See thats the thing, I feel like I am just being overly stuck up or something. i mean he doesnt do this daily or anything. But its the lying that really makes me mad. And he is a great dad everything. I dont know, I just dont know what to do. He keeps it hidden from me obviously so its not around the kids thank god. He said it was an idle threat about hanging himself but I think that is SO WRONG to even say. And he really is a good guy, he cares for all his kids with all his heart. He just makes the worst freaking decisions and lies to me. (dissembling here arent I?) And I feel like what is out there is only going to be WORSE. Anyway thanks for listening. I am going to try and talk to him again tonight after the kids are in bed, so we will see. He is promising again to change and saying how so very sorry he is but I keep thinking ... he has said that before ... and look at where thats gotten me. AHHHH lol anyway life will go on one way or another , I sure as heck am not giving up n the weight!

Sumisan,

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am of course a stranger and am in no way trying to tell you what to do with your life or your marriage. It sounds like this guy doesn't want to respect you. It sounds like he doesn't want to respect your children. I would really like to see you in a happy home environment where you get to be who you want to be and your kids get to have a stable environment as well. It IS unfair that he threatens to hurt himself when you have laid out clearly what your expectations of him are.
You are young, and have forced yourself to grow up for the sake of your children, but he isn't. He is an adult and he needs to take responsibility. Do what you can to take care of yourself and your needs. It doesn't seem like he is looking out for what is best for you right now.

Thank you all for the kind words.

Sumi. Hang in there. I wish you didn't have to go through what you are, but I believe in going with what your gut tells you to. We are here if you need to vent anytime.

On a high note. A girl at work today asked me if I have been losing weight. Yay.

Hi everyone:

wow a lot is happening on this thread--everyone is opening up and sharing.

Just a brief update--I am feeling a lot better with the eating--definitely much more under control. My goal is to be at 134 by May 5. I am still working on just eating smaller portions and stopping when I am hungry. It works pretty good. May switch to Atkins soon. With the stretches and exercises from my Physical therapist T I end up doing over 45 minutes of exercises a day--not getting aerobic yet but I am hopeful I will be strong enough to do some walking soon.

Nicker! I have a friend who has Crohns and it is really challenging! Hope you are involved in a support group.

Sumi: I have two friends who were stuck out in the country with an addict. I think you have such a hard road. Although you feel shy about it you need some help and support somehow--even if you get counseling on-line. It is is too hard to do on your own. He sounds very manipulative and unbalanced. I feel for the step children because if you do leave then they will suffer being alone with this guy. Since you said he is a good Dad, maybe you could work it out to just be parents together and not have depend upon him as a partner until he gets it together and gets some help. Good luck and keep us posted!

Luxor--you are doing so great--congrats for keeping it together even tho you are slightly up--you know the weight loves to move up and down. Keep up the great work!

The closest thing I have to a support group is my mom. She tries her best but even she doesn't really get it.

Hi all!

Had a good day yesterday with restrained eating and did my 45 minutes of exercise so I feel good!

Nicker--the reason I mention the support group is that my buddy with Crohns says that is one of the things that has really helped her. You can probably google and find one in your area or online! That way you interact with people who really get it.

Have a fun healthy day everyone--we are making changes in our habits that will have lasting effects on our health and self image--I know talking here instead of eating really makes a difference!

Sno

Sumi,
Ok, so the DH at least is trying to make an effort by cleaning out the basement. Sure, it sounds to me like he's just my husband on the weekend with his friends, but remember that men get responsible in a much more different way than women. This might be the first step. I would suggest thanking him for cleaning the basement, and if he does more things around the house, thank him. I know with my husband that a simple thank you can boost his ego. Also, no counselor in their right mind would worry about putting blame on one person or the other; a good counselor would try to make you both realize your faults and help each of you solve your own personal problems to help you both succeed in your marriage. Even if you don't go to church now, maybe it's an option you can have in the future. It's a big step, and you may not be completely religious, but you can at least make a network of friends and support for you and your husband to reconnect. Also, don't focus so much on the past. Dwelling on the past just festers negative emotions, which in turn leads to fights about something happened last year. It's already happened, let it go. I know maybe this isn't all you want to hear, but it's an opinion.

Now, for some good news: Started tennis on Sunday, and practiced yesterday, and I'm super sore! Now we have the golf tournament tomorrow (I'll be sick from work!), and a few days at the gym, and I hopefully will lose one more pound by the 24th. Hope the rest of you are doing well...stick to it!

Hi everyone,

Wow. lots happening.
Sumi your in a tough situation. Finding some local support might really help both you and your DH. Having kids changes life so dramatically and alot of the adult fun can go out the window unless you really try to keep your relationship alive. As mothers we tend to always put the kids first and trying to find a middle ground with your significant other can be quite a challenge.
I realize many bridges have been burn with the lying and substance abuse but finding a common ground can go along way to opening up communication and rebuilding a relationship. It sounds like you want to make it work and so does he so counciling or support will go along way to learning to communicate on both sides. From my own experience letting go of the anger is one of the best thing you learn to do. From minor to major anger can really shutdown communication. If counciling is out of the question there are some pretty good books out there.

Nicole. holy smokes girl!!! You've been through alot and have alot of challenge in your life. The fatigue sounds rough. Exercise is key in my life and I don't know what I'd do with out it. Yoga might help. As a form of exercise it's very relaxing. Don't you just love it when people notice your progress.

Dolly talked to a midwife friend and she said that it is recommended that you keep doing what you were before you conceived and try and keep heart rate at 160 or below.

ABQ tennis and golf at the same time sounds great. I love golf but I'm still waiting for the snow to melt here. I'm going to take lessons this spring and get out as often as possible this year. My hubby and I like to escape from our teenagers every now and then and found golf fit the bill perfectly.

I'm having an awesome week. Exercise is back to normal and I'm doing a 10 day spring cleanse right now. So should see significant weigh loss over the next few weeks.

Have a great day all,

Nina

Well today my allergies are kicking my butt. I have sneezed so many time and I have a horrible sore throat. I did go to the gym today and did a run/walk on the treadmill. 40, I think that 160 sounds more reasonable to me because at 140bpm I don't even break a sweat. I did talk to a friend of mine you just had a baby and she ran until 4 weeks for giving birth. She kept her heart rate at around 160 too. So I am going to aim for that. DH is going out of town for a few days and he is a nervous wreck. I is just so worried about me like I am going to fall apart without him. I know its cute, but I can take care of myself. He is just worried I don't know about what.

ABQ, I took tennis in college and got hooked. DH played tennis, but i could never play with him because he hits the ball so hard and I am not that great of a player. Have fun for me!

Sno, great job on the eating and exercise! Keep it up!

Sumi, how are things going? I am really praying that you and your DH are able to talk and come to some sort of an arrangement.

Dolly- LOL men are so cute when they get protective of their babies When I was pregnant with my 2nd child (my hubby's first) he was all nervous and trying to tell me what to do/what not to do (Hello! I had already done it before! LOL) Anyway, we took a birthing class (The Bradley Method) and that really helped him because it gave him a LOT of info to go over, and assignments of things to do for me. One of the things was what to eat- and he was "in charge" of trying to make sure that I ate the variety of things I needed (however, I was nauseous that entire pregnancy, so I almost never ate what I should have)

Sno- sounds like you are doing great!

Nina- Sounds like you are doing great as well! How often do you do a cleanse?

ABQ- I love tennis! I'm no good LOL But it sure is fun, huh?

Well, I've been sticking with my plan, however I've been *wanting* to not. I've been *wanting* to just blow it off and binge on all the high-cal snacks I have for my dad. So, as a reminder to myself, here are the reasons I am not going to binge today:

1. It will make me feel bad tomorrow.
2. I can have whatever treat I want, as long as it is in moderation and I plan for it.
3. I will never be able to lose the next 30 pounds if I eat half a cake for dessert!!!
4. I do not want to fit into the jeans I am wearing right now! (I currently only have 1 pair of jeans that fit, and they are in the wash LOL these are a size too big now, but they were snug in January )
5. Food will not make me happy. It will not make my father healthy, and it will not bring my mother back to life. These are issues I need to deal with. The answer is *not* at the bottom of the bag of chex mix!

ok, I feel a little better.

My daughter's birthday is the end of the month, and today she told me she wants a trampoline! Very cool, I was just thinking of buying one for myself. I used to love jogging on mine when I was a kid. Think she'll notice if I use it more than she does?

Hi all,

Sounds like things are generally well with most of you since my last post.

Luxorbea.. Great job resisting temptations. Been doing a bit of that myself lately.

Dolly... allergies are aweful. Sorry they are kicking your butt right now.

40.. I sure do love it when people notice and I am glad you are having an awesome week

ABQ... with all of that I am confident you will be down 1 by the 24. You go girl!

Sno... Good job on the eating and exercise. There is no local support group here is the problem. I do go to Calgary (Alberta, Canada) every eight weeks to get my medication (an IV infusion every 8 weeks). I used to get to talk to alot of other Crohn's patients there and it was great. However, the drug has now been approved for 4 more disorders so you never know what people are there for. I still get some good talks in once in awhile though.

Hi everyone, every things going ok, I feel silly for posting here, I should have just kept it to myself lol We have yet to talk again about it, just stupid everyday conversation. I have made a list of things that cross my line. I am going to give him it and ask him to make a list for me. And that way we know exactly where we stand.

Here is my list so far although I am still working on it...

The major issues:
1. Don't lie.
2. Don't drink and drive.
3. Don't smoke pot and drive.
4. Don't ever let our children witness you or your friends smoking pot.
5. Don't come home drunk or high.
6. Call if your going to be late, as soon as you know.
7. Don't spend our money on drugs.

That is pretty reasonable right? I mean I am not asking him to NOT do it, so this should put his resentment towards me at ease. But then again if he starts not coming home that will be another problem so I guess I should add something like:

8. Make our family your top priority.

Other than that no loss no gain on the scale. haha --Sumi

Sumi, I think you are right on with your rules. They should never be broken. I will say a prayer for you and your husband that things work out.

Luxorbea, Go for the trampoline definetly. I used to have so much fun as a kid and okay as an adult on the trampoline! That would be an awesome gift. Just make sure your home insurance will cover any accidents for kids that come over to play on it.

Well I think the morning sickness has finally kicked in along with my allergies in full steam. Let just say that brushing my teeth this morning was not something I want to happen again. I did schedule my first appointment with the doctor on April 2nd!

Happy healthy eating everyone!

Sumi excellent idea about writing it down. On paper there is no way of forgetting or denying the behaviors and getting side tracked won't happen. Allowing him the same forum offers the beginning of some communication. The first steps are always the hardest but well worth it. You're on the right track and don't worry about venting we all need to do it. If I wasin your spot I'd be eating up a storm. Food is my number one response to stress.

Nina

Nina

Sumi,

I admire you so much for staying strong and being positive through all of this. It is perfectly fine to vent on here. You have a safe and healthy forum of girls who really care about you and your success on this site. We are all pulling for you!

Well, I am totally the opposite about stress and food. My number one go-to for stress is caffiene and my second is booze- wait that sounds bad...Um, a cocktail or two, not a whole bottle LOL!!!

I have been going through a rough patch myself, but I think I am on the upswing. My rough patch has left me down about three pounds but I am not going to change my ticker yet, because when food re-enters my life, I am sure the three pounds (hopefully not more) will re-enter my life as well. I have been averaging about 600 calories a day...NOT HEALTHY and it is taking its toll on me. Today feels brighter though so I think my appetite will return.

Hope everyone else is doing fabulously

Dollypie- bless your heart. Sorry about the morning sickness but just wait until you have your little bundle of joy. I am so happy for you!