I agree with the documenting part: I was getting harassed at work and that's what my manager said. Dates and time, what was said/done exactly and witnesses. Once you got a couple of proof, just give him the sheet if you don't want to meet him and get emotional... I cried non-stop when I did.

re:
 

Ok, so now he is physically assaulting you.

Yes, it was a stress ball but he is throwing stuff at you none the less. You really need to get this to stop, regardless of how you believe he is perceived in the office.

Let us know how the talk with your supervisor goes.

In general DEF speak up! But depending on the size of your workplace there may be procedures already in place you are supposed to follow when reporting in. If you have some sort of code of conduct manual for the workplace, look up where he's breaking rules and how you are to follow rules in reporting these types of things.

Worried about falling apart?

Write a short letter. Bullet list some points. Run off 3 copies. Deliver. There. You don't have to cry or anything. Something short and sweet -- one page facts. Maybe like...


You can put in for transfer too if you want, but let them know he's still left in this group causing this ruckus. Just cause you leave and escape the nonsense doesn't mean the company doesn't still have a problem in this employee!

You don't have to cry, you don't have to appear unprofessional yourself. Be classy, drop the letters, and put the ball in their court. I know you can get caught off guard, but DO NOT stoop to his level of unprofessional behavior.

You've done your bit. You have reported it. Now you expect them to do THEIR bit. AND you are creating the paper trail in case they slack off and you need to take it higher.

A.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Here is my advice about handling it -- of course, you decide what is best for you, but here is my advice.

You need to go look in the mirror and say to yourself: "I approve of myself" and "I love myself" and say it many times a day.... hundreds of times a day is barely enough. This will be the starting place for you to believe that you deserve to be treated well. Once you know you deserve to be treated well, the answer will be obvious.

I do not know exactly what you need to do, since I know nothing at all about employment law or your place of business other than what you have already shared with us. But I believe that on some level, you know what to do, and that the issue has to do with a lot of delicate issues that you have to balance. I can tell that you are intelligent, socially and intellectually, and therefore, I know that you have the answer inside of you.

If this sounds too hard, imagine that you are someone you love and care about -- perhaps imagine that you are your own daughter. Imagine what you would tell her to do. Then do that.

I agree
 

I agree! You have the right and deserve to be respected for WHO you are, not for the SIZE you are! Keep telling yourseld that you are beautiful and it's not your fault that others are to blind to see. God bless and hang in there.:hug:

so sorry to hear what you are going through, it reminds me of when I was bullied back in high school! everyone gave you good suggestions and I don't know the laws in your country, so no advice but just to say it's good that you are coming here to let it all out and that you have a friend to talk to. Hope you are still working out since that helps relieve some stress also. Don't let these bullies distract you from your goals and don't let them ruin your self esteem!

I haven;t read all the replys but this chaps my hide !

REPORT THEM IT IS CONSIDERED SEXUAL HARASSMENT !!! FRY THEIR BUTTS !

Thank you so much for caring everyone. It means a lot to me.

I was so miserable the other day that i started bawling my eyes out as soon as I walked in the door of my home. I barely touched my dinner (my pet doggie benefited from that :)) and then went to bed. I was supposed to go to the gym this morning but i was too upset to go. I could not sleep past 5.00 am so I decided to come to work early.

When I came in to office I found out the room supervisor is on leave for the day. So I called him up and asked him if he will be coming in to work even for a short while today. He said no and he asked me what was wrong. I told him I have an issue in office and I wanted to talk to him without taking things up with HR first. He asked me if I would like to talk about it over the phone and I said no, because I wanted to talk to him in person about it. I trust him a lot. He is very caring and I know he won't put up with this kind of behavior.

As I mentioned before, in Sri Lanka, being bullied for being overweight is accepted. Therefore, if I went to my room supervisor or HR there is a possibility that they would think I was overreacting and being overly sensitive. But now he has physically abused me. Now I have a better reasons to complain about him.

Right now I am working for a temporary project in my office. And the reason I didn't bring up this issue until now is because I didn't want the senior management thinking I was some insecure, sensitive person (which could lead to me being put to a horrid team or being 'on the bench' for a long time). The company is very bureaucratic. The seniors have their favorites and they get promotions and good work. That is why I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want anyone to think I am a difficult person to work with. Now that he has physically abused me, they will know I have a good reason to complain.

In my workplace, personal relationships are very important. If you are good friends with your boss, then you know you are set for life. I respect my room supervisor and I wanted to explain the situation to him first before even thinking of going to HR, because if I went to HR first and they called him up and asked him "Do you know something like this was going on in your room?", he would say no and he may even take the jerk's side since he is very fond of the jerk. If I tell him my side of the story first and HR calls him and asks him about it, then he would be better informed about my side of the story.

I will speak to him tomorrow and consider his advice. I will let you guys know how the meeting goes :)

:hug:

Hang in there!

You are totally right in that physical assault is physical assualt -- that's so obviously NOT being a "team player" and your complaining about that cannot be put down to your being a "fussy" worker who cannot take a "joke."

I hope your boss puts an end to that nonsense!

GL!
A.

Will be praying for you! Keep us updated.

good luck to you sharm! i had to deal with bullying my entire childhood, but luckily not so much as an adult.

I would make damn sure he got fired.

yes, but, if he were fired then the whole staff might feel resentful. not saying he doesn't deserve it, but something to consider. its awful, because its like damned if you do..damned if you don't. be strong!

hopefully HR will speak to him and he will change his ways. have you ever considered speaking to him yourself, sharm? i know you said he had asked you before if you were mad at him. maybe take that opportunity to pull him aside and let him know how much his little jokes really hurt and if he could please stop? although i don't know if you've already tried that.

i can't believe there are adults that actually act like this.

Legally, people like this are adults, but really they're just overgrown, insecure, mean kids.

I dislike the group mentality. I don't mean the bullied, I mean those that see what the bully is doing and does nothing so as not to rock the boat or have the torment turned on them. Odds are at least one of those witness had a fleeting thought that it's mean, inappropriate and wrong but they didn't say anything out of fear.

That said, if witnesses are calling into HR one by one, it's likely one of them will eventually admit what they've seen because it won't be revealed to the bully who "squealed".

Hi everyone. Thank you for your support and prayers :hug:

I spoke to my room supervisor a short while ago. From the first second I started crying (I have no idea why). He got really upset and asked me whats wrong. I told him everything. Not the specifics, but that I am being bullied in the room and I feel cornered, no one speaks to me, the stress ball incident etc.

He said this is a very serious matter. It is sexual abuse and I want you to make a formal complaint with HR. I said I don't want to take it to that level because this person works for you and I don't want to put the supervisor in a difficult position and I just want to leave the room. He said "I don't care if he works for me or not, if he is popular or not. I am a very fair person. If he has upset you this much it is a very serious thing. I need to know who is doing this because others in the room maybe affected by the same person as well." I repeatedly told him I don't want to mention his name but was very persistent and I had to tell him that its the jerk. To my surprise he said "I thought it must be him. I am very disappointed." I asked him not to take any action against him. I don't know what he will do though..

He kept on telling me to make a formal complaint to HR. I told him I don't want to and you guys know why :) He told me he will transfer me immediately. He asked me why I waited this long. I told him I didn't want to seem like a sensitive person who can't take a joke. He said once or twice maybe okay but to go to constantly make comments is not right. And he asked me why I went and tried to talk to him. I told him since the jerk is one of my friends and I felt sorry for him. He said you shouldn't have spoken to him. And he said I am glad you confided in me.

So now everything is out in the open. I will be transferred in a few days. Thank you for all your support guys. It gave me a lot of strength to come this far. I'll let you know if anything else comes up regarding this issue :) :hug:

re:
 

Great! Your supervisor sounds like a good one! He has good advice about talking to HR. I know you don't want to, but really consider it. You're being transferred but do you want that to happen to someone else?

.

I totally understand what you are saying Vex :) My supervisor said the exact same thing. He told me to tell who was harassing me exactly so that he can be more vigilant. He said he will tactfully ask the others in the room if they are being harassed. Even though I didn't make a formal complaint I am glad that the senior management know about this. I'm sure they will take some action. That is what my friends said. My supervisor told me he won't take any action just to get the jerk's name out of me. He is very sneaky that way lol

I'm glad your boss(es) are looking into it!

Good for you for speaking up!

I hope things improve with your transfer for you. I also hope this gives you courage if you ever encounter this again -- speak up sooner, take it to HR, whatever it needs to be. But feel stronger about taking action.

GL!
A.

i'm so happy to see that your supervisor was supportive! good luck in your transfer.

That's horrible.. what a disgusting human being he is. Can you record it somehow and threaten to sue for sexual discrimination/work place bullying?

Sorry to hear about it though, I hope you can find a solution.. you deserve much better than this!

That's absolutely horrific! you are a human being! If anyone spoke to me that way I would still be crying a week from then... No body deserves that, it's harassment and you aren't in middle school anymore. File a complaint, sure he isn't worth listening to and all that but stuff a sock in his big fat douche bag mouth and go to your boss about it!

Hi everyone. I just moved into a new client room!! It was so sad for me to leave my old room friends behind. I didn't even look at the jerk or his friends. Good riddance to em! I am surrounded by a really nice bunch of people, who actually know how to behave like professionals and adults :)

I am so glad this finally worked out!! You have done a very good job telling us all about the situation, plus you have explained the cultural differences that made the situation difficult to handle, different maybe than in the U.S. Best wishes to you!! :hug:

I'm so happy that you moved and are now surrounded by nice people, but I still think it's not fair that they get away with bullying you like that. That was just so rude and mean, I can't believe some people actually act like that! From what I see in your avatar here you are a gorgeous woman, perhaps that's what was really bothering them :D

Congrats! :carrot: I hope the people in your new room are better behaved. And now your old room supervisor knows what the jerk has been up to and will probably be keeping an eye on him.

I'm glad things are looking up for you!

A.

Thanks everyone!! The support you guys have given me has really helped me regarding this situation.

@Natasha22 - Hahahaha!! I don't know if that is the case. Maybe someone should tell him that he should be nice to girls he finds attractive huh? Such a neanderthal!! He has a girlfriend. Poor thing..

My old room supervisor told us yesterday afternoon that they will be shifting to a multi-client room which they will be sharing with other people. I was really happy for the others in the room because I thought that this would shut the jerk up (coz there will be more people in the room). Unfortunately the room supervisor will be moving downstairs, which means there will be no one to keep at tab on the jerk. I am really worried for my old room friends because I am sure this jerk is going to behave a million times worse now..

On the bright side, I am happy I mentioned my issue to the room supervisor before the move happened. Otherwise I would have been stuck in that miserable situation for a long time.

I'm So PROUD Of You <333333333333333333333333333
:D

I'm entering late but I'd write down everything, keep a list of witnesses to the events, and talk to HR. I'm sorry this is happening. Makes me angry for you.

Is that a picture of yourself in your avatar? Whoever it is is absolutely beautiful, and if it is you, he probably has a foolish crush on you.

Still, what he is doing is mean spirited and cruel. Can you talk to him alone and ask him to stop? Perhaps he doesn't realize that his insensitivity towards you is very hurtful. Some people say stuff meaning to joke around, but end up hurting others. If that doesn't work, go to your boss and report him. There shouldn't be any tolerance for crap like that, joking around or not.

Please, don't you EVER think of killing yourself over another human being, or any reason for that matter! You deserve to live a happy, healthy, and bountiful life, don't ever let anyone ignorant like this make you feel this awful about yourself- you don't deserve it!

Often times, "bullies" have been the object of bullying themselves, whether it's from home, work, sports, school, etc. He can't have a good self esteem himself, if he feels the need to say such things to another person who's done no harm to him.

Sending you a big hug. :hug: Hang in there, sweetie, and I hope your work situation gets better for you.

Edit- I just read the posts above- so happy for you that you are out of that room and away from that buffoon! You deserve so much better, sweetie, glad you're away from those idiots!

I am sorry I could not log in to 3FCOAD in a long time. I am so touched by all your comments. I truly appreciate your words of love and encouragement.

@Steelslady - Yes that is me :) Thank you so much!! :hug:

It has been a week since I moved to this room. I am so happy!! The people here are a very nice bunch of people who are very caring and friendly. It shows that one spoiled apple ruins the whole bunch (I hope I got that right lol) because I can see a big difference in the attitudes and behaviors of the people I associate with now and the ones I had to associate with before. Many of my friends told me the past couple of days that I look prettier. And I think it is because I am not depressed anymore and it shows on my face. I can feel a huge difference in my body.

I had my annual appraisal a yesterday and my previous supervisor (who I told my problem to) had appraised me really well. I was worried that he would have thought I was being too emotional and this would affect my appraisal but he had been very fair during the whole appraisal process. As he said, he is a fair person and I am so grateful I had the opportunity to tell my problem to him. I met him a few days ago and he was like "How are you? Is everything okay?" and he asked me to remind my current supervisor about my appraisal. Such a nice person :)

There is a new trainer at my gym who is really nice. My elder brother jokes that I am going to molest him because I like him so much lol. The reason I like him so much is because he is so nice to everyone at the gym. The previous instructors used to talk only to their favorites or to the pretty ladies who used to come to the gym. So this poor guy got picked on by a man who apparently has been a member of the gym for the past 15 years. The instructor had asked to see his membership on 5 consecutive days and each day this man gets so offended and starts screaming at him in front of everyone in the gym. Some Sri Lankans have this mentality where they think that if they have a good job (this man is an engineer) everyone else is dirt. He spoke to this poor guy in such a rude manner, even my brother got angry. And this man got other men in the gym involved and they started bullying the poor guy saying "Do you know he has been coming to this gym for 15 years? How dare you ask to see his membership?" etc.

The owner of the gym goes to the church I go to. So I told the instructor (who is new to the gym and therefore did not know the engineer is an old customer) that if he needs me to, I can talk to the owner. You guys should have seen his face light up!! Because no one was taking his side. I know first hand how that feels so I wanted to help him. Anyway the instructor is not in any trouble because he had told the senior management about this and they are fully on his side.

I mentioned this story to you guys because it was you guys who gave me the strength to support this poor man. It disgusts me to see how people treat the less fortunate. We are all human beings and it is not right to treat another human being in a bad manner just because they are poor.

Sorry for rambling on for so long :D and thanks again for all the love :hug:

Sharmsluv -- I'm so glad that you solved your problem AND were able to help someone else with their problem!!

You can always tell the strength of someone's character by how they treat those who can do nothing for them.

I guess judging by your ticker, you are in Sri Lanka and not the U.S. Here you would be in MAJOR trouble for doing such a thing--most likely lose your job from any reputable company and could be facing a lawsuit.

You could try talking to him one on one. You could ignore him. You could take things off the court so to speak and see what you could do away from the office.

In any case, it isn't okay what he is doing. In the end and no matter the culture the guy is a Pu**y.

oh glad you got it resolved!

I know that this may sound bad, but since he's behaving like such a middle schooler, use your phone to video record how he's behaving. Sometimes, people need to be exposed to a greater audience than their bosses or friends for their inappropriate behavior. You could post the footage in whatever manner you see fit. I know what people are going to say about my idea, but just think about this:

If he's fired from his current position. Then maybe you'll be able to save other people from this type of treatment, at least at your work. So what if he gets another job. The point is that if someone is told this is inappropriate behavior or offensive and it needs to stop, and they continue to do it, then they truly deserve to be exposed to the general public.

Sorry, I got ticked off after reading through the thread about what has happened to you.

First off, I'm so glad you're in a new room now and you're happy and things are looking better for you!


Second:

I do not believe in defending oneself or doing anything to placate or validate the kind of illegal and obnoxious behavior that this person was exhibiting. This issue is not about "losing weight" or making this guy "drool". This is a person who is hateful towards overweight people and who feels he can dominate women through ridicule and bullying. telling someone to lose the weight is putting the problem on their shoulders, as if being heavy is the problem. the problem is this guy is a sociopath and that's NOT going to change even if the whole world changed to suit him.

I am so sorry this has happened to you and am glad you are away from these people.

Thanks everyone for your love :)

So I saw the jerk today and he has put on a considerable amount of weight. That is not something I would wish upon even my worst enemy. But what comes to my mind right now are the lyrics from Beyonce's song "What goes around comes back around, hey my baby." lol.

My previous supervisor had brought up this issue at the jerk's appraisal. one of the girls in his room told me. The other girls in the room were also asked if they have been harassed by him. The ones who were have said yes. This has led to the jerk being a little bit nicer than before. Not much but its some improvement, I guess. So whenever he cracks a joke he says "Okay now don't go telling our supervisor I said this okay?" He is really scared of the supervisor so hopefully he will behave in a more professional manner from now on.

if he's an office fav go over the bosses head. What a jerk.

I realize most of us are responding to this issue from a North American perceptive.
I am glad that you got out of the situation but sorry you took so much abuse before you felt you could report it. I'm also sorry that the other people in the room let it go on so long.

In my workplace it is considered very inappropriate to make any comments on a person's appearance or on on what how much a person is eating. For example, I have lost a good bit of weight in the past year and only a few people have remarked upon it. In each of these cases they mentioned it very quietly and privately. And that is the procedure for even very positive comments.

Part of the reason for these strong workplace standards maybe because we are surrounded by so many forms of technology that anything inappropriate would likely be recorded immediately in some form.

So I second the advice of the last poster. If you ever find yourself in the same position in the future or if you see someone else subjected to such abuse whip out your cell phone and video the incident right away.

For this guy to reduce you to the state you were in meant there was no way you could function efficiently in your job. That mean he was stealing from the company, the productive time lost by your emotional state and the time he devoted to his bullying behaviour.

But there is a silver lining in all of this. Keep on passing up all the treats brought into the work place. That was one big help to me in losing the weight I did. Most workplaces have really fattening food all they time.

I hope things continue to go well for you in your new location.