And I wanted to add, I remember one time online someone made a post (not on 3fc) that they found Kate Middleton average looking and got a lot of negative comments about it. That poster replied and asked Why? Is it the end of the world if a woman is not physically beautiful-and what was wrong with that-she clearly complimented other traits that she found amazing about Kate Middleton. We see some men on TV who are clearly aware that they are not playing attractive characters, and their characters have nice, complete lives. Isn't it just good enough that that a woman is kind, a good friend, and interesting, etc? Why must it be so absolute that she must be considered beautiful as well?

The part about men looking at the face first is an old wives tale from the country:(( Better to learn that while you are still young. They first look at your range of measurements, height, hair color, hair length, in about that order. I've seen droves of men pick women who are down-right ugly in the face but they are bone skinny. Give me a skinny body over a 'pretty' face any day. I don't want my face to be scarred or anything like that, but I'd choose a skinny body over a 'pretty' face. Read all the forums where bigger women complain about having been told they "have a pretty face" while they watch so many guys go on to skinnier women.

When I get down on my looks, I have this mantra I repeat over and over: "you are you, you are you, you are you..." It's cliche but it reminds me that I'm utterly unique, specifically the combination of my good and bad features is utterly unique. Somehow this helps.

And I listen to super-empowering music. My #1 power song is Work That (Mary J Blige) and I'm putting some of the lyrics below. Every single word of it speaks to me and comforts me when I'm down.

There's so many of you girls
I hear you been running
From the beautiful queen
That you could be becoming
You can look at my palm
And see the storm coming
Read the book of my life
And see I've overcome it
Just because the length of your hair ain't long
And they often criticize you for your skin tone
Wanna hold your head high
Cause you're a pretty woman
Get your runway stride hone it
Keep it going
Girl live ya life

I just wanna be myself
Don't sweat girl be yourself
Follow me
Follow me
Follow me girl be yourself
That's why I be myself
And I'm gonna love it

Let em get mad
They gonna hate anyway
Don't you get that?
Doesn't matter if you're going on with their plan
They'll never be happy
Cause they're not happy with themselves

I'm talking bout things that I know
It's okay to show yourself some love
Don't worry bout who's saying what
It's gonna be fine
Work what you got

Feeling great because the light's on me
Celebrating the things that everyone told me
Would never happen but God has put his hands on me
And ain't a man alive could ever take it from me
Working with what I got I gotta keep on
Taking care of myself I wanna live long
Ain't never ashamed what life did to me
Wasn't afraid to change 'cause it was good for me!

hey.. I feel really bad about the way I look at times, but I try to ignore that. I don't think it's my face though.. It's my body. I hate fitting rooms, nothing looks good and I just feel like crying.. Such an embarrassment.

I'ld like to direct you to an awesome book called "YOU: Being Beautiful", co-written by Dr. Oz. It's a good read and puts things into perspective. It talks about depression, changing the way you think, and changing how you look.
Now losing weight DEFINATELY goes along way. And I think as being overweight for a long time, and being told that we are "ugly" or "unattractive" stays with us even after the kilos are shed. I get complimented all the time, told I look pretty, or beautiful, but I don't believe it! I still have a bit of weight to go, and I'm also getting plastics done.
I don't see what the whole thing is with against plastic surgery! Hey, if you can afford it and improves the asthetic quality of your face I say go for it! It can also make you feel a lot better about yourself. I'm getting a rhinoplasy and chin augmentation - nothing too drastic, Just a little smaller on the nose, and a little bigger on the chin. I've always hated my facial profile, and this will fix it, and my confidence will sky-rocket, I can tell you that now.
Seek all options.

Originally Posted by Ashley868:
Most people who know me think I am a happy and confident girl, so it kind of annoys me when people think it's my fault that I get made fun of for being ugly. I knew a girl who thought she was ugly but I couldn't see how she figured that because she seriously looked like a model. I didn't find out until weeks of knowing her that she thought she was ugly. When I first met her, my first impression was on how beautiful she was. So if it were true that people only think other people are ugly because they have a bad attitude about themselves, then I would have thought the girl was ugly. The reason she thought she was ugly was because her dad told her that she was all the time.

I get told all the time by people, especially strangers, that I am ugly. The ones who know me don't even realize I feel down about my looks. They think I am a happy go lucky person who is confident. The one time I was joking around that I would be a bitter old cat lady when I got old, and a guy said: "You? Bitter? Yeah right."

So no, it can't be because of my attitude or negativity that people call me ugly when people don't realize what I think.

This is me.

Wait-- You seriously think you're ugly? Seriously?! What is the world coming to.

...This makes me a hypocrite as I was staring at my avatar while reading this thread and pretty much thinking it looks like I got slammed in the face with a bag of hot nickels.

Originally Posted by thinner:
The part about men looking at the face first is an old wives tale from the country:(( Better to learn that while you are still young. They first look at your range of measurements, height, hair color, hair length, in about that order. I've seen droves of men pick women who are down-right ugly in the face but they are bone skinny. Give me a skinny body over a 'pretty' face any day. I don't want my face to be scarred or anything like that, but I'd choose a skinny body over a 'pretty' face. Read all the forums where bigger women complain about having been told they "have a pretty face" while they watch so many guys go on to skinnier women.

<<Quoted For Truth.>>

Seriously. That's usually what men care about. Note the term "Butterface" (and some guys wonder why feminists exist and why people aren't big fans of the patriarchy and male homosociality. WHODATHUNK). Ask any guy under 30 if he would rather sleep with the fat girl with a beautiful face or the thin girl who looks like a xenomorph.

You know got-darn well what the answer will be. "Ewww, no fat chix".

Originally Posted by Ashley868:
I get told all the time by people, especially strangers, that I am ugly.

WTF?! I'm sorry, with whom/where are you hanging out that results in your being subjected to this at all, let alone by several people? Seriously, can you yourself imagine telling a friend or even a stranger she's ugly? Many of us were tormented in our childhoods and adolescence by our peers for any number of things, but really: Any adult who would call any other "ugly" must have some serious, deep-rooted psychological problem, or be seriously messed up on a substance.

Originally Posted by Nebuchadnezzar:
<<Quoted For Truth.>>

Seriously. That's usually what men care about. Note the term "Butterface" (and some guys wonder why feminists exist and why people aren't big fans of the patriarchy and male homosociality. WHODATHUNK). Ask any guy under 30 if he would rather sleep with the fat girl with a beautiful face or the thin girl who looks like a xenomorph.

You know got-darn well what the answer will be. "Ewww, no fat chix".

Back when I was single I use to web cam chat a lot. I would often find that guys seemed interested in my solely based on my face. (I wear more makeup than anyone I know lol and know tons of shading/contouring tricks) So therefore I look completely different than the real me.

Anyways, they would be all flirty and such, that is until I would get up from the computer for various reasons and by the time I would come back, there would be a message stating some something like, oh I didn't know you were overweight and some other hurtful things. It really bothered me deep down, because I thought they liked me, not the way I looked or what they thought I looked like chest down. So you are right sadly, Ive experienced it far to many times than Id like to admit.

Originally Posted by Empathicways:
Back when I was single I use to web cam chat a lot. I would often find that guys seemed interested in my solely based on my face. (I wear more makeup than anyone I know lol and know tons of shading/contouring tricks) So therefore I look completely different than the real me.

Anyways, they would be all flirty and such, that is until I would get up from the computer for various reasons and by the time I would come back, there would be a message stating some something like, oh I didn't know you were overweight and some other hurtful things. It really bothered me deep down, because I thought they liked me, not the way I looked or what they thought I looked like chest down. So you are right sadly, Ive experienced it far to many times than Id like to admit.

I have bi-polar disorder and clinical depression, and I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have had guys reject me because of my weight, they always tell me how beautiful my face is but then when they see how big I am(I currently weigh 290, but I used to well over 400)they end up running.

For someone who is emotionally fragile like I am, that can be devastating, so as horrible as it sounds, I feel like I can't attract the quality of guy that I desire at my current weight.

I'm 28, single with no children, I would love to have at least 1 child someday, but I must be in a stable marriage first.

Beauty is relative, therefore nobody is technically ugly. I used to feel the same way, but I just stopped focusing on my looks...I HATED my nose, and I actually told my parents I wanted Rhinoplasty. For now, I am focusing on the other things in my life, and hoping that as I grow older, I will start to accept myself more...

Ohh I remember when I was 14 and I felt so ugly I actually felt compelled to asking random strangers whether they thought I was ugly or not. I am so glad I didn't ask them. :o I don't think i would have liked the response. But anyway I still feel ugly but I look back at photos now and think "wow, I didn't actually look as bad as I thought I did". But I still hate having my photo taken. I dunno I think as we grow older we began to wish we were back young again. So I think we should enjoy it and focus on other things.

Originally Posted by surfergirl2:
How old are you? I think age has a lot to do with this. I used to be the ugly duckling in high school and college. I felt so inferior to everyone around me. As i got older, my confidence grew and at the same time, i cared less what people thought of me. That changes everything. Now i consider myself "hot." i would have never, ever thought i would say that when i was 18. You do have to work on changing your attitude...but that gets easier with age.

i feel this way also. when i was younger, i was incredibly self conscious and believed myself to be ugly and inferior to others also. i still have some stuff to work out, but overall, i've gotten enough confidence to not care how people think of me nowadays. be fierce, and like what others have been saying, find the things you love about yourself and embrace it :). don't let other people and their opinions oppress you. let your confidence glow and flow~

Originally Posted by Trolsk:
I've had a lot of negative thoughts about how I look, particularly about my face.

I've even gone as far as look up where to get plastic surgery, costs etc.

I always have these sort of feelings in the back of my mind, but it's strange; one minute I feel like the most beautiful person in the world and the next, I am the ugliest one.

I think that the feeling of being "beautiful" is misguided, at least for me. Because I'm not pretty.

As I've gained weight I've just felt more and more depressed and I feel as though the only way out is to get plastic surgery on my face.

I have no idea how to counter this, although I guess my feelings come from my fear of nobody loving me, not getting a boyfriend etc. It's just so frustrating.

I don't know how old you are (and I'm not asking) BUT I've found that the closer I've gotten to 40 (and I'm VERY close, lol) I don't really care what the "ideal" beauty is anymore.

Look, I'm a middle-aged woman who's basically shaped like a boy, not many curves so I've come to realize a long time ago that I will never be the curvy bombshell that men seem to equate with sexiness in this society. But so what? I have a decently lean athletic build that I'm kind of proud of at my advanced age, lol.

My hair is really fine so I'll never have long thick locks like the cover models so I choose to wear it chin-length so it looks thicker.

Try to see the positives in your appearance. I take really good care of myself (or at least try to, lol) and I have minimal wrinkles at my age. I'm also thankful that my hairstylist hasn't found tons of gray hair too.

You should be happy with what nature gave you but if not, maybe change it. That's solely up to you. I hope this helps. :)

I think you should talk with your doctor. You are certainly not even close to being overweight for your height, so that's not what is causing this. You may have depression, my daughter has bipolar. There is help out there, but you have to ask for it. A good doctor will talk to you about counseling also.

Random acts of kindness always lift my spirit. Once in a while I will give a Dunkin Donut employee a $5 tip for a cup of coffee. The smile on their face makes me want to hug them! Tell someone else how nice they look, it is a miraculous thing.