I'm in need of encouragement

These past 2 months have been so stressful, and I've let my healthy program just slip away, and I have now gained back 20 pounds. When I think about it I am just dumbfounded and shocked that I let it all happen. Especially since I was SOOO happy with my body, with myself, my fitness/nutritional program that I had been so dedicated to, I can't even wrap my head around it its that shocking to me. 20 POUNDS!.... I feel like I'm in a big deep pit and I can't get out, and I can't stop thinking about how it all was. I look into the mirror now and just shake my head and cry because I just can't believe it!! I really can't. And because I'm depressed about it parts of me feel like I want to eat to numb the pain. (most of the time I refuse to do that because I know I would just be completely worse off if I did that)
Its so hard because now trying to get back with it, it;s going to take time again to get it off, and in the mean time I have to look at all this fatness that I just HATE so much.... I know I must be postive and just stick at it, but in the mean time its SOOOOOO hard to stay positive when I think back to how everything WAS. Anyway, thanks for listening, wish me luck.

Hugs to you Raine! This is my first earnest attempt to lose weight, and while slow going I can’t really say I can relate to the kind of backslide you’re talking about here, but I do know that if you did it before you can do it again! It must be very disheartening to see all that hard work “sabotaged”, but you do remember how good it felt and how good you WILL feel when you do it again. Take a look at what caused this to happen and draw out a mental map of how you can handle something similar better next time to avoid this kind of set back. Try not to be too hard on yourself, we are all human and we all mess up. The good news is this is totally reversible! You know what to do, and you know everyone here will support you.

I felt the same way not long ago. I'd lost a good amount of weight during my exchange in Japan, and over the last year I slowly gained back 20 lbs of it. Now I've been working to lose that weight again plus some and it hasn't been easy! I hope you can find the power to continue your efforts. Weight quickly gained sometimes will come off quickly, too Good luck <333

Raine, I'm sorry about the weight gain. Put it behind you, hon. Look forward, and know that you can do this! You're not a failure... you're human like the rest of us. Stuff happens, but we're strong enough to deal with it.
Big hugs... we're here for you anytime.

Thanks for the support and hugs
I was posting at a really down moment, I'm sorry you all had to read my self pity.
I'm happy to report I'm doing much better and I've been back on track the past couple days with my nutrition and exercise.
Exactly shananigans, I've done it once, I know I can do it again, and be back there in no time *its amazing how time flies!*
Your right ellis, we are just human and I have to look at what has happened and take it as a learning experience, and it has been, seen things I haven't seen before and working on them. Right now I'm just focusing on all the positive changes I'm making again to get back to that place, and being here in the moment and not looking back to what WAS all the time.
Congrats on your sucess so far lessthansign
Anyway thanks again for the support, hope to stay more connected here.