Good Morning Lovies


How was your weekend? do anything exciting?



bbl....

I actually working a whole day today. Just half days the rest of the week though.

Saturday: Swimming lessons, manicure/pedicure for me & 3 year old, bathing suit shopping, grocery shopping, home to make little cucumber sandwiches and cookies for hubby to take to poker party, birthday party for another 3 year old (w/pony rides!), then an hour ride to my mom's to greet my sister and nieces. My little one didn't want to leave, so I had to run home and pack quick and head right back for a sleepover.

Sunday: Water park! Yay!

So nothing very "exciting" but busy as usual. Saturday I only managed to eat 900 calories (which I NEVER do) but I didn't sit still long enough to eat!

Off to swim at my aunts tomorrow, the county fair on Wednesday, baseball on Thursday, zoo on Friday, beach on Saturday....

Golly, Melissa! What a weekend!!
Who's taking the swimming lessons? I'm thinking of taking them with the kids this fall. I keep meaning to learn properly. All I can do is the back crawl, which isn't terribly useful.

Well... my weekend... let's see. My sister had her baby!! I am now an Aunt! (first and last time) He's lovely and healthy, and so is my sister.

Leenie, are you hard at work?

Hello?

Leenie - What did you decide on the job?

Congrats Auntie Ellis! - How did your visit with the psychiatrist go? The swimming lessons are for my 3 year old. This is her second summer in lessons. We really have fun with them. We swam yesterday at my aunt's house and you can really tell the difference with the kids that had lessons. My six year old niece had on a life jacket, floaties and was sitting in an innertube. My mom kept trying to get my daughter to wear something so she tried the floaties and a life jacket and hated both. I am so proud of her! She can't really swim yet, but she can kind sorta float on her own.

Good morning, dah'lings.

Melissa, that's great that your DD is doing so well with her swimming!
I'm definitely going to have to take some more lessons. My sister and her partner are taking their baby for lessons when he's 3 months, so I'd better get cracking. I don't want some two-year old to have to rescue me when we're up at the cottage.

Yes, Leenie... what about the job, hon?

I've got to take DS to the dentist this morning. Does anyone actually LIKE dentists?!

I hope you all don't mind me gate crashing, especially in a friendly chat session, but I've been on 3FC for about a month and thought it was about time I posted over here.

I was diagnosed with binge/obsessive eating disorder about 10 years ago after my doctor weighed me in at 5'3" and 208lbs and I've probably been unknowingly struggling with it for longer than that. I was in councelling for awhile after the initial diagnosis, but things gradually got in the way. (i.e. college graduation, moving, lack of health insurance, etc.)

I'm currently doing a meal replacement weight loss program called Medifast. It hasn't been very nicely received in some of the other threads, but I figured that you all might understand when I say that I'm doing this for three main reasons. 1) because I have 150 lbs to lose and my health is in serious risk if I don't get it down ASAP; 2) because of my disorder, I have a HUGE problem with controlling cravings and portions, so I'm using this program to help break old, nasty habits with food, such as emotional eating, bingeing and obsessive thoughts about food; and 3) because I've failed at just about every other diet known to man and woman. I tried Atkins until I could feel the grease and fat oozing out of my skin, I tried (formerly) Weight Loss for Idiots (now Fat Loss for Idiots) until I thought I'd grow feathers from eating so much chicken, I did Weight Watchers on three occasions until the counting and journaling almost became another obsessive behavior, I did the Cabbage Soup diet until all the vegetables irritated my colon to the point where I ended up vomiting, and the list goes on and on - starting from when I was 9 years old, 10 lbs overweight and my pediatrician put me on a 1,000 calorie a day diet.

It appears that my disorder came about due to that original diet, the stigma attached to a 9 year old ON a diet, and to several other things (or so it has been established by my former head shrinker): My early adolesence being spent with babysitters who loved to bake and reward with food, my father's lack of common sense on how to keep a household properly stocked with food (i.e. going for weeks with only mustard and vodka in the house), my grandmother's insistence of cooking only things that came out of a box (i.e. macaroni & cheese, Banquet chicken, etc.), my OTHER grandparents who lived in Alabama and cooked a banquet for every meal (all the southern fried/baked/canned/pickled goodies!) and from watching my mother, who picks and pecks at food like a bird and overall just dislikes eating because nothing appeals to her anymore. Apparently I've never been in any circumstance where the people (role models) around me ate healthily, so the product of my fruitful upbringing is my disorder.

I have, as of 7 months ago, moved back the US after living in England for 7 years. Prior to moving, my mother had paid for me to attend a medical clinic for weight loss during the whole Fen-Phen hype. I lost a substantial amount of weight (about 90 lbs) in 6 months by following a low calorie, low carb, low fat diet. They issued me a 5" x 7" index card of "allowed" food, which I had to measure out for all 3 meals. I was also allowed 2 supplements a day, which in hindsight, were very similar if not identical to Medifast. I was put on Fen-Phen (no side-effects thankfully), received a vitamin B12 shot once a month, was monitored 3 times a week by an RN and once a month by a doctor. I kept that weight off for a year and a half until I moved to England and I could no longer afford to eat the 'healthy' foods. Instead of lean proteins, fresh veggies, fruit and whole grains, I was back to eating frozen food in a box and tinned meat pies. Ramen noodles (known over there as Pot Noodles) and potato chips filled the void for 3 years. With the increase in the carbs, my cravings soon returned, along with my bingeing and my weight. My weight fluctuated until my separation from my husband, at which time I moved into an apartment by myself in a city 2 hours away and resorted to eating fast food and take away because I was too depressed to cook. (I hate cooking anyway.)

So, 4 years later and weighing in at about 225 lbs, I left England and moved home. Again, I have an apartment on my own and after the initial high of being out of the cold, the wind and the rain AND seeing my mother, I sunk back down into depression because I had left all my friends 4,000 miles away and had moved into "raisin people" central. I don't know any people my age, I don't want to go out because of my size and I pretty much live like a hermit who works, goes to the gym twice a week and watches TV. My bingeing returned, worse than ever, and I was too embarrassed to even tell my mother. She has never known about it - she just knew that I had a 'big appetitite' and was diagnosed with the disorder. I don't think it ever clicked to her exactly what the disorder involves, although she's very smart. She isn't in denial - I just don't think it ever clicked because I'm a master "hide it" artist. She never saw me order a double whopper with cheese, extra mayo and ketchup, a chicken sandwich with cheese and onions added, a large fries and a large onion rings, take it home and eat it all until I was sick. She never saw me go to the local supermarket, buy a pre-made birthday cake and eat it within one or two days. She never saw me drive all the way out to Bob Evans just to buy one of their pies so I could sit and eat it all day then get angry because I wouldn't have any room left to eat fast food for dinner, even though I craved it. The shameful list goes on and on and to my recollection, it started in high school when I'd gorge myself at lunch on hamburgers because I had nothing to eat in the house when I'd get home. Back then I was 135 lbs so no one really said anything, noticed or cared, but when I topped out at 260 lbs, I got scared. Suddenly I realized that I was standing there WIDE open for all sorts of ills. Thankfully I have nothing worse than painful knees and feet, but I didn't WANT worse.

I have no health insurance because I'm working temp jobs so I can apply for teaching positions. I'm trying to get on the alternative program because my degree is in English rather than education and it isn't easy. So, I have no counsellor and no support for my disorder. My mother is my biggest fan when it comes to losing weight. She cheers me on for every pound and is very proud of me for the weight I've lost.

The sad part is that no matter how much or well I explain it, some people just canNOT get it through their heads that an "eat everything in moderation and exercise 3 times a week" program does NOT work for me. I have little to NO control over portions (although Medifast is helping me a LOT with that) and my disorder always mucks things up.

So, here I am. There is only one person in the world who knows this about me and now you do too. It's my next step in trying to heal what can be healed and to manage what can be managed on my own. So, despite the program I've chosen to follow, I hope I'll be welcome in this topic. I have a lot of support to give and I need a lot in return because it's a very long, hard road out of the **** I've been in since I was 9.

I'm sorry for the novel but I thought that it was only fair to explain why I'm here.

Take care everyone.

Alisha

Alisha, good for you for "letting it all out". You won't receive any criticism here. It's all very well telling people that the only way to lose weight and be healthy is to eat wisely, but we're all different, and what's good for one isn't necessarily going to work for another.
Most of us are here because we've tried everything imaginable to lose weight. Knowing the answers doesn't help when we're lacking in willpower... when we're overtired and stressed and drained from everyday life.

I'm so glad you "jumped in" to our chat. I can relate to much of what you said, particularly the BIG binge sessions.
We're here for you, hon.

Ellis, thank you SO very much for making me feel welcome. I really needed that. I won't be on tomorrow as I'm going to an all day festival, but I hope to meet everyone else in due course.

I hope everyone is well and I look forward to 'speaking' with you all.

Alisha

Hi HL, welcome. I am fairly new too. The gals here are great. I do not really know exactly what Medifast is, but if it is helping you then I have no problems with it.

My goodness Ellis, this just made me cry. I am feeling so incredibly down about myself and two days of crap/binge like eating. There was no real true binge as I have had in my past, but way too much chocolate and bad, bad stuff. I know it is because my sister is hear and I am tired and aggravated by them. I love my sister and my mother but trying to plan things with them makes me want to pull my hair out. Since I don't want to be bald, apparently I eat.

I haven't felt this bad in a long, long time. She is here for another 8 days. If I eat like this the entire time I could gain 10lbs. I need to take CONTROL here. I hate feeling like this and feeling like I will be constantly fighting these inner battles for the rest of my damn life.

Oh, Melissa... I'm so sorry, sweetie. That's a long time to have to put up with your mom and sister. Hon, if you continue to eat badly when they're with you, you're going to be even angrier and more resentful when they're gone. You can't control the fact that they're with you, but you CAN control your eating. You've proven that, Melissa.
Sending you hugs and prayers to get you through the week...

Alishia, I hope you're enjoying the festival!

Leenie, what the hoodle doo are you up to?

I've got mother dear coming for coffee this morning. Fortunately I also have an eye exam this morning, so it won't be a long and stressful visit. Well, I HOPE not stressful!!
Talk later, girls!

I have been posting on the diabetes thread but that has sort of worn down. I was wondering where else to go. I have just signed up for a medical fasting program similar to the one Alisha is on. I have seen negative comments about these programs on other threads. However, for some of us, this may be the best solution. The program I am starting next Wednesday is a medically supervised fast. I go to the clinic once a week for weigh-in, check-in with a nurse practitioner or doctor, behavior class and purchase of "supplement." I won't say how many calories a day I will be on, but it is low. The reason I did this is because I have been unable to exercise for several years due to orthopedic problems and the resulting weight gain has made it difficult for me to do any real walking now that the problems have somewhat resolved. I need to lose at least 40 lbs in order to do any meaningful walking. Like Alisha and many of you, I have had food issues all of my life (I'm 59). I am feeling pretty desparate to resolve them now because my life and the quality of that life depends upon it. So I hope I can join this group and give and get support. I look forward to getting to know all of you. Now -- off to enjoy my (hopefully) "last meals" before the fast begins. (Now you know how I got in this situation. lol)

Hi y'all! I hope you don't mind me poking into your nice thread, too. I just wanted to say hello, and Melissa, I am SO GLAD that you wrote that about how you're feeling with your family.

I'm leaving tomorrow for a five day "vacation" with my future in laws, and I am so stressed about it that I would happily tear out some hair if I thought it would help. As it is, I'm alternating between the desire to bawl my eyes out from sheer frustration, and the desire to sneak up to the grocery store and make sweet sweet love to a bag of oreos.

Cause, ya know, THAT always helps, right?

Thing is, for the most part, they're a perfectly nice bunch of people. I am just having some wicked anxiety about the whole thing. Beaches, bathing suits, meeting new people. Just a BAD combination, in my humble opinion.

Anyway, I joined here a while ago and I sort of drift in and out, but I've been lurking a lot lately, and so I thought I'd de-lurk and say hello. And thank you for sharing your own familial stress. It's nice to know there's somebody else in the same boat.

Good Morning Everyone

I'm sorry I was gone so long, I was so busy with work and I hurt my already messed up back so I was on pain killers and muscle relaxers this week. Every day I had to drag myself to work and sit there so uncomfortable that by the time I got home from work all I did was sit in my lazyboy and fall asleep. I am doing much better today and won't be taking any meds because I am going to a party this afternoon and I need to clean my house this morning. If I take those pills I'm gonna be pooped so I need all the energy I can get.

I have not decided on the job yet b/c I don't have any details. My exboss, the one who offered it to me is working on details for her own job and then when thats done she'll know what to tell me. Basically it comes down to money

WELCOME Everyone


Melissa hang in there w/the family. I know exactly how you feel. When I get near my mother, the first thing I want to do is shovel something in my mouth. HUGS

Ellis babe, whats rattling by you?

Hands going numb.....bbl

rosettastone, welcome! I do wish you success with the program you're on. It's great that it's supervised by professionals. How was your "last supper"?

Tami, I'm so glad you decided to "de-lurk". I hope this week goes well for you, hon. I can very well imagine the stress you're feeling.

Leenie, you're smart to skip the meds today. I'm sorry they're making you so tired. Are they actually helping your back, though?
You be careful cleaning, eh? And enjoy the party!

It's our 17th wedding anniversary today! We don't FEEL old, but DH and I can't believe we've been married this long. We don't feel much older than 20. (even though we're starting to look sort of hellish)
We're having dinner out, and then we're going down to the river to paddle.

Happy Anniversary Ellis! I hope you have a really wonderful day/evening!!

Melissa, I completely understand what you mean and how you feel! Stress, frustration and pretty much just about any other emotion you can think of sets me on that binge path. I've fought it for over a month, but I finally broke down Saturday night and went to Burger King. I sat there, musing it over and over in my head until I just couldn't stand it anymore. The ironic thing was, that while I was at the festival all day Friday, I still managed to not eat a thing other than my prescribed shakes. I drank water until I was certain I was drowning, but in 94 degree weather, it didn't seem to make much difference. I was still sweating like a pig and only used the porta-loos once the entire day!! I really wanted/needed a Gatorade but declined because of the sugar! So, about 7:30 that night, I found myself in the Medical tent, a hair away from tachia cardia (sp?). All that and then I choose Saturday to binge! Sometimes I'm such an idiot!

I will say though, I noticed a few things that made me almost glad I did it. The first thing I noticed was that the food didn't taste nearly as good as it looked on TV. The second thing was that I simply could NOT ingest nearly as much as I used to on my binges. I couldn't even get through an entire burger! The third thing is that it left me feeling like crap! I didn't sleep well, my stomach hurt, I was bloated and spent every awake hour caning myself for being so stupid. I just kept asking myself why? Why must I do this?

I think it has something to do with the battle that goes on inside my head. That little voice on one side telling you how good that "something" would taste while the other voice reminds you of the damage it does. Those two little voices fight and feud it out until I just give in to shut them up. I also think it has something to do with the pressure I feel when I'm on a diet and I haven't cheated yet. I know that doesn't make a lick of sense, but it's like if I cheat and get it over with, the pressure of NOT doing it goes away, or at least lessens. At least I can say, now that I've done it, that it wasn't worth it. I felt like crap and the food didn't even taste as good as I thought it would.

Rosetta - welcome! Don't feel like you have to apologize for being on a certain program, especially since your doctor put you on it. I know that certain threads have beaten the idea to death, that if you're not watching portion sizes, eating everything in moderation and exercising three times a week then you aren't worth your salt, but THEY aren't YOU! That's what finally pushed me to post on this thread and open up. I need the support, not the criticism. And it's just like sweet Ellis said - "You won't receive any criticism here". What a wonderful feeling! It makes me feel as though I can finally open up to people about my problem and receive support where once there was none. So I say bravo to you! If your program works for you, that is the important thing. If mine works for me and someone elses works for them - great. However, understanding that everyone has different needs is the ultimate of necessities and I think those of us on this thread actually "get it". So more power to you! You can do this and we're all right behind you 200%!

Hi Tami! I'm glad you decided to join us! I'm new too and the more the merrier! I think you hit on something very important in your post! When you mentioned about going to the grocery store for Oreos "because that helps, right?" What a gigantic step you've made in realizing that it won't help your current situation. That step is one step closer to managing your 'issues' with food and that's a great thing! I used to use food when I was sad, mad, frustrated, bored, excited or in the mood to 'party' so I understand what a pull those emotions can have on you. However, realizing that they don't make anything any better is a leap forward and I think you should give yourself credit where it's due. As for the beaches and the bathing suits - there's nothing that says you have to be a beach bunny. If it makes you uncomfortable, no one can force you to go and you should never feel badly about making that choice for yourself. There's also nothing written in stone which states that you HAVE to wear a bathing suit to the beach! Maybe a nice t-shirt and sarong would make you feel more comfortable? Whatever you choose, don't let people force you into doing things that make you uncomfortable. This is YOUR life and you shouldn't feel badly for living it in the way that is right for you.

Hi Leenie, it's nice to meet you! I'm sorry that your back is so sore! You poor thing! I hope you have a great time at the party despite it. Maybe there will be some chairs so you can sit down from time to time when it's too much to stand. Either way, I hope you have a fantastic time!

Take care everyone.

All the very best.

Alisha