Hi Amy,
WELCOME !!!
Amy, let me just say this, and I'm sure you have heard it before....NOTHING is worth taking your life over..NOTHING.
I to have struggled with my weight since I was a small child, not fun. I was the heaviest kid in school. I had it rough, my weight soared to over 300 lbs. Talk about low self-esteem.
When I hit about your age 18, 19... is when I started to realize that the kids in school were just shallow @(%&#%&@&.... I started working full time. I met some people who accepted me for me. This felt really good and the weight started to come off, slowly. Find some people who will uplift you and not drag you down. Get rid of all those who want to drag you along in their misery. How about joining a Church and getting involved with the youth or volunteering somewhere. This can be very rewarding and it makes you feel REALLY good about yourself. Bringing joy to someone else is double sided...it makes both you and the person feel really good.
One thing I have learned over the years is that we are worth so much more on the inside then on the outside. God made us all and he doesn't make mistakes, we are all His children and we are so beautiful to Him and honestly thats all that matters. I have never met you but one thing I can say is I know you are beautiful, your like a beautiful morning dove with a broken wing... you will heal and you will soon be able to fly, higher than you dreamed......but healing takes time.
I have gained quite a bit of weight back but with slow changes to my daily life and slow changes to how I look at the world, I know I will lose it. Amy, take life slow, dont rush weight loss because you will only be let down. Change little things one at a time. With in a few months you will be ahead of the game.
Lastly !! KEEP TALKING TO YOUR MOM... don't stop telling her how you feel, you need to keep your communication open. If not her a councelor, friend, pastor. Suicide is not reversible, it is forever and its NOT worth it.
We hope to see you here again, if you need to talk we are here for you.
Huggs and Kisses, Leenie