[marie81]

I am to scared to weigh myself at the moment as I only lost 2lb in Jan and I havent weighted my self since around the 21 jan. my husband said i am looking skinny and pale, im not i am still in a dress size 14 (uk) its like all the hard work i have done is just for people to moan that I look ill.
I am having a hard time trying to control my mood today to be honest its been getting bad for the last few weeks I feel like I am walking a line with everything crashing around me but I am not getting hurt but i know its only a matter of time before i crash with them or I am going to get very hurt. Its scaring the crap put of me as i know whats waiting for me in the next few weeks and I cant handle it I am not on any meds at the moment for depression as I dont like the feeling but I do take Diazepam to sleep and now the docs are saying i have an addiction to them but its them that prescribe them and have done for the last year, i am not happy about it as now i have to go though withdrawal to come off them and I am not ready for that just yet and the thought of not sleeping is worse then knowing i am a Diazepam junkie. My heads all over the place.
I not feeling good tonight just want to cry

[ems81wales]

Aww sorry to hear you are not feeling very well im not on an AD either and my sleeping is terrible but they wont give me diazepam as they properly know id get addicted to them. But i know how you feel i hate taking AD and im trying my best not to go on them. Do not be scared of weight you will properly see that you have lost and not put on you need to sort your head out before you think about committing to dieting have you tried any exercise as that helps with mental health it does with me anyway. Hope you feel better soon xxx

[marie81]

I have been walking more and just being more active, iv hurt me knee in the last couple of days so I am putting of the "fat camp" i was supposed to join next week till early march. I like exercising just need to find the time to do some more. waiting for my husband to bring my bike back for his garage so i can go out riding again.
i think i am just having a totally bad day just wish I could switch off all the thoughts.
Not sleeping is awful have you tried herbel sleeping pills? I also do relaxation meditation its good, doesnt make me sleep but helps on the bad days when even diazapam doesnt work.
I am gonna try and weigh myself tomorrow but I will see how i feel in the morning.
xx

[ems81wales]

well just take it is and do what you can exercise wise where in london are you? I have a friend down that way who is on here and is trying to lose weight also. I have tried herbal sleep stuff but didnt do nowt i havent tried relaxation stuff either maybe i should hehe
Just weigh your self and draw a line and start afresh like i said you could be suprised and have lost xxx

[marie81]

Thanks honey Im hoping i have lost, it always makes me happier when the scales go down.
Im in the west london/surrey borders.
Definitely try the relaxation I do simple ones, I lay there and imagine all the stress coming out of my body from my toes to the top of my head, it sounds airy fairy but it takes my mind of what is worrying me for a while. xx

[ems81wales]

she lives near there to hehe she near wimbeldon and new morden way. Im coming down there in 2 weeks to go see her as she my best mate

Fingers crossed for you when you weigh im sure you will be fine epecially if your OH said you look thiner xxx

[marie81]

Im not to far from there, I'm sure you will have a great time I always do when I see my best friend
Thanks I have everything crossed for tomorrow
xx

[ems81wales]

cool il give you a wave when im there lol good luck tomoz morning let me know how you get on xxx

[marie81]

Well i did it this morning and no change still 188lb at least I havent gained hey.
Im not as down today just really angry and I dont know why. Im just gonna have a lazy day and stay out of peoples way, best thing to do when I feel like this xx

[ems81wales]

well done on staying the same hun least you didnt put on thats the main thing xxx

[marie81]

Thanks honey, I am going to up my games this week Iv got to get the scales to move iv been the same for about 3 weeks now. xx

[ems81wales]

good thinking do the best you can and you will see a result xxx

[marie81]

Hey ems thought I would let you know the scales moved finally today down 2lb I was so pleased its really given me the lift I needed 1st time in nealy a month!!
How you getting on this week? xx

[ems81wales]

welldone hun thats fab Im sruggling this week but im stickign with it i weigh on thursday night il let you know but im not hoping for much this week if anything xxxx

[marie81]

Good luck for thursday hope you do lose a few lb
Iv been really trying this week exercising and really cutting back but i feel awful its like a detox headache and no energy im hoping it picks up once my body gets used to it xx