[ms.cate]

I've been finding it really hard to stick to abstinent eating (no junk food, bingeing etc) and i think I've worked out why.

I'm a size 14 aus (down from a size 18 ) now and when i get to my goal weight I will be at least a size 12. I have not been a size 12 since I was severely anorexic/bulimic and I'm finding it hard imagining myself that size and not gaining weight or bingeing/purging.

It's almost that I can't believe in it and part of me says, well this is a good weight loss you should be happy where you are and not push your luck. Then I get anxious and start thinking about food....

I dont know how to break through this.

Any ideas or resourcesZ?
thanks
Cate

[callystia]

I think sometimes it just takes a bit of time for your mind to "catch up" with your body. Learning to think and feel like a healthy person is, to me, the hardest part of losing weight. But it is happening for me, slowly but surely, and I believe it will happen for you too.

Sometimes when I find myself tempted by "bad" foods, whatever the reason behind it, it helps me to consciously stop and think: is this food good for my body? Will it make me healthier and serve as useful fuel, or will it be detrimental in the long run? I know some people advocate the eating of all foods in moderation, and think that it's unhealthy to consider any food as BAD, but for me, sometimes the only thing that keeps me away from chips, candy or cake is to think of it as basically poison for my body.

Of course, I have a chronic illness that is often exacerbated by unwise food choices, so I may have a bit more of a "push" in that direction than most.

I hope that perhaps there was something in this ramble of mine that may prove helpful to you.

[HarpoChicoGroucho]

We have to realize we HAVE to eat healthy to BE healthy at our goal weights. Think of it this way, if you are starving and bingeing/purging to keep at your goal weight, your hair will start falling out, you'll have broken blood vessels around your eyes (on top of the awful dark circles ), your skin and hair will be dull, and your teeth will start turning brown. You'll be thin, but you'll look like ****.


From personal experience, if you eat healthy, you WILL lose weight. And you will maintain. If no one could maintain a healthy weight by NOT starving or b-ing/p-ing, then EVERYONE would have an ED. And that's just not how it is. MANY people maintain their weight loss through healthy eating. Look at all of our fabulous examples on 3FC.

Sorry to be harsh, but I've learned I have to stop the disordered thinking that comes along with my disordered eating. It's another trick. It's just another way that the ED is saying, "you need me, you can't be without me." And it's just not true. We don't need it. I'm still grappling with that one myself.

[ms.cate]

Thanks so much for your thoughts. THere is something in my head that says losing weight means I have to be successful. And happy. And I can';t binge anymore or use food as a panacea. And that scares the heck out of me. I can't break away from thin=perfect so I'll never be thin. I'm gaining weight already

[Kate109]

Oh well, I guess we have the same topic at the moment, Ms. Cate....

I lost around 7 kg, been down a few dress sizes and gained fat free muscles and overall fitness. Just in that moment when my weight loss and changed body became visible, I started agai with bad food choices, stopped exercising...and I got ill.
I figured out that the biggest factor in my "relapsing" was the fear of being thin. I have the dumb thought that thinness= perfection as well and being thin means being sexually attractive...And for me, being overweight was and is an excuse. If people donīt like me, they donīt like me because I am overweight- if I would lose weight, they would like me....But what would happen if I would be skinny? There would be still people who dislike me, but there is no "excuse" for me anymore...
Ok, I have a bad time expressing myself today....Do you know what I mean??

I just wanted to say that the fear of being thin is my biggest obstacle...
Donīt kow how to overcome it, but I am trying an experiment today: I try to think of how I would react if I would be thin, what would I wear, what would I eat, what would I do...and do it. I guess one way to overcome that fear is to have a look on what is frightening you about being thin and working on making that things "ok" for you.
Ok, I need more tea until I can write properly....

I have no web- recources (but I will research), but would highly recommend the books from Susie Orbach.

Feel free to PM me- I am able to write more clever things when I am really woken up...

Kate

[Kate109]

Maybe this thread would be interesting for you:

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=84778