thank you all for such a warm welcome!!! i am so glad i discovered this group. until just recently i would of never thought i had an eating disorder but the more i look into myself and research it the more evident it is to me. i'm not sure what to do with this information yet as i think i am in some sort of shock. gonna mull all this over for a while, i know the answer is out there.

nice to see you ellis!! it is very comforting to me to know i am not alone.

Just a pop - in.

We had people over for dinner tonight. (I am going sugar free). Dan made scrumptious-smelling cookies for dessert, and served them with ice cream. I didn't have any. I thought that was a victory. Then, after they left, the real test started. There's a giant plate of cookies in my kitchen! I actually talked through it with Dan for a second. I said, "Look, it was hard to sit there while everyone else was eating them, but I did that. If I did that, I can do this, right? I can pass them up." So, I have not touched them. We need to wrap them up, though and put them away.

Angi, congratulations on passing up the cookies!

Jodi, I'm so glad to see you here! I must confess, I initially joined this group because I knew Chris was the new moderator here, and I wanted to support her. After I started reading the posts, I thought, "Oh, my goodness! I have an eating disorder!"

Jennelle, I meant it. I know I probably sound mushy at times (it's a coping mechanism... I'm trying to compensate for being an uptight Brit), but I'm being completely sincere with you.

Kat, I am just filled with jealously everytime I read about you sitting in a diner with your book. And then I think about you having a baby in the near future. Enjoy it NOW, dear girl.
Good luck to your DH next week!!

Chris, I hope you're enjoying your family time! Hey, who needs an analyst when you've got your sponser! You're doing GREAT, hon!

Happy Easter Day to all who celebrate it! And Happy Day to those who don't!

For those of us who celebrate Easter, Happy Easter!

Since the weekend topic has been using food not to feel, how about not using it to not feel. Anyone have that experience? I can wait long enough after I am initially hungry that I won't be hungry anymore, but I will feel empty. And then my feelings kind of hollow out the same as my stomach, and I use it as an excuse to be demanding because poor me isn't eating. Look at the martyr. Oh poor me no candy, no food, no anything, no one loves me. Its ridiculous, but I do this from time to time. Having a sponsor that requires me to eat 3 meals a day is very comforting for that. This goes in my journal, but it goes here too. Yesterday I was making up the kids Easter Baskets and I started to feel sorry for me. I had no idea that I would need to mourn Easter candy, its never been that big of deal for me. So my little tantrum lasted till 930 pm last night when I finally ate dinner. So I am feeling a little tender right now about my behavior, but I want to name it, claim it, and dump it. Having food mourning is okay.

Angi how ever you feel about those cookies thats real and if you need to give them up for today, do a little mourning the things we do with food might seem goofy to others but sometimes crying over cookies is recovery. Your a superstar!

Ellis I am going to send you off to the pigs anon forum in the Alternachicks section, some of us show up there a little more often then others I love you girlie and I am so happy you came here to support me. Your my Canadian sister, you know that?

Jodi We are happy to have you. I have found that as weird as it might sounds I have walked through thresholds of self discovery to my own well being. Walking through the threshold called depression was one gate, walking through another one that said binge eater was another, and finally after much fighting I have walked through a third gate that says bullemic and guess what I am okay being me. I don't have to fight these things anymore, I can treat them

Jenelle You are so brave to be working on step four, and once the ucky and step 5 are done you can let all that stuff go. Something to look forward to. YOUR NOT UGLY! Your momma is ugly and thats why she said that. Thats makes me so Your so me sometimes the food is the only thing I could control I now realize it always has controlled me.

Bunna Here are some 's wishing you another beautiful day!

Kat Enjoy your time with other peoples kids at least when your done you can go home The holidays are a great time to be a momma because you get to enjoy the holiday through your kids. Don't you think Tracy? Are you guys still going to TTC this summer Kat?

Have a lovely day!

Miss Chris

Happy Easter!!!

I hope you are all having a good day. In 36 years of owing dogs I have never had a dog escape and get hit by a car, but when I returned from work last night one of my dogs was lying dead in the road. We are all sad today, I just cannot believe he got out of the house and down to the road. I had trouble going to sleep cuz I kept waking up thinking he should be down by my feet. And yes, I have been binging like Working on getting control of that as it isn't making me feel any better and it certainly is not going to bring our dog back.

for Jennelle and Tracy.

Ellis: Hope your meds work out soon. I take a lot of them and I know how difficult those first few weeks can be with side effects. It is so nice when they settle down. Hope you are feeling much better real soon.

Thank you Chris for your encouraging words and comfort. I too try to look at the good times now rather than looking back, unfortunately, it creeps to the front sometimes.

Jodi: Pizza alert! I think we all have had times when we got upset over the food not being right and overeacted a little. Unlike you I would have sent it back for more I like extra cheese on my too. I also think that owning a restaurant makes it harder when I go in somewhere else because I know their job is to make it how I want it. Don't be too hard on yourself about it.

Kat: Aren't babies so precious. Remember comfort food = danger for us. Food is nourishment not comfort and I am saying that to myself too.

Gonna finish my and hit the shower. The girls are outside playing with all their Easter goodies. Talk to you all later.

Going to a friend's soon, but wanted to say hi.

Bunna: Not sure what you meant by comfort food? Unless you were talking about what I used to do pre-OA (what my share was about)? I am happy to report that I now have HP as my comfort "food". 10 plus months of no COE under my belt, one day at a time. Thanks HP! :clap: And I definitely agree with you that food is nourishment.

Chris: Thanks for the share. We are going to be TTC pretty soon.

Ellis: LOL. Soon I'll have to give up the coffee at my diner, too, since we'll be TTC.

Angi: Yay you!

Jodi: So glad you joined us

Jennelle: Good for you for reaching out to your sponsor instead of the food.

OK, I have to vacuum before I leave. Have a good night!

Ugh. I got SF chocolates from hubby. Ask HP if it would be okay, as chocolate is on my abstinence list. That led me to look at the directions, which point out that there is no real chocolate in them, only "chocolate flavoring." Okay, so I had some. I was careful to space them out so as not to encounter the "laxative effect" (which I dealt with the last time I ate SF chocolates at Christmastime.)

*WARNING: Begin possible "TMI" territory* Well, I'm not as poopy as I was last time, but I still have gas pains and am farting a blue (and stinky) streak and feel like general ****. I don't know if it's the "laxative effect" or if it's just the fact that I haven't had anything remotely candy-like in a long time. (It kind of reminds me of the nausea I had in boot camp after eating a Snickers bar for the first time in five weeks.) Anyhow, I just need to throw them in the trash and ask hubby not to buy them anymore for me.

Hi! I hope you all won't mind my jumping into the discussion. I am a member who's been away for several months, and am now lugging about 50 extra pounds back with me as I return. I've struggled with COE, bulemia sometimes, and depression most of my life.

I found as the Easter holiday was looming that I was doing my usual thing, amassing recipes of sweets I wanted to bake because it was a holiday: cookies, cake, candy. Then I had a lightbulb moment: I just this week got my eating back under control after a winter-long binge. And If I baked any of that stuff, I'd just binge some more, then I'd end up hating myself and struggling to not let this weekend turn into another week, another month, a few more months, of out-of-control eating. It's so much harder, I think, to get myself BACK on track after I've screwed up than it is to just steer the course. So I decided to just stay on course this weekend.

I also suddenly realized the reason that I have these bake-a-thons/eat-a-thons every holiday: It distracts me from the apprehension I feel about these family gatherings.

So I made a conscious choice to NOT bake this holiday. No one missed it. Not even me. And at dinner yesterday, I passed up this lovely looking piece of pie by getting in touch with my body. I thought, I really AM full already. If I eat that, I will be STUFFED -- and hating myself--within a few minutes. So I said, no thanks.

And here I am on Monday, feeling GREAT about myself, on track with my eating, looking forward to another good week. Instead of feeling ashamed and despising myself for setting myself up to fail again.

Yes, I still felt apprehensive about the gathering, but I distracted myself with non-food things, and the feelings passed without the help of a couple thousand sugar- and fat-laden calories.

Yes, the few clothes I can still fit into are still straining at the seams and buttons (and the shame I feel about that has been yet another reason to continue binge-ing these past few months, believe it or not). However, I am way closer to changing that problem, those feelings, than I would have been if I'd used this holiday as another excuse to bake and binge.

So I've taken a baby-step toward health and am feeling very proud of myself.

Bunna: My sympathy to you on the loss of your dog. I've lost pets and know it can be heart-wrenching when you love them so much. My "babies" are more true family to me than many human beings I have blood-ties to.

Have a great day everyone!

Sami, a quick welcome!! We've started a Monday thread... come and join us! I just got in from the gym, and I've GOT to bathe! Back later...

Sami - good job!