Fear of being thin?
 

So I had an ephiphany today. As I get closer to 200 I'm getting terrified....scared of being thin, not physically but what I feel like being "SMALL"

So I googled it and guess what? Wow there are lots of reasons why people regain the weight they have lost and how they continue that vicious cycle...which leads me to emotionally eat, become depressed etc etc etc...you know the drill...

As I'm reading this article they talk about this cycle:

1. You get sick of being overweight and decide to change things
2. For awhile you drop a few pounds
3. Then without warning you lose control and being to gain again to point some people feel possessed by a drive to eat that you can't stop (OMG THIS HAPPENS TO ME IF I DON'T WATCH IT!!!) You know your regaining the weight you worked so hard to lose
4. You then hate and blame yourself and even feel a little crazy (YUP!)
5. You eventually either go back to dieting or back to your old way
6. The cycle happens again and eventually even if you hit goal, while maintaining the same cycle continues....

Nothing has changed.

Well this article talks about that if you follow this cycle (me to a tee!) you have a deep seated fear of being thin. And these are the reasons why:

1.You may fear your sexual energy. Many individuals fear that they will lose control sexually if they lose weight.
2.You may have been raped and fat protects you from men: “If I stay obese men will not pursue me and I will be safe.”
3.Your self-esteem may be very low and you might actually feel undeserving of weight loss.
4.Your fat may be a way of resisting the growing-up process (baby fat), because adulthood seems frightening.
5.You may believe that losing weight might require you to make other scary or painful choices and changes (divorce, change jobs, lose friends).
6.Weight loss may require you to accept more challenges or responsibilities. Staying fat then becomes a form of safety.
7.You may fear being seen and therefore judged.
8.You may fear the loss of food as a drug and a hiding place from the difficulties of your life.
9.You may fear your own power: “Who and what will I be if I drop these pounds?”


I hit 7 of these!!! And I know it's from my truama and self esteem, being small I feel insecure. The weight made me unattractive, I felt big, stronger somehow...being small I don't have the cushion....

Anyways, I wanted to share. I really felt that I had an AH-HA moment of why I continued this cycle of binging, depression, overeating, emotional eating....it all stems from my self esteem and self worth and my fear of being thin....being fat I can keep the cycle going...being thin brings a new way of life I have never known, that unknown scares me...but I think it's time to look at the fear!

I hope this made sense and helps others too :) Cheers!

i found this amaizing to read... i dont know why i feel the need to start this crazy cycle over and over again... but a few of the above mentioned do sound familiar. think ill need to start working on my own issues aswell and losign weight

Thank you for posting this :)

A fear is a fear - if it's rational or not! Kudos to you for TALKING about this fear, that's one of the first steps to fighting it... get it girl!
My cousin had to realie it was part of her cycle:
1. She's not ready to stop over eating (for various reasons)
2. She was afraid for YEARS that her husband wouldn't love her as much if she lost weight. He fell in love with her, so why would he want her any other way.

Of course she felt terrible for admitting that fear (because on the surface it sounds like she doesn't have faith in her man), but once they were able to talk about it @ least THAT portion of fear is gone!

Thank you for posting this! I can DEFINITELY relate. I actually lost about 50 pounds last year, and I felt like a toddler whose safety blanket had been taken away...I remember posting on the boards that I couldn't handle all the attention I was getting, and I regained the weight shortly thereafter.

I guess the important thing for those of us struggling with this is learning how to break the cycle...

Yeah breaking the cycle is so hard. I remember the feeling of my arms not rubbing against my waist, I got really scared. I was abused since I was 2 so this is very deep seated with me. My weight made me feel strong, bigger, it was my many physical layers that kept me safe...but as I dug deeper into my issues, going to counselling for my trauma etc. and the weight started to come off it retriggered those insecure feelings.....especially attention from men...men scare me lol I don't hate men, I just don't like the attention. Its so funny while I was 35lbs heavier I was super sexy I had no problem showing a little cleavage etc...now I'm getting even more insecure??? I want to cover up more. That makes so sense to me but it's something I think I need to journal about or work through.

If you google fear of being thin lots of things pop up, it really made me think about my own patterns. Glad it helped you ladies! Knowledge is power right? You can't change what you don't acknowledge :)

I wish more of these were true than they are for me. They are really deep, psychological issues that would make me feel a lot better about being fat than just that I like to eat, I like to eat for fun, and I reward myself with food. I don't mean it's like that with everyone AT ALL, I am sure a lot of people have these problems that are contributing to their gain, and that must really be terrible- I can't imagine.

I read an essay by Gloria Steinem a few years ago where she was talking about how she had started working out (she's always looked pretty fit IMHO) and she said that seeing the muscle definition in her arms was empowering to her, it made her feel physically strong and capable. I always liked that. Thinking of working out as a feminist issue! Now if I can just channel that!

I agree with you girls 100%, thank for posting this 'InsideMe'. I've tried to share with my sister that I was afraid of losing weight because of unwanted attention from men. She said I was bonkers & that it was just an excuse to keep on eating. But to see you all discussing this point makes my fear a reality & not a joke. I've lost so much weight in higschool & never really had a boyfriend before then. So after school I was taken a back when I suddenly had all this attention & also learned how many sharks there are amongst men.

Now, being married, I'm afraid of losing weight because I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle the attention. I truelly don't like being looked at while I'm with my husband. But I'll just need to learn to acknowledge the attention, think of it as a compliment & just let it go!

Thanks girls!!

Tbank You So Much For Posting This.

thank you so much for posting this my weight has always been a security blanket for me. my excuse for why i am not who i was meant to be. my lie. fat ppl cant achieve this therefore this is why i fail.. on purpose. i don't want to have to try.. i now have to stare this in the face. thank you so much for bringing it to me

do you have a link to the article?

Yup, I copied and pasted most of it in my OP cause I didn't think we could post links here???? But here it is:

http://www.dietriffic.com/2007/10/20...o-you-fear-it/

Thank you so much for posting this. I hit many of these points and thoughts and feelings in the article. I tend to go from feeling thin and more confident, to hating and loathing how I look more NOW than when I was obese at my heaviest known weight. I think I am afraid that when it doesn't work out with a relationship, I won't be able to blame it on being heavy... it will actually be because of a flaw and defect in ME...which is also cruddy, stinkin' thinkin.' But it was easier to blame the weight. My mom always said "you have such a pretty face but..." so there's an expectation that being thin makes life better and makes one bulletproof from heartache and pain. I still believe my thin friends have a better life and are less likely to get abandoned. This irrational thinking is something that years of therapy has only slightly improved. And it's funny but I get so annoyed when I get male attention but when I was obese, I was so sad that I didn't get it. Crazy, huh??

What an interesting article and a lot of food for thought.

I know that the thought of being thin makes me a little nervous but I couldn't ever really pin point the 'why' of that. Even when I think/talk about a goal weight, the number I choose always still places me in the 'overweight' category. It's like it's too much to expect, want or even be comfortable at less than overweight.

I just thought it was most likely because I've always been fat so losing the fat would be like losing a part of my identity. However, lot listed there makes sense to me and my journey as well.

Wow this article was very timely as I'm sitting in my living room wondering when will it click for me to lose all this dirty weight.I hit all points and this is very eye opening..knowing this will help me handle my emotions.

this is so true for me as well, a few years ago when I lost about 50lbs I used to see heavy women everywhere and I would find myself envying them! I would miss myself heavier because I knew that as my protection-my safety net. One of the first things I notice was this attention I never had before and I was so uncomfortable with it I slowly but surely gained my 'protective fat' layer. *sighs* but understanding this hopefully helps me this time around..thanks for posting this!

I was down from about 330 lbs last year this time to 285 in April. It was AMAZING to be within 100 lbs of my goal weight (185). As of now, I weigh about 323 lbs again :(. I think what you posted sounds pretty familiar. I find myself in the cycle of losing and gaining it all back, in such a fast time too. I am in some ways afraid of being thin just because there is a way I view thin people, and a way I view fat people like me. I tend to think more highly of the fat people - that they will tend to be less threatening and nicer. This isn't always true, but it's my first instinct.

That being said... I have to squeeze myself into my scrubs every morning and need to do something about this!

This makes a lot of sense. I hit, uh...is all 9 "legal"? Haha!

At 28 I still very much feel like a child or like I havent hit puberty. But I know some part of me considers that and food to be "Safe" thanks to my life. Trying to drop the crap if I can. It's hard to soldier through and induce epiphanies!

I only hit one, sort of, but it's big for me since I have GAD. I've never BEEN raped, but it's one of my top fears in life, and I mean TOP. When I was young I remember my best friend telling me I was pretty (I was thin before I hit puberty... then BAM) and I told her I didn't want to be because I didn't want to get raped...

At the same time, I've lost 40 lbs. in the past (gained it all back, but that's why I'm here) and the things I can remember from losing just those 40 lbs. are how much BETTER I felt on a daily basis! Emotionally better, confident, but most of all I just felt healthier, my body felt healthier, and even though I was still "obese" according to the BMI charts, I just felt better.
The fear(s) were still there, but I was able to ignore them because of how much better my life was.

Amen
This article is so true, but I think it's part of the process. For me, I know that dealing with my weight will be dealing with issues I haven't wanted to in a long time. I asked my doctor recently if I lose weight will my anxiety go away. She said there are no guarantee that might just be your personality.She said once I lose weight I might have some of the extreme feelings subside because I'm more comfortable with who I am. At the time I thought that was so mean, but now that I think about it, she was right. I have to deal with this and what got me here. I can't worry about excess skin or using a different drug (retail therapy) instead of food. I think it's going to be hard but it's not something you can avoid, when you are losing weight you are transforming you see things differently. It might not feel good but once you acknowledge what's going on it will get easier. Great article, and glad to know I'm not the only one.

I'm so glad the article is helping you gals out. I know my fear is attention from men, I do don't want it. It is becoming so much more apparent especially with my trainer. I know he's suppose to touch me to show me the proper way to strength training, it's not inappropriate at all. Like yesterday I was doing leg extensions and he put his hand under me in the small of my back and told me to not go lower than where his hand is....I felt really uncomfortable. I think it's also a thing of being pretty. I don't want to sound ego or snobbish or self centered, but I have been told all my life how pretty I am if I only lost weight. When I was skinny I got all sorts of attention and I HATE IT. I love how I look and I feel confident but when someone else (especially males) give me the once over I get a rush of anger and a sense of insecurity. I know it has to do with my childhood trauma, and I know that's why I'm hovering still in the low 200's. I know how much my body changes when I get below 200. Working through the psychology that goes along with weight loss is the hardest part. Day by day, we can do this xoxo

Reading the article was a big eye-opener for me and I've seen how some of that applies to me.

I'm afraid of male attention. It's not like I've NEVER gotten it before though. I've had men after me at varying weights, but it always made me uncomfortable. It still does because I DON'T want it. I'm engaged. I love the guy and I don't want others after me.

I went clubbing with some friends recently (TOTALLY OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE THERE) and I had men after me left and right. Unlike my forever skinny friend, I didn't know "the signals" for when a guy is interested and when you should get out of there. Before I knew it, I had a guy pressing me up against him trying to get me to dance with him. We had been talking before that, so while I really should't have to worry if I was sending off "signals," I might have been without realizing it.

I freaked out, said I had to go to the bathroom and I hid there. My friend followed me and pretty much gave me a crash course on the "signals" of when a guy is interested in more than just talking and when to end the conversation. She also said "Do you think your fiancee is the only one seeing what's going on here?" referring to my body. It's true, he's not the only one seeing me and sometimes I forget that.

It felt completely and utterly wrong to have another guy's arms around me like that. I told my fiancee what happened and he confessed that he was really uncomfortable with the idea because he was worried guys would be after me. He didn't say anything though because he knows it would have been wrong of him to do so. He DOES want to go clubbing with me if I do go again (I probably won't).

I really don't know what to do. I don't mind the occasional compliment here and there, but I just DON'T feel comfortable with men wanting more than that.

Men are pigs! There I've said it. OMG how wrong that men think they can just grope you! AHHHH! TICKS ME OFF! Just because we dress sexy or your attractive etc, doesn't mean they have a right to violate your space. This makes me SOOOOO MAD!

I can't stand how some males think, pigs seriously! OK OK that's just based on my experience and plus I'm gay so the attention is really something I don't want. I think Sontaikle you and I are similar in a way where we can't read the signs....or we don't notice it as interest. I'm friendly with men, I can joke around with them etc....but then they take friendliness as flirting and they get close and I get freaked out. And I like to dress sexy but it's NOT FOR THE MEN, I know I can't control who looks at me, but I'd prefer women checking me out over men anyday! LOL I think it's as I get smaller I feel vaulnerable and my friend brought this up with me last night that maybe I should take self defence course. I really like that idea, I think it would be empowering! Especially when ever your in a situation like that again, you know you can handle yourself right? I think I need that too so I feel confident enough that if a jerk is getting too close I can handle it. Due to my trauma I figured that's how I'm suppose to be treated cause that's how woman are treated (you see it everyhwere even in the media, we are so sexualized it makes me sick!) which is TOTALLY WRONG. I realize that now.

Well I am in fear to gain weight.

It annoys the crap out of me too. We're "asking for it" by dressing sexy or something. I hate that. I have a new body and I want to show it off!! It's strictly look and not touch (unless you're my fiancee :joker:). Unfortunately a lot of men (not all) have that attitude that we're decorations for them to look at and touch. It drives me batty.

I luckily found one that doesn't think that way and he gets pretty annoyed with the men that DO think that way! He was pretty mad when I told him about what happened to me (not at me, at the guys!) and said that it's men like that that make it the rest of them look bad.

Taking a self defense course is a good idea, I might consider it. It's not as if this guy was going to run off with me or something though, I was just shocked at the attention and froze. I'm not used to it so it was a deer in the headlights kind of thing. I've been obese since childhood, so while I've had some male attention, it was never anything as blatant as this. I've had boyfriends, and now I'm engaged but I've never had a guy just GRAB me off the bat like that.

It's funny. I was able to confidently handle myself when confronted about being fat. I had an arsenal of sarcastic comebacks that would make any person who dared make fun of me feel like a moron. Yet a guy grabs me and I freeze... :?:

The way women are sexualized annoys me to no end. We're made to feel like objects that are simply around for the pleasure of men. Things are certainly better now, but we still have a LONG WAY to go. No woman should have to feel like she's not worth for any reason, and until that happens, we're not "there" yet.

OMG me too! When I was bigger I carried myself so much better than I do now. I had a "mouth" on me and stood up for myself too. It's like the "fat" gave me a sense of safety and I felt protected........so strange. We have to find new ways to handle ourselves for sure when situations arise and for me not to put the weight back on because it has been my safety.

It's pretty superficial, but so is our society...most of the reason I want to lose weight is to be attractive to men because I don't want to spend my life alone. I'm afraid though that even if I lose all the weight I will still be ugly. What then? I've already have braces to fix my teeth and I'm saving money for clothes and I take care of my hair and skin, but what if losing the weight isn't enough?

I have no real plan for what to do if this isn't the answer. I've used it as the excuse for everything and once it is gone I won't have an excuse for avoiding activities or for why I failed or didn't even try at this or that. I never really thought about my fat this way, but it's been a huge safety blanket.

How many times I have started sentences with "When I'm thin I'm going to <fill in the blank>"? What if there is no number small enough to make me thin and pretty?

Hun it's not about being thin and pretty. Do you really want a man who only wants you for what you look like? You have to come to a place to be happy with yourself NOW. That's what's so hard about weight loss, cause it's not about the weight loss, it's a bonus honestly, cause its also making you look at how you feel about you inside. I've been a size 5 and never worked on the inner me, I was miserable. It's mostly WESTERN society that's superficial, anything that promotes what women "should" look like in society, but if you go to other cultures the idea of beauty changes. I've known lots of skinny gorgeous girls but they were ugly on the inside, no way could I be with any of them (I'm gay) You will never be happy when you get to goal unless you start to love yourself now. You are beuatiful, manifest your soul's beaty from the inside out, that energy will attract the right partner for you xoxo

I'm of the scared of losing the excuse variety, even though trust me logically I KNOW that, obviously the reason that I am alone or disliked has nothing to do with the way I look it has to do with the person I am.

But illogically somewhere deep down I sometimes lean on that. I can pretend that I got rejected because I was obese, not because I'm just not that interesting. Etc.
-

I think I'm also scared I'll lose the pity, that sounds so horrible when I say it. But I think I like the "awww are you okay" that I get right now. People are SO supportive of me, I am not threatening because i think of my weight. I feel like people see me as a cute baby elephant or something that needs to be looked after.

Those are the two big ones.

Not enough to stop me though... but just acknowledging the thoughts have a way of creeping to my mind on ocasion.

For me, I have had (still have) some pretty hardcore self esteem issues, only really recently recovered from an Eating Disorder after 5 years (im only 21)... These self esteem issues have always been about not feeling like im good enough if im not skinny, that i cant be beautiful if im not skinny, i wont be loved etc. etc. I have a boyfriend that loves me, but that insecurity is still pretty high.

I think a big part of me stop/starting is that im scared that when i reach my goal weight, i wont be happy with how i look, i wont feel or look pretty etc. I'm holding so desperately onto the idea of what i will be like at a certain weight, that that will fix things.......... What happens if i reach that goal, and i feel exactly the same as i do now? - At least now i have a reason for being unhappy, what hope can i have if meeting that goal doesnt help me.
Just goes to show how much weight loss is mental as well as physical.

I'm sure that sounds absolutely crazy, but unfortuantely it is how i feel.

Hey girl. I have struggled with eating disorders too. Been in counselling well most of my life! Honestly the only way to get through this is to seek help and to start loving you on the inside no matter what size you are. LIFE stands for: Living Internal Freedom Everyday. There are reasons why you feel the way you do. I went through trauma counselling (which may not be the case for you) but it really helped for me to sit with my horrible emotions but instead of saying all those horrible things to myself that go along with those emotions (like I'm so fat, I hate myself, look how disgusting I am, how could anyone love me, I wouldn't date me, I'm so ugly etc) I sit with the uneasy feeling, close my eyes and see where I feel it in my body, and gently touch it (mostly it's in my stomach) and say "it's ok to feel this, I'm going to nurture myself, it's ok, I'm going to be kind to this feeling, I'm going to breath and bring light to this feeling and love it for what it is" When we stuff the emotions down and run and cope (which binging did for me, then purging) it's a coping mechanism to run from those emotions.

Now I'm not a psychologist or anything, I'm just expressing what has been working for me and what I have done. But seeking help is the first step. I am realizing I don't know how to cope with my emotions. Right now I smoke. I have given up eating/purging and pot for cigarettes. I know it's a crutch. I know there's still a reason for it, but as I progress I am trying to face the fear that brings up my feelings of insecurity and sitting with them. Watching for triggers etc. Again this didn't happen over night. I have spent the last 2 years in serious trauma counselling.

You are beautiful. Everyone is. You have to try and learn how to see it in yourself. Everyone else does right? Your boyfriend does. There must be a reason why. This is the hardest step in the journey. But it's worth it. Work on all of you so you can be healthy in every area of your life xoxo

I'm really scared of losing weight. I'm not comfortable with the way that men look at me when I'm thin. I've spent most of my adult life wearing my hair up and not dressing up much because I don't want attention from men. I just want to be me, to be myself, to be able to walk across a room or across a parking lot without feeling like some jerk's undressing me with his eyes.

Sometimes I really hate men. :/

i have to say I did the exercise where you write down 25 things that scare you about losing weight and it was a pretty powerful exercise.

I'll try that. Thanks.

This is a great thread that touches on many issues with being afraid to lose weight. Thank you to the OP for posting it.:hug:


As determined as I am to losing the weight and becoming fit, there's a fear there that I can't define. I do know that my weight hides me, but from what? I don't fear rape because rapists aren't particular. I'm going to read this thread again and try to do some self-analysis. Maybe it's because I've been fat for so long (almost 20 years) that I'm afraid of who the new slim person will be when I reach my goal. I don't know. But yes, I'm scared of something.:shrug:

omg!!!! i have been doing this roller coaster for the last 7 weeks!!!!!!

no joke i have been teatering between 216-219 for 7 weeks. its not a plateau either. its me doing good for a week and then bad for 2-3 days. like i just cant control myself.

223 is the lowest i can remember being since freshman year. so for 10years i cant remember ever being lower. and it is terrifying me!!! i had a goal to be at 199 at dec31st. if i would just stay close to plan this would have been so easy! 50lbs in 8month ya easy. but i keep hurting myself.

its like i conspire against myself to stay on plan then i conspire against myself when i fall off plan. and each time i know whats happening but i cant seem to stop.

this is ridiculous and once again its wed. i have been on plan for 3 days and back down to 217.5 from 220.

i really dont want to keep losing these 3lbs. i want to stick to my plan!

This post literally made my week. I feel like I want to print it out!

Also, it really is all about your confidence. Your confidence is what lets your personality shine through! When you're shy, or are obviously insecure about an aspect of yourself, it draws other people's attention to it even more. Also, horses for courses and all that ... whoever isn't right for one man is going to be someone else's dream woman. The woman they just can't be without. Believe in yourself. :hug:

interesting, I know I'm scared of becoming 'thin' some of those reasons listed I haven't thought about but they ring true when I read them.

Then, I have all these fears how all these things will be different when I lose weight...but then I also have a fear what if when I'm thin nothing happens? if I'm treated the same and will basically be the same person (this is one of my fears)...you know, because I'm so used to blaming things on my weight...if I get turned down for a job or dates (because becoming thin didn't help those) I can't say "oh it must be because I'm fat". Then again maybe losing weight would help those things and I have the unknown to fear then :)

This post made me realize some things. I have been trying to figure out why I stay on that cycle so I can break. I am afraid to be thin because I don't think I will be as pretty as I am now. I am use to seeing myself a certain way and that change is scary.

And I also like the weight for protections. If I was smaller, I feel like people would try to take advantage or something. It's weird really. I want to be healthier and I want to be able to do things that I can't do now, but those two thought seem to always be in the back of my mind.