I'm new... Hi There!

I am no stranger to weight problems or depression. In fact, I wish they were my only 2 issues.

I am bulimic... a disorder that began when I was 15 years old. (40 now). I have a very addictive personality. My self-diagnosis is that I am, painfully, an alcoholic. I am a perfectionist, a very underrated and painful disease I might add. I have been clinically diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

I have been on Paxil (couldn't get over the nausea). Zoloft. Prozac. Wellbutrin. Now I am back on 100mg of Zoloft with a chaser of 150mg of Wellbutrin/day. I actually functioned much better with 300mg of Wellbutrin with the Zoloft (which is what my prescriptions call for), but the 300mg causes me nausea. I really am not a candidate for AA, even if I wanted to, because I live in a very small town and hold a public position.

I have been to various counselors. I have researched a lot on dependency and co-dependency. (My father's family is a long line of alcoholics. I might add that he was also abusive.)

I really am not revealing all of this for sympathy or for advise at this point. I am just DESPERATE to find someone... anyone else out there that shares my obstacles and UNDERSTANDS. None of my friends, family, colleagues or yes, even my husband, knows the sum total of all of my issues. My Dr., psychologist and now, you all, are my only confidantes.

I might add that I am well educated and hold a professional position. I am a mother of 2 and a wife. I am highly functioning in these areas of my life. I have been very successful at juggling two very different sides of myself to most of the world. I think I self-medicate, partially, because after giving 110% of myself to everything else, I desire escape... and numbness.

I am hoping someone, anyone, will be able to relate to what I am going through. I feel a relation to many of you on this site. Weight is one facet of myself, though. Can I fit in here?

From one addictive personality, perfectionist, mother, wife and professional to another...welcome.I totally understand.

You are not the only one.

I know and understand exactly how you are feeling.

I am also bulimic. I have been for 4 years now. I have been fighting it hard for the past three months and really doing well with it. I also have OCD. That I figured out on my own. Everything has to be in its place. I'm constantly cleaning. and doing things. I am also and alcoholic as well. I drink way to much and have been trying to quit but I haven't been doing to good. I'm bipolar and have depression as well.

I have been on a few different medications but what I take now is Lamictal. It works. At least most of the time. Right now I'm at the max dose of it. i still have my good days and bad days.

I take things one day at a time and do what I can. I am also trying to lose weight. But its hard. I keep going up and down.

I am no stranger to alcohol problems and weight problems, myself, and almost all of my family have them. I recently helped my brother get clean for the first time since he was about 12 (now 27). I know what the struggle is like and I have seen it from every angle. I also battle with anxiety, and to a lesser extent depression, but I am not medicated because meds worry me. Feel free to message me if you want to talk.

Thanks so much for responding. I sometimes just feel so alone... and such a mess. I "look" like I have it all together. Somedays, though, it's hard to find the will to even get out of bed.

I look forward to chatting with all of you and finding strength together.

Thanks again.

On top of all the problems that we deal with (having it all on our shoulders as women and mothers [in my case, older sister raising her siblings] and professionals), we also have to factor in depression and addictive personalities and sometimes it just seems so.freaking.overwhelming.

The child of a serious, SERIOUS alcoholic... I can't express enough how horrible and bad drugs and alcohol make everything. For years, fighting the depression of my life (dealing with my mom's drinking and other problems) was forcing me down the same road that she'd took.... drinking, drugs, etc... and I was beyond miserable. I gained so much weight, I became a crazy drunk and a cutter... I can't even express how horrible I felt.

Finally, I just realized that I needed to put the bottle, and everything else down, and away from me and take things on... head on. Without cushioning it. Because while I thought that "numbing" it helped.... it truly wasn't... and in fact it was making EVERYTHING thing worse, including my health and sanity. Not to mention depressing the children that depended on me (my siblings) to get them through with our parents... and showing them horrible, HORRIBLE examples.

It's never easy... I still get the urge... but then I think of how much weight I've lost since I quit (mind you, I'll still go out every few months for a couple with a friend, but that's it), how much clearer my head has gotten, how much more determined and healthy I've become. I feel stronger. And thank God for that, because there's always something to deal with. But without the depression the alcohol and drugs bring with them... I've discovered I'm a lot stronger inside than I thought and I CAN deal with it all.

Good luck..... and please don't become one of those lost souls that give up and allow themselves to sink into the drinking. My life's greatest sorrow is watching my mom slowly killing herself with alcohol just to numb her pain. It's something I'll never forget.