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Old 11-28-2008, 02:10 PM   #1  
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Default confused...dont know what to do...

My hubby is bipolar and I am pretty much on my own caring for him and his cycles. I am usually a very happy person!!
My son is marrried and wonderful in many ways...but we have one major issue. He spends the holidays with his wife family. They think I should just change mine to make it easy for them. For 2 days i cooked and cleaned and then my thanksgiving was over by noon. Son didnt come home with his family at all. I was hurt and cried alot yesterday. Hubby was caring and we went for the 5k to try and take my mind off it. I have a new granddaughter and not getting to see her on the holidays is killing me.
My daughters were home but i cooked early so they could go to the other places they needed to be. I jsut felt let down yesterday...
Today i am still crying and not sure why...TOM is here for the 2nd time this month. I think i am having alot of empty nesting stuff going on even though i still have 1 adult child living at home...well sleeping at home. Today I am normally shopping with my daughters but each had other things they wanted to do today.
so here i sit and crying son gave me the choice of when i could have christmas...a week ,before the morning of(we have to travel and be at our parents boths sides that day so no way can we squeeze it inthat morning) I dont want to feel like my christmas is rushed. I want to enjoy my family. I just got a wonderful granddaughter an iwont even get to see her at this rate...
how can you please and make things work with 3 adult children and the holidays. I had always had our christmas on christmas eve...they wont even agree to go to the every other year program. ITs one of my children making the stress not all.
any ideas would be apprieciate
also how do you know when your going thru the change?? tom is heavy and this is his second visit this month...could that be part of my emontions?? could my weight loss be affecting my emonitons??
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Old 11-28-2008, 02:33 PM   #2  
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I'm so sorry you have to go through this during a time which should be filled with happier emotions While I don't have a solution to offer for some of your problems, I thought I'd share our family solution to the multi-family celebration problem. We don't celebrate Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving day. For the last 30+ years, we've had it on the Sunday before Thanksgiving. Actually, I think it's been longer than that. We originally started it because so many of our family members were out of town for the week vacationing. But then brothers and sisters married and had in-laws to consider, and having our tday on Sunday left everyone else open to celebrate with the in-laws later. While unconventional, it's every bit as satisfying to all of us- I guess because we're used to it Then everyone has time for it all to settle before doing it again on Thursday

Good luck
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Old 11-28-2008, 02:46 PM   #3  
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First let me give you a big

I do think WL and going thru your changes plays a big part in our moods. I am also going thru my changes, I get TOM every couple of months, this past one was 3 months late... oy. The only thing you can do about it is see your doctor and discuss the options with him/her. No need to suffer.

I'm sorry your son is making you feel this way. But they always say when boys leave home they go with the wife's family and when girls leave home they always come back to mama. This is so true, even with my family (7 of us kids/adults). My mom would feel really hurt when my brother would basically ignore her for the holidays but she learned to accept it and not let that spoil her holidays. Men just don't think.

IMHO a holiday doesn't have to be on that day and I wouldn't mind having 2 Christmas' if that meant seeing everyone I love. Is there any way you could do Christmas with them after Christmas (just think of the presents you could get on sale ) LOL This way you all get to share in the holidays.

Hang in there


Last edited by Leenie; 11-28-2008 at 02:47 PM.
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Old 11-28-2008, 02:58 PM   #4  
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I'm really sorry you're having such a tough time over Thanksgiving. My son isn't old enough yet for me to be dealing with these issues, but I bet I'd feel the same way.

What I can tell you is that your problems with your TOM are normal for a woman who is working towards menopause. (You aren't there yet!) I also struggle with them lasting longer, moving a little closer together, and mostly being a lot heavier. It makes all of the hormone issues worse for me around that time. It would be normal to be feeling crappy with what your son is putting you through, but this would have to make it worse, I think.

Hang in there!
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Old 11-29-2008, 01:49 PM   #5  
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I have significantly older siblings, and family holidays caused a lot of hard feelings when I was growing up. Here are some things to think about:

You don't like them telling you what to do for your holidays, right? You're an adult and want to do what you want to do. Well, your children are now adults and want to do what they want to do rather than being told what to do, right? They want to have happy holidays rather than acting out of guilt and frustration, trying to please everyone who makes them feel obligated. Do you want family relationships built on obligation or on choice? What can you do to make your holidays happy and reflect the changes in your life? If your daughters don't want to go shopping, maybe a neighbor or a friend enjoys that?

Have you thought that maybe it's difficult for your children to come home for the holidays, perhaps because of behavior in the household? I don't know what your home or relationships are like, but people may at one point start to protect themselves and their children from taxing situations, and what one person can endure may be too much for another person to handle. I know some of my siblings started avoiding coming home or coming over for visits when they had children because they didn't want to expose their children to my father, who could be quite harsh and sometimes scary to be around, and to my mother, who could also be sharp or sometimes way too passive. They didn't want their children to learn that behavior. They could never come out and tell my mom that was what they were doing because they didn't want to hurt her, and she couldn't see it for herself until years after my dad died.

Also, are you getting support? You're a caregiver for what can be a serious problem. You might find help through
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