DECEMBER Chat :)
 

Hey guys... I'm starting the December Chat :) I'm trying to force myself to be happy, I used to love Christmas and decorated on the first of the month. The earliest I'll get to it this year is Thursday, I'm not sure I'll feel like it but I'm going to force myself to do it, maybe it'll perk me up.

I got all motivated up this weekend and decided I was going to take the plunge and seriously train for a half marathon. I wanted to do couch to 5k again at a faster pace because I'm so slow when I run. I knew I'd have to take it slow so I picked out a few training programs to do. When I added up all the weeks it turned out to be 46 :( That's a full 2 months/8 weeks past the half marathon I wanted to run. So then I crawled back into my hole of depression. I just want to kick my own butt most days. Maybe I can skip one program, or just do half of it. But the resonable part of my brain still screams "That's not enough time!!!!!!!!". Usually I have to be signed up and paid for a race in order to motivate myself so I'm not sure what I'm going to do now.

Well........ I hope you all are fine.

Hope - It is very nice to see you again.. sorry about your back :(

Raven - You really do rock girl.

All - Thanks for the encouragement... I'll keep slugging through.

you can do it aunty jam if you put your mind to it x

Im really run down since the op im full of cold sores and i think i got an infection in my hand where the drip was :( im off to the doctors tomoz.

When i went out today i burst out crying cus im so stressed about college work :(

hope your all well xxx

Hey guys. My plan to be happy has hit a major road block. Got a call today that my Granny may not make it through the night :( It's to far to go tonight, but tomorrow we're going to an extremely small town (maybe 300 people) in the middle of Saskatchewan. Don't worry if I'm not on for the next while. I'll be with my family.

sorry to hear that your granny is not well my thoughts are with you and your family take care hun xxx

Aunty Jam thank you for starting the Dec. chat :) First, I'm so sorry to hear of your grandmother ...best wishes, hon!! Grannys are special people. I have a framed pic of my granny and a framed b-day card she gave me years ago, i love her. I wish i could super-encourage you to continue with your running training! I am in awe of anyone who can run. You know it's so good for you. I'm sorry you're not 'into' Christmas yet, maybe that will come.

ems, I'm sorry about your school stress!! and the possible infection. Get well, hon!

Raven - I now look forward to your posts, they are awesome :cool:

Hope!!! :hug: I knew you were around. I'm so sorry about your back though, that must be so painful. Cause you can't do anything without using your back. Consider me your cyber partner in eating right and working out, I have got to get back to liking myself (my body) again somehow.

momof4, I'm so glad that maybe now your hard work will show more payoffs!! sorry about your cough.

countrybarbie - that is so kewl that your boyfriend is with you on this battle!! that must be so helpful.

I'm still doing well...which is INCREDIBLE for me, for this time of year. Maybe because we had a mild and moderate November. And I rode the motorcycle 9 days in NOvember :cool: For whatever reason, I'm grateful.

Today I worked on the upstairs bookcases again. Two more big boxes of books taken out to be donated; threw out old papers; dusted and vacuumed, and then condensed one big bookcase into a smaller, more attractive one. Oh -so-happy to get this stuff done!!!

Last week was to get to a corner downstairs where there was a bookcase full of moldy old books, and it had our telephone and a photocopier on top; and telephone books in with the old moldy books. Got rid of the books; saved the bookcase (it's the smaller one that is upstairs now) put the photocopier upstiars by my desk; put a small table/lamp combo that was in my bedroom but too cramped in the corner; now it is a clean, uncluttered little table/lamp/telephone area :carrot: DH comes home..and says...(get ready) "Is that table secure for the telephone?"

Listen, jerk, it looks 1000% better and all you have to say is that?? I was so pissed...but kept my cool. I know I was the one with the energy and vision and pride to make it better. And I'm gonna enjoy it and forget that stupid stupid comment.

ok happy face back on :devil:

well I'm back to rant and vent about DH again..when he came home yesterday, not a comment about 'wow that looks so great that must have been alot of work', but 'I hope none of my collectibles got thrown out'. I couldn't see straight I was so mad. Years of sloth on his part and I do the work to make it look normal and get criticized. Dammit I am still going to try to improve my life surroundings by keeping on doing this.

And I'm not even sure what his 'collectibles' are . If they are the star wars models that are on top of the shelf, how about dusting them or taking care of them, they have been in..the .. same...spot.. untouched.. for at least 15 years :rolleyes:

Helloooo Peeps!!!

I am sorry guys...I have been insanely busy this week! Between starting my next class, going to the gym every day, going to yoga twice a week and all the extra little errands... I am taking DD driving when I can...running errands...had to get the dreaded pap done...ugh..setting up appts for the boobie squeeze...:) Lots of stuff going on!

HOPE!!!! OMG!!! Love you girl!!! So sorry to hear about the back!!! I hope it heals really soon!!! So happy you are posting again!!! Woo hoo!!!

Ooh! Holly!! Guess what? I have the SAME instructor for this new class too!!! But! It actually may be a blessing in disguise because she seems to have learned her lesson finally and has posted ALL the discussion questions already! :D That means I can finally work ahead or at least make sure I can finish all my work for the week by Friday and have my weekends off! Yay!!!

I am so psyched about my rising energy levels! I used to be wiped out after Body Pump class...now I am able to do 45 mins of cardio afterwards and am still able to function the rest of the evening! Woo hoo! :carrot:

Oh...and Holly...I have to say something else...I have been doing a lot of reading...the Dalai Lama...Surya Das...lots of stuff like that. The things that bother us are always the small things. And...our expectations of other people. We are only responsible for our own thoughts, actions, and behaviors. When we place our expectations on other people and they don't live up to them it is really our own problem more than it is theirs. You are unhappy with the clutter and the way things look...and you are taking care of it to make yourself feel better, to be happy and more content... That should be your focus. I hate to say it but your DH sounds like he is sort of happy with the status quo and doesn't see or feel the need for change. Some men are like that...heck some women are like that...he may be threatened by change. Some people get very attached to their "stuff" whether it be mental stories they tell themselves..ideas...or things... Just keep focusing on what makes you feel happy, satisfied, and proud...try not to think about how you expect him to react...it is hard to know what is in someone elses's heart or mind. Who knows why he said what he did...it doesn't have to matter...Be happy with what you have accomplished and when you need support...come here! We will always give you :bravo:

Gotta run peeps! Yoga!!! Love ya EMS, Mom, Barbie, Hope, Holly, & Aunty!!! And all you lurkers and newbies!!! ;)

~Raven~

Chiming In here. I have depression caused by an anxiety disorder. It's a daily struggle and 3 out of 4 days are good for me, but the bad days are hard to handle. I am currently on 10 mg of cipralex and I had a bottle of Ativan but have only ever taken 1.5 tablets in a year. Mostly due to fear of benzos. Anyways just heading out but will be back later

men are bloody hopeless holly they have not got a clue half the time :( keep your chin up hun xxx

I threw a tempter tantrum this morning I'm not proud of. I was home alone, cleaning up the kitchen so I could quick divide up the chicken breast (some for dinner, the rest to be frozen). I planned to get that done and then go out to run errands. I guess I just got overwhelmed. The dog kept getting underfoot, I kept knocking things off the counter. I opened up the cupboard to get a plate and instead of one plate coming out the whole stack did and they fell into the pile of dirty dishes so now I have to wash all of those too. So I just took the plate that was in my hand and slammed it on the counter. 1 second of momentary release just turned into an extra 30 minutes of cleaning shards of plate from every where. I seriously wish I considered the consequences before I did that because now I'm in a fouler mood. :(

awww leah I know what you mean!!!! hope it gets better!!!

It might not be a good sign if a few of my friends are texting me asking if I am ok....if there is something bothering me...if I am mad at them....Didn't realize I was acting different. Just having a hard time draggin myself outta bed and doing what I need to. I dont know what I am going to do but I cant live like this and my thyroid cant be blamed for all this. I am thinking about changing to some plant based diet for a little while I dont know. Not being in the gym has def. affected me. blah!!

Leah, sorry that you felt overwhelmed! picking up broken shards for 30 min. is a pain. I hope the urge to throw things won't happen again :hug:

momof4, maybe the new med hasn't had time to work yet?

ems thanks, I think that is true, lol. I'm over my anger, for now :devil:

Hi to everyone else!

I'm doing great, except for not sticking to my diet :rolleyes Still working out almost every day (average of 6 days a week) either step aerobics/strengh tapes, or 30 Day Shred, or Biggest Loser cardio dvd. Just can't keep away from food. Same ol' same ol. I'll keep trying. Though it seems so stupid for me to carefully fix my brunch of egg substitute / veggies, then have big dinner and cookies at night.

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I have been on Topamax for my migraines for a couple years now and on lamotrigine for 3 months after trying other depression medications for a few years. My weight has been going up and down (mostly up) ever since I had my son 10 years ago and I just can't seem to get a handle on it. I have no energy and I don't know what to do. I just turned 31, got out of another HORRIBLE relationship and would LOVE, LOVE to lose all of the weight and get some self-confidence back.

Hi Bree, well please know that you can come here anytime for our support :hug:

Hey chicks, just checking in :) I am still beating the blues, don't know how but I am not miserable which is amazing. However I AM in pain because I tripped and fell Friday morning and almost went for xrays because of pain in my elbow but it is getting better. But I fell on every part of my body, lol! cut on my nose, cut on inside of mouth from tooth; both palms bruised; skin scraped away on knee, and the elbow/wrist.

I haven't bought any gifts, I left DH order things for our boys through their Amazon wish lists, and DH just buys what ever the *blank* he wants for himself. I think that means I will get whatever I want for myself and not feel guilty. That is bad of me but I can't help myself. He did something inappropriate and I am still shaking my head over it.

Hoping everyone is ok!!

Hey guys... I'm back. Actually I was back on thursday but I've been sick again and kind of over whelmed with the amount of stuff to do (work and personal) before Christmas.

We got to my Granny's town on Wednesday night, I drove like a bat outta ****. We got to see her and she was actually doing better! Her mind was still very much intact but she was quite drugged. It was hard for her to speak but when she did she said loud and clear "How are YOU all!?!?!?" because we'd all been asking how she was and she wanted to know how we were LoL. Typical Granny. She continued to improve, but either myself or my sister stayed with her through out the night. Saturday she was good but agitated, she kept wanting to get up out of bed but as soon as you got her up she'd realize the pain wasn't any better sitting up and want to go back to bed. Everyone thought she'd pull through for a while yet, so we decided not to stay with her Saturday night and go home Sunday (it's a LONG drive and you don't sleep much there with her). We had just gone to bed when the phone rang and it was the nursing home to tell us Granny had passed away in her sleep. One of the girls checked on her around 11 and she was fine, the girl went and did some task, came back and peeked in again and she was gone.... I will miss her horribly :( But she was 99 (would have been 100 in Feb!) and she was in pain... she told everyone she was ready to go. One of the nurses asked her when she wanted to go to heaven and see the angels, loud and clear she said "Oh, any time now!". She smiled when she saw our faces and we got to tell her we loved her and that we would be there with her. That really meant a lot of all of us... especially me since I didn't get to say good bye to my other grandparents. I know I have more tears to cry (I'm starting now again just telling you all of this) but it really is ok. She was an amazing woman and had an amazing life. She used to tell me about going out to check cows on horse back and about how even though she was very young, she knew something was wrong during WWI and that all of the men (including her father) were going away. She only went into the nursing home at 97 years old... until then she lived in her own house. She hurried up and painted the living room and wall papered the kitchen and bathroom of her house at 79 because "No one should have to work after they're 80". After that though she decided to paint the kitchen cupboards, inside and out. She used to walk the long way to the post office in town, she could have gone down the road and across the train tracks... but no, my Granny had to go the oppisite way, around the farmers field, down the highway, then across the tracks and into town. The joke was that some neighbors saw her in a town 4 hours (driving) from hers once and asked her if she had walked there LoL. I sure am going to miss her.

Sorry for rambling on.

Oh Aunty Jam :( I cried reading that. I am so sorry that you will be missing her..but what an amazing lady. We should all be like that, so active and independent for so long in life. I'm glad you told us some about her. May she be as active and independent in heaven :angel:

hope you all have a lovely xmas xxxx

Sorry to hear about your loss Aunty!!! Keep those fond memories of her close!!!

Hope you guys all have a wonderful Christmas. By the looks of it everyone must be busy in December also!

I am hoping my 7 year old is better in the morning. He was running a fever of 103 tonight and had just got all dressed up in his little suit and tie and then puked all over his shoes. I am beat but just wanted to check in!

Be blessed and remember to treasure your family not the presents!! You may not have them next year. (My cousin passed away in her sleep early christmas eve so her family is struggling to have a good Christmas) It has really hit me this year that presents don't mean as much as having your family. I have all my babies and my loved ones and for that I am thankful!!

momof4, i am sorry about your cousin :(

I hope everyone has a happy day today, however way you spend it. And yes be thankful for simple things like family and health and a warm place to live. I have had horrible Christmas days in the recent past and I am just incredibly glad that I haven't fallen into my usual apathetic miserable winter state!

I tried to post yesterday but it kept booting me off.
Happy Holidays everybody.

how frustrating! glad to see you here now though, hope :)

Hello to everyone!! there are many i haven't seen here in a while and I hope you're all alright :hug:

Yesterday, I went back to last year's threads and was reviewing...I remember being miserable but I don't remember being apathetic to the point of suicide?!? I had written here that I wouldn't have cared if my car drifted into the path of a truck..that if I was gone, the only change at home would be a messier home, that no one would notice my absence. God I was in a bad way!! but that was right after my DH's motorcycle accident, we were suddenly deeply in debt, and he was not responding to me or my cares. Thank god that's over!!!

I am still feeling good and that is so awesome :cool: I keep repeating it not to 'rub it in' but maybe to let people know that you can feel good, after feeling horrible.

Thank u Vermont.

Sorry for your losses Momof4 and Aunty Jam.

Keeping it short before it kicks me off.
Vermont- I'm so glad u r feeling good. We never know do we? This past Thursday I could not come up with one good reason to live. I feel a little better now.

oh hope, that hurts my heart to hear :( :( :( that is such a desolate despairing feeling. It sounds trite but I know you have affected other people in your everyday life and you are a valuable person!!! :hug:

Aunty Jam,
I'm glad you got to say goodbye to your grandmother. I loved my grandmother so much and didn't get to say goodbye and don't think I ever told her how very, very, very much I loved her and how important she was to me. I have a 'Grandmother's are Special' mug that I use. Since I'm 62, people who don't know me will assume that I am the grandmother and that someone gave me the mug, but really I bought the mug for myself as a reminder of how very special my grandmother was.

Hey everyone... thanks for all the well wishes and thoughts. My Grandma was very special to all of us, I have lots and lots of good memories. One of my presents this year was an angel charm for my pandora bracelet, in memory of my Granny... I teared up when I opened it.

Mom... I'm very sorry about your cousin, was it unexpected? That's the absolute worst.

My cousin's ex mom in law passed away unexpectedly a few days before Christmas. Her youngest kid was close to my Granny and sobbed uncontrollably through most of her funeral... yeah, then his Granny passes away. I feel so bad for them.

I hope everyone had a really good Christmas and was with their families. My hubby got me a happy light for christmas (along with a hockey jersey with my favorite players name on it!). So I've been spending a little "light" time with it every day. This one is really powerful, it can be as far as 24" away!

Hope - I'm sending you long distance hugs and good thoughts, want to come share my happy light?

Thanks Vermont and Aunty Jam. I think the
happy light sounds like a good idea. I'm trying to be
positive about the new year and have plans
to start working out as my back allows.

Ok, I show up and everybody else goes away. What's up with that?

I'm doing alright. I'm moving a lot better even though I'm cautious not to overdue it. Next week I'll see my dr and I think I'll see if my depression meds can be upped or changed. I don't think they are working well. My mood is just not what it should be as you can tell from my previous post. It would be nice to feel at least a little happy once and a while instead of just 'not hopeless'.

Hey Hope... The holidays are an extra busy time, I'm sure we're all still floating along somewhere. I'm glad to hear your back is better, here's hoping your mood catches up :hug:

I've had some changes in my work situation, we've moved from private offices into one big one with cubicals. As a result I'm not all that comfortable logging on here when someone can stick their head over the wall and see what I'm doing... even if it is break time. I work with all guys... they don't need to know I come here. So I might not be on quite as often.

I was reading through some old posts and I noticed that I used to mention Snoop a lot and never did really tell you guys what happened with him. If you want to know keep reading.. if not, skip this. Snoop is still with us.. and firmly etched into our lives :) Snoop is love in every form of the word, he loves people, loves dogs, loves cats, loves balls, loves the vet, the mailman, people walking down the street... etc... the only thing he doesn't love is baths, but he tolerates them. In return we love him, he always makes us laugh and smile, such a big goof. Recently we had to get him leather booties because he won't stop playing ball at the off leash area but with all this freezing and thawing we've had the snow is hard and crunchy and the poor little boy cuts up the pads on his feet. He won't stop running though... and demanding we throw his ball :( He leaves blood in the snow but still wants to play... a little OC maybe? LoL. And he and Chase play like crazy! Snoop can always get him going, they're always running through the house, bouncing off furniture. Once in a while they stop to sleep together, silly puppies.

Other then that things are much the same with me... not doing to bad mood wise, I like my happy light but have a hard time getting to use it as I don't have a plug-in in the bathroom and don't otherwise have time in the morning but don't want to use it at night. I've considered bringing it to work but of course, that would bring up questions. I'd like to get up in the morning and run with it on... but my new boss wants me to start at 7:30 instead of 8 and I can't even manage that! LoL - Don't know how I'll manage to get up and run!

Hope everyone else is keeping well :hug:

Oh.... and we need a January chat! Somone else has to start that... I started Decembers.

Hope, sorry I bugged out!! I had Christmas Day off, then worked 8 days straight retail and got sick. I hope its just a sinus infection and not bronchitis but I am going to the doctors today.

I hope your doc can help with your med? because it is not enough to just exist, is it. You have to be able to look ahead to at least the next day, I know that.

AuntyJam, thanks for telling us about Snoop!! what a nice description, that he IS 'love'. what a special doggy.

Hello and hugs to everyone else, i hope to get back to my normal routine and will say hi more often.