hope-I hope you get to watch it...thats not cool about your foot I hope it gets better quick!!!

ems-that is awesome!!! Congrats on the loss!!

Summer-sorry...I guess as a mother we don't want our kids to feel alone and hid...but as a depressed person I totally understand what you feel! Hope things get better!!

I am to be getting up in less than 4 hours to go to a church class...but I am up with 2 3year olds who are sick...one is puking out the butt (as she tells me) and the other is puking out the mouth...so I have been wiping butts and mouths, showering one, changing sheets, cleaning up the floor, washing puked stuff..doesnt seem to be ending anytime soon.....so guess Im staying home..Hope we dont get in trouble there are only 3 classes and me and dh HAVE to attend them!

Thanks girls :D how is everyone? x

welcome popcorngirl x

cool :d x

Welcome to the new ones!

So I have realized that its time to change....I need a life makeover!! This isnt just oh im in the mood...its been a few weeks getting stronger.
Everything from my personal life (spiritually, physically), Church (youth group change), Home (consitancy, structure..) SOOOO much going on..I feel like its start over time....I am tired of the mess I have called life..I want to enjoy it and I want my kids to enjoy it...YES it takes work and there will be a fight and struggle...but when do things change?? When I make them change...

If your tired of things then start at the bottom to make the changes...you cant try and change the top things if you dont fix the bottom...make sense...You can't change your eating just by not "buying" your favorites or "trying" to not eat cause if you haven't fixed the root then you will find a way to eat what you want. If you eat because of stress then re evaluate your life and see how you can eliminate the stress...MOST chances are stress can be eliminated with WORK!! (example-I get stressed when the clothes pile up or there are cluttered mess around the house so with hard work I can make a plan to take care of these things!!) The book called how to have a house that cleans itself...says you have to find the one area that stresses you out and KEEP IT CLEAN NO EXCUSES..Mine is my downstairs bathroom which I use a lot and I am FORCED to be in there more than I want and nothing to do but look at it!!


Thats all I got....

Mom-- AMEN SISTER!! Gotta work on some stuff!

Hope I like under your name how you have starting again!! Sometimes thats just what we have to do...Our plan failed so we have to recalculate and start over!!
Kinda like when we use GPS and take a wrong turn we have to let the gps recalculate to get us to where we are going!! If not we just keep taking wrong turn after wrong turn and find ourselves REALLY REALLY LOST (me right now!)!!! So Lets Recalculate and START OVER SISTERS!!!!!

WE GOT THIS!!!!

Ug... how was the most depressing day of the year for everyone? It sucked for me... I actually forgot about the study until I read the paper after work. Maybe it's just becaue of my nature but I wasn't happy yesterday and I'm even less happy today. Things just suck, I won't go into detail because it's all the same as before but I'm looking at getting a $1000 car because we sold mine for only a little more then that. I hate being so broke all the time, it's a constant struggle and I'm just more and more PO'd at my husband as we go along. I'm still struggling with a chronic health problem that's keeping me from working out and I just feel down right pissy. Everything is ticking me off and this coffee here at work is just carp!!!!

Mom... I hope your kids are getting better.. I can't imagine how much that must suck.

Hello friends, welcome to popcorn girl :)
momof4, so sorry the kids are sick, that is so much work for you. Thanks for the good talking-to about trying to fix things, makes sense!!
Aunty Jam, so sorry about the super-sucky day!!
hope, did the doctor's visit help your foot/ankle? I'm sorry that I didn't know about that.
summershine - Oh I am sorry too, but as a mom I agree that our first instinct is 'what can i do to help your pain' and we might not understand that you really want us to butt out :)

momof4, there are so many places in my house that bother me, where do I begin ?? but I will try.

Lots of snow here, I'm so glad that our older son lives with us, he has been the main snowthrower operator and shoveler. I can shovel too of course, but it sucks that DH has not picked up a shovel this winter, because of his m'cycle accident injuries.

hope everyone has at least an OK day!

Hi everyone!

Yes, I'm still alive, sorry I haven't been popping in at all. This is usually a hard time of the year, but this time around its all just a fog.

Anyway DdC had her second sleep deprived EEG and is now on lamictal. It sure is hitting her hard with just the one pill a day and next week she has to take one night and morning. Her MRI is scheduled for Feb 17th.
DdB started on celexa as well. She has terrible social anxiety issues and since I didn't want her like me I finally got her into the docs. So far so good.
I'm coasting along here. Eating junk like crazy and not exercising at all, horrible combination. I know I need to start clearing stuff out of the house and its a little easier knowing it can't stay. At least thats what I keep telling myself.

I hope things start to get easier for all of you.:grouphug: I think of you all often and am so grateful for the support.

Take care and make the best of today,
K

You should be so proud of yourself, momof4, you inspired me today to pick ONE of my stressed-out areas...it was the eating area table, both on top AND underneath, it was shameful the thick dust and dog hair that was covering the assorted 'everything' underneath (all DH's stuff) and all the piles of stuff he had on top, along with the computer, all the stupid wires..I started refusing to vacuum under there when I knew he made no move to pick up his stuff..I found empty envelopes dated 2009 :rolleyes: and grocery store receipts from 2006..WTF?!

There are still MANY areas but at least I got one done. Two huge garbage bags. Hey last week I also got two big garbage bags of clutter out, but I forget from where?!

Plus I straightened up some bookcases that, from where I sit here, always looked awful. I did throw out a bunch of stuff that hopefully my brain-damaged husband won't ever miss :devil: :devil:

I don't expect these areas to stay good, just because I have three influences (husband and 2 sons) working against me but for now it is a good feeling!!

Hi buddly!!! :hug:

Vermont-That is AWESOME!! In the book she actually has you draw a map of your house one for upstairs and downstairs and even attic and basement if you have..include where your car is parked and the porch. Then you do your number 1 Home base area (most stressing area) Then you number the rest of the rooms and start usually with the areas that are in sight from the entrance (door) because when you come home you are not seeing an immediate eye sore and others first impression wont be affected by the clutter spots... I will get you some more tips from the book..Also flylady says to always go to bed with a clean shinny sink!! lol I don't always follow that but when I have done it I dont feel soo pressure when I get up cause I am starting the day behind from yesterdays dirty chores...


buddly so glad to see you. Sorry things are a mess for you too...its not a good time of year..I dont mind the cold but I had the trapped feeling!

Aunty-maybe if you should just put on some boxing gloves and do some boxing..LOL It might help get the aggrivation out enough you can talk to him in a calm manner?? Im sorry it seems so down right now!


Well this stupid bug seems to be lingering not real bad but like today I had one early this morning had the runs and I gave her a lil spoon of pepto cause I WANTED SLEEP...then another one after lunch had a small mess in her pants and kinda runny on the toilet..then another one threw up at church..Its now going onto a WEEK of someone being sick. THANK goodness its slowing down and that I havent got it!

On another note I am really trying to make sense of my mess with my weight which causes lack of energy which causes me not to get to all the chores and tasks I have which causes my dh to be frustrated which causes me to want to just go hide in bed which causes me to be more frustrated which makes me snappy and short with the kids which then makes me feel like a piece of crap mom that cant get her crap together....I feel like I am just digging a whole in circles instead of up....ALTHOUGH i have felt some progress and mentally a lil bit so I am goin to hold onto that!!
I think I am going to try the gym out for one week free and see how it works because I HAVE TO CHANGE SOMETHING!!

Now I need sleep so I stop being a mean snake with everyone and get my act together!!

night!!

Hey everyone hope your all ok? i have been having terrible troublw sleeping lately im so tired and grumpy all the time i dont know what to do :(

on a good note i lost a lb tonight and got my forst silver 7 with ww xxx

sorry you've had trouble sleeping :( but big congrats on down a lb and for your ww success! :)

I'm very frustrated right now because...even though my knee is feeling better, this morning the sciatica pain (what I've self-diagnosed as sciatica) is so bad i can't even work out...that is bad for me, because I've always tried to ahve the positive attitude of 'at least I can exercise' but today I can't :( Also still very bummed that I was in the process of buying a motorcycle on Craig's list but it was sold right between emails.

and I cant control what I'm eating!!! it doesn't matter if I eat a good breakfast of oatmeal, bring a yogurt snack, bring a sandwich for lunch. I binge on something bad whether I've brought good food or not. I should just not eat anything, because I know I'm gonna have something bad later! grrrr

So I finally came to a breaking point. After 3 days of being mean and snappy and losing my temper and cool more times than I can counts...I lost it. Like I just sent the kids down to watch tv and went to the shower. I am frustrated with myself so it comes out in how I take care of my house, how I treat my kids, my husband, how I deal with everything. Then because I treat them all so poorly I begin to hate myself.
If I had more consistency and stuck to a schedule it would eliminate ALOT of my stress!! I have been trying to do a big schedule and expect it to work for every day. I realize I need to personally schedule each day. BUT I have to stick to it as well. When I dont get the dishes done and the laundry i hangs over my head and makes me feel horrible till I get to it esp. if I am just hanging out and doing nothing important. If I would just do it all every night or every morning the rest of the day could be used for something better. Like if I could get up early like I need to then I could do that stuff while my boys did their school then we would have the rest of the day to do what ever and I wouldnt be stressed and so snappy.

BUT Anyways. I finally just called my husband and told him I was to the point I wanted to drive off a cliff (not literally) because I hated the way I am..SO after many questions I just left it all out. I think I said in previous posts my friend of 15 years cut me off almost 2 months ago. I didnt have closure cause she did it over a text and I kept waiting and waiting and finally last week she replied to text and I realized it really was over. She said I was self righteous and she didnt need my love. How do you do that to someone you have been best friends with for 15 years. I defended her to everyone and anyone when she got prego to a random man and family and friends judged her. I was the one support person there to help her through the birth of her son?? This all happened because she caused some gossip problems with some members of our church who were her ex inlaws and some other members. Which the guy threatened to go to court over. So I decided I should NOT listen to or comment on anything about them. So I finally told her when we talked I didnt want to talk about them I felt bad about it and it just causes problems in the end. TWO days later she texts me she is done..

I am ok and at peace about it now and usually when I am having days like this I can call her and break down to her (what I dont know is if she was telling other people what was going on in my life...as a pastor you have to be careful who you talk to!! LOL)
So I know in the end it is all good and my husband helped me way more than I thought. He didnt judge or just tell me to suck it up and change...so that was good
But I still have just wanted to bawl all day!
I want my kids to feel loved, have a happy childhood, not feel stupid or dumb because of my quick reactions or words, I want them to be strong and secure in who they are. BUT how I have been does not encourage all those things!! I get ONE chance to raise these kids and I NEED to get my act together!!!

So I guess I am back to starting block one and going to try and apply what I know. It has to go UP from here!!


I have a week till the WINTERJAM concert which I am the LC for. I have 80 some volunteers to help so I am trying to type everything up and call all those volunteers to give details to!!! A little bit of pressure!! LOL

ok thanks for listening. Hope you all are doing well

momof4, I am so sorry about your 'friend' who has cut you off :( you did so much for her! and all because you said you wouldn't talk about gossip...that really is bad of her to do to her best support person!

I wonder if, you were able to get up early like you want to try, if you found that you were able to do a couple things to help your day go better...I'm not one to preach because I just can't get up early until it starts to get lighter out earlier, but I hope you can, if just to give it a try.

oh and that lady is right, coming into the kitchen in the morning to a clean and empty sink is nice!

my knee was better today so I was able to work out, still adapting to baby the knee but I was glad I could do 30 Day Shred. OH and I found out my last day at the icky winter job is Wednesday April 13, I can hang on til then ( I hope)

I haven't heard from the hospital to see if they considered my appeal; for now they've given us a 30% reduction , that is better than nothing.

Again I have to realize that, if I'm having a really, really DOWN day (like, what does life matter?) ; usually the next day is not so bad. Something to remember!!

big :grouphug: to everyone.

vermont-yes I really didnt think she would stick to it just figured she was having a bad day..she is bipolar and sufers from depression....so I kept sending little text reminding her I was waiting for her to call...but I guess it is what it is. I am a natural NIGHT OWL so it is a KILLER to get up. When I was a manager at the store years ago I had to be there at 5am..I got up at 4:45 and showered and got to work by 5...I hated mornings..but once I was there and woke up I was my normal people person!! (most day)

Yes having a clean sink is nice in the morning but on top of that a clean house is even better because when I wake up to a mess it just sets me in a down mood and the frustration really kicks in then the snappiness...

My house is probably the worst it has been in a while. We got a new computer (ours was 4 or 5 years old and not in good shape) so I just went and tore EVERYTHING off the desk and then we (dh and I) wiped it all down so I have a mess from that..but the desk looks nice...LOL!! then laundry is the worst its been in a while...dishes are done except a few! But I told my husband today I cant handle it I need to walk thru my house with a blind fold!! SOO I am not "in the mood" to clean but if I dont its going to just start my week off bad...SOOOO I am going to go clean and be crazy!!! It really wont take hours upon hours but it will take a little while!
I told my husband my laundry defeats me every day and every week because I LET IT...If I can conquer the loads of laundry and stay caught up with it then I can lose the weight. I know everyone says you have so many kids its impossible to keep caught up but I dont think its impossible I am tired of having that pressure and stress over my head to get it done

Then I decided I can cut down more stress by planning better...being consistent in laying out clothes, socks, shoes, coats..so when we have to leave I already have it!! If I can stick to the order chart for morning and night then the kids will know exactly what they are to be doing next and I wont have to nag (as much :) )

I don't know I really am trying through the bouts of depression I keep getting to change and I today realized I am in the fight of my life.

THINGS HAVE TO CHANGE AND I HAVE TO FIGHT FOR THEM...OR THEY NEVER WILL!!! My discipline, my temper, my health, my housekeeping, my relationship with God, my consistancy, my house order!! EVERYTHING you name it...its not where it should be....so I feel knocked down on the ground being kicked over and over...but I CAN GET UP AND FIGHT!!! Once someone has had enough they have had ENOUGH and they STAND up and FIGHT!!

SO I say to all you ladies...Its hard and sometimes OUT of our reach...but look at why your frustrated, why your stressed, why your where you are and see if there's anything you can do to eliminate that frustration (laying stuff out for the morning so you are more organized to get out the door on time) or why your stressed....Im finding I can do SOOO many things to eliminate a lot of this stress and frustration that makes me want to just go back under the covers and sleep for days!!

Sorry my post is sooo long lately...I am kinda just writing out my feelings here and helping to keep me on track...Hopefully it doesnt bore anyone..sorry if it does!

Ok off to clean!!!

Holly i hope your feeling better and your knee is ok. My sleeping is still bad but im plodding along. Hope everyone is ok xxxx

Hi everyone

Mom you are right, things are so much easier when you have routines. I find the clutter to be overwhelming and suffocating. And laundry, well that is just a daily occurrence. Sorry about your friend, its hard when you lose your sounding board.

Vermont I hope your knee feels better soon. I had to chuckle about the sink. I get hints from flylady and if the girls do the dishes and I come in they inform me that I now have a "huggable sink" :)

Hope how are you doing?

Ems18 Hi there and I hope your sleeping better. Days are a bit easier after some decent sleep.

Aunty Jam I hope things are getting better. Did you get the big dump of snow as well?

Heather how are things going?

:grouphug: and Hi everyone else, hope you are all doing alright.

I'm annoyed at myself as I only worked one day last week and had a perfect opportunity to get some sorting done and I didn't do a thing. And it would have been so much better if I had kept busy. Anyway, its a busy week this week as I work three days and of course am a taxi service for my one daughter and DdC's MRI got moved up to this Thursday. Who knows maybe things will get done.

I better get going.

Take care everyone,
K

buddly im the same when i need to do things and i have a few dAYS OFF i always want to just rest or got other things on lol

I hope i sleep tonight as im sick of this now :(

Hey everyone....

Ug. So... life goes on, good things and bad. I haven't posted because I haven't had much to talk about. I did a really stupid thing, I joined a local weight loss challange and listed my weight at 150, the next day when I got on the scale it said 152 (it's my womanly time). I was ticked! I didn't want to record a gain but my starting weight was wrong :( I could have had them change it I suppose, but I was just so ticked off that I went up from 145. So I buckled down and managed to get it to 149 by the end of the week. So I celebrated :( It got a little out of hand. I ended up drunk on vodka paralizers (maybe 1000 calories each?) and I don't remember parts of the night :( It's been a long time since I've done that, and I only had 2 drinks, they were doubles though, so I guess it's not fair to say I only had 2. There were probably 4 shots of booze in each drink and I drank them really fast. When will I learn???? When I start drinking I have a tough time stopping, especially when I'm in a party mood. I end up blacking out and not remembering all the stupid stuff I do. I don't drink nearly as much as I used to... I really don't. This was the first time in a long time, but, do you think I have a problem? I don't have to have a drink or anything, I don't "need" it, but it's a worrying thought.

Buddly - We got dumped on hugely! We've set snow records for this month I think. Then it warmed up and everything started to melt, now it's raining! Crazy weather... I've never seen the roads so bad. I drove the husbands truck and fishtailed pretty badly on the way to work. It's a good thing I learned how to drive during the winter, I'm worried about my Step Daughter, she doesn't want to learn until summer.

Aunty Jam, IMO you dn't have a 'problem'. I would say if you did that more often you might need to think on it. But not if you hardly ever do it. Sorry that your weight jumped when you weren't expecting it!! and i applaud you at being so low anyway :carrot:

ems81, my knee is better!! wohoo. I hope you are sleeping better :hug:

hey buddly :) You are dealing with a lot, with the medical issues with your daughter, I sure hope things turn out OK with her (and of course the other issue you have to deal with)

momof4, I hope you are doing well!

and Hi to everyone else :wave:

I had a WORTHLESS day today. My husband specifically took off from work, to match my day off; he said that we could go to motorcycle shops for me to 'test - sit' bikes...well I started thinking, why do I want to sit on brand new bikes that I have no intention of buying..I have never been a 'window shopper' person, I dont get pleasure out of gazing at things I can't buy. So...my reaction? spend ALL day in bed. Got up at 2 to eat a sandwich...back to bed. DH is being nice and telling me that I was just tired, I probably needed the rest. He NEVER addresses that it's my depression. I have to hope that tomorrow is better. I cant stop crying today.

Vermont - Thanks for your positive opinion! I couldn't stop thinking about it all night last night and it drove me crazy. Made me think I wanted a drink, yeesh. I cleaned my aquariums and walked the dog instead. I hope today is better for you. I understand not wanting to look at stuff you aren't going to buy... what's the point??? Just makes you want what you can't have! Have you ever tried to sit your husband down and tell him point blank that you're depressed? It sounds like he's in denial about the whole thing, if he accepts it maybe he could try to help you out with it. :hug:

Buddly - I hope you and your family get some answers from the MRI today. I heard on the radio this morning we got 60cm of snow so far this January (for the americans that's about 24 inches). The east coast is supposed to get hammered again later today, glad I'm not there!

Mom - Hope everyone is feeling better at your place.

:wave: Hi to everyone else...

Oh.. I forgot! I finally got myself a vehicle, a '97 GMC Jimmy with 4x4. Gggrrrr! It's powerful, has a lot of get up and go and it's my favorite colour for a car... maroon (but reddish, not to brown). It's older then I wanted (a lot) but it's in good shape and we couldn't turn it down for the price they were asking... You guys are not going to believe... $850 and it's got low mileage too, it's worth a lot more then that. We sold my car to a mechanic friend of mine who so far has it running... I was so frustrated with looking for a car at one point I asked him if he'd sell it back to us. I've wanted a SUV for a long time... I know they're bad on gass, ideally I wanted a hybrid but that's just out of the budget. I haul around people, dogs, agility equipment, walkers and sometimes wheelchairs. It'll be nice to have the extra space and not have to worry about the mess the dogs make in the back seat (they'll be in the way-back!).

Aunty Jam - congrats on your new boyfriend Jimmy! :devil: that WAS a great deal!!! and now you have all that room for hauling things. Thank goodness, sometimes things go right for us :cool:

lol @ wanting a drink to think over if you drink too much :D

thanks for the commiserating about me not wanting to window shop, and about DH. He definitely has a problem with my problem. Super-resistant to me wanting to talk to someone (even if we could afford it). I try to see it from a spouse's perspective..".hmm..my spouse seems miserable and doesn't think life is worth living..isn't that insulting to me??" yet I've tried and tried to tell him it is not him. Sigh!

Well today was better!!! My knee didn't hurt at All when I worked out, so that is great. And I'm trying to stick to good eating, but it will probably go to **** tomorrow when I'm back at work. The same ol' same ol...even if I pack a lunch, I'm not given the time to eat it; then I get TOO hungry and a hungry-headache, and get so angry and resentful, then go for the first multiple-hundred-calorie cookie. Damn him! (boss)

Hi and :hug: to everyone else.

hey girls my sleeping has been abitbetter but last night it was rubish :( I sts this week i was abit upset about that as i had been good and exercised :( My weight loss is so slow it is my 11th week doing ww but i did have a 3 week break over xmas as there was no meeting so only 8 wi and iv only lost 7lbs alot of people who have been doing less than that have lost more than me im starting to get disheartend :(

Hope your all well xxx

ems - I know how discouraging it is, to work hard and not see any progress..hang in there!! :hug: even if you don't see a difference on the scale, I'm sure there is good things happening in you..and each day is one day more on program :)

I am a little angry this morning, because I had to use DH's computer because I couldn't get mine to work..and on one of his tabs was a site of 'sexy beautiful women', we have been over this in the past..he says 'its normal for men to want to look' and all I can say is, how would you feel if I was visiting sites that had hot young in-shape guys??? I guess the feeling is hurt, more than angry.

Well I had an on-program day yesterday, and have started today out well also. Wish me luck in staying away from those damn cookies at work!

have a great day everyone :hug:

Thanks for the support Holly.

Id be angry if i found my bf looking at sites like that aswell xx

I think I probably knew, deep down, that he always does? but I think I'm okay as long as i don't know it. I still havent' confronted him yet about it, maybe today before I leave for work. At least it doesn't make me run to eat as something like this would have years ago.

Hi everybody....some may remember me from times gone by...hoping to reconnect!
xoLiz

Hope everything is ok holly let meknow how it goes keep your chin up xxx

Hi Liz :) and welcome back :carrot:

ems81, I did speak to him about it, but I was very quiet and straight-forward about it, I just asked if he was interactive? if he posted and responded through it? He said no, 'just looking' and I hope that's right. He is very very good at always saying that I am a 'sexy hot mama' - well, I am not bad for 50 I guess :devil: but heck when you look at the perfect bodies of 20 yr olds :(

But I am almost over it .. what else can one do. Again I'm glad I didn't run and stuff myself as I used to do years ago.

are you sleeping OK?

and hi :hug: to everyone else.

Hi all!!

Hey Liz!! How are you? I've often wondered how you were doing.

Vermont I hope you and hubby straighten things out and congrats on not turning to food. Thats big :)

Aunty Jam congrats on the new to you truck, that sure was a good deal. Our streets have been a mess with the dump of snow and then the warm temps. We were -25*C this morning, but its suppose to go above freezing again in a few days.

Hope everyone else is doing alright.

Not much new here. DdC had her MRI we'll get the results in a few weeks. She is doing ok on the medication, she hasn't done the increase yet as she has had plans and didn't want to sleep through them while she gets use to the new dosage.

Take care everyone,
K

Hooly im glad you told him straight and yes you are a hot mama hehe Im glad you did not stuff your face when you felt down about this.

My sleeping is till rubbish but hopefully i can get a good sleep tonight xxx

Vermont - about your hubby not understanding your depression.. I don't think anyone who has never been depressed (or not seriously like us) can really understand what it is we're going through. I think you need to put yourself first and do what you know needs to be done.

Hi Liz... welcome back.

Buddly - I can understand your daughters reasons for not upping her meds yet. I knew someone on phenobarb for seizures and whenever he increased he would sleep all day. It's icky stuff. How are you holding up? It's freezing here too but supposed to get nicer starting tomorrow.

ems.. hope you get a good sleep.

I'm at work... and totally unmotivated, thinking about how I'd rather be doing anything else and how I have to get out of here. I gave hubby the ultimatium but I didn't say what the consequence would be. I haven't decided I guess. Actually I gave it to him almost a month ago now... I haven't seen any changes in his behaviour yet.

Thanks aunty jam i sleep ok but not for to long. Hope you sorted things with your hubby xxx