So the last couple of weeks have kind of landslided on me. I missed two entire days of class last week. I just can't make myself get out of bed...no, that's not right. I don't WANT to get out of bed. I managed to pry myself up to take a test on thursday, but the rest of thursday and wednesday and friday were no go.

It's been gradually getting worse and worse though.

I dont' know, I'm just always always bone tired.

And my parents today told me that I'm ruining my life because I'm lazy.

They're not terrible people..they just don't believe in depression. They think that I'm like this by choice. And by their logic there's no other explanation for it, things need to be done and when things don't get done it's because of laziness. And I'm starting to doubt myself and think...maybe I am just lazy and stupid. And I feel ridiculous for thinking that...and I feel ridiculous for being depressed. I feel like I'm both blowing this out of proportion and not taking it seriously enough at the same time. There's no winning.

Most of all I just feel helpless...I know I'm being self depreciating, but I feel like I can help it. And I feel like a failure when it ends up that I can't. Or don't.

Hey Kiddo
I have taken meds for depression for years. My mom and sister and my 26 year old son have it also but will not talk about it with the doctor. Anyway what I want to tell you is you are right but your parents are also right. What I mean is, If you get out and live you will feel some better. I have to fight with my self daily to get up and clean myself and the house and go to work. When I do this I can start to thinking better and eat less. I put on my headphones and dance when I clean (the music helps) just do something now or you will be traped in side yourself.

Thanks.

I do get out a lot usually...I have a large group of amazing friends. Everybody's doing their own thing with school though, so we're not together as much as we usually are.

I should probably be on medication. No matter what I do my spells of depression get worse and worse each time.

I did force myself out of bed this morning...so that's a step in the right direction. I even drank a liter of water (usually I let myself get super dehydrated.)

Maybe I need to have a sitdown with my parents about meds. I can't live like this...like you said, I'm getting trapped inside myself. I can force myself to do things like go to school and clean myself up and smile...but everything feels really hollow and meaningless, and it's harder than it should be. It's getting scary.

Depression can take over to the point that you really can't do anything positive on your own. You need to go see your doctor about your symptoms. Hopefully your doctor can start you on a plan to help you with your depression. My mother and 4 younger sisters all have depression as well as myself (in different levels and symptoms). Sometimes medication can help you get back into life. Having the negative comments from your parents is not going to help you. Try to get some medical data/information about depression and sit down and talk to them about it. Also let them know that being called "lazy" and having the negative comments hurts and you need their positive support.

Okay, update on the parental situation...

There's no way they don't know what's going on. When I talk I'm deadpan...or overcompensating and being way too happy sounding.

So my mom cooked one of my favorite dinners tonight, apologized to me, they were both telling me how proud they are of me...and tomorrow she's cooking my favorite, spaghetti. (wonder why I have a problem with food? lol..)

I can see why they get frustrated with me..but this blowing up and apologizing the next day is not a good thing.

I actually got about ten minutes of exercise in today. I feel a little better.
And my meditation circle is tomorrow...that should help a little too.

I'm going to see about getting on some meds...I hate doing that. I really hate medication, but I really don't see much other choice right now.

I have to just say that my parents (and houseparents at boarding school) always called me lazy and said I could control my "energy" level. I felt so ashamed. What saved me from just imploding was when my doctor asked me if I would be ashamed of cancer or pneumonia? He also joked that depression and anxiety could be hereditary and that my parents might be trying to cover up for something! Hang in there. Find a good doctor and/or therapist who will LISTEN. God bless.

Honestly - medication has saved my life. And that is NOT an exaggeration. Every day there are more and more objective, conclusive studies released that show that depression is not just a feeling but that there are real physical changes in our brains & bodies. You can't just think that away.

At the same time those that have not experienced depression have a real hard time wrapping their minds around it. It's like us trying to comprehend what it's like to live in a third world slum. The concept might be there but not true comprehension. It sounds like they're trying & that is more than some.

I agree. Unless you have been there, it is hard to understand. I'm out of work right now and out of meds. By all rights, I should take this time and clean my house from top to bottom, do things I haven't had time for, and get a good work-out in everyday. But no, I am paralyzed daily by anxiety or dread or something, you name it. I feel extremely guilty for not being on top of everything b/c my fiance works so hard daily and supports us. He knows what the problem is, but he has never had the problem and I wonder if at least sometimes he may think it's an excuse and I'm just lazy. There is tremendous shame in my lack of motivation, and I'm grateful for his understanding so far. But I do feel like everybody has their breaking-point.

Medication does help me and may be what you need. I wasn't crazy about starting it, but it did help. Sounds like your folks are making an effort to understand and that's great. Give them time. I think my mom would like me to 'suck it up' and just plough through it, but I had to do what I needed to get well. Now I just need a refill!

I have depression and anxiety...i refuse to medicate...but thats because of the anxiety..the only things in my med cabnet are tylenol and tums..im not sure if its like that with others...its mostly a problem during the fall/winter..I find that im soooo tired/lazy all the time....im trying to fight it all on my own, and i ahve good days/weeks and then ill have an episode...seems like its related to my pms...for now im taking a one-a-day vitamin and trying to drink lots of water...for now i will go with no meds and in the future i may have a day where i just cant deal with it on my own.