...
I don't know if this is the right place to spam the forum with my anger and depression but if it isn't, my apologies.
Hopefully you guys won't get angry for me spilling out my emotions but bleeeh....

Body Image
I just realized how much my weight/body image affects my daily life. I look in the mirror in the morning and feel happy because I feel "slim". I then carry on being a little joyful person throughout the day. However, sometimes I get back home from school to find a fat slug staring back at me in my mirror. Disgusting. Thick disgusting ankles. Ugly nose. Ugh. I think to myself

"Why didn't I see this ugly pile of fat this morning?"

There are unfortunate times where my anger ends up on my brother or my parents. Or sometimes, on myself. Sometimes I can waste 20 minutes in my room looking at myself from many different angles to see where I've "gone wrong". Every time I find fault with my image, I spend even more time trying to make a pathetic excuse.

Criticism

Just to avoid questions: I'm Asian and I live in Asia where fat is basically illegal and where friends and family don't take your ____ (swear word) feelings into consideration.

I'll just skip all the boring essay-talk and get to the evidence. Ughh..

1. Setting: New Years Party
A = me
B = family friend ( older than me, female. )

*fireworks... and "ooohs" and "ahhhs"*
B = What are your New Year's Resolutions?
A = Uhhh.. to get better grades and improve my character?
B = Oh. That's great. Maybe you should slim down as well.
A: hah... haha.. great idea. Thank you..

At that point I had already lost several pounds. After that, I basically went pro-ana. ( Luckily not for long ).

2. Setting: Reunion
A = Me
B= family friend ( older than me, male.)

*enters my apartment*
B:Ooooh hello! ( to me and my brother )
A+Brother: HII!!! ( happy happpy! )
B: Waaahhh (to my brother; in cantonese) You've gotten sooo much skinnier.
B: ... *stares at me*.
B: But you've gotten fatter (to me; in cantonese) tsk tsk tsk... If you continue on like this you'll be able to fit into my jacket!
( It was a truly massive jacket. For visual reference, take an adult elephant's ear. )
B: Haha! You've got skinnier (to my brother; his bmi is 17.6 and decreasing; not anorexic by the way; wants to gain weight) . ... buuut you've got fatter ( to me.)

Also, at that time I had already lost a ton of weight.

Oooh there was another time where a morbidly obese family friend (who had a surgery because of his obesity) told me I was extremely gigantic.

That's Lovely.
Really.

And now I even feel insecure when people comment on my weight loss and how I've gotten "so much prettier" because I know they probably want to be portrayed as someone who "cares" rather than a blind critic.

Although I don't really perceive myself as a lazy and putrid whale ( at least not all the time ), I am still showered with "do this" and "be that". I've gone to the point of skipping an entire dinner because I was scared that they would call me a pig. I'm scared of wearing short sleeves or pants in fear that they'll laugh at me. I hate to "boast" but I'm not even that obese. 5'1 and 110 lbs with a bmi of 20.7 to 21 is not laughing material.

Unless, of course, you're living in an Asian family. When I lived elsewhere, I was among the skinny people.

Although I go out of my way to eat 600 kcal a day because of my parents' "very encouraging" friends, my mom just won't allow it. She even gave me an extra apple (without my consent) during breakfast. ( It was cut up so I didn't notice)

I understand that she cares, but her extra food it isn't very helpful when the reason for my dieting is because of her friends who keep having verbal diarrhea.

-------------------

Sigh...
Thank you for reading. Sorry for spamming the forum but I've really got no-one else to talk to. Uggh. I'm not asking for replies but I'd just like some people to watch what they're saying. If you know what I mean. I'm pretty sure Asia isn't the only criticizing continent on Earth.

NOTE: PLEASE DO NOT HATE YOUR ASIAN NEIGHBORS. NOT ALL OF US ARE LIKE THAT.

Oh honey your in the right place no apologies needed feel free to rant and let it all out.
Well done for not falling in to the Ana trap, diet sensablly lose weight slowly, you must be young if your still at school so aim to just eat healthy and let your body grow into its self.
My husband is Italian so I can totally sympathize with you on the family food situ. He feds me pasta and red wine and all the yummy things I like I find it so hard not to go wild and eat everything. Then there is his mother in law who is very skinny feels the need to point out other people's (and my) weight problems.
Is you mum slim? my mum is large and never helped me on diets i think she went out of her way to give me food
Dont let what people say to make you lose heart, you know you have already lost some weight just let the comments go over your head, in no time you will be slim and healthy then you can show it of and imagen how good thats going to feel.

Whats with the comment about asian neighbours? dont stand for racism babe, if you are having trouble talk to the police. I f*cking hate racist's I get abuse because my family are multi racial, it makes me sick people are so small minded.

Anyway darling feel free to rant.

Take care honey x

Actually I'm pretty sure Asia IS the only society where it's acceptable to crap on people at your size for being "fat." Skinny ideals exist in white societies but it's socially unacceptable to call a healthy person "fat" since there are so many really fat people around.

It really breaks my heart to see you so upset with yourself when you are getting great grades and are obviously nowhere near "actually fat." I have a hard time believing how harsh and blunt Asian parents and relatives can be about discussing weight. Are you in HK? Where else have you lived?

It's hard living in Asia, knowing that everywhere else in the world we are "normal" or even "small" compared to other people. I am Korean-born raised by white parents in the US so I grew up on a Western diet. I've always had weight problems/been dissatisfied with my size. Living in Japan now I'm about 130 lbs and 5'5 so I'm taller than everyone but also thicker and shaped differently. Sometimes I can't fit into size "LL" pants here yet I wear a XS or S at home.

I wish I had something to say to you that would make you feel better, but I don't have anything. I would say focus on non-weight-related achievements but you're clearly already doing that. Do you exercise at all? I know it's not really popular in East Asia for women to do hard exercise but I've found that running and doing pushups etc gives me a non-weight-related goal to work toward. I may feel fat but at least I have some small fitness achievements.

I really enjoy the rainy weather but avoid to bath in rain because number of
skin diseases arises... Depression can be removed by enjoying rainy weather..

Phew.. It'd be really scary if this was meant to be somewhere else...
And yes I am still in school. I'm actually in 7th Grade (US) or Year 8 (UK/HK) at the moment - the time where we start to realize that life won't be perfect forever haha.
Italian food! EEK! Not to be offensive but if I'm eating healthy I stay away from Italian food because IT TASTES SO GOOD!

My mother isn't slimmer than me...she's around 13lbs heavier than I am. I actually started off just a few pounds under her ( I was 55kg, she was 56 ).
She's very healthy ( well better than most people ). She keeps in shape by taking walks, she eats A LOT of vegetables but she doesn't necessarily diet. She always puts healthy things on my plate to encourage me

I hate to be a pessimist but I doubt that's going to happen. Most of the girls (and some boys) around here are underweight- including our family friends' daughters. They are really really skinny. But they're fit and stuff. They're really sporty (manly as well) and they don't eat out a lot so they don't eat greasy food.

Naaah I'm just scared because I've seen comments about us all over the web commenting on our strictness and such... but racism doesn't really get to me as long as its not some sort of bull**** that hypocrites make when they're bored.

Thank you so much for your sympathy ^_^ I don't feel so alone anymore.

Yeah! To make it more accurate, 90% of weight related criticism come from Asia. The other 10% are from asians living in other countries.
I'm getting great grades? I don't remember saying that but I do have O.K grades...
And also I don't think I got the message correctly haha... my parents are totally okay with my weight ( but they keep telling me how skinny I am and how they should appreciate my mom's cooking ) its just my other relatives and our family friends.

Whoa how did you know? I do come from Hong Kong actually. I was born in Toronto, moved to New Jersey when I was 1 year old and I have been living in Hong Kong ever since I was 6 or 7.

Ahh.. Japan. The land of the rising sun as well as the land of skinny girls I have japanese fashion magazines at home and I keep moaning at how stick thin they are and how non-anorexic they look even though they are really light. It must feel uncomfortable even though you're at a healthy weight. Aww you don't have to say anything to make me feel better. Honestly, I didn't post this to get pity or anything but I just wanted help on what to do to prevent myself from breaking out into tears all the time.

I do cardio but I'm not a fan of strength training and stuff. I swim for an hour once a week (mainly fast backstroke), I have badminton for an hour once week and I have P.E for 90minutes once a week.

Thank you so much for your help It's really comforting. You see, I don't have a sister to discuss female emotional situations with so a person who cares is the next best thing. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!

Believe it or not I LOVE rain! It's so cold and refreshing.
But not when it's raining inside of you.

Hi kicksziuziu! We don't mind emotions - spill away!

You said you are in Year 8 - so you're about 12 or 13, right? You'll have a while to go before you're finished with all the joys of puberty - don't be too upset or worried if you feel like you look weird or bad sometimes. Everybody does during adolescence, and the vast majority of people look normal as adults. As long as you're eating healthy, getting some activity in, and generally taking care of yourself, you'll be okay.

Just out of curiosity, why do your parents' friends opinions matter so much to you, especially since your mom is trying to get you to eat a bit more? I get the sense there's some cultural thing I'm missing.

It does get annoying being heavier than everyone, but I'm also taller and have a pretty "sharp" face (woo Korean genes!) so no one ever comments on it or says anything. I used to be pretty overweight so I'm pretty much just glad I got that under control.

You're so welcome. You're really young, too young to already be obsessed with your weight. You've got your whole life ahead of you and you seem pretty bright (I assumed you were 16+ from your post!). Keep posting and try to enjoy this time in life! Bodies change with age, too. My body when I was 15 and my body when I was 18 were totally different, in shape as well as in size. I like to think I looked better as I got older.

"with all the joys of puberty" ...

hahaha "joys"? Heck no! I think the appropriate word is "horrible".

I have always been a person who shapes her life around peoples' opinions. It may sound horrible but I've learned a great amount from doing so. Another thing is that my dad loves bringing those friends over and I can't cope with so much criticism. I'm not like you guys who have strong walls protecting your ears. I take everything really deep.

cultural thing? naaah its just a way of life for us. =.=

GAHHH KOREAN GENES! You are really blessed. I mean REALLY.

16... that's older than my brother. If you met me in person you would see how immature I really am. I'm like a kid..
examples:
-I laugh uncontrollably at random times.
-I roll on the floor singing in the school gym.
-I make extremely weird faces during tests.
-I make lame jokes and then pinch people when they laugh.
There's much more...

But I understand why you would think that I'm that old. I tried (at the start of the thread) to use "intellectual" and "sophisticated" language so that the older people would take me seriously and not just correct my english haha. Another reason why I tried to use language like that is because English is one of my worst subjects in school. I get better grades in French and German than English... even though English is my first language.

Look better as you get older? Unfortunately for me, the year goes by really slow. Imagine an elderly snail with cramps. I'd rather diet now and live the rest of my teens being able to eat regularly D

It's ok honey. I doubt there are very many girls your age in the US or Canada (or anywhere) that aren't concerned about their weight. But you're in a culture where thin is completely normal. Fat is more normal here in the US. Puberty will add a lot of pounds until your body catches up. We all went through it and it was awful. I won't sugar-coat it. Just because you're young doesn't make your feelings and worries any less valid. We are ALL entitled to our feelings. Hang in there; we can't see you, but we know you are beautiful.

Hiya honey, your so right Italian food is so good and its so hard to say no when there is a big bowel of pasta ready to eat and I am starving after a hard day at work, you can see my problem hey! (dont marry an Italian) lol

sorry to change the subject, but good on you not letting the racist comments get to you, i take it so personally when i get it against myself and my family I am going to move back in to central london when i can afford it, you dont get it there.
Embrace your heritage and as you are young dont worry about guys, girl you so much time for all that!
As for people saying about your weight F***k them honey you are the way you are, learn to love it honey

Take care xx

gahhhh I don't worry about guys... a lot. After a few "incidents" I promised to never get myself too involved in relationships until school ends. And when school starts again I'll have to go back to being a homework-girl. Not bad eh?

awww thanks ^_^