I need some insight, encouragement, or something. I gotta start from the beginning, if this gets too long feel free to skip to the end lol. I've struggled with my weight most of my adolescence. I was aware that I was not a tiny little girl when I was about 10, hit puberty earlier and hated being different so I never really appreciated my womanly shape. I maintained a healthy weight easily in high school, if i noticed I was getting pudgy I would lose it, but I would let it really bother me. I did too much yo-yoing through my late teens and early 20's and after my last child was born (have 3 and lost the weight easily after the first two) I have been stuck at 30 lbs heavier than the comfortable 135 I had always tried to stick at. This is when my weight problem really started. I have been around 160-165 for 3 years now I am sad about it, which is how I got into my most recent struggle.
January 2010 I went to my doc and asked her for Wellbutrin, to help quit smoking. I secretely wanted it for depression too was but too embarassed to admit that, until a few weeks later when I thought I higher dose was needed and I had to tell her the truth. She obliged and I had been on the meds since. It was a God send, it gave me the push I needed to be healthier, controlled my binging, helped me make healthier food choices and gave me the motivation to exercise. It was great, although I still yo-yoed. At one point last summer I got down to 150, I got so excited that I was about to see the 140's but for some reason when I start doing well I get off track, even though I know it's not ok I give myself permission to indulge or slack off thinknig it'll be easy to get back on the wagon, but of course, it never is (I never did see the 140's lol) About that time I also noticed I was losing hair and although I was really bummed about it, I was not ready to discontinue the meds yet, and my doc agreed, I had not given up smoking yet.
January of this year, I decided to get really serious about my bettering my whole life. I quit smoking on New Years Day, it was easy, no major cravings whatsoever. I started exercising 4-5 times a week, strength and cardio (bought a treadmill) ate tons of healthy food, very little junk although I did not cut it out completely (maybe I should have). I started the year at 155 and a few months later I was 168! I felt better, much better, felt stronger, thought maybe Im just building muscle and kept at it despite my discouragment in the scale. Between about March and May I lost about 6 lbs and bounced between 160-164, which brings me to where Im at now.
I was working really hard and not getting the results I wanted, I was doing a Jillian workout for crying out loud 4 times a week, walking the dog and running/walking a 5k on the treadmill 4-5 times a week and still eating well. I began thinknig the medication was hindering my weight loss efforts, even though it is pretty well known for helping to cause weight loss. And the hair i was lsoing was getting worse and worse, so bad that I put off washing it because so much of it comes out in the shower that it upsets me greatly. I decided maybe it's time to leave the Wellburtin behind. I began weaning myself off, I couldnt get in to see the doc for a few weeks so I did it myself (dont worry, Im surrounded my nurses and starting clinicals myself, so I have a basic knowledge of meds, I did not cold turkey it).
Soo, I weaned down and then stopped and at the end of my first week that was totally WB free, I felt like a psychotic women lol. My hubby monitored me, I wasnt going to do anything crazy, I was just sad and, I hate to admit this, found solice in the cigarettes I had given up for 6 months. I thought, ok these withdrawal symptoms will go away and when my mind is healthy I'll be able to apply all that I learned from healthy food and exercise and I'll quit smoking again and since Im not on the meds anymore the weight will finally come off, yay! So here's the problem:
I am depressed, Im sure of it, feel like I did before I inroduced WB into my life. Although I welcome the better sleep (I had trouble sleeping through the night and woke frequently to pee while on the meds) I cant seem to get enough sleep. I have consistently slept through two different alarms for the passed two weeks, I sleep till 8 or 9 when I intend to get up at 5:30 and even then I have to drag myself out of bed. I'm sad, about my weight. I cant seem to find the motivation to exercise, I'll eat healthy all day and then blow it in the evening with snacking and I just cannot seem to get my s*** together. Im wondering if any of you guys have experience with Wellbutrin, whether struggling to lose weight on it or struggling coming off of it?
I reconsidering my decision to stop, maybe I just was not ready yet. Have any of you noticed and inability to lose weight despite great effort while using the med?I started wondering about all the "what ifs". What if I lowered my dose (I was on 400 and originally asked to be bumped up to the max, 450, but the nurse said the doc said that there are new recommendations that put the max dose at 300). Is it possible that I was taking too much? Could a lower dose really help even though I was higher, or would it just not work period since my body is used to the 400? I also wonder if it would make a difference to take XL instead of the SR I was on, I had a bad habit a mssing the second dose a lot. I thought maybe the WB wasnt working all that well anymore anyway, I was happy, felt like myself, was missing doses so I thought I wouldnt even notice if I went off but I was wrong, I cannot seem to function without it. Do you think this will pass? So, sorry for the book, lol but any experiences or advice would be really appreciated, I am struggling big time and I start nursing clincals in 5 weeks and do not want to be in this state of mind when it gets here, I cant afford to be a crazy lady and jeapordize my career. Thanks ahead of time for any info any one can offer me.