[Huzzahforska]

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety a few years ago. I was on medication until about a year ago when I had to leave school. I can't afford the medication without insurance so my doctor and I weened me off of it. He said that I should be fine because I had learned a lot of good techniques to handle my anxiety attacks and we had been working toward taking me off depression meds anyway.

Well, a lot of things have happened in the past year and, while my anxiety isn't doing any worse, I really feel like my depression is back. I know that it's manifesting because I'm in a situation where I am not comfortable or happy. I know that once my fiance and I are in our own place and not living with his mother and I can finally do things to express myself again (which was one of the coping devices for my depression) like baking, art, music and whatnot, everything will be different.

My birthday is tomorrow and I just really want to ignore it. It's my first birthday away from my friends and my family. They're all back in Denver and I moved to Texas with my fiance in October when his mother and her boyfriend invited us to come live with them while we got on our feet. The thing is, from the first day we've been here they've been trying to push us out. They've been putting a tremendous amount of pressure on us and not only is it negatively affecting our relationship, but it's really thrown me back into my depression. I spend all of my time in my bedroom or in the guest room on the elliptical because I just don't want to hear them talk anymore. His mom corners me at least once a week to talk to me about when we'll be getting our own apartment and about my job and I really just feel jipped. I uprooted my whole life and left everything that I love and am comfortable with to move here because they offered to help us, but all they've been doing since the first night we were here has been trying to get us to leave.

We're very respectful of their boundaries and what they want, my fiance makes dinner every night and he takes care of the cat boxes, he sweeps and cleans every day, he goes grocery shopping. I'm usually at work so there isn't much I can do before he does it. They, however, seem to feel like we're not pulling our weight. My soon to be mother in laws boyfriend is an alcoholic and he tends to fly off the handle every few weeks, and when he does he just brings up anything he can think of to try to upset us.. It's terrible. On top of all of that, they don't respect our boundaries or privacy at all. Just the other night my fiance and I were being intimate and we heard his mothers boyfriend outside our bedroom door, he was "adjusting the thermostat" but I really feel like he was just being a creep. Now I'm not comfortable being in the house with him alone, even if my fiance is just asleep in the bedroom.

At any rate, I knew that my birthday here was going to suck. I just wanted to forget about it this year because the last thing I want to do is try to pretend I'm enjoying celebrating my birthday with people who try to make every other day we're here as uncomfortable as possible. But his mother just keeps pestering me. Every single time she's seen me the past week she's asked me what I want for birthday dinner, what kind of cake I want, what I want to do, etc. Well, I don't like her cooking so I don't want her to make anything for my birthday, but I can't say that to her so when I say "nothing" she just keeps asking, and I don't like cake but when I tell her that she names off various other baked goods that I don't want. She fancies herself a baker, but I don't particularly like anything she bakes- plus I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT!!

I'm so flustered because I don't want to acknowledge my birthday and I keep being bothered about it, and I really miss my friends and my family- especially since I've spent every birthday with them and this year I can't.. instead it's going to be my fiance and I pretending to enjoy spending too much time with his mother as she bothers us about apartments and her alcoholic boyfriend who makes me uncomfortable. UGH. I want to go home or move out.. or something.

If I could just do something creative I would feel so much better.

[inglesita64]

I imagine you must go through ****... What does your fiance say about this? Have you worked out how long you need to stay there to rent an apartment?
The ellyptical is a good answer, but maybe there are other things on the creative side you could do in your room. What other activities have you considered?
Chin up, girl, this is temporary! I guess they invited you so as to get the son back, and what they always wanted was to have him nearby but not at home. Work you way towards your own place, and don't let this ruin your relationship...
Good luck!

[WinterRunner]

Oh my goodness girl, I wish I could give you a hug right now! You are in an absolutely tough position.

I understand the difficulties of starting out. What is awful is that you were presented with help but then, in reality, the help wasn't what it presented itself as. I wish I had advice for you but, in this situation, I don't know what I would do. I really do feel for you, I am sorry that your finance's parents are well, creating an unhealthy environment.

In terms of your birthday: It is your birthday. You go out and do something for yourself! If you don't want to be stuck with his parents, don't. Do something for YOU! If this creates a difficult situation at home, maybe you might be able to get away with saying that it is a tradition of yours. In terms of his mom baking for your birthday, be firm: "I appreciate you wanting to bake me something, I am trying to lose weight and don't want a baked good for my birthday this year. If you really want to have a special dessert how about dark chocolate?" I don't know if you like dark chocolate, that was a random suggestion, you could put anything there or completely omit the second half.

This past birthday, I had been feeling down and treated myself to a gym membership. Maybe, you could treat yourself to a cooking class for your birthday or some sort of art class. That way, you will have a creative outlet as well as getting away from an uncomfortable environment. You need to take care of yourself.

You might also want to chat with your fiance that you need him to help you through this situation. When the chance arises and your financial situation allows, I would suggest getting out of that house as soon as possible! You deserve better treatment than you are getting there!

I hope you have an absolutely wonderful and happy birthday! If you ever need someone to chat with let me know. You will get through this! HUGS!

[Huzzahforska]

My fiance and I are both starting new jobs on Monday and we plan to be out of here at the end of March.. it can't come soon enough. A lot of places require 3 months of employment verification, but if we tell them we just moved here and show them pay stubs for a month and a half we might be able to work something out.

I've talked to my fiance about the way I feel and he feels very similarly. We're trying our hardest to get each other through it, but it's getting harder and harder to tolerate.

Right now my mother in law's boyfriend thinks that we're still sleeping because we haven't come out of our bedroom yet, and he's trying to blast us out with terrible 80's glam rock. Thank goodness for headphones.

[Huzzahforska]

So, my birthday has gone alright. My fiance and I went out shopping for new work clothes for me and then we went and did a registry at Sur La Table, which was fun! My homesickness has kind of subsided, especially since only one of my friends (who actually lives even further from home than I do) and my mom wished me a happy birthday. Makes it a lot easier to not miss people when they've forgotten about you, I suppose. It doesn't help with the other feelings I've had about things, but meh.

I gave in and told my fiance's mother that I wanted a spinach salad with chicken, almonds, blue cheese, and dried cranberries for dinner and a fruit salad for dessert instead of birthday cake or a baked good.. I figured that if she wanted to make something for me so bad I may as well ask that it be something I'll eat and not feel bad about eating. I'm actually kind of excited about dinner now.

[QueenofThorn]

Oh good God. I thought my husband and I had it bad when we were stuck living with my inlaws after I was laid off. I am SO sorry to hear you're still stuck living with inlaws even though you're working full time. A lot of baby boomers (or people living high on the hog because they still live with their baby boomer parents) will try to tell you "just move out." But a lot of them don't realize how high the cost of living is now, or consider that renting the cheapest apartment you can find will land you in an area far from jobs or high-crime.

It's amazing how people will welcome you into their home...until you actually come into their home. I'm so sorry they're adding to your stress while you were holding down one job and were hunting for another. There is one thing you might not have considered, and might still consider if you're feeling unsafe in the house: rent a room in someone else's home. Find a room rental, go interview the landlord and maybe they're better than a creepy alcoholic boyfriend. Most often room-renters will have their own ground rules, but they WON'T invade your privacy and really all they want is to keep to themselves and let you keep to yourselves. It's cheap, too--I've had friends rent from nice landlords for $300/mo, including use of the kitchen and their own bathroom. I understand you want to save money, but it's a suggestion if things get more unsafe before you can get the apartment you want.

Another suggestion: I hope you're not trying to save for furniture for when you move out. You are miserable where you're living, and could probably use that money to get out of the house more often. Once you do move out, you can furnish the apartment gradually. I have a friend who did that. It also reduces moving costs/hassle when you have less furniture.

And finally, you are not alone. There are hundreds of thousands of young couples, if not millions, who are hurting because of the economy right now, and are being forced to surrender their dignity and privacy to live with parents. We all know what it's like being treated like children just because we've fallen into financial misfortune. I won't tell you to be patient, because there's just No Way you could be. But I will say you have nothing to be ashamed of. You're working hard, and someday you will move out. Your inlaws, on the other hand, are stuck with each other. ;-)

[Huzzahforska]

Luckily my fiance had a talk with his mom's boyfriend and he pretty much just leaves me alone now.. I haven't been alone in the house with him, which is totally fine with me, and with my new work schedule there won't be any reason to be anyway. I'm glad for that. My fiance and I went and looked at an apartment today that we really like and we're planning on moving at the end of March. We have the money to move out now, but we both started new jobs this week and the complex we're looking at require three paystubs from the current jobs. So in a month we'll be out. I can deal with a month.

We're not saving up for any furniture. We left almost all of our stuff in Denver, in my parents basement, when we left. We're going to take a weekend sometime in April and go up to Denver and get our stuff. We have money saved for that too. Just gotta get the apartment.. We feel kind of in limbo right now. Getting the new jobs has taken a lot of stress off of us and, at least, our relationship is getting better again.

[junebug41]

Aww, sticky living situations are tough! The great thing is you're both highly motivated to move forward with your lives. And that's awesome that you both found work so quickly! I'm sure a new home isn't far behind. While it stinks right now, it sounds like you're doing everything right.

I'm also an ex-Denverite and I'm also very homesick. We moved to Nebraska for my husband's job and it's very different. But the people are nice and I'm trying to get out and about as much as possible. The lack if sunshine definitely impacts my mood and I have to get out and about or I get stabby

Good luck and congrats on the engagement and happy birthday!!!

[karaheissman]

Reading your post almost brought me to tears. Things must be so difficult for you. But I salute you for being brave and strong enough to stick with your fiance.

I agree getting a hobby will really help ease out the stress that is building up inside you and causing you to feel depressed. A hobby will help divert your thoughts from stressors long enough for moments of relaxation. Why don't you try running or jogging? Not only will it keep your thoughts off temporarily from all the negative things around you but will also serve as a channel for the release of all your pent-up tension. Running is a great way to escape in to your own world, and to be left alone, if that’s what you like. I run a lot because I like to be by myself and feel free. At first I found running hard but I started by brisk walking and then progress to jogging slowly. Plus running also helped me towards my other goal of losing weight.