I dont know whats going on, but I feel attacked on this forum. I dont know why everyone is so angry at me. All I did was voice my concerns about my health and vent about my life. This is the most unsupportive site I have ever been on. I thought that everyone would at least be able to relate to my situation. People seem to think that Im making excuses, but I am not. I am just writing down my experiences and what Ive been dealing with.

To those who were trying to be kind and supportive. Thank You. But to the rest who dont understand what its like or try to be judgemental against me because Im not skinny. Im not surprised. It just seems like when people lose weight they become very cut-throat and judgemental. They think that because they lost the weight that others must not be working hard enough or that they have the right to look down on them.

This is what discourages me even more from losing weight. I never want to become someone who makes others feel inferior because they are facing mental/emotional issues and the weight is their output. Whenever I lose the weight, I will never make people feel like this. I would encourage them, but not make them feel like a failure or abnormal. This is wrong and should never be a way to shame people into losing weight.

It saddens me that people who are suppose to be supportive and kind are just as mean as the shallow slim people out in the world. I will never post on this forum again.

Well, you vented. I hope you feel better for the vent. :hug:

Since you did not state what sort of support you are looking for clearly, people are just winging it then. You will get a mixed bag.

People are asking questions and I think they honestly are trying to understand and help.

But I have to confess I was wondering too.... what kind of support do you need? You didn't state.

My suggestion was going to be -- now that you have listed all the obstacles -- finish the list. What do you have going FOR you? What are you willing to do besides exercise alone? ex: hiking) and if that's it for now, that's fine. How will do use this to your advantage?

And if mom gives you extra food, what about saying "Thanks! I'll have it later!" and just putting it away in the fridge? Then you aren't rejecting her but aren't having to be eating past full either? I see you don't want to tell her about the eating disorder at this point.

I hope you feel better for the vent though.

A.

nobody was attacking you - this is what i meant by finding someone who can tell you the things you don't want to hear in a way you can accept.

if "everybody" is telling you the same thing (and you're going to get the exact same mix of reactions on every forum you try), you have to consider that it's probably the truth you've been avoiding.

being "supportive" does not include patting your hand and agreeing with everything you say because clearly your current thinking pattern and lifestyle is not working for you.

I'm not attacking you in any way, I'm slightly overweight myself and I know how it's like to be sensitive about your body image, I struggle with those issues myself, but you need to be strong if you want to get any results. Also, there are a few points I's like to make.

You have to understand you are in control of your own life and also, you shouldn't be so sensitive and care so much about what other people think (I know it's easier said than done, but you have put some effort if you want to see results).

I know it can be hard to go to a gym where everyone is skinny and looking fit, but this is not a reason not to go anymore. If anything, it should motivate you to get that thin. Don't simply assume people are staring at you because of your weight, it's a gym, you'd expect overweight people to be there. In my opinion, they were just looking at you because you were new. I know the gym I go at is pretty small, we all have gotten to know one another's faces and recognize each other, so when someone new joins in, we notice.

You seem to believe nobody wants to help you, doctors are mean, dietitian was mean, I don't know the whole story, but I refuse to think they all have a personal grudge against you. Perhaps you're just oversensitive and misunderstand what they're trying to tell you. You say your dietitian got mad because "you weren't losing weight fast enough". Perhaps you weren't following their advice. Anyway, why give up? Go to a different doctor, a different counselor, find one that can help you. If you give up on yourself, how do you expect others to help you?

As for your mother, she may indeed just be overprotective and perhaps she's just afraid you'll become obsessed with losing weight and get sick. But you control you own actions, it's not like she ties you up to a chair and forces food on you.

I'm sorry if this is perceived as an "attack", I genuinely want to help you and whenever you are ready to receive support, you'll definitely find it on this forum.

Only YOU can control your happiness.

Nobody else can do that for you. If you keep putting your eggs in other people's baskets you will always be disappointed.

You came here looking for support, and you got TONS. Nobody is attacking you. Most of us have been right where you are. You're lashing out at people who have been successful and that's not fair. You're being just as judgemental of "skinny" people as you say they're being of you.

Just remember, that everyone else is fighting their own battles. Even the tiny fit girls at the gym are wayyy more preoccupied with their own issues, than they are concerned with staring at you. That's true for everything. I have to remind myself a LOT.

You will be successful... but only if you take control of your own life and stop making excuses based on other people's behavior. You can't control them, so don't let them control you!!!

Hang in there... it's worth it! Do something positive today, something that makes you smile. Be kind to yourself because you deserve that!

I don't think anyone here is judging you for not being skinny; no offense but you've already done plenty of that to yourself. You have to feel worth it. You have to stop dismissing yourself as a lesser person because of your weight. Even right now, you're automatically assuming that people here are belittling you because you're not skinny, but this is pretty much the last place that will happen. Why? Because many of us have been there too. Heck, most of us are still struggling, it's why we continue to post here. It's why we try to reach out to new posters like you. And I'm not just talking about the higher weight, but the feelings of hopelessness. Not knowing who to trust or turn to. Not knowing where to start in a healthy manner.

And the thing is that nothing is going to change until your attitude does. You need to ask yourself a few questions:

• Why won't I stand up to my mother when she tells me to eat more?
• Why do I have to wait until I'm skinny before I'm comfortable working out in front of others?
• Why won't I diet?
• Why won't I talk to a doctor/dietitian/counselor?

To all of the above: is it because everyone else is mean/judgmental or is it because you believe that they're better, more powerful, or simply don't care about you? It appears to me that you put too much stock into what they say or the wrong angle on their actions because you don't think you're worth it. But you are. You're worth being cared about, being loved, and being taken care of. But honey, the very first person that needs to take care of you is, well . . . you. Make yourself and your health a priority. Love yourself. You can't expect things to get better if you don't take charge charge of your life. You have to find that power for yourself instead of handing that power to others. You have to own yourself rather than pass off other people's hurtful words as excuses to continue to feel bad about yourself and cry about how life is unfair.

Life is unfair. I know I've had plenty of mean, hurtful, indifferent people in my life, and have had plenty happen to me that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But I eventually realized that I'm in charge of the choices I make, not the people around me.

You've come to the right place, if you're willing to put your defenses down and listen. The people here trying to help are also the same people that have gone through so many ups and downs with the mental as well as physical issues of battling with weight. We may all be at a different point, but we've all been in the very same place as you: the beginning. And many of us recognize the stages of denial you're in because we've experienced them ourselves first-hand.

If you think it's harsh for anyone to ask you how to expect to lose weight if you don't diet, don't work out, and keep on taking second helpings from Mom . . . well, you've got a few things to figure out for yourself. Just don't let your insecurities make you lash out to those that are trying to help you.

Forgottenqueen,
Your mom may be thinking, feeding you is the only way to express love. But, have a heart to heart talk with her. Tell her doctor has told you, if you do not lose weight, you may have heart attack. If possible, fake heartache.
I know, it is not fair, but if that is only way she is going to understand, then let her have it.
You are only 24, if you follow diet you will be normal weight within a year.
Just make some changes.
Start drinking 3 to 4 glasses of warm water with 1/4 th lime first thing in morning.
Then eat break fast 1 egg, 3 egg white, 1 fruit, 1 cup of cooked oats in water.
You can use 1-2 tsp of olive oil to cook your entire braeakfast.
In addition you can put as much as veges in your eggs.

After 2 hours have low fat sugar free yogurt. Do only these changes to start
And see results after 1 week. I bet, you will lose at least 3 lbs/week.
Then i will what to do next.
I am older than your mother, treat me as your mother.

I can relate. I kinda agree maybe you shouldn't tell your mom about your eating disorders. She may say things to make you feel bad,.. but only you know if it's a good idea or not. Maybe you can checkout some self help books at the library and learn some ways to cope with the eating disorder. I'm sorry your school won't help you with the eating disorder. If you are up to it, I would keep trying and make some calls or write to whoever runs the programs for the eating disorders. I know it is sometimes hard to get that type of help and you have to push a little before they open the doors.

Is there any chance your mom might have some mental illness? Maybe she doesn't see you as fat. Maybe she sees the food you eat as too little. Who knows?
The reason I ask is because my mom is a food pusher but also suffers from mental illness so any trying to reason with her just goes out the window. It's something I really struggle with accepting and trying not to get angry when she pushes food on me.
I leave the room or go out for a walk. Take a few deeps breaths. Refocus on my goal. I try to do yoga a few days a week to calm my mind and it helps.
Other posters already gave some good suggestion on saying no or put the food away and say you'll eat it later. If it doesn't work then just leave the room or go out..it might cause some tension but you just have to decide what is more important, losing the weight and having a better future for yourself in exchange for a little disagreement with your mom or sit there and eat the food to make your mom happy for the moment.

Everyone here as put there two cents in and I think has given you a wealth of information and support.

I want to add that you should really find a counselor—not for your eating disorder but for your perception of self. You seem to think that all of your problems will disappear when you are "skinny." They won't. Being thin isn't a panacea for your problems and can bring up a whole host of new ones. Weight loss is as much mental as it is physical and I believe one must be healthy mentally in order to be successful in losing and maintaining weight.

You don't magically become that person you've always wanted just because your jean size is in the single digits.

Excellent point.

Just wanted to say welcome and send a :hug:

You've had some great advice here - most of us have, and still do, struggle with insecurities and other issues. The only person who can take that first step of the journey is you - I have a pic on my wall that says "If you want something badly enough, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find excuses." I look at that whenever I start questioning things to remind myself why I started this.

Best of luck and please come back and post - this really is a very helpful forum! :)

I hope you get to read this.

I'm an obese college student, I weigh a similar amount, and I'm 23. We already have a fair bit in common!

To be blunt with you, your mom sounds like an enabler. There could be many reasons why she's doing this, but the fact of the matter is, you cannot allow her to do this to you anymore. I'm not suggesting that it's all your mother's fault you're overweight, but she's certainly not helping the situation by being unsupportive and even downright sabotaging.

You need to take matters into your own hands immediately. I don't know what your relationship with your mother is like so this may be difficult, but you need to say no to her and have it mean something. Stop accepting food from her, even if it hurts her feelings. You need to take back control of your own life.

Your choices now dictate the future you will have.

Please PM me if you want to chat or feel like you need some extra support. I understand your concerns about going to the gym -- at the moment your self-esteem is obviously very low -- but there's other things you can do besides gymming it. I don't use a gym. I want to later down the track, but I just started small by doing half-hour walks, usually just after sundown (it's the Vampire Method - no one will bother you!). Do this every day if you can, just to get your fitness level up. You'll be surprised by how quickly this happens and how much better you'll feel.

Again, if you want to talk just PM me. I'll always be here to listen. I hope things work out for you. :)

Well I came across this posting just by a mistake as I normally just post under the diet I am doing but I have to put my two cents in here. First NO ONE IS ATTACKING you, they are giving you suggestions and tips- this is what support groups like this do. First off let me tell you a bit about myself when I was 16 I swam for the national swim team, I ran marathons and triathlons, I was VERY active and in amazing shape, I’m 5”8 and was 149lbs with 4% body fat. I started dating a guy who as the story goes was wonderful at first, I was very thin and very good looking, he turned abusive due to jealousy. He got so bad that he would tie me up and force me to eat, because no one wants a fat chick he would say. This went on for about a year until my parents and the police stepped in. For years I wallowed in self pity- my life sucks, I have no one, everyone hates me, I’m being judged etc etc etc because I was hurting on the inside I turned to food and ate myself up to 254lbs (a size 22 from a size 4). It didn’t happen all at once but over a few years, when I was about your age I went to counseling to deal with my anger. She told me things that hurt and made me feel attacked, but it was the truth. 4 years after the counseling, I’m happily married with a great job and found a diet that works for me. What I have to say I know you’re not going to like because of the frame of mind you are in, but maybe one day you will look back and be like, I should have taken that advice (why do I know this, because I have been there). First off, you will continue to gain weight until you are ready to change that. You clearly have some internal issues that you need to deal with, until then you will continue to eat your feelings. You are the only person who can change yourself. At the gym no one is judging you- they will think good for her she wants to change, the thought you have that people are judging you is an excuse you have made so that you do not have to change. Stop with the self pitty, it will not help you, be accountable to yourself, I DID THIS TO MYSELF NOW ITS TIME TO CHANGE.

Most people who look at you in the gym aren't judging you--they're just people-watching. A lot of us spend a lot of time there and it gets boring, so we watch other people. One day I was walking out of the gym, past the pool area, which has large windows. There was an aqua fit class in there. Many of those people are very obese, so they're starting small. I was curious to see what one does in a pool for aerobics other than swimming, so I stopped to watch. As soon as I did, every head in the pool swiveled my way. They all had that look I know I've worn before--that "please don't watch me, I feel fat enough as it is" look. I felt sad because my curiosity had made an entire class full of people uncomfortable. I'm fat too so it's not like they had anything to be jealous of. Please don't mistake peoples' curiosity for hatred. It's just human nature.

Anyone who's ever had to go to the gym to lose weight knows that a fat person at the gym isn't a failure; they're a work in progress. And those who DO judge--well, these tend to be people who've never walked a mile in your shoes, who are naturally skinny. Or they're just young and haven't yet hit their "metabolism wall." The best thing you can do for yourself is to get out there and start moving now, while you're young. You're lucky you've come to the understanding that you need to do something about this in your twenties. You could lose the weight now, while your skin has good elasticity.

I also don't think anyone is judging you. People are just giving you a bit of tough love in the hope that it will click. When I read your original post, what stood out was the large number of negative beliefs you seem to hold. You can't do this, you can't do that. Change your beliefs, change your behaviours.

I used to believe that I "couldn't" keep Nutella in the house without eating all of it. Now I have it in the house every day, because my kids like it, and I almost never think about it. My previous belief was limiting and wrong.

Take it one day at a time. The more you see that you CAN make changes, the more you'll believe in yourself, and the easier it will be to make further changes. The commitment has to come from inside yourself. Once that part has clicked, you'll be unstoppable.

Freelance