I am really afraid about weighing myself on Monday.
When I was around 16, I was 180 pounds, and I told myself, at least I'm not over 200 pounds!
When I was 23, I was 280 pounds, and I told myself, at least I'm not over 300 pounds!
A few months ago, before my 28th birthday, I was 470, and I thought, at least I'm not 500 pounds.
You guys know how hard it is to make big changes. I've made so many changes, and my biggest inspiration isn't that I want to have kids, or have a dog, or travel, or even just be able to go up a flight of stairs without panting--it's just losing weight. When I step on a scale and see that I've lost weight, I feel so validated, and it makes the next week so much easier.
When I step on a scale and see that I've gained weight, I just feel hopeless, and helpless, and stuck, and I spiral. I make bad decisions, eat more (because I'm already fat anyway and might as well enjoy myself, right?) and hate myself.
So, I'm going to weigh myself on Monday, and I'm either going to feel amazing, like I can do anything, and that there's still hope for me to regain control over my life--or I won't. It's scary. And hard.
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