
I'm so, so sorry you're going through this. You've been such a great source of support and inspiration for so many people on this board, and I hope that our thoughts can comfort you even in some small way!
I think a big part of it- and you hit the nail on the head- is that you need to allow yourself permission to be sad. When things change and get difficult, I think a lot of people try to resist the feelings of sadness and/or try to talk themselves out of the way they're feeling. Just remember that your feelings are legitimate. It will seem brighter for you at some point, but it doesn't have to be today. It sounds like both you and your wife should both let your non-essential responsibilities fall by the wayside and concentrate on taking care of yourselves as best you could.