Anyhow, my reason for posting is this: My family has become concerned about me and my eating habits...or rather my exercise habits. I thought they were being silly until I sat back and thought about it, and now I wonder if I am becoming a little too obsessive. I workout twice a day, no matter what...I REFUSE to miss a workout....it's almost like I have to exercise to feel that I have 'earned' the right to eat. Also, and I am so ashamed to admit this, but I forced myself to vomit lastnight....I tried to play it off like I was sick, but I don't think my family bought it.
I know it was a stupid thing to do, and I don't plan to do it again, but what really scared me was the feeling of power and control that I got from it....I feel like such a loser for even resorting to that.
Also, if I overeat, I go into my room, shut the door, and do some exercises....just to burn off some of the calories, even if it's just a few. Lastnight, I was up from 3:30am to 5:30am worrying about my weight, and even had to run to the bathroom to weigh myself. At the end of the week, if I haven't lost at least 4lbs, I feel like I have failed. It sounds so silly....I am just so confused...what is wrong with me? Why is it that the number on the scale or what I put into my mouth determines my mood for the day? I was doing so good, but now I wonder if I am going too far, even though I am eating over 1500 calories a day.
Sorry, didn't mean to ramble so much...just want a little input. I'm not thinking that I need professional help, because I really think I can get things under control...I guess I am just wondering if any of you are like this, and how you get back in control. Thanks for any input...please be nice to me.


