[Ari89GT]

I just can't stand myself sometimes. These are the reasons I'm depressed:
1. I'm going to school to be a nurse. Most of the time I feel 'Yes, I know I'm smart enough to do this, but I am outgoing/outspoken enough to be a nurse?' It makes me paranoid. I feel like -what if I do this, work so hard and near my 4th semester I fail because I hate public speaking and there are community teaching projects we have to do in the end of our RN program. OMG! I have such bad social anxiety it's insane. My psychiatrist put me on klonopin which I haven't started just yet, but will be tonight. Is anyone else on that?

2. I feel ugly. I'm growing my dyed blonde hair out, natural color is dark blonde. Doing this so I can bleach it all and make it platinum. But my roots are showing so bad now and it makes me feel like trash. Really, nothing I can do about that though.

3. Of course I'm not happy with my weight, I feel so unhealthy. I may be 145 a normal weight for someone 5'6". But it is ALL flab and fat. No muscle what so ever. I can't hardly lift my baby in his carrier. Which altogether is like 30 lbs? Lame.

4. I always compare myself to others. Non-stop! Very tiring!

5. I can NOT control my eating, due to the medicine I'm on. Prednisone (for chrons) some of you know this drug. It's horrible for weight gain. But the health benefits for your problem are so good you can't NOT take it. I have noticed the 'moon face' which is prevelant in people taking it for a while. I am also on Cymbalta, a dizzy medicine (Can't remember how its spelled) and a multivitamin. I think prednisone is the reason for my eating habits.

6. I crave sweets sooooooo badly. It's about 80% of my diet. That and diet Coke. Not a healthy person no. I literally can't live without either though. If I try not to eat sweets, I wind up going on a binge and eating more than I would of if I'd just eaten some to begin with. And I can't lie without diet coke because I get headaches (Beyond the withdrawal period) and am even MORE tired/fatigued. I try to drink the same amount of water that I drink of Diet coke though. To 'even' it out. Lol.

7. Between; baby, studying, going to school, housework and all the extra errands I feel I have no time TO exercise.

8. I just feel like I root-showing, fat blob piece of trash! Yuck.

I just want to get rid of the social anxiety. Anyone please help me. It's the worst part of my problems.

[LucyLucyLucy]

Hello there, I totally know how your feeling, so I'm going to respond to your bullet points!

1. I have met many nurses due to having an ill mum, and have always found the outgoing ones to be less fun to be around, the ones I really remember and admired were always the ones who had an obvious big heart, and just wanted to be sweet and helpful. Just be yourself!!

2. Hair dyeing is always a double edged blade. You can get it all perfect and new in a colour you love, and it will feel AWESOME. But as soon as it starts to grow out it will drive you crazy. From January this year until last month I had neon bright blue hair and I LOVED it. But it grew out so quickly and cost a fortune to maintain and eventually I realized how much it was getting me down. Also I believe that your natural hair colour is always going to be the tone that suits your skin best. I wil NEVER regret dyeing mine back to as close a colour to my natural tone, no more roots to have me getting down!!

3. I am sure that you are beautiful the way you are!

4. I have hardly any obese friends, all of mine pretty much are under a size 12, I know its hard not to envy them.

5. If your meds are upsetting you this much you should speak to your doctor!

6. I love coca cola too, its like crack. I swear they put something other than caffiene in it to make it addictive. It is a tasty mistress lol.But I haven't had any in a week and I feel soooo good for it, it actually makes you feel so rough! If I can quit it I'm sure you can!!! (And I have next to no willpower!)

7. All of those activities are good for you, don't forget that!

8. We all have horrible days when we feel very low, I have hadone today too so I'm here if you need a chat hun!

xxxxxx

[Ryanne]

My sis has Chrons and the thing is, her skin looks puffy and elastic even though she is very very small and thin. She too feels bad about the way she looks, but for her age, she doesn't look that bad. (She is my step sis, so she is a very lot older than me.) By the way, she was a nurse and very very very quiet. On the phone you can barely hear her. She sounds a lot like you. She was a very good nurse, though. Made me want to be one, but I can't stand the sight of blood. ICK... I can't even watch when they take my blood, I practically faint, and I can't give blood cuz I can't stand it. So more power to you.
I remember when I got my hair permed the last time and it was baaaaddd... the perm wasn't rinsed out all the way and my hair fried. I couldn't sue the girl, cuz she did go through beauty school and had her liscense and was very good usually at what she did, just somehow, mine got messed up... I couldn't sue her, cuz she is my favorite niece....LOL... but my hair has never been the same and that was about ten years ago. Now the only thing I will have done to my hair is highlights... so I can totally relate to that.
I think that you might just be a little tired and second guessing yourself. I have also done that, but maybe if your med isn't working, or you feel like it is making you more depressed, you may need to talk to your doc. Switching meds is not fun... I am in the midst of a med switch right now and it totally sucks. I was in the er a couple nights ago cuz of bad withdrawal...but I am feeling better yesterday and today...so hang in there.
I don't have words of wisdom for you, I only can tell you I care, and I know somewhat how you feel.