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Originally Posted by jerzygal
It worries me for a number of reasons: 1. Looking back on these heavy days and thinking people were disappointed in me.
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I know - this sucks. I know that my family members are disappointed in me for being heavy, and I get their approval by losing weight. I think in general, though, people have more positive reasons for commenting on your weight loss.
1. People want to help! If you are trying to lose weight, having people say you're doing well is probably their way of encouraging you, of saying, "Look at you! You're succeeding in your goal!" I would say it's a lot like being congratulated on doing a good job at work, or getting a good grade in a hard class that's important to you. They don't mean that they were disappointed in you before, just that they're proud of you now.
2. A lot of people wish they had the self control to do what you're doing! Think of the goal threads we have here at 3FC where people post their triumphs and their photos. Those threads fill up with congratulations from those of us who are inspired by their progress. I don't congratulate people in those threads because I think they're somehow "better" now than they were before. I congratulate them because they've achieved something huge, and I'm trying to do the same, so I really am inspired by their progress. And it feels good to know you've inspired someone, right?
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2. Fear of gaining the weight again and being a further disappointment.
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Oh gosh, I've been here, too. The last time I managed to lose weight was my freshman year of college, when I wanted to lose the freshman 15 instead of gaining it. And I succeeded. My parents were so proud of me. All my high school friends kept saying how great I looked. It felt wonderful. And now I'm 50 pounds heavier than I was then. I'm afraid to face those same high school friends who thought I looked so great. My grandmother told me she expected I would never look as good as I looked then. And of course, my grandmother added that I'd never find a man (I did, by the way).
I don't know how to explain this one, or what to say to make you feel better, except that I understand. We've all been there. We'd all like to be losing weight just for ourselves, to be healthier, a smaller size, fitter, less risk of disease, yada yada yada. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. But deep down I think we all care what people think of us, and we're all terrified of being the "fat chick." I know that's true of me. And I'm terrified of the look on my parents' faces if I don't manage to reach my goal, or if I gain all the weight back.
That's why I have every intention of keeping the weight off and changing my whole life. And I'll be perfectly honest with you - I'm trying to use my desire for approval as a motivating force for good in my life. It's probably not a particularly healthy motivation, but the fact is I want my mom and grandmother to think that I'm beautiful. I want to be the one in my family who managed to lose weight and keep it off. And I
really, really want it! So maybe that desire can help me achieve the goals that I already have for myself. Maybe. And maybe it will end up sabotaging me, but for now, I'm just trying to get the weight off and not worry about my motivations to do so.
EDIT: I'm posting this same thing in the new chat thread, to jumpstart the discussion and start the week on a positive note!
for you. I am so sorry that your fam can't support you and help you see that you are not a number on a scale. You are a beautiful and unique person who deserves to be appreciated and loved, whether you are 100 or 400 #. Odds are that disapointments in life have made them cynical.
I think it will be great for you! Getting out of the house is always good and making your own $$ is very liberating. Let us know how it goes.
Good luck on that changing the world for the better goal. I think you will have a hand in it. 
everybody else.
