Thanks Iris and Amarie. Good to see a couple of peeps. I thought Sassy and I were being left out of something!

The animal rescue people never called. I think the bunny was fine though so I took it to a nearby park today and set it free. It had escaped the shoe box twice. I can't blame him/her for not wanting to be couped up any longer. I hope it is doing well.

I did some long overdue cleaning today and worked out with my friend. I'm gaining weight rapidly due to my overeating that is still going on. No amount of exercise can counter this amount of calories.

Amarie: yeah, the gyno and the repair shop, both painful in my opinion! Sorry you are struggling too. And a rib going out!?!? Did you break it before?

Heather and Buddly: Haven't heard from y'all in a while. Miss ya.

to everybody else! What's up?

Hi All..........

I am soooooooo worried..............My DH has not been feeling well, well the last two days he told me that he is short of breath. I thought it was pneominia cuz he's had a cold, etc........So he went to the dr this morning and the dr is having him go and get an EKG and bloodwork done and have him schedule a stress test.......... I am so soooooooooo afraid..........I know that the dr is trying to rule out anything serious and I hope that it does rule it out, but I am really worried........

I guess its another eye opener. That we really need to get with plan and stick to it. I can't imagine my life without him........ and I am sure he probably feels the same about me and I'm the one with the heart disease in her family, both sides!!!!!! I am so stupid! I have done this to myself and I have aided to doing it to my husband! I may as well have just buried both of us alive!!! What a dope......I let food rule my life.........and now it may just end not only my life, but someone I love with all my heart.......

Sorry I don't mean to be a downer.........truly...........

Sorry to hear he is not feeling well. Just dont make yourself sick over it when i start worrying about stuff especially people I love I have to usually make myself stop and think ok me worrying is going to do absolutely nothing for them. So I tried to find something to do or help put my mind at ease. My husband had bacterail pneumonia a few months ago and he was awful sick.. I hope that everything come out right....and when it does make sure you still stick to changing things. A few weeks ago I was making supper and started feeling really really weird. My hands were shaking, my chest was hurting. I was just feeling bad and it scared me. Because although I gained my weight from each of my kids I never worked hard after I had them to get it off...so i am causing major problems for my body and if I dont change it i may not live long...so it scared me enough to know I have to change and start doing things about it!! Keep us posted on the results of everything and how he is doing!!!

Sassy..I'm so sorry about your hubby. I really hope its nothing serious.

Morning :hi:

Well today's off to a great start - I just finished a slice of b-day cake (coworker) for breakfast! Haha.

My back feels better - IO've never broken a rib before, but I have had it go out before. Its just too freaky when the chiro is working on it and you can feel it wobbling. Yech. But, it was a quick fix, and other than that my back is in good shape! The pain will dissipate in about 5 days or so

Hope - nice. Bunny reloation services! Haha. Alright my girl - the eating... Your post from yesterday gave me an idea. Time to do some cleaning of a different variety - the pantry. I had to do this once when I was on a muli-week binge. I don't know if it will work for you, but I'm starting to worry a bit - you just sound so down about it. Anyway, what I did was clean out my pantry. I took some old bankers boxes I had, and I packed up all my trigger foods (shelf stable), most anything that I would be able to eat in a binge attack, and put them away up high where I wouldn't be likely to get at them. Sure, I could have gotten out a ladder and taken the box down, but I was able to stop myself before I went to all that effort. And I just threw out all the fridge stuff that I knew I couldn't have. OK, so now the cupboards are bare and the fridge is mostly empty. Grocery store run to buy lots of fresh fruit and veggies, unsweetened yogurt - pretty much nothing else. Put the fruit where you can see it, etc. Anyway, for me the first couple days were really rough and I just wandered around the house looking at the healthy food but not eating it, but after a couple days I started grabbing the fruit when I was bingey/munchy. After a week or so, eating fruit became my new habit and the binge cycle seemed to have stopped. I don't think I took that box of trigger foods back out for a month or so, but that was probably just because I was too lazy.

Anyway, I'm sorry if its unwanted advice, but I just really want you to start feeling better. I know that its a lot of emotional and psychological stuff thats causing it but the bad food binges just fuel it. Get better sweetie!

Sassy - aw hun, I can't even imagine how stressed you must be right now! I am so sure that your dh will be ok, and that the doc is just being cautious, but eek! Still scary scary scary! Try not to beat yourself up about the state of things - past is past. Just set your mind and go forward to a healthy LONG life together!!!!

Have a great day everyone!!!!!!

Amarie: Thanks so much for the thoughtful support. I appreciate it. I've done the pantry detox many times. I guess there are a few things around here I do need to purge. We've been eating out almost every meal for a while now (dumb in so many ways!) and that is where most of my overeating is taking place. As we all know it is so easy to overeat at a restaurant. I've even left lunch with DF at one place and secretly gone to another to get something else. At this point maybe it's my vehicle I need to purge. Oh well, this will pass, everything does. I just hope the damage isn't too much more severe. I am very stressed over the job situation and what I'm going to do with my life.

Sassy: I'm right there with you on beating up myself for not taking care of myself and DF. I now know we both have high cholesterol and yet still make bad choices. I've been really stressing over the heart disease possibility lately for some reason. You're right though, it's time for us both to do better, and I'm sure your hubby will be OK. Luckily he's smart enough to go to the dr. Let us know what the tests results say.

Not much of interest today. How are the rest of you?

Hope - yah, eating out is almost impossible for me I hope it gets better soon. I know so many bright accomplished women who are in the same place as you jobwise. What is with that? Something is going very wrong there. Its like womens lib only made it halfway, and the piece where we don't have to sell our souls to have careers and work-respect got left out of the deal. Just remember you are very special, and not alone. We've got your back when you need us!

Ughhhhh someone stick me in the freezer. I'm so hot. I cannot stand living here without a/c. I've been complaining about this for 3 years, lol. If the car wasnt in the garage, then I'd go sit in it with the a/c on, lol. I think I need to clean my fans too. I can hardly feel anything, theres so much dust on them. Ugh..yet another thing to do. Sorry..I'm feeling totally pathetic and helpless right now, lol. I hate being manless.

Thanks you all. I appreciate it. The dr. put DH off work until they get the test results. One thing we saw on tv is that one of those prescription sleep-aids can cause shortness of breath, he isn't taking that particular one anymore, but he has been taking another one, so that could be too, but I already told DH even if he is ok, we are still doing this. Its too scary! My mom has to watch her cholesterol as well, like I said I think its in our genes and remember my uncle had a heart attack a few months ago too. So scary stuff. Yeah I may not be a complete "health nut" but I can do LOADS better. Got some healthier stuff at the store too. (including Coke Zero -- bye bye to my Mt. Dew!!! I will have an occasional one though other wise I'll go nutso!!! But only occasionally!!) And I am gonna be walking at my lunches too! Even if it is cold and rainy outside!

Also I wanna be a mommy. That has always been my dream since I was a little girl. You can ask my mom, my cousins, anybody when I was a little girl my favorite thing to do was play with my dolls and I always always always wanted to be a mommy. So I want to work on getting myself healthy so I can hopefully make that happen. If you don't already know, I have PCOS, so that makes is very difficult for me to conceive -- to say the least. It also causes weight gain among other things..........But I want to work on being healthier, not only for me, but for my DH and hopefully one day our little one or ones.......

Oh dh looks out our back door and sees all our deck furniture stacked on top of each other and against our back door! He goes outside to check out why and they aparently restained the deck and did not even have the common curtosy to tell us first!!!! And we've lived here for 3 years and they have NEVER done a thing to our deck before!!! So not like a yearly thing or anything like that. So DH had to go out and move it all back and as you all know, he shouldn't be doing that right now! But he was concerned that if we had to get out that door, we wouldn't be able too! (did I mention he used to be a firefighter?)

Well thanks for listening to me ramble on......

I'm not doing so well. Last night's attack was just awful. I've never felt more alone in my entire life. I seriously thought my world was going to end last night..it was so horrible. I hate having panic attacks. Why cant I just live a happy normal life? I was doing well until all this stress started coming at me from all sides. How can some people deal with things..and I cant deal with anything? Am I that fragile? Was I too sheltered growing up? Am I being too sheltered now? I dont understand it. I dont only wanna be happy when dh is here. I wanna be happy all the time!!!!

I dont want to fall apart again..

Big Francie.............

What a long day...its pretty sad that I cant even mow the lawn with out my calves hurting...It made me feel so awful because I am soo fat and outta shape that I cant even do simple stuff. I realized to day how my day becomes more stressful. My moms foster girl was staying with me and about 5 she said is your days always like this. My kids are just uggghhh with the move to the new house they arent sleeping well or long enough and are whinnny fighting grumpy and everything. Plus i tell them to do something and they wait until I get mad and scream and then they do it and that just sends my blood pressure up and puts more stress on me which causes me to eat sometimes......because some of my stress came from clutter but with the move i have weeded out clutter when I look around now there are not piles or stuff laying all over or toys everywhere. I actually dont even see their play room before I had to walk thru it.


One of you said about mt. dew...yeah i am addicted and i was doing good but stupid me I bought a case the other day...why in the world would I do that to my self...uggghhh cause then I wont drink water I will just drink a cold can of dew....nothing like pouring the fat right onto the hips!! Makes sense to me!! ok thanks for listen....

Hi everyone!

Sorry so many of you are having such a tough time right now It will get better.

sorry I haven't been around lately. I really don't know where the time has gone. I worked wed, thurs and fri, the 6am to 2pm shift. So this morning I woke up when my hubby left at 5:15am and went back to sleep until two of the girls woke me up at 1:50pm I guess I was tired! ( I did go to bed at 11 last night I swear!) Thankfully I only have to work two days a week for the next two weeks. I sure hate the grease (I work at the grill) I feel greasy all the time, no matter how often I shower. And my feet and legs hate the cement tile floors, I can barely walk at the end of the day.

Its a long weekend for us(Queen Victoria Day), but hubby won't be home until Sunday so only gets the monday off. We are planning on having a weinnie roast for that day. The snow has finally melted, but the ground is so wet we can't do anything out there yet.

I too have been rather disgusted with myself as I just can't seem to get thing together to get healthy. B's grad is June 14th and I had wanted to be smaller than this for that. I looked so terrible at A's grad I didn't want a repeat, but I just haven't managed to do anything. Oh well tomorrow is another day to make better choices. I know we can all do this. Plus I have to declutter my house as we have to walk around the piles, I find it so suffocating.

On another note, A had her driver's test and failed. But now we know what she has to work on and she goes back June 18th and she should get it then. I was worried that they wouldn't allow our van for the testing as it has a crack across the windshield that we've been putting off fixing until the road clean up is done. Thankfully there was no mention of it from the tester.

Well I should go as its getting really late and I need to tidy up the kitchen before I go off to bed so I can make brekkie in the morning!

Take care everyone!
K

I finally got to talk to dh on the phone yesterday. That set off all my emotions. At first I was okay..but as I was waiting for him to call me back..I seemed to have gotten a little bit worse as time went by. Then he'd call..and I'd feel totally better. Then afterwards..I'd feel like total crap again. And wonder when he'd call again. Finally we got to talk for awhile..and I just brokedown crying. He hates it when I get like this and he's not here to comfort me. Bascially, I have to see him sometime soon or I'm gonna completly lose it altogether. Its like all my tough skin that I had torwads the end of last years deployment just went away. And I'm back to being that scared little girl like when he first left on deployment. I have no idea what happened there. I want my tough skin back!!!

Hi all!

Francie - big love. I am so glad you got to talk to dh, even if it dragged up all the emotion. How much longer is he deployed?

Momof4 - hi again. Quick Q - what do you like to be called? I am sorry that your kids are driving you batty. But at least you can see that they are stressed by the move too!

Buddly - so nice to see you! I have missed you! Still enjoying your new washer? I love mine! Bummer about A's driving test. I bet she's pretty bummed.

I feel so peaceful right now . My cocker spaniel is asleep on my lap with her head on my chest. It is so sweet. On another note, I've been having strange dreams again. The idea of picking up and moving in 3 months is starting to stress me out. Ack. Yay, 3 more months of stress!!! My life is going to be so different soon. Its like I'm at a precipice, and I know that where I'm going is going to be fabulous, but its still scary.

I found myself really wanting to order out for dinner tonight - something unhealthy like pizza, but my complete and total lack of money stopped me. Haha - who knew? Being broke is the ultimate diet aid.

Hope - you OK?

Night ladies!!!

Amarie