I know exactly how you feel. I am also scared. I don't like attention. It makes me feel vulnerable. I use my weight as a shield, as protection. I feel that without it I will be weak. Logically, I know that when I lose the weight, I will be stronger, healthier but that logic cannot break through my fear.

Oy! The old "fake it 'til you make it" thing, huh? Hey, maybe we can BOTH make that work for us on this issue!

I wanted to thank everybody so much for letting me know that I'm not the only one that deals with this problem in some way... if anyone would like to become e-buddies, that would be great (can never have too many friends)!

With me, it's not just the attention from men, it's from people saying "Oh wow, have you lost weight?" and "You have totally changed.. you look so great now!" and other "constructive" comments like that.

I know I've got to make up my mind to do this and stick with it (ha ha, easier said than done, right?) but as I'm doing it I want to become more comfortable with myself so everything doesn't revolve around my weight. So, self discovery, here I come!

Err... very slowly, but I'll make it!

this sounds so much like me,,, i wish I hade some advice for you, but since I am going through the same thing...I have been thinking that I should try therapy. I get so far in my weight loss and not far under the 200lb mark I get panicky, stressed mor than usual, have a hard time dealing with attention and feeling like I cannot fail and have to live up to everyone's expectations. I then sabotage myself and end up back at square one in only a few months...only to go through it all over again....

Somehow Ace I think I get the feeling that you will be able to handle it when you get to your goal!

And KitschKitten I hope you'll be able to look at this from another angle. Losing weight and having people say "Oh wow, have you lost weight?" and "You have totally changed.. you look so great now!" is a LOT better than many of the negative things that someone could say about someone who's heavy.

And it just kills me all the differences between men and women.

I'm not one for needing to be the center of attention but if I woke up tomorrow and suddenly I was getting all kinds of attention from women I am pretty sure that I would like it! LOL!

I can relate!

I think we all go through things like this. You have to just believe and understand that you are worth it. Expect nothing from the best of yourself and that is what you will get.

Hi kitchkitten,
in my experience, when i am living a healthy lifestyle, ie. working out and eating right, I naturally just feel better. calmer, happier.
i think most people will just be happy that you are doing something positive for yourself. and as far as being the center of attention, people may pay you a compliment here and there, but after that, it's life as usual. I personally feel more conspicuous when i am large. i think you blend in better when you're a 'normal' size.

If you are on antidepressants, and still are having anxiety etc. you may want to speak to your dr about a different treatment? Or explore alternative therapies if meds don't provide a satisfactory result. Eating a diet clean of junk food, caffiene, and sugar can work wonders in evening out mood. As can regular exercise.
I always find i feel calm and peaceful when i'm on a good exercise regimine.


As far as not knowing how to act when you feel happy, I've been there before! ( i suffered depression for years and had come to embrace the feeling of being depressed. )the best thing to do is just let yourself BE happy! just enjoy the emotion! That's all there is to it!

I can totally relate! I have been losing weight, but I am scared about attention I might get. I'm use to hiding in the corner....ppl paying attn to me scares me a little.

kitchkitten,

where in Wisc are you? I'm from Wisc as well.

Negative self-talk with fear will cripple the desire to be thin. WOW, I am sooo glad to know that I am not the only one who have had that problem. I am going through this every day. I am taking it day by day. I went through something tragic as a child and as an adult which made me feel the way I do about myself. But I am determined to change and make my life better than what it is now.

Hey, I read your post and I can relate in a big way. I have spent most of the last 15 years over 200 lbs and my high weight was 233 and current weight 189. When I left my 200's I thought I was in heaven, and now I am in my 180's and a little scared. I get uncomfortable with the attention, too. I also am very sensitive to other people's jealousy and I have to fight that negativity at my job. I just try to be nice and complimentary to others to keep them from focusing too much on me, LOL. I just try to hold my head up high and keep plugging away at it.

Losing weight does not change who you are and it can add other stresses obviously, that you may not know how to deal with (or want to deal with), however, it makes you healthier and as a result better able to cope with life's little messes. I feel scared sometimes, and fret about things like when I start dating (widowed last year) will I make good choices, I worry about how the guy might feel about my formerly heavy body and the stretch marks, my 44 year old breasts, yadda, yadda, but I am glad I am on this path and every day I just tell myself how great it feels to be at my goal weight, and I kind of go about it like I have already accomplished it - does this make sense to you? And it is okay to be happy and proud of yourself. It is okay to live a great life in spite of disappointments and hurts along the way. I know it is hard to do, trust me, I had a really rough childhood. But you will be okay if you will allow yourself to do so - give yourself permission to be happy and lose the weight. You go, Girl!

I know what you mean. I have suffered from depression like my whole life it seems. I think I may be agoraphobic and have bad panic attacks. Though I am on prozac now and hoping it will help.

In some of my lowest points I wondered why do I sabotage myself? Why doesn't it feel like I want myself to be happy? and it made me think that it was kindof like my whole life I had been on some crazy restrictive diet- eating almost nothing and always starving (for happiness, self-love, etc..). and then boom this tempting chocolate fudge cake is at my door (self-hate and all that negative stuff). It is easy and right there and when you eat it, in some strange way it is comforting though you know in the end it will make you sick and hurt you.

I just went for that right then sudden bit of emotional high I would get from being sad instead of the healthier better of being actually happy. I think it is the same way with food too (lol real food) like instead of making healthy meals for myself I would scarf down a huge pizza or enough mac and cheese for 10 people because at that moment it felt comforting even though it was gonna make me sick, sad, fat, unhealthy, etc...

It is so hard for me to be in crowds of people or even around a few people without having a panic attack. and yeah getting attention is super scary lol I am afraid that when I start losing the weight and it is noticable of having people tell me. What a silly thing it should make me happy but it is so scary lol. I think part of it is that being over weight I just always wanted to hide away and not be noticed. I wondered what people were thinking about me, judging me, laughing at me etc... and if I am losing weight are these people gonna be acknowledging that yep i was fat eek.

it is scary and so difficult. i just keep telling myself that life is a journey not a destination. Every moment should be filled with happiness and that i cant wait for some magick moment to happen to make me happy i hope it gets easier though.

Goodluck to you *hugs*

It was so great to find you gals in this forum...people who feel like I do...I can't decide if i am lazy or scared this time around..the last time i got down to 200 pounds someone asked me if i had lost weight and as soon as that acknowledgement came from someone BOOM stopped exercising and started bingeing and overeating again...what is up with that!!!!! Am so angry, disappointed, ashamed and frustrated with myself...so i have been at my current weight of 225 for about 2 years now fluctuating up and down by 10 pounds. Maybe i am scared to try again because what is stopping this cycle from repeating??? thanks for listening...

Im in the same boat as you I kind of like the feeling of being invisible . sounds weird I know but people dont look at me at all and if they do they give me dirty looks or wow I feel bad for her looks hahah but I feel like invisble girl I dont want guys hitting on me for one I am married and second it makes me unfortable lol