Talking to my GP in January this year about how depressed I was feeling - not bad mood, not upset just well I'm sure you know the way, the sensation of having to pull with all my might to stop being dragged backwards into a black hole - I told her that I usually 'went off' in October for several months. Even though I didn't look for it in advance, I had noticed the pattern; when it would strike, even although I could think 'Oh, I'm not going mad, here it is again', somehow I couldn't fight it.

She suggested S.A.D. and I thought Duh! I've known about this for years, I just hadn't made the connection in my own case.

She also thinks that I have longer, deeper-seated issues to tackle through counselling but, unfortunately, counselling is not available on the NHS, and I don't know how to choose a private practitioner. Come July, I felt so much better that I didn't want to poke the deep issues. Again, I'm sure you know how it feels: when IT goes away, I feel so much better that I don't believe IT will ever come back again. So her recommendation was, don't start the issue work now: by the time you've found someone and started talking, you'll be back into S.A.D. territory again, and it'll be impossible to tell whether it's working or not.

All was fine until yesterday, when I gave myself a day off life and didn't push myself too hard. Actually, what I should have done is get out for my usual daily walk in the daylight but I didn't. Slippery slope, and I feel myself much farther down it this morning: I'd forgotten what it feels like to wake up with a black cloud over your head but now I remember.

If anyone else has experience of dealing with S.A.D. I'd be really glad to hear from you. (I've ordered my lightbox from ebay......)

Thanks.

I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing these difficulties. I haven't personally experienced SAD, but from what you describe, it seems to me like it must be really challenging to be aware of the cyclical nature of how your mood alters with the seasons, particularly when you feel yourself being "drawn in" to a low mood or a dark place. On the up side, the way you describe your situation makes it seem to me like you have really good insight into your emotions and feelings about this, and it sounds as though you are very "in touch" with what you are experiencing, if that makes any sense.

I have to say, based purely on the detail you provided in your post, I'm not totally sure that I buy what your GP has to say about counselling not being available for free on the NHS. Counselling and other talking therapies are provided by the NHS in the UK, and recently, there's been quite a big push towards expanding this (if you are interested, Google "IAPT" (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies)). Undoubtedly, there is still much work to be done, and there is considerable regional variation as to the availability of services, but in most parts of the UK, you should at the very least be able to access things like low-intensity CBT or guided self-help resources, if you have received any diagnosis of a mental health problem. Of course, it also depends on the nature of your personal case - for fairly "basic" cases of things like mild depression and anxiety (if there is such a thing as a basic case!), there is more help available, but for more complicated problems, particularly where there are multiple difficulties in various domains of a person's life, longer term psychotherapy may be more suitable, and undoubtedly it is quite challenging to gain access to this on the NHS. Having said that, the way the new model of delivering therapy services in the NHS works is through what's known as a "stepped care" system - you tend to start off with a relatively low-intensity form of treatment, and then you get "stepped up" to progressively more intensive (and commensurately harder to access!) services, if your difficulties aren't adequately addressed by lower-intensity interventions.

If you feel like you might benefit from some form of talking therapy, it might be worth having a look around on the internet for NHS therapy services in your area and approaching your GP again with this information. I'm really happy to talk with you more about this if you would find it at all helpful. I'm not a professional therapist or anything like that, but I am studying for a PhD at the moment in clinical psychology, and I am based in a research clinic for depression and anxiety, where NHS patients are referred to for various types of talking therapy. I'm not massively comfortable talking about stuff relating to my work on a public forum, but I'd be more than happy to continue the conversation in a PM, if you are at all interested and would find it helpful. No worries if not, I don't mind at all

Rosinante -

I have never been diagnosed with SAD, but I'm an expert self-diagnoser.

I lived almost all of my life in the southern US, so yes winter is darker and colder, but not terrible. In my mid-20s I moved overseas and for the first time experienced a long, hard winter. It was awful on my mood. I lived there for 4 years, and for the first 3 winter (which lasted about 5 months) was depressing and dark and I packed on the pounds and cried and found it difficult to leave my apartment for anything other than necessities. I said I wanted to hibernate, but there was definitely an aspect of depression, too. I remember feeling so strange, because I truly loved my city and job and living overseas, but every winter I was miserable.

My 4th and last winter, I had already started making some health changes, and was exercising 3-5 times a week. WOW! What a difference! Yes, I still got a little blue, but my need to binge was gone, and my mood was much, much better.

I'm back in the States now and winter won't be as bad, but I know I need to keep exercising or I will have another depressing winter.

I've never gotten a light box, but have thought about it. Please let me know how you like yours!

Thanks, both of you!

As to counselling on the NHS: the GP referred me to the MHT, where I was assessed by a very, very young person. (I know, she can't help being young).

She agreed at the end of the half hour that I would benefit from a talking therapy but said it was not available in our PCT. If I wanted to come to classes to improve my self-esteem, that was one thing (but she couldn't see any value in it). Anything more intensive is not funded in our area.

The GP is outraged and is trying to pursue it but it seems to come down to local budgetting decisions.

Like JenMusic, I am also an expert self-diagnoser! Lol! My sister and I are both affected by the winter months. It is hard - I work full time and I get up for work in the dark, see some day light on the way to work, then come home in the dark. Driving home from work, I feel like I could go straight to bed most nights.

I told myself one winter, if it got bad, I would go tanning. And I did go tanning. And it was awesome. Yes - there is that whole skin cancer risk, but I didn't do it to get tan. I just went for a FEW minutes. Laying there in the heat and the light did wonders for my mood.

I try to do things like meet with friends for coffee in the evenings on occassion. And I try to get into my crafts in the winter months (scrapbooking, etc.) Really anything that I find enjoyable that I can focus my attention on seems to help.

YAY I am glad your getting a light box, I hear great things about them and people usually love them. One thing you have to make sure ((((correct me if I'm wrong))) but they have to be 10,000 LUX (or more) to truely work.

Good luck and please let us know how you do with it.

I've had SAD since I moved north to the MN/IA areas. Tried many antidepressants, but some made me suicidal (yep, it doesn't just happen to teenagers) then a doc who had lived in Alaska diagnosed it. Get as much sun as you can and take vitamin D3. I take about 3000 iu each day and it really does help But, now that I hear the light boxes might be available on ebay, I'm going to look for one of those too, as our insurance calls that 'experimental' and won't pay for one. Best wishes!

PCTs are to be scrapped (not sure of timescale) and GPs are to take control of commissioning services (again, don't know the detail here). But, in this context, is it worth raising with your outraged GP? Would your practice consider commissioning this kind of service, alone or in partnership with other practices? You can't possibly be their only patient who'd benefit.

Tiny - do you know more about this?

(OT? Build your own NHS? I do feel rather concerned about this. I'll do your op if you do mine?? Yikes.)

I also have SAD and living up here in Canada the winter is brutal!!! Our days are so short... I go to work in the dark and drive home in the dark, I moved to an office without an outside window this spring so I won't even get to see what little daylight we do get.

I use a light box every morning during the winter and I find it very helpful. It really helps me to feel more awake and alert and I am NOT a morning person. I did have some stomach upset and headaches which are normal side effects of the lights but they went away after a bit.

Please let us know when you get yours and how you like it

I too suffer from SAD. Firstly I keep all my lights on indoors when it is just a little dull and have a very bright reading lamp that I use as well. Keep saying I am getting one of those light boxes but am not sure whether they actually make that much difference. Do think that getting some counselling was the best thing for me and helped me get a better perspective on things and sort out a few problems.

I was just going to post something about this. I had no idea it was called SAD!!! It all makes perfect sense now!! I'm from Arizona, where it is ALWAYS sunny, and always HOT. Since living in WA & MD, my depression has gone from bad to worse. I'm not blaming everything on the terrible weather though. Some of it is actually because of other things. But the weather really doesn't help the problems much.

I can't wait till we move!! I need to be in a warmer climate. 6 more months until we're outta here!!

I have battled cyclical depressions since 8 years old with various diagnosis and now suspect that part of SAD might be the same discovery about so many of us in Northern climes becoming vitamin-D deficient in the winter months, as my "trouble" always seemed to peak in April when the days were longer but any stored D in my tissues likely depleted (long before anyone was testing for D levels so I'll never know).

Anyway, since moving to the South and getting my vit D level into normal range I have less of a problem with fighting depression. I still feel that "sucking toward black hole" that you described, but not as often or as intensely.

I have never been officially diagnosed with SAD but winters can near about do me in. By January all I would want to do is eat and sleep. Some things I have done that have helped:

Put timers on your lights. Don't wake up to darkness. Don't come home to darkness. Give yourself the illusion of summer's longer days.

Take Vitamin D and St. John's Wort.

Go outside in the daylight. Even if it's brutally cold. Even if it's only for 10 minutes.

Fight it! I purposely make sure to have plans on the weekends so I can't just lay around the house and be depressed. I have to leave the house, the same as I do during the week when I have work. And I usually tell the people that I have the plans with to NOT let me cancel.

Make lots of plans for hobbies and projects. Keep yourself active. I make lists of movies and books to enjoy during the winter. I spend more time creating art and working on my book (both of which are neglected in summer). I redecorate my apartment. I do volunteer work.

HTH.

You give alot of excellent, concrete suggestions!!

Rosinante, you described it perfectly when you said you feel so good in July that you can't remember what "IT" is like...then later in the year when you wake up under a dark cloud that lasts for months...such a spot on description of such an awful thing.

I sure hope you get some relief

Update.

Thankyou to everyone for your kind and helpful suggestions.

I've made a point of walking every single day, come rain or shine. It's (slowly) getting to the place where if I haven't had a walk for work or shopping purposes, I actually go and have one because it's a must, like eating a meal. Good.

I missed yesterday with a cold so bad it's nearly man flu ;D . Today I had to wait in for a Virgin Mobile phone to arrive between 8 and 6 (oops sorry, we forgot to order it for you. it'll definitely be tomorrow, have a free month as an apology). Otherwise, every day. This has been really, really beneficial.

I've also attacked my study and am beginning to get my filing into order. This is also beneficial, as it brings a sense of order and control.

Finally, I've started following the Carb Lovers Diet. There's not an artificially processed iota in it, but it does allow the consumption of good carbs, like wholemeal, home-made scones etc. I'd read that the body is programmed to want more carbs in winter, so I thought, "Why fight it?" It's working well but 7 days on 1200 calories is enough, I'm going back up to 1400, I'm too hungry on 1200 and haven't got time to play around at the moment.

So: outdoor exercise and carbs - they really seem to be doing the trick. I feel more of an even keel than I have for years, and the yawning black pit has, for the moment, shut its mouth.