Hi everyone,

I have suffered from depression and morbid obesity for many years. At least 35 years. I just turned 51 last month. I'm sure I've taken just about every anti-depressant out there. Right now I'm on Cymbalta and have been taking that for about six months now. Nothing seems to work.

I just don't care about much of anything anymore. I spend at least 2/3 of everyday in bed. Don't even ask me about my housecleaning. Or exercise. I can't even hardly make it out of bed. My husband is a truckdriver and spends weeks at a time out on the road. I see him maybe 4-5 times a year. I love him with all my heart and I don't doubt his love for me for a second. He just cries sometimes and says he doesn't know if he can watch me killing myself. And still I eat and eat and eat. My health is getting worse and worse.

Sometimes I wonder what's the use. I have no hope. Don't worry. I'm not thinking suicide at all. Too scared to think about that. Besides, it goes against my faith. I just wish that something good could happen so I could see a glimmer of hope, a reason for trying again. I only have one more "again" left in me. That's the reason I'm here looking for support.

Thank you for listening to me.

Sweetheart, I'm going to be very frank in my reply, because ...I feel it's important enough of a topic to do so. My grandmother did this to herself ...after my grandfather died. She went from 400 to 600 pounds and had to have a toilet built into her bed. She passed away in March...at 56. I myself (and I'm only 22) have a list of chronic illnesses a mile long because I let myself be heavy my whole life. I even had a 27,000 dollar hospital visit and was within two hours of dying because of it. I have bipolar...my lows are very low and I know what it's like to say 'what's the point.' Every single morning....

But then you get that wake up call (If you're lucky, like I was) and you depend on your friends and family, they're the glitter of hope. Your husband's love for you, yourself as a person...to know that you should be fighting back is enough hope to go on. Food is not worth it...Life is so amazing and short as it is...living is a glitter of hope, that someday things can get better..and they do. I have never felt better since I started working out. Moving and exercising are just as effective as any anti-depressant out there. It's a proven fact! And it's wonderful because it helps your body, specifically without all the side effects. I really think it would help, and if you want Pm me, and if you live near me you can come to the gym with me every morning, you don't even have to pay for it. You gotta start wanting your life back. Think back to your wedding, or some other wonderful time in your life and see yourself enjoying life like that again everyday.

I know what I'm saying sounds like a lot of whoo-ha, but seriously. You get one life. You've found someone that loves you, who can help you through it. Maybe he's not there is person but you can call him and talk to him. Wouldn't it be nice if he came back one day to see you moving around and getting healthier? Cause that's what it is all about. I don't care how I look...I'm loosing weight because I want to reverse my diabetes. Find a reason and stick to it. If you want I'll be there every step of the way.

Best of luck to you, and hope to hear from you.

Sincerely,
Tin

Hi Mary,
and this is a great place for support.
Being the wife of a trucker isn't easy and its awfully lonely. I'm thankful that my hubby isn't a long haul driver like yours, but he can be gone for days depending on what he is hauling and where. (he does camps and moves machinery usually)
My saving grace has been that I still have my kids at home and I make myself get up and get dressed to walk up to the school bus in the morning, other wise I would spend the winter in bed. And I started working a few hours a couple days a week. I find just getting up and out helps a little.
Join us on the weekly chat thread if you'd like or there are other groups around if you prefer, its so nice to have a group of people to talk to that understands.
Take care
K

Hi Mary,



Darling there is always Hope, don't ever give up. I can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely and unfortunately I turn to food for comfort.

We'd love to have you join us on the monthly chat, the ladies there are awesome and surely can relate http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=157545
Its a quiet little corner of 3FC's but its a great place to fellowship. Please join us.

Leenie

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Thank you all for your replies. I had so much I had to get out. I thought it would make me feel somewhat better if I did but I'm still so far down in the dumps I don't know if I will ever get out. Tin, your reply made me cry because it is all so true. Yes, we do only have one life and I have spent mine waiting for tomorrow when I will have lost all my weight and then I can deserve to live. Lately it has hit me more and more that my time is running out and there isn't too many more tomorrows for me to look forward to. All the years I've spent waiting to live...they're gone, and I'm heavier than ever and I have too many health issues now.

Buddy and Leenie, thanks for the invitations. I will take you up on it. I don't feel good right now but maybe in a few days or by the first of the year when I hope to have it all together enough to have a food and exercise plan ready to go for my New Year's resolution...again. *sigh*

Cheer up buttercup.
You DO deserve to live! Right now, like this.
But you deserve to be happy as well.

If you need any help with your food or workout plan shoot me a PM, and I'll try to help as much as I can.

Welcome to 3fc justmary,
I'm sorry you are hurting, but don't give up! You deserve to be happy and you'll get through this!

justmary, and I'm so sorry you're feeling so low. It is so very hard when you don't see any real reason to get out of bed, or to make an effort...but I love how you described the love your husband has for you, there is someone who loves you unconditionally and maybe that will be your catalyst.

If you want to make New Years Day your resolution day that is great, or you could even start right this minute and just think of how you can make small changes, small steps to start the journey. Because it is possible, and this site has so many inspiring ladies (oops and guys too ) that you just start reading and feel so much hope for oneself.

Mary you don't need to have a plan or be ready to join on the monthly thread, we talk about so much more than eating and weight loss there.... its more about support and dealing with depression then weight loss. Check it out.... don't wait

Leenie

Hi Mary, I'm Lori, and I too have suffered from severe depression and major anxiety as well as super morbid obesity. In the above reference post you talk about getting started in a few days vs. the first of the year. Did you realize that is a 3 week difference? If you are as morbidly obese as I was, in the the first 3 weeks you are waiting to get it all together, you can lose 19 pounds at least! Come on Mary, you can do this!! You can. If your body is strong enough to carry around a hundred or more extra pounds, than you are a strong woman! You are tough. Just take a deep breath, pray like you have never prayed before and do it!!

I really hope that you find the motivation you need...you deserve to be happy and live life as it's meant to be. I am almost 30 and in the past year I have lost my husband, I could have easily given up but instead I took things one at a time, my daughter was first and foremost, I have been in counseling, I have focused on coming up with a routine and making life mean something for my daughter and I...the missing piece is my physical appearance...I am the only parent my daughter has and right now I can do anything every other mommy can do (except wear a bikini) but that doesn't mean in 5 years I am going to be able to...so now my task is to get my weight under control...if I can do it with the aversities I have been handed I know you can too!

Justmary, I have been struggling with depression myself for a few years and wanted to share a book that I read that really helped me - it's called Feeling Good by David Burns..... It has helped me get off the meds I was on and make changes that make me feel better about myself.

I hope you find the support you need!

Good luck....

Small successes breed more success. Small changes bring more change. First, you CAN do this! Second, you must love yourself enough to change.

You KNOW what you need to do, you just have to do it. Make daily goals - very small ones at first. Log your progress!

One of your first goals should be to get some exercise every day - exercise is a very good mood elevator. It can help you break the cycle you are on.

Plan your eating - and - stick to your plan.

ONLY YOU can change your life. ONLY you have the keys to your future.

We are here to help you, but YOU can and must do what is required to succeed.

You are in my prayers!