question, concerns, rant, Im a hot mess

  • Alright ladies, I hope this isn't too long, but i wanted to give a little backround on myself and my depression issues. When I was in High school I started going through a lot of issues at home and school, and I got very depressed and even started to cut myself. I eventually was forced to go see a therapist, who was probably the worst therapist ever, he told me that people that cut themselves were crazy and i should be locked up in mental hospital, so yea i know cutting isn't healthy, but it wasnt like i was trying to kill myself nor was I cutting so deeply it required stiches or anything, so I never went back to him again. I choose to go to a therapist later down the line and he diagnosed me with major depression or something (can't really remember i was 17 at the time), I got put on medication after medication and I couldn't find anything that would help, there was always some terrible side effects (worsen depression, sexual side effects, feeling cloudy hazey). Scince then I gave up and haven't been to a doctor in years, I know my depression has gotten worse, and Im sure that I also have an Anxiety issue too. The reason I say this is because, I worry and worry over the least little thing, sometimes when I get really stressed and worried I find my grinding my teeth or running my hands through my hair and pulling out my hair (not in chunks or anything and you can't even tell that I do it, doesn't cause bald spots or thinness) I get so anxiouse it effects my mood and makes me depressed and I find that I sometimes take it out on the ones I love, or cry until I can't cry anymore, also recently im getting angry and hit walls (never people)....I just feel like my emotions are out of control. I was just wondering if any of u ladies have found a medicine without all the side effects, honestly one of the major side effects that keeps me from takin meds is when im on antidepressants I haven no sexual urges at all, its like I could care less, and I don't want to be touched. Sorry if thats to much information. I just need to know I can get help without all that.

    Any suggestions????

    Thanks in advanced
  • The best thing that I can tell you is to be patient. Also make a list of your medications that you tried in the past so that if you do go back to a doctor about your depression/anxiety that they won't try to put you on those and be specific as to what and how they made you feel and what side effects you suffered. As for me from the age of 14/15 it took me a very long time to find a medication that worked since all of them would work for me for a specific amount of time like a year or so and all of them gave me migraines and I just thought I should tolerate it since I was a minor and my mom didn't think my migraines were a serious enough side effect and then the medication would just stop working. It took me until I was 21 to find a medication that I loved and truly had no side effects which is Wellbutrin XL and now I'm almost 24 and I can really see myself being on this medication for a really long time hopefully. It really is possible to find a medication that is like the "perfect" drug but you just have to be patient. Patience is not something I have at all and I've learned to be patient with my body.
  • Things may take time to work out but they will get better. Off and on my whole life i have had to deal with depression and anxiety. We make a joke about it. I feel guilty if my daughters hair doesn't bounce the way the girls do on tv. I worry early to avoid the rush lol.

    I have found ways to deal with things but it has taken me many many years to do this. I still, from time to time have blue days that never seem like they will go away. I have anxiety attacks at the thought of having to leave the house.

    It really is a good idea to keep a list of meds you have tried in the past. A good doc will want to have this information before putting you on something different.

    DON'T GIVE UP there is hope, there is help. Sometimes it just takes some time to find it.
  • Maybe if you go to a physician you can tell them what you wouldn't like in a medication. Tell them the side effects you most wish to avoid. I'm not sure if there are any completely without side effects besides natural mood boosters like sunlight, exercise, and healthy foods. The good thing about those is that you can "self medicate" and experiment with which does the most good.
  • I just re-read that and it sounds like SUPER feel-good-preachy-know-it-all type stuff that no one wants to hear when depressed. And it's over simplified. Sorry. I just can't think of any meds that don't have side effects like that. I'm not well read enough.
  • Medication has saved my life but the side affect thing is a huge pain. With many of the meds, the side affects go away or diminish over time. And it's hard to feel like a big chemistry experiment while you're trying different things. I've been on a "cocktail" that has me more or less stable (nothing is a cure all and I still have my seasons) for a couple of years now. My strategy while psych med shopping was to go into the dr's office armed with almost as much info as he had. I'd come with a list of meds I was interested in trying and a list of meds I would only try as a last resort. I wouldn't swallow anything that I hadn't researched thoroughly (and that included medical journals, online chats, patient info sheets, other doctors, and anyone else who'd comment). My doctor thought it was amusing at first and then annoying and now he actually respects it. I hear that some of the newer depression drugs have few sexual side affects - Wellbutrin and Lexapro to name two.