight… 100 pounds! My ED was my comforter when I was sad, angry, happy, or stressed. Since overcoming ED now binging is my comforter. What’s upsetting to me is that I can’t get control over what I am eating like I did before. I’m just out of control and went from one extreme to the next.

I too get triggered when I see movies or documentaries. The thing is, is that I seek out those types of programs as motivation. Thinking maybe this time it will trigger me to gain control back. It is a daily torture I go through in my mind. I punish myself by binging figuring I’m weak so give in. I obsessively view thinspiration websites, pictures, and YouTube videos.

It’s a hard thing to explain to people who have never had to deal with ED. It is psychological and not some bad habit you just need to give up. People use to say to me “just eat and you’ll be fine” now people say to me “eat less and you’ll be fine”. If it was that easy all of us would be “fine”.

For me it’s about control. The less I eat the more control I have which means that I am successful for that day, week, month, and year(s). When I binge it’s because I lack control. I eat beyond being full. I comfort myself with food whereas when I had ED I would control my eating even more and I would go to the gym for 3-4 hours a day.

It’s a bad cycle. I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t say that I felt a billion times better when I was in the trenches of my ED. I know many will get offended but that’s my truth. I just want you to know that I completely understand how you are struggling and it’s not easy. ED isn’t something that goes away… it’s always with you whether you’re thin or fat.

Hi
A few months ago realized that it’s time to do something about my overweight. I’m only 22 years old and I don’t want to be ‘fat’ my entire life. So I got myself thinking of visiting the gym a few times in a week. But to be honest, I’m very unsecure about my body and afraid of the reactions of all those healthy, pumped up people. So I surfed the web and I found out that the Pronokal program works with personal trainers in specialized gym’s.
So I explained my problem to the Pronokal coaches and they encouraged me to get moving more. They also got me in contact with a personal trainer, Nicole. Taking up their advice, I started to move more. I’m now walking on a daily basis and instead of getting in my car to go to my friends, I’m riding my bike. At the moment I’m combining the diet together with personal training of Nicole, mainly focusing on cardio.