[itwillhappen]

Hi, not sure if this is the right place to post, but was hoping someone could help me, or point me in the right direction or what/where i need to go.

I had a baby 27 months & go & b4 him i weighed 8.5st (117lbs) i am 5ft6 & was a size 6. I got to this weight by not really eating, it all started at 16 in my last year of school.. I use to eat 1 meal a day and that was at tea time, it was food my mum cooked, although i use to hide some in tissue and then throw it away after, or pass some more to my brother.. I also stopped eating the packed lunches she made me, or asked for dinner money and said id had dinner and that id do myself a sandwich for tea, but never got round to it, i use to tip the toaster crumbs onto a plate, dip the kinfe in butter to make it look like i had toast.
I use to sometimes just eat lollys through the day it was my way of stopping the sugar/hunger cravings, or eat chewing gum & drink diet coke.. I always use to try and make myself sick to when eating more than i wanted to, but i could never do it.

When i fell pregnant i gained 4st i literally ate for 2.

27 months down the line and i havent got below 9st3 (129lbs) it fluctuates between 9st3 - 9st10 (136lbs) i am currently 9st8 (134lbs) & i hate it, since last november i havent gone below 9st3.

I hate the way i look, i feel fat & i cant stop bingeing and its only getting worse, i have been a binge eater since having my son, & once i want chocolate/crisps thats it i have to have it, but i cant stop i have 6 bags of crisps, 7 bars of chocolate the other day i ate 1000g of chocolate in 30 mins and felt so sick & guilty, i tried making myself sick, i couldnt though and i couldnt do this when i was 16 either.
I go to the gym sometimes it can be 4 x a week, 3 x a week or sometimes once a month, i find it hard to get the motivation, i try to do loads of CV work and push myself to go longer each time on the runner.
I hate seeing the scales go up and it really disheartens me, i want for them to go down and for me to be about 8st 10 i would be happy then, but then also i want to be happy with my figure, i no who i would like to look like and who i think has a great figure....
I no muscle weighs more that fat, i just dont seem to be able to find a happy meduim with excersise and healthy eating, i have managed to healthy eat for 7 days and excersise but didnt see the weight really go down.

I need to calorie count, although am not sure how many calories i need in order to get my weight down to what i want, and need to get to the gym as often as i can, although am not sure whats best for me to do and how long, id rather lose the weight first & then tone up

I am so unhappy though as i am, everyday i binge and tell myself tomorrw is a new day il be good il do it but it never happens.

[shrinkingchica]

I am sorry. I really don't know how to advise you, but I think that you are posting on the right board.

I have problems as well and at the moment I feel like I really should be the LAST one doling out advice.

As for calorie counting......a lot of people here use www.fitday.com it is a pretty helpful site.

Welcome to 3FC!

[newfiesara]

I would honestly suggest a support group or some sort of counselling. Looking at a BMI calculator, you are within a healthy range for your height and it seems as though it may be a problem with self-image rather than your actual weight.

Perhaps your body is craving something that is found in the chocolate (iron?) or crisps (sodium?). It's not unheard of. I used to eat mass quantities of dairy and found out that I needed to be taking a supplement to combat a deficiency.

My heart goes out to you.

[Tara D]

A several months ago (before I made my committment to eating evenly throughout the week -- I had a habit of eating less during the week and overeating significantly on weekends) I had an episode where I almost started purging. I had eaten a whole loaf of cranberry walnut bread and I literally felt sick. In my mind at that moment, I felt so bad that I thought that I would try to throw it up, just so I would feel better. I wasn't able to. Looking back, I now thank God that I wasn't able to do it because after learning all that I have on this board, I know that it is a VERY slippery slope. I would like to encourage you to continue to avoid purging (even once). There are too many stories of people here that wish they could take back that first time due to the deep psychological and physical problems (tooth decay/loss, gastrointestinal problems, nutritional deficiencies, etc.) that purging leads to.

The other advice that i can give is try not to be in such a hurry to lose weight. You are not a size that is a detriment to your health, and are actually size that fits into the category of a normal, even slender woman. I understand that that might not be what makes you feel happy, but trying to lose weight so quickly can put a lot of extra stress on your mind. Try to take one step at a time...work on your problems with binge eating, and try not to concentrate on the scale so much right now. It's too much to deal with both at once. I personally lost my weight over a two year period -- without deadlines or goal weights. I wish you the best.