I don't want to sound harsh... but you say you have a decent job. That doesn't sound like poverty.

We're currently supporting two households on a military salary. One of those households is in Tokyo! It's not easy, sometimes... but we make ends meet with money to spare. I'd never describe myself as "in poverty." I left a great paying job, in Japan, last March to get my kids to a safe place. Do I miss the spending money sometimes? Yeah... But I've dived headlong into school and bettering myself. I may have forfeited my ability to collect UE, but I'm giving myself something a million times better.

Experiences, love, learning and growing... all worth more than THINGS.

Ok, well, since you're better than everyone you'll do just fine.

My perspective has just changed after watching thousands of people, in the country I lived, lose everything they had. They still can't go home. I still can't go home.

I guess I was just trying to say, focus on the things you have that are great. You have a family that loves you, your health, a job... a lot of people can't say that.

I'm sorry that you feel you have PTSD. I evacuated my kids from a country experiencing a nuclear meltdown and 20+ earthquakes a day. It can be overcome.

Focus on the good things. The rest doesn't matter.

Yes well, we could only respond to the information that was there, not what you added now. It was the way you wrote it that gave us those impressions. I'm glad you cleared some of that up. No, I think your husband sounds fine; it isn't his fault the US has such a bad economy at this time. Many people suffer misfortune, trust me. We've been there -- more than once; and we've rebounded, and so can you.

The important thing for you, is how you react to all this; how you handle it. Yes, the counselling idea was for you (not your husband). See, already you are thinking clearer. I'm sure in time, with some counselling you will feel better.

FWIW, I don't think you sound materialistic. You can't help feeling disappointed. There's nothing wrong with how you feel. I think I can relate in a lot of ways to what you are saying. DH works full-time and he had a small business before we got married. The small business just went under after being open more than 10 years. I have some resentment because for one thing, I asked him not to open a second store when I was pregnant with our first baby, but he did anyway. He ended up closing that store years ago, and his original store absorbed the stock from the second. Now he has to store the stuff from both stores, which means it's eating up space in our garage and he's paying for a storage unit. That's just minor compared to the personal debt he has incurred which will most definitely affect our entire family. Not to mention all the time away, how I'm stuck watching all 3 kids from morning until night all weekend, even though I also work full time and I never get a break.

I'm not trying to compare my situation to yours, I'm just saying I can relate. Because I feel like it's wrong to be resentful that this has all happened. I knew he had the business when we got married, so what right do I have to be mad that it's gone under? (And it was never profitable so it's not like I married him for the money!) But things did change over the years. We didn't have 3 kids to support at the time.

And I know exactly what you mean about being concerned about the jewelry. I am lucky if I get my engagement ring on in the morning. I don't care about having a lot of jewelry. We don't really exchange gifts for birthdays or Christmas and that works for us. But every now and then, like when my sister gets something sparkly, I feel a pang. I know it is unreasonable but like I said, I can't help it, it's how I feel. Not a deal breaker at all but still, it would be nice if we had the money to spoil each other a little more.

NYX ~ my DH & I were talking about your situation last night; and were discussing just how similar our situation was to yours (and even worse, actually). Both us were trying to count the number of times we were laid off in the 80's & 90's when our country was hit with two horrible recessions in a row (we also had a third one this last decade as well).

Both of us had to go back home and live with our parents for a short time at least once or twice; and we had to sell our home so that we wouldn't lose it. We were homeless more than once. We ended up living in our truck & a tent, and all the possessions that we didn't have to sell, we carried in a trailer for a summer while we looked for work.

When a prospective employer asked me why I was laid off; I told them the truth -- all layoffs were based on "seniority"; and one place just closed down and moved somewhere else. Just like you & your DH, we were "victims of circumstance". It wasn't personal -- just remembering that helped us not blame ourselves for something that was beyond our control, and helped us to move forward.

So can we relate? You betcha! That is why I responded to your post in the first place. I didn't say you were materialistic; that word isn't even in my post. Like Val, I want to encourage you to focus on what good you still have -- a good paying job with benefits, a home/apt with furniture, food & clothing, good health, good minds, a loving family, and a promise of a better future.

We didn't have a big wedding either -- just two friends as witnesses & a nice, quiet dinner afterward; and we only bought a wedding band, which doesn't fit since I lost weight, but we are going to buy a new one when I find the one that I really want. We have no debt; and just bought another home last year.

It's too bad that California has that regressive law about not taking courses while on UE; I don't see how that helps people in any way. Maybe it's time they changed that policy. With more education, people will be able to find work and get off the dole. Seems they are hindering people, not helping them. Maybe you should write a letter to Arnold, if he's still the governor ...

I also went back to school for a second time (I had already taken social work the first time), and took a business course to help me get another job. Here, our government allowed people to go to school while on UE; and I'm glad they did. They even had special education programs for the unemployed.

Over the last three decades, recessions have caused massive layoffs, downsizings, and closures -- so employers acting snooty are just ignorant of the facts; and maybe you wouldn't really want to work for someone like that anyways.

I really believe that in time, your DH will find something; but we have to realize that we no longer live in a secure society where life-long careers are the norm. Many of us have and will end up changing our jobs more than once; and some of us many, many times -- so putting money away in savings is a good idea, just in case.

Yes, it was discouraging; yes, it was disappointing, but our faith in GOD kept us going. I believed in myself -- I was intelligent, skilled, experienced, and a very hard worker; and, I knew that things would get better eventually. We rebounded, more than once; and so can you and your DH.

In the meanwhile, "Play down the negative, and Pray up the positive!" And, remember ... "It's not Personal!" Millions of people between Canada and the US have been laid-off over the last three decades. We can learn from these experiences, and we can learn from each other too.