One of the biggest battles that I constantly had with my ex-boyfriend while we were together (and apart, and together...) was my lack of motivation to really take care of myself.

Looking back at the situation, I recognize that his methods were absolutely awful, but his intentions were always good. He wanted me to be happy, healthy, and able to support myself and my son financially and emotionally.

With my depression, I find myself stuck in this vicious cycle of discouragement and emotional eating. When it comes to other aspects of my life (my son, finishing school, etc) I'm able to motivate myself. When it comes to my health and weight loss, I find myself crippled with fear more often than not.

Somehow, in the course of trying to motivate me to get in shape and lose weight, said ex-boyfriend fed upon my fear that people (on the street, at the grocery store, the gym, etc) were looking at me and judging me for being overweight. He never wanted to take me anywhere because he was embarrassed about how much weight I gained after my miscarriage.

So I was afraid to go to the gym and exercise or to the park and walk or to the food store to buy healthy food. I didn't want anyone to see me out in public and think whatever they were going to think about me. I've had a rotten time finding a counselor or getting my medication management partially due to how much I work and go to school and although I feel like I'm making excuses, I really have a hard time finding an office that can schedule an appointment when I have time to make one.

Now it's that coupled with a lack of time and money that makes it hard for me to find the motivation to do this. I don't want to get winded when I'm trying to play with my son because I'm so horribly out of shape.

How do other people deal with these so-called hurdles that accompany depression and move passed them to find the motivation to lose the weight? I sometimes find myself in awe of people who have lost weight because I can't, for the life of me, figure out how to do it. :-s

How do you do it?

If I could answer your questions I would be a size 2. I don't have a lot to offer other than take one day (or even one decision) at a time. Best wishes.

Lita - You certainly have had a tough time of it the last year or so haven't you? While I cannot answer the question 'How do you do it' because I haven't done it - YET - but I can relate to the depression cycles.

It seems the harder you try to get out of a depressive period the worse it gets. It only takes one cookie or one step off the wagon and I am discouraged enough to chuck the whole eating healthy thing and make a trip to Burger King. Unfortunately, that's the way depression works. It magnifies your simplest, smallest indiscretions into monstrous proportions. What you have to remember is that they are that - SMALL, SIMPLE incidents that you can put behind you immediately and not allow to pollute your entire spirit.

A small suggestion - check out serotonin boosting foods and activities to help keep your spirits up. Eating serotonin based diet will help balance your mood swings and will likely be nutritionally sound as well. Personally, I follow the Serotonin Power Diet and I like it. It is initially difficult to get used to and your body will adjust in its own way, but it definitely doesn't leave you hungry at all.

Email or pm me if you want to chat sometime. Even if you are feeling blue - could be we both need a helping hand at that moment.

Lita, what you're looking for is resilience, the ability to keep bouncing back into life, every day, no matter what's happened. It's a tough life skill to develop, but fortunately, life has a way of giving you loads of practice.

You can read something about it here . It's about laying a ground work for success in your life. It doesn't happen overnight. You may have to let go of some thought patterns, beliefs, and even people that are holding you back, but you don't have to do it alone, either. You can backfill with positive things/people.

Albert Einstein said, "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." You're asking the right questions now, questions that indicate that you're ready to grow into a stronger person. This is good!!!

For me, I had to make sweeping changes in my life. I really had to look at how much I was eating (something I still have to evaluate) and I have to write everything down. I had to accept that I needed to exercise in order to survive for my children. I had to get the right support, in a multitude of ways, and I had to walk away from some people in my life who were just sabotaging my efforts and holding me back. (I'm even getting divorced over that now.)

I still struggle, but I finally developed some resilience and I am back in the fight every day. Going backward is not an option. It holds me into a depressed state of mind, and I want to live!

Georgia

My blog: http://half-the-woman.blogspot.com/

I think Geo makes some excellent points.

I would also like to say that I finally put myself at the top of my list rather than my problems, rather than other people, rather than everything ELSE I was responsible for! Nothing and I do mean NOTHING comes before my sleep, nutrition or exercise. All things must follow once I address MY needs first.

I guess it's the whole "Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others" philosophy, huh? haha

I was just doing a little journaling as I jotted down the suggestions you all have made here that I wanted to check out, and I think a big part of my inability to cope is that I really don't feel comfortable talking to anyone honestly about things when they bother me. I always feel inhibited or like I'm being a pest or annoying.

I'm really interesting in reading more about serotonin-boosting foods. I'm absolutely horrid at remembering to take pills, so other things I can do to help are great. I've started to make myself exercise when I feel myself feeling depressed. I got some DVDs that incorporate dance, which I love, so maybe I can actually stick to that decision.

Lita, yes I have heard that analogy before. It was a must for me--to help myself first. If you want to do it, you really can. You absolutely can. But first, YOU have to go at the top of that list. Good luck.

I have struggled with this as well. I am going to take this advice that has been given and apply it, but I'd also like to say as far as the way I have viewed things...
I used to have no problem going out and exercising being in public, showing off my arms! LOL!!! Now that I've gained so much weight I was afraid to do those things again, but... I realize that I need to get out and do those things to make myself snap out of my depression. My husband gripes all the time because our house is a wreck and I don't feel like working out. Well, in order to avoid having my fat jiggle and having to stop every few minutes to catch my breath while running on a track I have purchased some work out videos and vowed to myself to do them religiously. As for my outdoor stuff I do still take my son to the park and he and I walk the trail before hitting the playground. I also have taken this next 2 weeks while my husband is out of town to totally declutter the house, so i can do it on my own terms and time. I have found that as far as being afraid of what others will say I am the only one that can change their opinion!