I'm fat. I hate how I look and feel. This is only one problem but, somehow, I feel like it is the cause of every other problem.

I am unemployed but educated and cannot find a job.

Tonight I asked my husband why he never says I am pretty. He accused me of just "trying to start a fight". I told him that it hurts me that he never says I am pretty. I know he is disgusted--because I would be. The truth is though that he is not Mr. Physique either! He has lost his hair and has a big huge stomach and looks pregnant but I still tell him that he is good looking and sexy. However, he never says it to me.

Before we married he said to me, "you will never meet another man more romantic than me!" BullSh*t!

I am not perfect, God knows. Nobody is. I am always apologizing for EVERYTHING I do. I am apologizing to my kids constantly and my husband and I even apologize to strangers for nothing. For instance, in Walmart a customer rams me with their cart and I am the one apologizing!

This is not my first marriage and, in fact, my husband is a great guy when it comes to many things....a good provider, good step-father to my children, level-headed, and intelligent.

Bottom line....I am just not happy. I feel like swimming into the ocean and never coming back sometimes.

It will be better tomorrow or maybe even an hour from now....

I have had depression before but have no insurance to see a doctor now and my husband won't even add me to his because it costs too much. He can't hear me when I am trying to call out to him for help. I know this next statement is not true but it sure will make me feel better to say it AT THIS MOMENT...MY HUSBAND IS AN ***! (right now)!

Ok, the last part didn't post exactly as I typed it...I guess the site automatically takes out curse words? So, here it is....MY HUSBAND IS AN ARSE!

You get the picture!

It sounds like it's time for you to start focusing on you. You are responsible for your own happiness. If you're not happy you need to make a change. I know it's easier said than done, but it's the only solution. Maybe you should start getting out to exercise on a regular basis. They say it helps with depression. It's time to start living!!! Which weight loss plan are you following?

Oh yes you are correct! I know this and, you know what?, I am going to start focusing on ME. I am sick and tired of putting everything and everyone above myself! (Sign going off over my head...*Ding, ding, ding we have a winner*) haha.

Yes, indeed, you are correct, it is easier said than done. But, it CAN be done!

One set-back though. I am injured. I cannot exercise aerobically (at least not much and not easily) because of a foot injury. Even though I have no insurance I have made an appointment with a podiatrist tomorrow to find out what exactly is wrong with my foot and, I am praying, that I can fix it myself without extended treatment or physical therapy. First step, finding out what is wrong.

As far as a plan I am trying, none exactly yet. Considering Atkins again but I think I probably won't go that route just because I am not sure it is the right one for me. I am going to just cut everthing I eat in half and try to eat healthier.

Please....all you prayers out there. Lift me up in prayer! Thanks so much.

If you don't feel good about your body and how you look, I don't see how you can be mad at your husband if he doesn't lie and say you are pretty. It isn't his job. You need to feel good about yourself the way you look today and that means taking the time to take care of yourself. You might tell your husband if he thinks it costs too much to have you on his insurance, he better be praying hourly you don't get sick because the bills would eat you up.

Hi angelmom,

Try reading the message you wrote here from a different point of view.

Yes, it's hard to be overweight - it's embarassing, it's awkward and it's not socially accepted, but stressing over that is not going to change anything.

YOU have to change things!

If you're unhappy with your weight, it's your problem, no-one elses. That's not to say you shouldn't have support, because you should, but at the end of the day, you decide what to do, no matter what advice you're given.

It took me ages to realise this, but now my attitude is so much more positive

Think about things honestly - writing things down and coming back to them is a good way to look at it rationally. For example, if your husband told you that you're pretty, would you actually believe him, or would you feel worse thinking that your husband was lying or felt sorry for you? I mean, how could you believe him, when you admit to calling him sexy when you don't really think that?

If you need support, or someone to talk to honestly, I'm always a pm away and I check in regularly - feel free to get in touch.

Think about things differently and see if it makes you feel better - it really worked for me

Sarah x

Angelmom, one year ago I decided to start caring about my own well being IN ADDITION to caring for my family of 4 little boys and my dh.

That meant, instead of looking to squeeze in a workout if everyone else had his needs met and I wasn't too exhausted.... I told dh that I needed the time to get it in, and not after everone was alseep either. I changed the way I cooked and everyone changed the way he ate. It was a slow process but was generally accepted by all involved.


I know you can do this. Yeah, dh and friend and family may throw up emotional road blocks, intentionally or unintentionally.... Make yourself as important as everyone else in your life is. And stick around 3fc.

I find that one thing that really makes a guy go hmmm is when you say "remember when you used to do all those romantic things for me? I miss that a lot, I miss the unexpected flowers and picnics" or whatever.

I know the last time I told my husband that I loved when he used to send me yellow roses- a few weeks later he surprised me with them

Nagging them and saying "why don't you say I'm pretty?!" just makes them defensive.

I know how you feel about being educated and not able to find a job. I think that really brings a person down. I lost my job and it took me a year to find a new one, and it doesn't pay as well but I'm happy at least.

As for insurance I think you need to speak to your husband and say you really need to be on his insurance, yes it's expensive but what if something happens to you? Doctor's bills are insanely expensive without insurance! And if something came up then LATER you got insurance they wouldn't cover you if it was "pre-existing" and so on. I shell out hundreds of dollars a month for my husband and myself for insurance but I'm glad I did because my husband was just diagnosed a month ago with MS, the cost of the medication a YEAR is well over $15,000 but our insurance pays for it ALL.

I know it's depressing not being able to find a job- but take this as time to focus on you- AND STOP APOLOGIZING! Use this time to get up each morning and just go workout- screw everything else, cleaning and all that can wait! Focus on you and your health and maybe your husband will see that beautiful and vivacious woman he married again- and if he's smart he'll comment

Hi, you deserve to be happy and healthy, I agree with everyone that said that a positive mind set makes a huge difference in your life, of course it's not always easy to think of the glass as being half full instead of half empty but the rewards from making the effort to do so are huge, I think that positive thinking can become a habit just like negative thinking, I admire you for sharing your concerns with us and I think that sharing really helps you to see that you are not alone and that people on this site care about your well being and happiness. I really feel like we've found a community that truly cares and it's a great feeling.
Whenever I am down I always try to remember that "this too shall pass".

Thanks to all the people who posted positive comments.

As far as the comments from a couple of you. First of all, when I said I tell my husband he is sexy and looks good...I am not lying. I do believe that because he is. He is, however, not the same as years ago or when we got married. I was simply pointing out the he is not the same either.

As far as the comment about it not being his job to lie and say I am pretty, I disagee...it is his job to make me feel wanted and loved. I think he could be giving me comments such as, "Your hair looks nice today" or "You look pretty when you smile." That is not asking my husband to lie. I know I am a beautiful woman! I am overweight and am doing something about it but I am still a beautiful, educated woman.

My point is tell my husband on a daily basis that I love him and that he is attractive to me. I don't think that it is too much to ask for him to return that love and affection. Truth is, after getting married, many couples start taking one another for granted and that is unfortunate.

Further, I am not always down on myself. I am not always a "woe is me" person. I am, however, thankful to be able to vent during these times when I am feeling unappreciated, etc.

I really don't think my husband does this on purpose. He is just so "settled" in our relationship that he feels he doesnt have to work on it. (And yes I have communicated all of this to him.)

Again, thanks to all of you who understand and thanks to all of you who don't understand but still took the time to post.

I agree with anglemom on this. Her husband should compliment her, and he shouldn't be lying. Just because someone gains weight doesn't mean they aren't beautiful anymore.

I had to harp on my husband because he used to never compliment me... when I was heavy OR thin. Some men think you should be able to read their minds. I was also guilty of complimenting him all the time --despite his aging, I'll add-- and I did mean it when I said he was still handsome.

Angelmom, you know what I did? I stopped looking for his approval. I also stopped giving him mine, through complimenting him (it took practice). I jumped into 'his' mindset of silence. I focused on myself. I fooled with my hair, my makeup, my clothes. I cooked fresh veggies for myself, went off to exercise, even went back to college for a couple of classes.

Of course, he started to notice. Suddenly I've become 'beautiful' to him again, even though I'm still way off from my goal weight, the self-confidence shines thru. But, it doesn't even matter to me anymore what he thinks. I have to love myself.

Don't get me wrong... I still get in a funk sometimes... I don't always love myself!

Getting started is the hardest part, but so worth it! Are you dieting now? I count calories. I have good days/bad days, but in the long run I know I will be successful. Do you exercise? I hate exercise, and that is something I need to work on.

Hello! Your story could be my story with the exception that my husband is not overweight.I have decided that I need to take care of me in order to take care of them.Just be the best that you can and know that you are beautiful without anyone telling you.We all love to hear compliments but if you have to ask him to say them then they really will mean nothing to you anyway.You are his wife and regardless of how he feels you look he should tell you your beautiful.Beauty is more than what you are on the outside.

ANGELMOM ~ I think many women can identify with your situation. Every relationship has what some call dry spells now & then. No-one is perfect; some men are more open and express their feelings better than others. I am glad that you KNOW that you are a beautiful woman. A few years ago, I decided to make some changes in my life too, as I was focusing too much on others and not enuff on myself.

At first, I made small changes, but they really made a difference --

1) I started taking time out for myself to read, go walking, sitting in the sun, listening to my favorite music, just enjoy myself more & even resting more.
2) I started eating healthier, focusing on MY favorite foods; even if it costs more, and for the main meals, DH eats what I do.
3) when I need something, I go and get it -- now; I don't wait anymore!
4) I bought myself some new & pretty clothes, pjs, and undies.
5) I like pretty things around me, so I started picking up small things that would make my bathroom & bedroom more inviting ie pretty pictures, flowers in vases, new towels, a bright new shower curtain set, etc. etc. etc.
6) then I moved on to the other rooms making small changes over time; a picture here and a throw there.
7)I took some of my savings and bought myself a few things I had always longed for like an MP3 player, some books, some music, and so forth. I asked DH for a digital camera, and he bought me one for Christmas.

A friend of mine passed away early this year; she and I were the exact same age. These are wake-up calls for us. My DH and I went for a drive in the country today; and we do this often now. We made many changes to make our lives better, and we are both happier than ever. We have taken steps to make our dreams come true.

You too can take steps to make your life more enjoyable and vibrant again. Start small; one thing at a time. Sit down and make a list of all the things you would like/love to do, go to, or have around you; and then start doing them and ticking them off one at a time as you can fulfill them. You don't have to spend lots of money -- I go to antique or second-hand shops, yard sales, thrift shops, and dollar stores to look for that one special thing, like the lovely butterfly mobile hanging in my kitchen window (only $2.00 new).

I have already sent up prayers for you that GOD will shed his love & light & joy back into your heart, and mind, and spirit ... so that you can soar like an eagle once again! Yes, you too can do this ...

Thank you for the comments. Very helpful and appreciated.

I think my post addressed you more than your dh because I wonder if your upset has more to do with your dissatisfaction with yourself than dissatisfaction with him.

Listen, I get the nonappreciative dh. I have one. I have lost 40 pounds and am feeling pretty good. Recently, we went to party and I prompted him to tell me how good I looked and he told me my outfit was hot. So I couldn't let it go. I told him that perhaps I would have felt complimented if he told me I was hot instead of what I was wearing. He got it. (didn't change my disappointment) But, I get your original post's direction. Really I do.

men/mars women/venus or something...