I havent signed into this site in about a year and a half. My lowest weight (about 3 years ago) was 197lbs. I gained back up to 250lbs-ish and now I'm up around 278lbs (dont really know, I put the scale away months ago)

In the time I ballooned up (after year(s) of hardwork, working out, watching everything i ate) I got married and bought a first home. Ive only been married about a year and a half, and I freaked out after I got married. I had an emotional affair on my husband with someone I met online (he found out about it). starting seeing a therapist (I guess it's helping but if anything it's pointing out how unhappy i really am with EVERYTHING, my job, my body, etc) I wouldnt even classify it as an 'affair' but i know that is the right word for it. in therapy, i realized that this guy was just like food for me, i didnt even have any real interest in him, but used him as a coping mechanism, to make myself feel better.


The funny thing is that aside from my weight, my life isnt htat bad. I have a great family, good job that pays well, husband that loves me unconditionally...but I feel so lost, like i keep waiting for my life to start, and that time just keeps passing me by. I'm 30 years old now and i feel like ive wasted my whole life. I hate that i gained almost 80lbs back in about a year or two. I think it speaks VOLUMES about how unhappy i am. it kills my motivation to know that Im now starting at double the weight i have to lose.

You haven't wasted your whole life. You haven't even wasted some of your life. Everything that happens to us is part of the journey and one day you will see this experience as making you the person you are today and even though it's tough, it's going to make you a better person.

Therapy is totally worthwhile but let your therapist know that you're feeling like therapy is pointing out all the unhappiness in your life but not giving you strategies to cope with it or to improve it. Either your therapist will change your sessions to help you out or you need to find another therapist. Pointing out the unhappiness in your life is not a bad thing -- denial is an easy way to make things worse. However, you sound as if you're ready to move to the next step.

Yes, you're starting at double the weight you have to lose. BUT you're also starting with what a lot of people DON'T have -- a realistic idea of why they're at this weight to begin with. I've seen so many people lose weight with this idea that everything will be perfect if they could just "lose this weight." Then, at goal weight, their life falls apart and they're back to square one. Take this as an opportunity to lose weight as it relates to your emotional life and it will be a real change in your life and you'll be a happier person for it. If it takes you longer than most people, who cares? It's not a race.

Thanks, you make alot of good points. There is a huge emotional factor to why I eat, and I hope youre right that I can continue to work out the issues that make me have this unhealthy relationship with food.

Like so many people, I know I do think that everything will be great when I lose the weight. And I remember when I was down at 197lbs, that I still felt like I hadnt lost that much weight. And now I would give anything to get back to that point.

It's hard when I think about my teen years and 20's (particularly college) thinking about how much I feel like I missed out on, relationships I didnt have, etc because of my weight. I honestly feel like my weight has ruined my life. And for some reason, that still hasnt been enough to make me lose it.

Ive been with my now husband for 8 years and lately I keep thinking how amazing it would be to be super skinny and fit, and single and dating. I keep telling myself 'grass is always greener'

Jessica made some great suggestions. I wanted to add that you might talk to your therapist (or perhaps start couples counseling) about why you fantasize about not being married, after only having been married 18 months. If you don't want to be married then why did you get married in the first place? (No need to answer here, just food for thought.) I know that when my marriage is having issues my issues with food quadruple. It's something to think about. You sound very unhappy in your marriage (with the affair and wishing you were single and dating), that would be where I would start.

Again, great points. Yes, Ive been very honest with my therapist and we're exploring the fantasy issue. Alot of it has to do with me being unhappy with myself and wishing I were someone else (this is probably purely weight-related, I wish I were thin) so these fantasies are me imagining myself as thin, fit and happy. I genuinely believe that I cant be happy overweight, probably because being overweight has just made me unhappy, i (like Im sure so many people on this site) have countless stories of being embarassed, hurt, dismissed just because of their weight.

We talked about couples-therapy, but these issues are really mine, and not issues with the relationship.