[hazelangel]

I have really enjoyed reading all of your posts. I feel this is a good place for me to be. To start things off I am a recovering anorexic and bulimic. I have been out of treatment for 5 years without returning to my disorder but after having 2 wonderful beautiful girls I have gained weight. I want to lose this weight but I am scared. I am scared to go back into my old habits. I am so mad at myself at times because I cannot do it, I have tried. then I get mad because I tried. I have OCD and am dealing with it very well. I have been on medication for 2 years now and it is great. the only draw back is it makes me tired and I don't have the energy I used to. I feel lazy. My husband is very supportive in all of this but I don't feel he understands. Before children I weighed 125 and I am now up to 175. I don't want to get back down to 125 because I looked sick. I would just like to get down to at least 140-150. I would be so happy. I started a new diet yesterday with exercise. I feel pretty good but I still have that temptation in the back of my mind. I have quit smoking and that is also a concern of mine. I have decided to give it to God and let him take control and lead me down the right path. This is new for me and I guess I just wanted to know if I am the only one who has felt this way.

[icandoit]

Hi Hazleangel.
You are doing great in your recovery! Five years is a long time, that's wonderful. Please don't start again. I can't say I know exactly how you feel, I'm just beginning my battle with an eating disorder. I do know that it is very difficult, though. I think its great that you've started a diet and exercise program. That will make you feel better and lift your spirits and hopefully keep you from slipping. I'm trying to do that for myself. I know it will make a huge difference.

You can do it! Hang in there!!!!

[hazelangel]

Thanks for the support. Bulimia is very scary. I am out of treatment but I still struggle with it everyday. It is a constant battle. I have tried to get back into bulimia but I can't. I don't know if God is watching me closely or what but i just can't do it. I get upset because I can't and then I get mad because I tried. It is hard. I just try and remember the **** I put my family and myself through. I almost died. They said if i would have waited any longer to get treatment my heart would have stopped. If my parents wouldn't have found out and stuck me in the hospital I would be dead. Scary thought. I still have health problems from vomiting so much. I was diagnosed with anorexica and bulimia. I wouldn't eat and when i did (even a cracker) i would throw it up.

If you need some support or just need to chat email me or leave me another message. I will try my hardest to help you. It is a very scary time to be alone or trying to explain yourself to someone who hasn't been through this. I will check back in from time to time to check on you.

Love and prayers,

[KangaRoo]

Hi Hazelangel,

I don't have your diagnosis, and there is no way that I can understand what you are faced with, but I had to post a response.

I feel so bad for people who go through such terrible experiences like you have. You are taking the right steps toward a healthier lifestyle, and for that I congratulate you! It is a struggle for anyone who needs to lose weight, but you are going through so much more than most of us can comprehend.

I am trying to lose weight by exercising and eating healthy. I'm more of an emotional eater, or compulsive eater, so my greatest challenge is to stop eating when I'm satisfied. I'm learning, but it's a struggle every day.

Keep trying to get heathy, consider your two beautiful daughters and the example you are setting for them. I also have a daughter & I am terrified that the only thing she will learn from me is bad eating habits, poor self-image, and laziness. I'm also afraid that if I continue to live this unhealthy lifestyle I won't live long enough to see her grow up. So now I'm trying to set an example of healthy behavior.

I wish you the best & hope you find the strength to achieve your goals - here, in church, with your family, in counseling, whatever it takes. You are worth the effort and so are your girls!!

Roo

[thenewme]

Hazelangel, I'm not facing a problem like yours but I also had to respond..When you feel like your getting down just come to this site and jot down how or what your feeling get it down in writing and maybe that will help also..There are a lot of caring people here and you will be able in a short time to make a lot of friends. Visit the other sites and join in if you want. Your doing great..My problem is I just like to eat...I gain weight just by looking at it.. got to go for now Sandy

[hazelangel]

Thanks guys. I was so happy to hear from you all.
I always worry that i will some how corrupt my daughters with my obession to be thin. I want them to have a good self image. I have a terrible self image. I have always been thin. Always. I just don't know how to deal with the weight. I want to do it but healthy. I have to think of more than myself. I have my girls and my husband to think of too. I just want to thank you guys for the support. I will be checking in on ya from time to time. In the meantime, keep smiling and take care of yourselves.

Love

[KangaRoo]

Hi Hazelangel -

I just wanted to check in with you and see how you are doing... hope you are doing well!

Have you been finding the support you need? Maybe at home or with a doctor? I sure do hope so!

I'm starting to get a good handle on my emotional eating - writing in a journal is helping a great deal!! I've been emotional eating free for about 4 days now.

Hope all is well with you - post again when you get a chance and let us know how you are doing!


Roo
234/224/140

[hazelangel]

I also keep a journal and I like to write poetry. It helps me deal with my problems when i see them written down. It all seems clearer after I read my entries. My poetry helps me express my feelings. I have had two of my poems published in books....kind of exciting.
I have been having a little trouble with stress lately. My father in law passed away and my husband is taking it very hard. I am trying to be strong for him but my sister in law keeps calling me and wanting me to comfort her too. She is a real pain in the butt. But I am just trying to get through it day to day.

Thanks guys for all the support. You all are in my prayers.

Love and prayers,