[Ravengirl]

Hello Everyone!

I have been a lurker on this site for a long time...then I got an account and started to post a little bit...then on May 8th my world completely imploded and since then I have still been reading but not posting much.

Some background...I have always been at the high side of normal for my weight...gain weight fairly easy and have to really watch it or things get out of control. Also problems off and on with binging...I have several trigger foods that most of the time I try to avoid.

I am 37 and married and have one 15 year old daughter... My husband has been my best friend, my protector, my rock, and my sole supporter since we got married nearly 17 years ago. My life changed on May 8 when I received a phone call saying that he had had a seizure at work... He was diagnosed with a brain tumor...and scheduled for brain surgery a week later. The last 3 months have been a blur of Dr.s and appts and surgery and healing. When he came out of surgery he could barely speak... Initially, I was in shock and running on auto pilot... He needed me, I stepped up, I was his rock for a change. He spent nearly 2 1/2 weeks in the hospital total and then came home... His recovery has been agonizing and draining. And it seemed that after the initial shock began to wear off I began to show the signs of the strain. Anger, mood swings, crying, just about ready to jump out of my skin all the time... I was still denying it to myself and others though... It took my husband to make me see that my negative energy was affecting him and his recovery before I finally got a clue. I had begun having chest pain and was seriously stressed. I finally went to the Dr.

Technically what I was diagnosed with was Adjustment Disorder...but I think it is possible that I had begun to suffer mild depression a few months back and this just triggered it more...I am not sure. At any rate I have always been afraid of antidepressants...not for other people...but for myself.. My family is against them and would be upset if they knew that the Dr. had put me on Prozac. I have been on the pills for a month now and they have been a miracle. After some initial nausea, I have had no other side effects and I feel back in control of my emotional well being. I am back to the gym... I go after I drop my husband at work...he has radiation therapy/chemo therapy five days a week and then I drop him at work. He is staying upbeat and positive and doing better than even the Dr.s expected. He only has one week left of radiation...

I come to this site every day and read your struggles and triumphs with weight and the events in all of your lives... It gives me some ease from my own. And I hope you don't mind me sharing a little of my burden here with you all now...

[settie]

Hi and welcome Ravengirl. I am so sorry for what you have had to go through with your husband. That must be a terrifying experience.

I'm glad you decided to go on meds. If you need them there is nothing better. I can understand your families apprehension but unless you are the one experiencing the disorder it is hard to know how bad it can be. The other thing that I have found helpful over the years (I've been on meds for 10 years) is talking to a psychologist. They really have a way to make you look at yourself from a different perspective. I have had a lot of help from the one I'm seeing now.

I'm glad to hear hubby is doing better and that you are able to get out and exercise again. You didn't talk about how your daughter is coping. That is a hard age to see your dad so sick. Has she been able to talk to someone - maybe at school? I don't mean to 'butt in' but often children, especially teens keep everything inside so it's hard to know.

Keep strong,

[judyt]

I am sorry that you and your family has been through so much. As for taking meds that is a personal decision and I am so glad that they are working for you. I have suffered from anxiety on and off for years but it was worse after the birth of my son. I now take prozac and it has made my life (and my family's) so much better.

[Ravengirl]

Thanks you Guys!

I appreciate the responses very much... I am going to go to a therapist as well, my Dr. very much wanted me to do that as well as the meds... I have just had too many other appts right now... He is almost finished with radiation though so hopefully I will be able to get that going soon as well.

Our daughter is doing really well...we talk alot...she is kept informed of his treatments and meds and has seen the MRIs and everything...she has seen a lot. I believe that she is dealing with it frankly the way that I used to deal with things when I was younger. Refusing to believe that anything truly bad is going to happen. I am not going to take that away from her...in fact, I have to use a sort of that strategy myself at times. I know better of course...things can always get worse...but frankly sometimes you have to focus on "What is...and not What if" it is the only way I can get through some days. The exercise is helping, the meds are helping me keep positive, and I am just working on what I can do. That is about all anyone can do I think.

[modkittn]

Ravengirl, I really know what you mean

I'm on the other side, the one who was diagnosed with cancer. My husband, I could tell, was trying to be strong for me. But I knew that inside he was REALLY devastated and didn't know what to do with himself. Since he isn't close to his parents, I had him talk to mine - all his worries, everything that he couldn't talk to me about because he had to be strong for me.

I told him it was ok to not be strong every once in a while. We are only human. I know he was just as worried as me. I think I was in a better position to "not be quite so strong for" than your husband (no surgery, etc for me), but really I think you need to rely on family members as well for support.

And as far as dieting, this is what I did when I was diagnosed and the shock wore off - I maintained. For months. Until I was ready to go back to losing. It was better than gaining it all back and letting all my hard work go. My diagnosis actually made me see even more how important it was to get healthy.

You'll be in my thoughts for a while, I am sure. If you need a shoulder, just send a PM. I also know ALL ABOUT all those doctor appointments... sometimes I just felt like a human pin cushion!

Edit - I just saw your response and read it again. I think you should also get your daughter some counseling. I don't think it is good to pretend it isn't happening. And don't forget, that you can't be strong for your husband if you are in horrible shape yourself. MAKE time to see that counselor yourself. It will benefit your husband too, I guarantee since he will know that you are taking care of yourself as well.

[Ravengirl]

Thank you especially Lori, for your response! I had seen your tagline about being a Cancer Survivor for awhile, it is funny how you can never really know the scope of an illness until it happens to you though. I really appreciate you taking time to comfort me...

I do rely on my family...I am very close to my parents...I talk to them most days but we are far away geographically from all of our family...it is hard. I have had to rely on a couple of friends that we have here very heavily...and one of them will be leaving soon...it is very difficult.

I should clarify...our daughter isn't denying that it is happening...she has been to several of the radiation appts and she asks questions quite often... But he has done so well with his treatments that after his initial problems coming out of the hospital he has been almost back to normal in her eyes so I think she doesn't think about possible relapse...that sort of thing. She will be 16 in a few months and her head is filled with thoughts of college and school and what she wants to be. She hasn't exhibited any stress or distress symptoms...her grades are fabulous and she has been doing better than I about keeping in contact with her friends. I sometimes feel the desire to withdraw a bit...it is something I am struggling with from time to time.

Thank you so much for caring...I love this place and the ability of the people here to embrace a perfect stranger over the internet...thank you...