Why do you "hate medicine"? Clinical depression is recognized (by many professionals) as a physiologically-based affliction (meaning it results from something actually happening in your body), and that medications can be helpful in leveling out the chemicals in your brain responsible for such feelings of sadness and despair. When you have strep throat, the doc puts you on meds so that the infection clears up and you get back to feeling better, as opposed to you harboring the disease, spreading the infection to others, and possibly becoming deathly ill from it. Similarly, psychotropic drugs treat depression by altering the levels of specific brain chemicals which may be responsible for your bad feelings. Talkto your doctor about it! I guarantee s/he has the training and experience necessary to suggest some solutions for you, and if you're still uncomfortable with trying a "synthetic" psychotropic medication, perhaps s/he can direct you to a more natural alternative (e.g., dietary supplements, herbal remedies). I'd be sure to share your mother's battle with depression as well, and her journey into alcoholism, to give your physician some insight into your (perhaps) genetic predisposition towards depression.
There is a ton of help available to you -- please don't suffer unnecessarily!

Bri, I started taking medicine for depression about 10 years ago right after my mother passed away and my dad had a stroke. I can't believe the difference it has made in my life. I realized after starting on it, that I should have been on it years before. I didn't realize that it was depression. I started off with a low dose and now I am on an even lower dose. If you need it, it will work for you. If you don't need it, you will know. I don't recommend going through life the way that I lived for many, many years. Good luck to you!!

I fought meds for YEARS. I thought I was copping out by resorting to medication, that I should have been able to cope without them, that medication was for "crazy" people, that I just hadn't tried hard enough. I thank my lucky stars that I finally gave in to seeing a psychiatrist. She is fantastic, so supportive, and just wants me to be a happy, healthy person. I don't feel medicated AT ALL. I feel normal - what I imagine normal feels like to most other people. The only thing I regret is not admitting my depression 15 years ago. I suffered in my own private black cloud pretending for everyone else that everything was fine for far too long. Please take care of yourself! I can really identify with so much of what you said. I have so very much to be thankful for and yet I was miserable. The feelings of selfishness ran rampant through my mind, but in retrospect it was in some ways selfish of me NOT to seek help. Depression forces your focus onto yourself and your dark feelings to the detriment of the other relationships in your life. I'm sure your family just wants you to be a happy and healthy wife and mom. Giving that to them by getting help is about the least selfish thing I can imagine.

I have to agree with the others. If you need medication it's a good thing. I've been on depression meds for about ten years, at time more, other times less. Yes, there are some side effects I'd rather not have but the good effects far outweigh them.

Talk to your doctor. The best thing I've found is being seen by a psychiatrist. If you can get a referal that would be great. Good luck,

I have battled depression for most of my life - going back to the age of 12. It is a chemical imbalance in your brain that you can not help. Taking medication is NOT WEAK - it takes courage to admit you need help and to get it. Last winter I was non-functioning - I cried 24/7, alternated between wanting to die and being terrified that I would, scared my son to death and I still don't know what long term effect that will have on him. I finally saw a psychiatrist who correctly diagnosed me as bi-polar II with anxiety disorder and although I am still tinkering a little with meds - I am a new person. I still have bad days and the anxiety sneaks up on me - but now I can CATCH MYSELF before I go to a really dark place.
Be brave - be strong for you and your husband and get the medication you need. You will be amazed at how good life can be with the proper medication. It may take a few tries to get it right but you can take solace in the fact that you are being pro-active.
I wish you all the best and thank you and your husband for your service to this country.

Bri-this my shock you. I'm a psychiatrist and I'm actually going to suggest an alternative to you. Yes, medication is a good option for a lot of people. We have many new options with fewer side effects and they have helped millions of people. However, there is excellent scientific evidence that at least two types of psychotherapy-cognitive behavioral therapy and something called interpersonal therapy also work just as well as medication for most people except those with the most severe forms of depression. They require a major committment on your part to go to therapy every week and really work at it-you may even have homework, and it may take longer than medication, but it can be done without medication. I certainly don't know your personal situation so I suggest you talk to your doctor to make sure you are a candidate to go the "psychotherapy only" route if that is something you are interested in. BTW, the combination of medication and therapy works better than either one alone but more than likely, you do have choices.

I had a severe episode about 18 months ago and my psychiatrist did up my meds but he also had me see a psychologist for Cgnitive Behavior Theropy. I have been seeing her for a bit over a year once a week. It took a long while for me to come out of my depression - even a bit - but in the last 4 months or so I have seen a real improvement. I would agree that CBT is a wonderful support for depression but in my case I imagine I will continue to need meds.