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Hi. I'm new here and have a few New Year's resolutions I need to address.
They are all intended to make me a healthier person. Besides losing weight, I have already quit smoking.
I have developed some sort of serious fear of going places. According to the definition of Agoraphobia, this is not it, but I was wondering if anyone else has dealt with something similar?
Basically, I want to go somewhere and do something, but I get so nervous about actually doing it that I usually end up not going. I sometimes make excuses why I can't do something. I feel bad because my boyfriend tries to understand, but I know he really wishes I weren't this way.
It only started about two years ago and although a couple things may have attributed to it's cause, I feel like mainly I am soooo ridiculously self-conscious that I become terrified going out in public. I go to work and sometimes the grocery store, but rarely by myself. I have been trying really hard to work on this for several weeks now and would like to know if anyone has experienced this and if so, how do you handle it?
I have friends like this. They are not truely Agoraphobia but have a very hard time in public. The best thing you can do is get to the true root of the problem and try to move past it. sound easy but its not. Also talking to and outside source can always help. Good Luck
I used to have that. I can't say I know a cure as such, but for me it helped to go out say 5 minutes at a time, even just walking around the house breaks the habit of being stuck at home, and then I just increased the time til I felt confident again. Then just try to maybe spend some time alone in the grocery store, without buying anything, just to get used to the feeling of being there. For me the fear of going out was a lot to do with low self esteem and feeling I wasn't good enough. Hope you feel better soon IansGirl!
I've had a similar problem. I lived in Baltimore for 10 months and lived on the 2nd floor of a 16 story building. Once I came home in the evening I did NOT leave. I wouldn't even leave to go to the pool on the roof of the building. I just did not leave my tiny, motel room of an apartment (I'm not exaggerating - it used to be a motel room with a kitchenette), so I had to do all my grocery shopping on my way home from work.
I live in the suburbs now, and I have a GPS. I get more sunlight in my apartment and I have two cats that cheer me up. I still don't go out in the evening, but I do get out on weekends.
If you want some recommendations, I'd suggest that you schedule something. If you're interested in attending a church (I am agnostic so I go to a UU church), that's a good way to get out. Having a particular destination and a time to be there helped me find a real reason to get out. I also started volunteering on Sundays at a cat shelter, so I knew the cats would miss me if I didn't show up.
If you want to talk to someone about it, please feel free to message me.
I have a friend that started to have feelings like this back in highschool. Ended up that he had a severe panic and anxiety diorder and leaving th house and being around crowds of people made him very nervous and anxioius. Good news he went to see a Dr. got on some meds and is a social butterfly again.
I've had a similar problem.
After my oldest was born (1987) I could not leave our apartment building (all of three stories) unless I was with someone. Since we moved out to the country (1995) and I've had to start driving again its forced me to go out some. But to be honest it wasn't until I was put on paxil (I think about 4 yrs ago)that I was able to leave the house without major anxiety, but I am finding, now that I've switched to welbutrin the anxiety is returning and I'm retreating more and more, not sure whats going to happen next.
I hope you find a solution,
take care,
K
Thanks so much for all your advice. Tiggy, that is awesome advice. I was thinking on my drive home last night that this all started when I began living on my own again. I had lost almost all of my confidence and then I had my own place so it was so nice to feel safe at home all the time. I even used to call in to work a lot.
So maybe it just became a habit. I used to be so active and have fun with friends almost daily. My job does exhaust me mentally, so it is also so easy to just go home at night, have dinner, and relax in front of the tv.
I'm trying to find ways to at least do even a slight amount more each day to start with. I like Tiggy's suggestion to start by just getting outside for a few more minutes a day. I am going to try that. Now... I just wish it weren't dark the moment I get home
Sounds like you have found your answer there! I was just going to say that thru the years I have developed and then "got over" several types of these "phobias" Once I couldn't sleep at all because I was convinced that fire would break out. I solved that by installing a smoke alarm (this was before smoke alarms were mandatory) and planning escape routes For ages I could not force myself to use an escalator, convinced I would fall. I solved this by at first having my friends stand in front of me until I finally felt secure enough to go alone. I got over a phobia of snakes by holding and caring for one for a while. I still don't like snakes and won't have one as a pet but i know longer scream and run if I see one, so i guess facing what you fear is the best way to deal with these things Good luck
I'm glad you found my advice useful IansGirl I have had strange fears too like PixieSue, like an irrational fear of escalators and restaurants It's always gone away by facing the fear in babysteps, and not beating myself up because I'm not like everyone else. It takes time to develop fears and it takes time to overcome them. I reckon you can spend lots of time wondering why but sometimes you just have to tackle the problem first and analyse later. Well done IansGirl for deciding to do something about your problem
I hear you out. I have pretty much the same issues. I can't go out anywhere anymore, and I'd love to hear some other people's responses. My boyfriend doesn't quite get it either.. I can't even go to the movies or the mall. You're not alone!
I can't tell you how nice it is to know that other people feel like this too!
I think I understand what you mean, IansGirl. It's not that I'm SCARED of going out (being mugged, hit by a car, etc) but that if I don't really NEED to go anywhere, I will usually talk myself out of it at least a few times before I go. I think I am just self-conscious... I tell myself I'll feel more confident and will do these things when I lose weight, but even when I've been at a place where I feel good, I would still be more inclined to not do things.
I agree with some of the above posters - it's just a matter of making yourself go. However, I also think that maybe we're all a little too hard on ourselves. I've been trying lately to realize that I am a shy person. I know that I am, but I hold myself to the standards of my outgoing friends. I want to be okay with the fact that I am okay with who I am, and not be ashamed of the fact that I'm SHY - not a liar, or a backstabber, or a murderer.
My suggestion is this: put one thing on your calendar a week. I find it is easier to go out on a Wednesday night if I have 2 whole days to get settled with the fact that I am going. Make yourself go. But also realize that it is okay to be a homebody, to be shy, to feel uncomfortable in a crowd. I think that maybe if you can come to terms with that, the people in your life might start to as well.
When you say you feel self-conscious what is it about the situation (going in public) that makes you feel this way? Do you fear negative evaluation by others or you fear you might get physical symptoms in your body and you might not be able to escape or get help? What function does your friend serve when she/he is with you? How is she making things better by being with you. Agoraphobia gets confounded with social phobia, so more details will be useful. In any case, exposures is what you most likely need..facing your fears little by little.
Maybe you should address what stresses you out when you leave house. Anxiety is a natural reaction of stress. Or maybe, and I know this might be extreme, but have you thought about seeing a therapist about this? It could be a part of something bigger that you may need help with.
I'm not quit that severe but I have an issue with crowds when I go into crowded places like the mall or department stores convention centers or concerts I just feel like claustrophobic or something- the best way to conquer it is to just do it! I'm firm believer in the only way to conquer fear it stare at it right in it's ugly little face! I can now go into crowds with out feeling such anxiety I still feel a tiny nervous when people bump into me or soemthing but it doesn't hinder my ability to live a normal life... you don't need drug or a shrink to get you through this! YOU can do it YOU have the power and I believe in you- good luck chica!
My sister-in-law is this way. We make a plan, and then last minute, she can't do it. I think for her it's a fear of social situations more so than a fear of leaving her home. It makes it very difficult to plan anything with her. I have children and we now don't tell them we plan to see her because we don't know if she will change her plan last minute. She does manage to go to work but has chooses night shift so she is very limited in who she is dealing with. I don't know the answers but please know, you aren't alone.
Last edited by Thighs Be Gone; 01-11-2009 at 06:50 AM.
Something like Agoraphobia???
It's always gone away by facing the fear in babysteps, and not beating myself up because I'm not like everyone else. It takes time to develop fears and it takes time to overcome them. I reckon you can spend lots of time wondering why but sometimes you just have to tackle the problem first and analyse later. Well done IansGirl for deciding to do something about your problem
