Hi friends-
I'm so sad tonight and angry with myself! I binged today...m&ms (an entire package...and I don't mean those vending machine packages...I'm talking the BIG package from the store)...marshmellows...trail mix...pizza. Junk junk junk!

I'm overwhelmed. I have 3 year old twins and I'm working on a PhD. I have 4 MAJOR deadlines this month for school and NO TIME to work on them. Plus, I seem to be piling on pounds every day!

I'm sad because I hate the person I see in the mirror. She's fat. She's ugly. She has saddlebags under her eyes. She has this pot belly that makes her look like she's pregnant (and believe me, I've been asked MANY times!). She looks deshelved and exhausted. Her husband hasn't touched her in weeks. She's just so sad.

I'm sad because of my body...and I eat because I'm sad...which makes my body look worse...and then I'm sad again because of my growing body... so I eat to go numb again...the cycle just won't stop!

My therapist says I have it within me to gain control. She says to stop trying to lose weight. That I should just work on maintaining where I am now. I need to get in touch with my inner self. I need to self-nurture. Right...exactly when do I do that?! When do I have time?! And then she keeps giving me all those books to read. Um...how am I suppose to find time to read books when I have a PILE of books and papers I've suppose to have read WEEKS ago for class?!

Sorry friends- I guess I just needed an outlet tonight. Thanks for listening.

Let me ask you this ... all those other things that you have to do? What good are they if you are to sad, sick, and miserable to enjoy them?

Perhaps this is not what you need to hear ... perhaps you want a pat on the back and a there-there. If you do, then don't read any further. I'm about to dispense some tough love.

ONLY YOU can control what you eat. ONLY YOU can make the decision that you as a person are worth taking care of. ONLY YOU can decide to MAKE the time (not find it, make it) to invest in yourself and your health so you can meet your deadlines, and be a healthy wife, mom, and human being.

Are you willing to make the time? Only you can decide that.

It doesn't take that much time to sit down and make a menu that includes healthy snacks. It doesn't take that much time to go grocery shopping and stock up your pantry and fridge with healthy foods (and not m&ms and pizza). It doesn't take that much time to make quick healthy meals and snacks and eat them.

And when you do this, you'll feel better and be healthier and have more energy that will allow you to do the other things that you want/need to do.

The thing is, we all have things that take up our time and stress us out. Lots of people here have children and work full time jobs. I own two businesses and am dealing with a bunch of personal issues (including a separation from my husband). There are a lot of people on this site who have families and are going to school. I'm not making light of your workload or your stresses ... what I am saying is that other people have just as many stresses and demands on their time as you do, and they make time to be healthy. You can too.

Ok, tough love part over.

Now I'm going to tell you that you're not alone and there are TONS of people on this site who are here for you. We will answer questions, help you, allow you to vent, and reassure you when you slip up (and you will slip up - because all of us do).

I think your therapist is right in a way. Instead of stressing out (adding more stress to your life and body and mind) about losing weight, just focus on being healthy for a while.

And give yourself a little bit of a break. You're not a horrible person or a failure for any of this. You just need some help. And that's what we're here for!

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Firstly. Just stop, and take a deep breath, and calm down for a second.

I know it might not seem like it because you say you don't have time, but what about slowly changing your eating plans? Start with breakfast. EAT breakfast. A bowl of oatmeal, a yogurt, and a piece of fruit. It's simple, and it's fast. Start incorporating healthy snacks to keep you from binging and eating a whole bag of m&ms.

I know you might seem exhausted, but why not try being more intimate with your husband? You can't expect him to always be making the first move. Besides, if you were him, would you want to try and be intimate with you when you're so stressed? When you're so upset? I can understand how frustrating that would be for you but you have to look at it from his point of view as well.

Do you have family that can take your twins for a day and a night? To give you some time to unwind and focus on your work, and then have a nice night with your husband.

You CAN do this.

Hiya TCBrown,

As a fellow depressed person and a dieter I can comment here and try to help you I keep these things in mind, all the time these days. I am not dieting, I am changing who I am through regiment of making better choices when it comes time to eat and then also when I exercise. I have moments that I have done things that I wish I hadn't with food and exercise and I don't intend to hang myself for any offenses. I spent years making wrong choices and that is how I got to the point where I needed to really do something. I visualize my goals, all the time, who I am, who I am becoming and what choices I need to make to get me there. When something goes wrong in life, and or stress overwhelms me, I deal with one thing at a time because I cannot deal with everything at once (as I am sure you know in your busy life! - awesome that you are so hard working!). I also cannot take back what has been done in the past. That being said I say, well.. I can do these things to help myself not make the same mistakes next time. I have a picture of myself and my son on the refrigerator, it is there to remind me of the journey I have decided to undertake. Even when I walk by I think of who I see in the picture and who I want to see, usually I smile. I am making those good choices that are a necessary part of overcoming all the problems. maybe my experiences are of some help to you, if not I am sorry, but I wanted to try and help.

Kids, Husband and working on a PhD, is a big handful...maybe make small goals for yourself so you can enjoy some successes, I did especially at the beginning... don't look at the whole amount of weight you want to lose think - If I make good choices this week...when I weigh myself next week I can be down (whatever you think is reasonable? ~1-2 pounds is normal and healthy if everything goes great).

This is probably a given for someone as intelligent as you but I journal everything I eat everyday and I also list my exercise with my food intake, I am also tracking the amount of water I consume as it is important as well. When I hold myself accountable for these things, and I write them down even if I did something bad or wrong...then I look back at my weekly weigh in and I can usually see why I got the results I wanted or I didn't.

Don't hate the person you see in the mirror, respect her for all the responsibiliy she has taken on... and love her for the person you know she is and will become if it is what you truly desire to do - life is filled with choices and this is just one more. I am sure you can make things what you want them to be, give yourself time and work towards it.. I gained ~125 pounds after my divorce and I was a heavy person to start with, I don't expect it to disappear overnight. I don't like who I am now, but I love who I am becoming which I believe is truly me! People who knew me before tell me wow you are losing weight...people who don't know me say or think "check out the fat guy"... I can take it and one of these days I won't be that fat guy, till then I can let that stuff bother me or I can harness it and make it just more motivation to succeed.

Therapy is great, I have been going for 9 years... I can summarize it for you really simply, A therapist is a personal advocate who helps you see what choices are beneficial to you in your life"...that being said, the choices are still yours to make... and you will do fine

- Write when you need to, the people here are great and they are so supportive and listen and they have given me much inspiration to succeed as I am sure you will too no doubt.

Take Care,
- Elliott

Great post Elliott !!

TC we're here for you sweetie.

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I'll second the idea that if you are overwhelmed, give yourself permission to just work on one thing at a time. It IS overwhelming to try to change everything at once, and life DOES place lots of other demands on us. That doesn't make you bad, it makes the rule that you have to do EVERYTHING bad. I think breakfast is a fabulous place to start. You may think all the other things you eat cancel it out, but they don't. You can be in the same place in a week or a month - or - you can have a solid week or month of great breakfasts under your belt, and feel great about picking a new small thing to change. You may think there's a third option - that in a week or month, you'll have that many days of perfect eating and exercising done. But that isn't an option, it's a delustion. It isn't a humane expectation.

TC you have to start by being happy with what you look like now. No matter how thin you get, no one ever looks perfect, so start the habit of accepting yourself as you are. It's the only way you'll break the cycle of negative emotions.

That doesn't mean you have to SETTLE for where you're at now. Be sure to keep working towards your goals, but take the attitude that "hey, I look GREAT now, but I'm going to look EVEN BETTER when I reach my goals."

Hope that helps!