Journaling My Journey to Overcome Overeating
 

This thread will be used for daily (or so) accountability to keep track of the ups and downs of my journey to lose the excess weight and more so to overcome the evil that is binge eating. Since there's no forum for journals I hope this okay. I'm open to comments or suggestions too.

I have felt trapped in this disorder (if that's what it is, maybe habit is more apt) for many years. I believe it started around the time I was 19 or so. I'd always been pretty heavy (or the heavy side of normal) as a teen but after having my child at 18 I suddenly and inexplicably lost all the baby weight and then some. All the way down from a pregnancy high of 198 (which put my start weight at 160, since I gained 38 pounds during the very long pregnancy) I was down to 130, possible even the high 120's if my memory is not deceiving me. I swear I weighed myself at 127 or 128 at one point. But I didn't even own a scale, I was using a friend's. I wasn't even trying and that was the best part.

After starting school and a new job I gained quite a bit of weight and my binging began in earnest. I had maintained that low weight for like a year so it's doable (once again, not trying, no counting, barely exercising) but the binging seems to do me in. I know it's related to dieting and anxiety but I can't seem to shut it down.

I love the book Overcoming Binge Eating by Dr. Fairburn. It's straight forward and offers not only great insights and research, but a detailed plan to follow to overcome the disorder once and for all. The plan actually makes perfect sense- record binge activity as it normally is, then gradually work on framing a regular eating schedule and so forth. It's broken into stages and can move as slow or as fast as you want. I hate very restrictive plans or anything involving excess effort since I am so busy anyway. But this may be worth trying. Dr. Fairburn advocates a no-diet plan since so many bingers/bulimics are triggered by it. Eventually you work into healthier eating habits but in a non-restrictive way.

I wish I could beat this and lose weight all at once! It seems impossible. Every weekend I lose the thread and go way overboard. I start off great and then something sets me off. All I know is, whatever I do, I can't give up. This "disorder"/habit makes me so miserable and it's bringing my whole life down. I have no confidence, and am scared to be in public. I don't want anyone to see me! I feel like I can't build a career or date because I am so self-conscious about my size. I am 5'6" and basically 190 pounds. The most I've been my non-pregnant adult life. I need a change and I need to make it soon.

Today was super rough. I had an exam I was dreading and felt like I didn't do well. Then I found out bad news for my career. It seems the hits keep coming. I'm still recovering from the loss of a close friendship/boyfriend, a relationship that was done and over but still makes me sad that I no longer have him to share my life with.

So at first I felt so depressed I couldn't eat. Then I got up and started in on the snacks. An oatmeal bar here, some cheez-its there, then golden grahams.. all junk food. I felt so miserable I didn't care even though I knew I would regret it later. Of course it didn't solve anything. I feel so low in this rut I'm in, I can't even see out over it to the future that awaits. All I do is get through each day, and barely at that. I'm ruminating and it's really bringing me down. All I can do is hope this funk passes soon. Hopefully my antidepressants kick in soon too. I started those last Monday, so it hasn't been too long.. the 14th. Give it a month and we'll see. I think there has been some affect on my appetite but hard to tell since I've felt so depressed lately, too.

I don't know how many calories I ate. It was a lot, that much I know. I won't track for now because it makes me feel too wound up, what I don't need. But I am going to take some healthier steps.

-Lay off the fast food. For awhile I ate it every. single. Weekday. No more. I won't say no completely, maybe once a week at most for now. For financial purposes too.
-Lay off the candy. Once again, not a strict never-never thing, but I'm going to lighten this up quite a bit.
-pre-plan meals for the day. I can make better options this way.

That's really it for now. I'll do this for a week and see how it goes. I hate feeling like I'm throwing things around, hoping something will stick, since I've been spinning my wheels trying different things. But something has to give, I need to improve my health and my LIFE. This may be a start.

Hi and welcome. I've never read Overcoming Binge Eating but it sounds like an interesting read. There is a book called Overcoming Overeating which I thought you were referring to in the title of your thread and that's one of the books that's helping me overcome my eating disorder. I don't follow a diet either so you may want to look into OO and check out some of the other anti-diet threads that dealing with Intuitive Eating. There is support on the forum for those of us who are triggered into binge eating at the mere thought of restriction.

I've only been practicing intuitive eating since February but I have found that even in the beginning stages of letting go of the diet-mentality my binges have decreased dramatically. I've only lost about 4-5lbs so far, but my main goal is to stop binging when I'm stressed out. And since that's working out I have no doubt that eventually the weight will start dropping. But I had to come to a realization that I've got to get my binging under control first because dieting was making me gain weight.

I have read your posts before and am intrigued by your journey. I think we all want freedom from the binge trap but it's too easy to get caught up in wanting weight loss, and fast. I need to remind myself it's ok to take my time and just let it happen however long it takes.

I am really focusing on quitting the binge habits over any numbers kind of tracking. Yet I don't want to go crazy which sometimes happens with zero tracking. For today I ate two oatmeal bars which filled me up fine (probably still full from yesterday but whatever). For lunch I will have soup or a cup of noodles. Eventually I will move away from processed stuff but portion control and pre planning is what I need to do for now.

It's so true that you need to be non-restrictive in order to overcome binge eating. I haven't binged for a few years now but I used to have the mentality of, "Since I had 3000 calories yesterday, I can't go above 1000 today." That never worked. It only started to get better when I treated the next day as just another day to eat healthy, as if the binge didn't happen. I'm still not perfect around food, but currently if I eat something I shouldn't have, it's not a trigger to keep eating. It really does require a change of mentality and learning to relax and be a bit more lenient with yourself. I wish you the best of luck in your journey.

Wow Mongoose that is AWESOME :) I can't remember the last time I was binge-free for more than a couple months. I'd be so thrilled to be where you are at!!

Mongoose is right about the calorie triggers too. Whenever I've counted points or calories (especially lately) and gone over my set limit, even by 100 or whatever, I use that as an excuse to say, "Well, I've done it in for today. Might as well start again tomorrow."

Don't we all say that? But really, "tomorrow is the today you promised yourself yesterday." I read that quote somewhere last year and it's always stuck with me although I've not exactly heeded it. Calorie, points, restriction of certain foods...it all leads to trouble for me. And so much of it is a mental thing, because I know I can't possibly be hungry after eating a 1200 calorie fast food meal yet I always want to have dessert.

Speaking of which. In the interest of full disclosure (and accountability) I ate fast food for lunch today, Arby's. I had the Turkey Club which isn't too bad health wise as far as fast food goes (and I scrubbed much of the mayo off) but I did have mozzarella sticks with it. Then chased it with a box of Mike & Ikes, because...I can, I guess. I had fully intended to eat my noodle cup, I wasn't even physically hungry but there we go, with the psychological battle stuff. A normal person probably would have skipped lunch altogether feeling how I did physically. I just get so cooped up and bored and anxious sitting at a desk all day (I work two days per week, school on the others) and I just needed to get out, and my habit has been to grab some fast food.

At first I was like wow, I can't even stick to a simple, flexible plan for ONE day. But then I considered the way I felt and what led me to make the choice I did. I feel apprehensive beginning a new plan, even though it's not a restrictive diet, I feel the need to indulge in goodies before "I can't." Yes, the old diet mentality/last supper thinking. I felt my resolve renew after a deep breath and a moment of thought.

My mind is exactly what I need to change, so that the changes to my body will inevitably follow. Where I need to be is in a place of wanting to eat healthy foods because they are good for me and make me feel better, rather than a need to eat them so I can lose weight. There's an excellent post in the Maintenance forum, a sticky called "Relapse." One poster talked about her 20 year struggle and eventual change of life that enabled her to enjoy healthful foods and leave the garbage behind without missing it at all. When I read that hope swelled up inside me. I can do this. If another junk food junkie like myself, at about my same start weight and age, can change her life around to loving healthy foods and losing weight (to my exact dream weight no less) I can too!

After work I considered grabbing pizza since I'm "starting tomorrow." But I almost physically felt a change pass over me. I told myself no, it's not going to be like that. This is for me, and for my health. Not about some diet and quickie weight loss plan. The urge passed rather quickly. I've so rarely been able to talk myself out of a "last supper" like that, it happens once a week or so and I almost always grab whatever it is. BUT NOT TONIGHT! Instead I made a list of foods that are fairly/very healthy and I enjoy. I'll start with those and build my meal plans around them. Planning ahead is a MUST, I know. Otherwise I resort to fast food and other quick garbage. Tonight I ate a bowl of dry cereal (need to grocery shop this weekend, so finishing odds and ends. It was Life so not horrible but a large portion) and some leftover Easter candy (no excuse, my daughter was sharing which was sweet. There wasn't very much though!) This is it. I am DOING THIS. My health and well being depends on it.

Today was really easy. I wasn't hungry at all. I don't know if it's the Wellbutrin or what exactly. The only time I had an urge, it was for a fast food lunch (since I've been doing that so often) but I went shopping instead, LOL. I had an oatmeal bar for breakfast, peanut butter and jelly for lunch (yay! I packed it ahead of time), and Subway for dinner, turkey with no dressing. Which is still kind of fast foody but WAY better than my usual choices. And I got my hair cut nicely, so that feels really good. It's several inches shorter and feels light and springy. Hopefully tomorrow will go well, weekends are always the battle for me. If I stick to my basics I can get through it.

Wow! I feel good. I feel like I'm in a groove, not wanting junk food at all. I know there will be moments. Yesterday I spent doing major spring cleaning, for 6 hours. And still not done LOL. I stuck to my planned meals for breakfast and lunch. Then I went to my mom's. She offered to order us pizza but I said I'd grab Subway since my daughter likes that better anyway. Even if we would had pizza I planned on having 2 slices and stopping there. It would be interesting to see if I actually would have, but I feel like I can :) !

I feel better emotionally too, it's been pretty nice out and I love that my house is getting cleaner and school is nearing it's end. Sometimes I dwell on the end of my relationship but that's getting better too. You never know what happens in life and I feel more excited for it.

This weekend was the easiest weekend ever! I ate the same things every day, same breakfast, lunch and dinner even and did not go crazy. Didn't even want to. I felt filled and satisfied and not constrained a bit. It was amazing! I feel like it's a breakthrough but it remains to be seen how this goes overall. I have a good feeling though. I will weigh myself sometime in the next week or so, not in a rush since that can trigger me to binge if it's not quite the number I hope for.

Yuck! I have a mouse in my house :dizzy: If there's anything it's good for it's an appetite suppressant LOL. I made my PBJ sandwich for dinner with a cup of unsweetened applesauce, and took two bites of the sandwich, and that's it. I'm pretty terrified of pests, actually insects bother me more than a mouse (I'm assuming there's only one, since there's minimal, er, evidence). Still it grosses me out to think of it crawling on our food packages and stuff. I cleaned thoroughly and set out a bunch of traps, more than necessary maybe. One of the sticky ones caught someone last night.. but he/she got away! There was just some fur and scratches and half the glue was gone. (Now I feel kind of bad for the little guy, but he sure is tenacious. Chewed up my blender cord too.. which means war.)

Anyway. So my appetite isn't the greatest. I haven't been feeling pb since it's my bait of choice, LOL. Today I had my usual breakfast and since it is chilly I had some hot noodles for lunch with a pear. I'm not sure what's for dinner. I can barely imagine eating in my apartment at this point.

I can't believe how much my appetite is reduced from not eating so much junk, and eating at regular times. For instance I used to eat tons of junk in the evening. That was a big binge time if I ate "healthy/good" during the day and was counting points or whatnot. After a stressful, restrained day I might eat multiple servings of some dessert, a bunch of chips or crackers, then another sweet. Then I'd figure that I used all my extra points before my week was up so I'd just say to heck with it and eat anything and everything, maybe make a gas station run for more junk.

I have struggled so hard to resist that urge once it comes. I've read so many books -Intuitive Eating, Brain Over Binge, Kessler's book, etc.- and toyed with different things here and there. I wanted to quit binging but ALWAYS the primary goal was to lose weight, first and foremost, so there was always a little element of restrain even in the back of my mind.

I've become accustomed to mentally calculating calories all the time since I know the counts to so many things. The nice thing about eating basically the same stuff everyday is that my calories never change so I don't ever "have" to calculate it or even think about it. It's just...negligible. Food selection/calories have lost importance in my day to day being. We'll see how I hold up over finals in two weeks! And when I move in June! There are many hurdles to come but I'm plowing ahead. The sensation of not being a slave to food, for now, feels just incredible.

I have never journaled but I would think that it would be quite helpful. I should try this as sometimes it would be helpful to do so you did not overeat.

:carrot: Yay you! :carrot:

Angie I definitely recommend it! I've always liked to journal since writing is a de-stressor for me. But this is even better since there's the "public" forum aspect of accountability. If I eat something I'm going to write about it and it will remain here for the ages, LOL. To know that I'm going to put it out there just makes all the more difference to me what I put in my mouth. I don't want to write about binge after binge. I guess that's why some blog but I have neither the time nor the talent to set one up!

And a Big Thank You Mrs. Snark :D

Once again I made it through the day without a binge or any fast food or any sweets! YES. I am feeling like I'm on fire, despite life stress. I am doing this!

Ok today I did have fast food. I wasn't home for dinner, and was running around out and about, so we stopped at McDonalds. I had a grilled chicken sandwich and a small diet coke. The sandwich was filling and pretty good. I scraped off most of the mayo since they put way too much on anyway. It's not health food but not a bad choice. I ate my planned breakfast and lunch so it was a good day.

I did notice I was getting some strong craving pangs in the afternoon, for junky stuff, for the first time since beginning this plan. I ran errands after eating my lunch in the office and drove by an Italian place which smelled yummy. As the day wore on I grew physically hungry and thought about Italian or candy. Instead I decided to compromise and to get fast food, but make a reasonable choice. And that's what I did :)

I'm worried the cravings will only get stronger. I have to be consistent and remain committed to my plan. I know a little fast food or candy here and there can't kill me but these things can not be regular parts of my diet, maybe more like once every couple of weeks. The cravings today likely stemmed from physical hunger since I ate my lunch pretty early (11:00 instead of noon). Still I will be diligent to not let myself fall back into the bad habits of my (still very recent) past.

Another good day! No binges/no fast foods/no treats. I didn't have those cravings I had yesterday thankfully. I parked extra far so I walked double what I normally do. It was kind of drizzly and chilly but I managed it! My legs are kind of sore but in a good way.

Today I wondered how long it would take to see results. I mean the important thing is not binging so I'm taking it day by day, of course, not going crazy for changes or anything. Yet I'd love for my pants to fit well and to be able to slip into some others that have been too tight. I am making no effort to track calories but have a general idea (since I eat basically the same thing daily). It seems like there should be weight loss happening and I know it will but I'm feeling impatient today LOL. I'm excited to get to 175 or so because at that point I will know I have lost about one quarter of my weight to lose (15 pounds). 160 is the half way point, and 145 puts me 3/4ths of the way. I do understand it may take a long time. The most important thing is my commitment to eating well and being healthy. Not under-eating to reach a goal, and of course no more binging! I keep reminding myself this is for the long haul: this is for life. And binging has no place in my life. This first week has proven I can definitely avoid it!!!

Ugh my stomach is so achy today. I feel as though I just had a binge but I haven't, I'm just super bloated and my jeans are Very tight. :( Hopefully this will pass quickly.

Don't let Lady Bloat (as I call it) get you down. It's just a wonderful part of being a woman. It will pass! :)

Urghgh LOL It's just so frustrating!! I know my pants should not be tight like this, really. I am not overeating AT ALL. In fact I am eating better than I have in a really long time. I know I'm being extra grumpy and feeling entitled today :).

Despite this I still have managed to not stray. One weird thing I find helps keep me in line is staying away from celeb gossip or news. See I have a horrible secret compulsion to read trashy gossip rags. BUt pictures of thin, glamorous stars does a bad number to me that I never recognized until recently. So I've forced myself to take a break and I actually do feel better, maybe I'm not comparing myself to others as much? It's surprising how much glossy often airbrushed photos of women who are probably underweight can affect the way we feel about ourselves and how we think we should look versus reality. I also want to keep my daughter away from these images because I really think they twisted my idea as a preteen/teen of what it means to look beautiful and be a worthy person (even though looks should not at all correlate to self-worth.. it's strange how media can tie the two so tightly together).

Today I had a dreaded quiz and it went well! Afterwards I left campus to run errands and for lunch because I don't like the microwaves (they are old and take twice as long to cook things). Plus...I just felt like having something special, nothing obscene, so I went to Dairy Queen and had the lunch special: $5 for cheeseburger, fries, drink and sundae. I ate half the sundae and had a diet drink, and though the burger and fries aren't low cal it wasn't something that made me feel overstuffed or horrible. Actually I rather enjoyed it :)

For dinner I did kind of...Ok, I want to say bad, but that's not the right word! It wasn't the best choice. I was a tiny bit hungry for something very specific (garlic breadsticks) so my daughter and I got an order from a local place. SHe LOVES them. I ate two. The rest are still here, but are not at all calling to me. Normally in the past I'd think, might as well, it won't hurt to have a few more. But the thing is, I am not physically hungry, neither was my daughter, so we stopped and several remained. We put them away where they will be when one of us does get hungry. CRAZY. I could NEVER do this before. I feel like the "all or nothing" thinking has lifted a bit (like I didn't finish the sundae although I was tempted). Wow I don't know that this is the path to freedom yet, but it feels like I'm heading in the right direction DESPITE challenges that used to trip me up.

Another thing. This morning there was a special get-together for moms at my daughter's school. They served pastries and milk and juice. On diets it was hard to attend these types of things because it's like, this is nice but it totally throws off my eating. But since I am not dieting it is no big deal! This morning I ate my muffin (they're just the little ones, cute) and it was like a lightbulb moment - "OH! This is OKAY. I can enjoy this without anxiety." So great. Having that freedom appears to wipe away my binge cravings! I mean today I did not eat "my usual" bfast and lunch and it was OKAY. I don't feel guilty or sad or anxious, I feel content and excited and FREE and NORMAL. Yes!!!! Everyday this gets better and better. (If only all things in life felt this way! Finals are coming soon.. and I will face my first life stress challenge to eating well and not binging something finals always drive me to! It's only been a week, I'm not calling "cured!" or anything but I like where I am heading, big picture)

Side note: Oh my God I know how crazy this reads- I am a complete fast food addict! But it's getting better. Previously I was eating out almost every day, sometimes twice per day, and it is killer on the budget. So I am cognizant of my follies and a work in progress! :)

No, it doesn't sound crazy. It actually sounds like a totally normal life. So don't worry when there is no need to worry. And really, you seem to be doing just fantastic, so go with it and enjoy it!

[QUOTE]so go with it and enjoy it! [QUOTE]

I took this very literally :)

It was a super busy weekend. I deep-deep cleaned my kitchen on Saturday morning and did some pre-moving packing then my sister came over. We went out and had a great time! I ate my usual bfast and lunch then we went to a buffet style place. I ate some good stuff, nutrient- and taste- wise (and even sprung for some veggies! Cooked broccoli and carrots. To balance out the yummy dessert).

Yesterday I went to my mom's which I've always considered a danger zone. I helped her sort through some things and we visited. I ate junk food but just shrugged it off. It's part of life, I decided, and I am not going to dread going to anyone's house -especially my own mother's- just because I might face some Cheetos. Honestly I probably ate more than was comfortable since I ended up not feeling physically the best but it's just one day of many. I went to bed last night not hating myself or feeling regretful about what I ate- instead I felt grateful for my awesome family and happy that the weekend was so pleasant and fun despite the stress of the past couple of weeks. What a terrific feeling! And whenever thoughts of diet crept into my mind, I told myself, it's the totality of everything that will count. Today I started off with my usual bfast and will have my usual lunch, and I look forward to these things. It's becoming a habit. Another great thing! I don't want to continue to junk out.

I feel pretty depressed today. No reason for it, really, since it's beautiful out and nothing terrible is going on. I just feel weirdly out of sync with the world.

Going back to Sunday, today I keep thinking about what I ate at my mom's. The thing about that is bothering me, is that I felt like I couldn't stop until I had "cleaned the plate" so to speak. I have had kind of an ongoing headache so that affected what and how much I wanted to eat too. I think for breakfast I had like a little chex mix individual bag with a string cheese. Then for lunch I had two chicken softshells. Not healthy stuff, but nothing overboard. At my mom's...something there drives me to eat unhealthily. It's an ingrained habit. I had no notion or plan to eat crap at her house. But right away I had a few pieces of leftover easter candy. She had two huge dishes there and I thought well I *can* have some, no need to restrict. So I kept grabbing pieces here and there. Then my daughter grabbed a chip container and we all started eating chips and Cheetos (my favorite). I ate way too many Cheetos, finishing the bag.

When I got home later my headache still lingered so I ate a couple bags of baked chips with my headache med. For some reason I felt the need to also eat some stray candy (tootsie rolls and a sucker).

I just want to, somewhere, unpack what went on there because the point of all this is to work through binge issues. Was what I did Sunday considered a binge? By volume, no. I felt somewhat out of control though. I didn't want to stop once I started with the Cheetos. The timing was fairly stretched out, throughout the evening, so it wasn't a frenzy or anything. I'm not mad at what I ate, but I feel frustrated now that I allowed myself so much more than I needed. I wasn't even hungry! All I can do is continue to work towards improving this behavior. I know eating processed foods are not helping my case and are likely leading me to desiring more and more of that type of food. I should be eating more whole foods.

Yesterday I ate McDonalds for lunch. I had that stupid headache (unrelated to food I think, since they come on and off pretty frequently no matter what I eat) and wanted something fatty. I just ate a burger with no side, but also a regular Coke. Honestly, I shouldn't but I can't help but mentally track calories and I know I ate around 1500 or so yesterday. Today I've had about 1200. I bet if I ate more whole foods I wouldn't be so closely tracking it.

Anyway just some thoughts. I'm tired and have a project for school to work on (sigh). I feel lonely lately, missing my ex a bit. I have no desire to reach out to him but I more think about if he misses me too, and if I will ever meet someone who is a good match for me. I feel doubtful and pessimistic, about r-ship things but also generally. Well the weekend will be here soon enough. And summer :)

Sending you hugs. We all have down days.

Thanks for the support and encouragement Mrs. Snark (by the way, your journey is very inspiring. I've checked out your blog and you look ah-mazing!) :)

Today I wasn't feeling any fast food, so yay! I wasn't really hungry much at all so I haven't eaten much..like 800 calories or so. I will probably eat more later if I get hungry but right now I feel content. I'm actually surprised at that mental calorie calculation I just did, I wasn't really thinking about food today and it's strange I'm not more hungry I guess? Well I certainly don't endorse starvation level or VLC diets, but I also don't endorse eating if you are not really truly hungry. That is one nasty little habit to get out of.

OOOoooo exciting NSV occurred today! I haven't stepped on the scale yet since if it's like 180 or more my whole life will be thrown off (not really but I take it kind of hard, I'm so sick of that big ole 1-8 in the front). But I may soon, since I put on a pair of jeans that were not fitting at all previously! The size in my opinion doesn't matter, they are all so different anyway but I was thrilled to squeeze back into them. Yes, squeeze- they are too tight to wear out (I can barely lift either leg for one thing, so walking is a problem LOL) but I got them on AND buttoned!! OMG that was an exciting moment in my day for sure. Also my mom told me last night she thought I looked as if I had lost weight when she saw me Sunday (I said "THANKS! ..But you really should have told me then, I probably wouldn't have gone ahead and eaten a bag of Cheetos." Hehe.)

that is a milestone!

(and i speak from the heart. My very first minigoal is to be able to get into and button these aspirational jeans i have. still have quite a way to go there)

so good on you

If you get hungry when you are out and about you should eat. But really you should never eat junk food. Are there really no better options in your town than places that sell junk food?

if you don't eat when you are hungry like that, it will just intensify and by the time you are able to eat, you may not be able to control yourself.

Also when a craving for sugar turns up in those sorts of situations, its nearly always about being hungry and need more fuel in the body. But it can also be thirst and sometimes tiredness. So check those possibilities too.

I've been effectively sugar free for over four months now. Its wonderful. I'm coming back in a sec cause i want to read your second page before continuing.

so now i've read your second page. I have a history of binging too. I'm not so much a junk food eater for meals - like mcdonalds and sub=way and so on and most of the food products you are talking about i've never heard of. They probably don't exist in Australia. But when i am in binge mode, i will just eat more and more and more of anything sweet but the occasional battered fish, sushi from sushi train (which i now consider junk food) and so on. Strawberry milkshakes being a special weakness.

Anyway, i haven't the books you mention but i've been at this a long time with therapy for depression and dieting and fitness and so on. I lost weight many times. I always put it back on and one thing that makes it all go pear shaped really quickly for me is how i eat sugar foods when i feel bad and then how i just start eating more and more of it. And less and less vegetables. And how everything gets completely out of whack. Its a vicious circle.

So with that in mind, and how well my diets have always gone when i am still on them, is that it is so important to improve the quality of the food you eat. All the junk food things have strong flavours in them. These keep you addicted to them. When you can switch to less intense flavours which are typical of foods that are more nutritious you discover a whole world of flavours. and its important because when you lack nutrition from a junk food diet, even if you are not binging, your body is not adequately nourished and this will contribute to your binging tendencies. Its not me making this up. Scientists in the field will say this. I don't know how those other books talked about food and nutrition but in the Don't Go hungry diet book she talks about nutrition a lot. But she also has some other important concepts which may not be dealt with in those books you've read. So while some of it may be familiar to you like the business about learning to recognise when you've had enough to eat, other things will be new. and if you could read the French women don't get fat book and have a go at her approach to food, which is the french approach basically, you will see how wonderful food can become. Most diet books don't focus much on the culture and pleasures of good food. the french book does. It may motivate you to move away from junk food.

I also think that those few days you had when you ate a sundae and felt ok. For me, i found that those sort of situations were not ok in the end. Gradually a little bit starts to become a bit more and then a bit more still. And if stress turns up, all your previous restraint will go out the window. So i would strongly recommend staying away from the foods you tend to binge on. I find having strict rules like banning them really does help me a lot. Its not for ever. But my rules around them are forever. I takes a long while to change foods habits. And it takes even longer for new practices to become habits.

I would suggest not avoiding events because of food but either eat before you go or take your own food with you. And when you are there, try to ignore the food completely. And if its ok, ask them to put the food away if its not being eaten - you know if its just sitting there tempting you. i've done that. People really don't mind.

I want you to succeed because i know how miserable being a binger is. It really has deep effects on your life. And its not easy to quit being a binger. But i think moderation doesn't work for bingers, especially not in the early stages.

Can i suggest when you have your exams, make sure you have plenty of good nutritious food around you and available. When things are difficult, you will probably want to eat. Eat more at meal times but good stuff. Its only for a short while. And get plenty of sleep. lack of sleep makes it all worse.

Thanks so much maddierep!! :) It's quite a feeling. I have a ways to go too overall but getting those jeans all the way up was like, wow I'm getting close to that first tiny goal!

And now Pattience :) First thanks for taking the time to write and offer your thoughts.
There are, I guess. I mean I could get salads, etc. I sadly just prefer the junk food right now.

Hmm. I don't get super hungry very much at all, so I'm not quite sure what this was in reference too. I don't mind a hunger pang here and there, but I know not to like starve myself all morning and afternoon and then binge all night.
Word. This I agree with so, so much.

See it's how I always was. The thing with my binging is- and I know everyone's different- I get anxious and am more apt to binge if I try to tell myself something is off the table. I tried restricting candy/sweets in March, and it was "fine" for 2-3 weeks, but the mental craving got stronger the longer time went on. Could I have kept it up, maybe, but for me it really seems the end result will likely be a massive binge at some point no matter what, with the idea that tomorrow is a new day to "start over."

And, I don't want to do that anymore, I don't want to be that girl anymore. I don't want my eating to revolve around push-pull battles and do-overs and constant calculations and risk analysis, anymore. I want simply to eat reasonably and feel great! So my focus now is to STOP the binges, for good, or as close to "for good" as I am able. And in my life, for now, that means I am allowing anything to come in with sort of a general guideline, you eat this bfast, this lunch and then have a bit more relaxed but yet reasonable dinner. And it's working! Mentally I feel less bingey than I have, since, I can really remember. But then I'd been tightly restricting for months on end, one way or another. If I wasn't I felt like I was off the deep end, but temporarily...because I'd know tomorrow the new "diet" would begin. Total binge-restrict cycle, just never ending, and the result: each re-gain would be more and more each time...

I've been following Overcoming Binge Eating, by Dr. Fairburn, as my guide - my "bible" for this, if you will. He recommends to start (besides food journaling) eating at set times, daily, and not restricting. Because his research and many others indicate there is a very strong correlation between restrictive dieting behaviors and binge eating. So restricting has to go. You're really not supposed to count calories either, but I do anyways, since mentally I know all these calorie counts and can't turn that off, LOL. I need to work on that, as well as working slowly into better food choices. But I am giving it time to work and a little leeway and a lot of self love. I have to trust myself, a great deal, to make the right choices and not mistreat myself as I have for years. I also need to move away from thinking of junk as a deserved prize but rather something that harms me in many ways. But that, as I said, is in time.

I really, truly appreciate your advice and take your suggestions to heart. I am very impressed with your ongoing success- it's amazing that you have been able to free your life of foods that you know can do you no good! Someday, I will be at that point. You and others here inspire me and I love taking time to read and reread old posts all over the forums, in maintenance, and support, and goals. What is so cool here is that everyone has found or is finding kind of their own path, it's so individual for everyone- I could NEVER do Medifast, for example, but if that is what works for some, GREAT!! There is so much support and hope here, more than any other forum I've seen for WL. I may be tinkering a bit in the dark but am not totally blind; I have a map now, and my internal compass appears to be pointing in the right direction. Where I end up, we shall see. If it's all wrong I can simply refigure, and keep going. That's the best thing we can do, is never give up!

I should add I feel great about today/this week, no binge urges despite incredible stress!! I have been a bit depressed, finals are coming next week, I even have tests Friday already AND a presentation which I Dread (capital D intentional), aghghgh (LOL)... YET!! I am feeling completely and utterly non-bingey :) The weekend should be interesting. Let's see how I face the challenge presented there..

I think you are doing great! Family always brings out weird want to eat when Im not hungry tendencies in me too. And I am absolutely the same way about restriction. If I even HINT to myself that I can't have something it will trigger not a binge exactly but I suddenly have to have copious amounts of it. In my own personal journey I needed to just let myself have sugary treats and not tell myself that it would lead to me wanting more and more food because that would just set me up to go along with it. Oh I had sugar, now Im going to be uncontrollably hungry and crave sweets. I stopped thinking like that and therefore stopped expecting it and doing it. If that makes any sense. After I let myself have sugary stuff for quite a while, eventually I started eating less of them, and now when I have them they give me a sugar headache and so I choose not to have them most of the time out of my own motivation and inner reasons, not external ones like "sugar is bad".

Anyway, I think you are doing awesome! Have you read Thinside out? I thought about that book as I read your journey so far. It talks a lot about not restricting and noticing what effect food has on your body. I recommend it. :)

I hear you. Yes you can reconfigure if and when you need to and i do find that one's diet evolves as you go along. I always do that too. My food quality although i thought it started off pretty good, has improved enormously since then. And now i'm really enjoying cooking which at the beginning i was just doing whatever was quick and easy.

I hope you don't mind but i want to reply to a few things you said just for clarification. I don't ask or expect you to suddenly change your approach and do what i do. I just want to say this because i think if you can understand this about binging too, it will also help now and in the long run.

first it sounds like you are doing the Intuitive Eating approach effectively. I think the IE approach is about not restricting, but restricting means, cutting calories basically. I wasn't suggesting you cut calories, only avoid certain foods. There are two types of restricting, one i call avoiding or even eliminating, the other restricting. Just to try to make that clearer. So my suggestion to you wasn't to reduce calories at this point. In fact i strongly advise when starting out, if you have trouble with controlling cravings and what you eat is not the best sorts of food, then eating normal amounts is a good way to go. However, in the long term, i think you will want to restrict calories too if you decide you want to weigh less. I don't think you can get to a skinny weight by IE. I say that because i note the author of the book, the don't go hungry diet, hasn't go that skinny even though she lost a lot of weight and has kept it off for a long time.

So i was only suggesting avoiding certain types of foods. I know that for most IE eaters and even also in the The Don't Go Hungry Diet, she advocates eating whatever you want and not avoiding. I guess avoidance is a very personal choice. But i find it really really helpful. I find it easier to avoid than to stop myself eating more even though i've physically eaten enough food.

Reasons why you may want to binge with anxiety is the anxiety itself. To stop the cravings when you are suffering from anxiety, you probably need to address the anxiety as well as follow those foods rules. This time, on my diet, there was one period when i wanted to binge. But interestingly, i don't think i was craving ice-cream or chocolate or anything particular, just food. and i think that is because i had stopped eating sweet foods. I just wanted food. But i told myself i can binge on carrots even though i didn't find the idea appealing at all. And if i could have a glass of wine, then i could go to sleep and it would be all right. In fact, after i'd spoken to a phone councillor and broke open of my father's bottles of wine for a glass i was ok and able to go to sleep. I had had a whole big carrot prior to that and it wasn't working. I was tired but couldn't sleep and wanted to go to sleep. I sometimes find i get hungry late at night if i'm up and so i try to go to bed earlier. But i was having stress and it all came together to make me want to eat even though i didn't need food.

so anyway, address your anxiety when it comes up. Try to understand what's triggering it and find someone, a counsellor preferably to talk it all through with as soon as you can. I find that with doing this, i can get on top of it quite quickly.

In the last month i've been procrastinating about my work. And i knew that if i didn't resolve it, i would see my little business that i do want to succeed go down the toilet really quickly and i would get depressed and have more money problems and so on, not to mention some humiliation because everyone i know knows what i'm doing. Finally after a month, i made an appt to see my psychologist who i saw last year. I had such a great session the day before yesterday and came up with a solution on the drive home and found i could get back to work straight away. Because i hadn't been working well with my business, when i did go to the markets, i wasn't organised and this caused me anxiety and i felt like i was failing all the time. And i forgot to take my bags to the market. I would feel like a failure if someone tried a dress on and it didn't fit or they didn't like it. And i just felt really off. I never get panic attacks but my confidence when talking to real people I don't know well, goes down the tube. I was spending more and more time messing about on the computer and not even thinking about my work. So my computer addiction was in full swing and that makes me feel bad too. I could see where this was all heading and decided to take action. In the end, my solution was to go up to my workroom by a certain time and stay there until 4pm. Instead of coming back for lunch or coffee breaks as i used to do, when i would get on the computer, i would take my lunch and coffee to the workroom and take all my breaks up there. Basically stay away from the building with the computer in it. But it was a bit of a process to come to that decision. My psychologist pointed out that what i already knew about myself that i'm an all or nothing person. And so after i went to check out my other option to cure me of my computer addiction which was to look into finding a work space in town for which i'd have to pay about $150 - $200 each week. When i realised how stupid it would be to pay that much when i had a perfectly perfect workspace at home for nothing, it became clear that i had find an alternative. And that's when i decided to ban myself to the workroom for most of the day . I bet you didn't want to know all that. Anyway my point is that talking to some one really helps shift things along.

But when you have these mood issues going on, your appetite for carbs increases and if you are prone to binging, you will want to do that more too. So part of my diet has been to address mental health issues as fast as possible. I know it seems dumb that i just said that, given it took me a month to decide to see the psychologist but i guess that was as fast as possible for me. However, i would say that where i am up to at the moment with my diet, i've been so firm on what i'm eating for over four months, and i've worked really hard on my resolve to avoid certain foods and am feeling very committed to the way i've chosen to eat that i am not going to let my mental health issues cause me to fail. I will find someone to talk to and find solutions to my problems rather than go back to past situations like being overweight. In the past i've tried moderation and was unable to make it work.

So that's my story. And now i will let you get on with it as you see fit. Best wishes.

YES. I find if it's something I think of as, well I can eat it whenever, no big deal, I can really start to shrug it off and walk away. And I do find that I want it less and less. I've lost weight without dieting or counting before and at that time nothing was forbidden. The times I've usually been driven to obsession and binging is in response to a restrictive plan.

And thank you Pinkhippie! I feel really good, too, which is the best part. I really feel like I can do this! The book suggestion sounds good to since I am moving away from restrictive plans.

Thanks for the continued thoughts Pattience. Your feedback is giving me great food for thought.

YES. I have never been able to make IE work for me, and I have tried. The problem may in part be that I am so conscientious of calorie counts that I almost can't help but track roughly what I am eating. But whenever I've done IE the result has always been a gain. I can't remember who said it but someone here talked about how they would intuitively eat an entire box of cookies and whatever. LOL. That is me. It's supposed to be based on hunger cues and what not but I've read the books (Intuitive Eating, and Geneen's) and I always think the part about letting go and eating whatever...well, I don't foresee myself ever getting sick of all cookies and candies, I would just rotate to a new junky treat. Maybe that isn't quite the take away I should be getting from the plan, but truly I must have some structure in order to lose.

Anyway there's more I'd like to add but I need to run. Busy day ;)

OMG so this is not really binge related but it is body image/weight related so I have to write about this thing that just happened. I went to the mall because I had a break between classes, was bored, whatever, and as I was nearing an "intersection"/corner I saw an ex-BF (not the recent one, but one I dated two years ago while recent one and I were on a break). I ABSOLTELY hate running into people I know since I've gained weight especially, but an ex-BF of all things! Luckily, I do not think he saw me since I was able to kind of duck over behind a jewelry store sign and acted like I was checking out the window LOL. Yikes...when I dated him I was 155 at most. So 30 some pounds ago. I just die at the thought of running into exes when I feel so awful about myself, I mean I was just thinking earlier how much I looked like a bowling ball when I saw my reflection. I sometimes think I'm skinnier than I really am sadly, but when I see myself unexpectedly I kind of freak. I try to tell myself that while I am a work in progress, I am perfectly fine as I am anyways, and I NEED to go easier on myself. But that is a work in progress as well I guess! Well, whew, at least I narrowly dodged that bullet!!! Back to class now!

Still no binges the last couple of days. My plan has been going great. I'm really happy about this since there was a lot of stress about today (2 tests, and a presentation- I have complete anxiety about public speaking). I feel so relieved and relaxed. Even a little bored but the good news for me is I am not even slightly tempted to reach for candy or junk. I feel like I am in the game mode and hope to stay there!

I am thinking about weighing myself. I'm not quite ready yet though. I'm afraid of that 180 mark, I really, really want to be underneath it and if I'm not I fear it will drive me to binge. So I am waiting until I can tell for certain I am in the 170s. This morning my waist looked quite thin - that is where I notice weight loss first, typically. Like I said I still thought I looked quite large when I caught my reflection in a glass door but I know these changes take time and patience. And the not binging, oh my Goodness. I am beyond thrilled I have been able to remain binge free for two weeks now. (The day at my mom's was not a true binge for my standards.) If I do of course I will report it here, but I remain confident that it won't be happening anytime soon since I am on such a roll! It feels good to be free! So whenever I feel bad about my appearance, I quickly remind myself of that huge hurdle I am crossing- and well :)

This story totally reminded me of shortly after I had my first child and I saw my ex bf in Old Navy. ( I was there to shop for bigger clothes with my husband) I was about 30 pounds heavier and ironically this was the ex bf that I pretty much spiraled into eating disorder terribleness for the most out of ALL the ex bf's. He liked super skinny girls and I was madly in love with him. Anyway, I tried to hide behind clothing racks but he FOUND me ! AUghh! He was there with his girlfriend and he came and talked to me for a while. The encounter wasn't bad but I was totally self conscious about that extra weight.

LOL! I loved this :) I mean I feel awful for how you felt in the moment but the way you wrote it was just hilarious! It seems like somehow the last person you want to see always manages to find you (even in clothing racks, hehe) so that's why I was so ridiculous from this close encounter. Reading your account made me think, yeah it probably wouldn't have been a huge horrible deal for him to see me (and maybe he did), he wasn't some great love, we only dated 2 months. But he was super into fitness and stuff too. Running into exes while grubby or frumpy is really my personal worse case scenario for these kinds of things, an irrational fear. Plus that feeling of being at your worst just sucks all around! But kudos for you, for handling it so well and sharing it, you made me chuckle which was needed :) (GREAT job on your weight loss as well! I hope I can do as well as you.)

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Tonight was so rough. Not eating wise at least, but I had kind of an anxiety attack-ish thing that sent me flying over to my mom's (aka my BFF at the moment...I think I may be driving her crazy but she's so cool). Once again I faced down a table of treats, and once again the chips came out! Aggghhh seriously I do love my family but this is such a trigger. Luckily tonight I wasn't in the mood to snack. I find this quite strange that several triggers of mine aligned and yet I had no binge urges. That makes me feel better in and of itself; Plus after a few hours with family I felt my anxiety dissipate considerably. I like that while it was uncomfortable I made myself work through and just feel the anxious feelings without turning to food or other crutches (besides social support).

I wonder if removing my diet restrictions is what is helping me be more consistent with eating patterns. I think the meal structure and plan helps too. I have my three times per day I eat, occasionally I might grab a small thing at a random time (or to eat with meds) but overall my body apparently has accepted three set meals daily. The last time I felt real crave-y was last weekend.

I also feel like I am getting results. There aren't huge noticeable changes yet, besides my waist slimming down slightly, and my chin no longer doubles up when I look down. Then there were those jeans. A great week for those (small yet great-feeling) NSV!

I wouldn't have believed I would get tired of the cookies and candies but I did. IE is a process. People think because you start eating the foods that you restricted then you will continue to eat like that until you gain 100 lbs. Some people gain weight with IE at first because it's not a weight loss regime. It's an inside-out process for repairing your relationship with food. You would be surprised how quickly foods lose their allure once you allow yourself to have them- the caveat is you can't half a$$ it. You have to give yourself complete 100% permission to eat whatever you want. It's scary and it feels like free-falling at first. Even now after several months I still struggle with the pull to restrict. I think it's worth it though, and I used to think of myself as the worst of the worst sort of food/carb/sugar/junk addict.

Im glad I could give you a needed chuckle. It was pretty funny now that I think back on it. Thanks for the congrats on the weight loss. I have just been getting in touch with my body again and it has made an amazing difference. It doesn't feel like "diet" work, but it does feel like work in that I have really been working on my issues with emotional eating. I have read so many books and done so many exercises and of course being aware all the time is work too. It's learning a whole new way to think. But, it really is worth it. It sounds like you are doing great with realizing that restriction leads to bingeing and being able to be more comfortable around food, even during binge triggers.

Absolutely 100% agree with this. This has been my experience as well. And yep you have to give yourself 100% permission and that is scary. It's definitely worth it and I used to think of myself the same way Locke describes. Now I throw away old birthday cake because I only had a couple pieces and then didn't want any more. Instead of stealthily eating practically the whole cake in a period of a few days.

Im glad I could give you a needed chuckle. It was pretty funny now that I think back on it. Thanks for the congrats on the weight loss. I have just been getting in touch with my body again and it has made an amazing difference. It doesn't feel like "diet" work, but it does feel like work in that I have really been working on my issues with emotional eating. I have read so many books and done so many exercises and of course being aware all the time is work too. It's learning a whole new way to think. But, it really is worth it. It sounds like you are doing great with realizing that restriction leads to bingeing and being able to be more comfortable around food, even during binge triggers.

Absolutely 100% agree with this. This has been my experience as well. And yep you have to give yourself 100% permission and that is scary. It's definitely worth it and I used to think of myself the same way Locke describes. Now I throw away old birthday cake because I only had a couple pieces and then didn't want any more. Instead of stealthily, guiltily eating practically the whole cake in a period of a few days. (while standing at the counter of course)